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Glue Jokes

145 glue jokes and hilarious glue puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about glue that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Check out this hilarious collection of glue-related jokes, puns, and riddles. Discover if there's any truth behind the old sayings to being stuck like glue or if glue sniffing is even a thing. Whether you're looking for a pun about rubber cement or glue jokes that'll stick with you, you're sure to find something funny here!

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Funniest Glue Short Jokes

Short glue jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The glue humour may include short cement jokes also.

  1. I accidentally gave my girlfriend a glue stick instead of chapstick... She's still not talking to me :(
  2. What's the difference between tuna, glue and a piano? You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!
  3. What's the difference between a hippo, a zippo, and a stick of glue? One is a heavy mammal and one is a little lighter.
  4. The other day my wife asked me to pass her the lipstick but I passed her glue by mistake She still isn't talking to me
  5. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick. I accidentally gave her a glue stick.
    She still isn't talking to me.
  6. The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
  7. I covered all my weapons in glue. I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.
  8. My wife has been putting glue all over my rifle collection.. She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
  9. I accused my friend of pouring glue on my weapons. He denied it but I'm sticking to my guns.
  10. My dad rubs Elmers Glue on his hands like lotion before he goes hunting. I know, it's weird, and I've tried talking him out of it... But he's sticking to his guns on this one. stubborn man.

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Glue One Liners

Which glue one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with glue? I can suggest the ones about duck tape and bonding.

  1. Boss told me to glue 2 pieces of wood together Totally nailed it
  2. I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue. She's not speaking to me
  3. What do you get if you glue sequins to your life jacket? >!Flamboyancy!<
  4. They might deny pouring glue on my weapons... But I'm sticking to my guns.
  5. How do you stick things together like Fred Flinstone? You add a dab of glue.
  6. What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts? Glue.
  7. Reading a great book at the moment called 'The History of Glue' I just cant put it down.
  8. What did Fred Flintstone say when his wife broke her favorite vase? Grab-a-dab-a-glue!!
  9. How do you start a rave in Africa? Glue toast to the ceiling.
  10. How do you fix a broken Tuba? Tuba glue.
  11. How do you start a rave in Uganda ? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
  12. Girl are you gorilla glue? Cause I can't get you outta my head
  13. If you keep sticking to your guns... ...then hot glue may not be for you.
  14. I can't stop sniffing glue It's a habit that just sticks
  15. How do you start a rave in Africa? You glue a piece of bread to the roof.

Super Glue Jokes

Here is a list of funny super glue jokes and even better super glue puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I accidentally passed my Wife the super-glue instead of her Lipstick.. She hasn't spoken to me for days.
  • My wife holds grudges over the smallest things. She asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. Even after a few weeks, she's still not speaking to me
  • Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm.
    And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.
    It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me!
  • My wife asked me to hand her a tube of lipstick, but I mistakenly handed her a tube of Super Glue Now she won't talk to me.
  • So a dart player came up to me and said "Why did u put super glue on my dart? '... I said "You can't just let it go can you"
  • My boys and I plan to rob the super glue factory.. By the way the plan looks, things will be hard to pull off.
  • Did you hear about the guy who made an outfit out of super glue? It was hard to pull off.
  • My wife asked me to pass the lip balm.... ...by mistake I gave her the super glue and now she wont talk to me.
  • I was really unsuccessful and unpopular until I stood on a globe covered in super glue. Now I have the world at my feet.
  • My friend is still mad at me for putting super glue on his baseball 10 years ago. He still can't let it go...

Horse And Glue Jokes

Here is a list of funny horse and glue jokes and even better horse and glue puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Jerking off with glue was fun at first... But now it just feels like I'm beating a dead horse.
  • HBO cancels "Luck" after horse deaths. Their next endeavor is to make a mini series called "Glue".
  • There is one positive thing about a group of horses going to the glue factory... they'll really stick together.
  • What do you call a horse who disagrees with you? Glue.
  • What do you call a horse in a sticky situation? Glue.
  • What do you call a horse with no legs? A glue stick.
  • It's pretty awful how we treat horses in society... ... I mean they're literally the glue that holds our world together!
  • What happens to gay horses when they die? They become "super" glue!
Glue joke, What happens to gay horses when they die?

Gorilla Glue Jokes

Here is a list of funny gorilla glue jokes and even better gorilla glue puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • 3 steps to fix anything 1. Try duct tape, if that doesn't work, see 2
    2. Try gorilla glue, if that doesn't work, see 3
    3. Try J.B. Weld, if that doesn't work, C4
  • Did you guys hear about the lady who put Gorilla Glue in her hair? She asked for a refund, but they won't give her silverback.
  • So I nutted in this girls hair a few weeks ago.... I know Im black, but she didnt need to call it gorilla glue ):
  • Looking for a gift that will leave her speechless? Gorilla glue lip balm.
  • What is the anarchistic mallard's favorite adhesive? Gorilla Glue.
Glue joke, What is the anarchistic mallard's favorite adhesive?

Cheerful Fun Glue Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about glue you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean suture jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make glue pranks.

I'm inventing a glue and calling it James Bond...

It's a chemical agent.

What do you call a bottle of glue in a spy's pocket?

A bonding agent.

What's the difference between...

Requires the receivers input so I will just tell the full joke. It's given me quite a bit of laughs and sighs so I thought I would share it!
What's the difference between a tuna, a piano and a bathtub full of glue?
"I dont know!"
Well you can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna!
"What about the bathtub of glue?"
I thought you might get stuck on that one!

What's the difference...

...between a piano, a fish, and glue?
You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish
"What about the glue?"
I knew you'd get stuck on that.

What does a piano, a tuna and glue have in common?

You can tuna piano but can't piano a tuna

Did you hear about the guy who accidently used super glue instead of l**... while having s**...?

He's now a man trapped in a woman's
body..

Whats the difference between a piano a can of tuna and a bucket of glue...

You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna
(Random person) "what about the bucket of glue?"
(You) "I knew you would get stuck on that"

s**... is the best glue

Have you ever seen a human being falling apart?

Dad: What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a p**... of glue? Son: I don't know, what?

Dad: You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
Son: But, Dad, what about the glue?
Dad: I knew you'd get stuck there!

How do you start a rave in Africa?

Glue toast to the ceiling.
(Apologies if repost, I found it funny and wanted to share it with you guys. Have a great day! :D )

How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?

Glue doorknobs to the walls.

A woman accidently used glue for lubricant...

After she told her best friend about the mix up, the friend said: "This story stays between us, the less people that know about this the better."
The woman nodded in agreement... "Yeah that's right, my lips are sealed."

Roses are red...

Violets are blue
What I thought was Vaseline
Turned out to be glue

What's the difference between a Piano, a Tuna, and a tub of Glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna. As for the glue... well I knew you'd get stuck on that one.
This joke might seem a little fishy, but I find it key to tell a joke that can really stick with people.

I glued a picture of my deceased parrot onto my boomerang.

It brings back good memories.

I am a man trapped inside the body of a woman.

I will never keep l**... and glue in the same drawer ever again.

I once accidentally poured glue in my son's corn flakes

He's never talked to me again

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, Why the long face?

I was born into servitude, and when I die, my feet will be turned into glue, replied the horse.
The bartender realized he would not be getting a tip.

My nickname at school was glue

I don't know why, it just seemed to stick

I just fell victim to a dad joke

Dad: What do you get when you cross a tuