Glue Jokes

Following is our collection of elmer humor and putty one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Glue puns for adults, dirty whiteout jokes or clean paste gags for kids.

There is an abundance of stickiest jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 71 funniest jokes on glue. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any windstar witze you can hear about glue.

The Best jokes about Glue

I accidentally gave my girlfriend a glue stick instead of chapstick...

She's still not talking to me :(

What's the difference between tuna, glue and a piano?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!

The other day my wife asked me to pass her the lipstick but I passed her glue by mistake

She still isn't talking to me

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick.

I accidentally gave her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

I just fell victim to a dad joke

Dad: What do you get when you cross a tuna, a piano, and glue.

Me: I don't know?

Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.

Me: What about the glue?

Dad: I knew you would get stuck on that part.


I am a man trapped inside the body of a woman.

I will never keep lube and glue in the same drawer ever again.

I covered all my weapons in glue.

I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.

I accused my friend of pouring glue on my weapons.

He denied it but I'm sticking to my guns.

My dad rubs Elmers Glue on his hands like lotion before he goes hunting. I know, it's weird, and I've tried talking him out of it...

But he's sticking to his guns on this one. Stubborn man.

Women really do hold grudges over the smallest things...

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm and I accidentally gave her a tube of super glue. It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.

Boss told me to glue 2 pieces of wood together

Totally nailed it


3 steps to fix anything

1. Try duct tape, if that doesn't work, see 2


2. Try gorilla glue, if that doesn't work, see 3


3. Try J.B. Weld, if that doesn't work, C4

I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue.

She's not speaking to me

They might deny pouring glue on my weapons...

But I'm sticking to my guns.

How do you stick things together like Fred Flinstone?

You add a dab of glue.

What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts?

Glue.

A man smashed his car into a tollgate.

He really totaled the booth, there was bits of wood everywhere. As he was wondering what on earth to do his friend happens to drive up and has a look at the damage.

"I've got some glue in my car that will fix this in no time" says the friend.

"No way" says the first man, "this booth is smashed into a thousand bits, you can't just glue something like that together."

"Just you watch me" says his friend and sets to work. After about 15 minutes he stands back and the tollgate is all fixed up, good as new!

"Wow, that sure is amazing, what type of glue is that?"

The friend shows him the tube of glue, it is Tollgate Booth Paste.

Did you hear about the guy who accidently used super glue instead of lube while having sex?

He's now a man trapped in a woman's
body..

How do you start a rave in Africa?

Glue toast to the ceiling.


What does a piano, a tuna and glue have in common?

You can tuna piano but can't piano a tuna

I glued a picture of my deceased parrot onto my boomerang.

It brings back good memories.

I was rushed into the ER because my son squirted glue into my eye.

It was an eye-opening experience.

A story from a factory

One day, this guy's at work at a factory that makes glue and whiteout. These two substances are stored in these large vats. One day, the guy falls into one of the vats. His supervisor comes to help and the two start a conversation:

Guy: I'm okay. I just fell into the vat of glue.

Supervisor: You actually fell into the vat of whiteout. See, it says so right there.

Guy: I stand corrected.

How do you fix a broken Tuba?

Tuba glue.

How do you start a rave in Uganda ?

Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling

I think my wife is putting glue on my antique gun collection.

She denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

My girlfriend asked me to hand her some lipstick and I accidentally gave her a glue stick

She still isn't talking to me

How do you start a rave in Africa?

You glue a piece of bread to the roof.

I had to quit my job at the Elmer's Glue factory...

I was getting too attached to my coworkers... I couldn't separate myself from my work.

What's the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bucket of glue?

You can tune a piano but you can't tune a fish.

 

What about the bucket of glue, you ask?

 

 

I knew you'd get stuck on that part.

My wife asked me to hand her a tube of lipstick, but I mistakenly handed her a tube of Super Glue

Now she won't talk to me.

Whats the difference between a piano a can of tuna and a bucket of glue...

You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna









(Random person) "what about the bucket of glue?"


(You) "I knew you would get stuck on that"

What's the difference between a Piano, a Tuna, and a tub of Glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna. As for the glue... well I knew you'd get stuck on that one.

This joke might seem a little fishy, but I find it key to tell a joke that can really stick with people.

How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?

Glue doorknobs to the walls.

Yesterday I accidentally gave my wife glue stick instead of Chapstick

She still isn't talking to me

Stiffy worm

A grandfather is watching his grandson playing in the yard and asks what is he doing.

The grandson says:

- I'm shoving the worms back into their hole.

- And how can you do it if the worm is all limp and flaccid?

- It's a secret grandfather!

- I'll give you 10 bucks if you teach me how to do it.

- Well, I'll spread some wood glue, stretch the worm, wait until it dries and stays hard and then just put it in the hole.

- Take your 10 bucks.

The next day the grandfather goes to the kid, takes $100 from his pocket and gives to the grandson.

- Grandfather, have you forgotten? You already gave me $10 yesterday.

- I know. Those $100 are from your grandmother.

If you ever need to look like you have a beard, glue a rabbit to your face.

And presto-chango, facial hare!

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference"

Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: Ah i knew you'd get stuck on that

What's the difference...

...between a piano, a fish, and glue?
You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish
"What about the glue?"
I knew you'd get stuck on that.

I'm inventing a glue and calling it James Bond...

It's a chemical agent.

Jerking off with glue was fun at first...

But now it just feels like I'm beating a dead horse.

My boys and I plan to rob the super glue factory..

By the way the plan looks, things will be hard to pull off.

How does a bottle of glue named Ed answer the phone?

Ed here

What's the difference between...

Requires the receivers input so I will just tell the full joke. It's given me quite a bit of laughs and sighs so I thought I would share it!

What's the difference between a tuna, a piano and a bathtub full of glue?

"I dont know!"

Well you can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna!

"What about the bathtub of glue?"

I thought you might get stuck on that one!

Did you hear about the guy who made an outfit out of super glue?

It was hard to pull off.

I confused a tube of super glue with a tube of lube

It was horrible. My model airplane kept slipping apart.

What do you call a bottle of glue in a spy's pocket?

A bonding agent.

My nickname at school was glue

I don't know why, it just seemed to stick

My wife asked me to pass the lip balm....

...by mistake I gave her the super glue and now she wont talk to me.

I gave my buddy, Steve, a glue stick instead of chapstick...

...he's not currently speaking to me.

HBO cancels "Luck" after horse deaths.

Their next endeavor is to make a mini series called "Glue".

I was really unsuccessful and unpopular until I stood on a globe covered in super glue.

Now I have the world at my feet.

Glue-sniffing drug addicts

A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.

But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.

"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."

"Don't worry," replied another. "His lips are sealed."

Dad: What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue? Son: I don't know, what?

Dad: You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

Son: But, Dad, what about the glue?

Dad: I knew you'd get stuck there!

I once accidentally poured glue in my son's corn flakes

He's never talked to me again

How do you repair a relationship between two mentally ill people?

Crazy Glue...

The result of a silly mistake...

Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me!

My friend made a puppy out of glue!

I thought it was cool until it bit a mailman. He's a viscous dog.

A series of tuba jokes

What is a tuba for?

1 1/2" x 3 1/2".

How do you fix a broke tuba?

With a tuba glue.

What do you call ten tubas at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

What do you call an arrogant tuba player?

A brasshole.

What's the difference between God and a tuba player?

God doesn't think he's a tuba player.

My friend is still mad at me for putting super glue on his baseball 10 years ago.

He still can't let it go...

There is one positive thing about a group of horses going to the glue factory...

they'll really stick together.

A woman accidently used glue for lubricant...

After she told her best friend about the mix up, the friend said: "This story stays between us, the less people that know about this the better."

The woman nodded in agreement... "Yeah that's right, my lips are sealed."

How do you start a rave in Africa?

Glue toast to the ceiling.

(Apologies if repost, I found it funny and wanted to share it with you guys. Have a great day! :D )

Roses are red...

Violets are blue

What I thought was Vaseline

Turned out to be glue

I started reading this great book on glue.

I can't put it down!

What do you call a horse who disagrees with you?

Glue.

Sperm is the best glue

Have you ever seen a human being falling apart?

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, Why the long face?

I was born into servitude, and when I die, my feet will be turned into glue, replied the horse.

The bartender realized he would not be getting a tip.

I'm repairing my Quidditch equipment with some glue and a sewing kit. Quaffles I can usually fix by gluing them,

but Snitches get stitches

Where did the glue go on vacation?

Nowhere! He just stuck around!

Why couldn't the glue hold the walls together?

Because it wasn't ceiling.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes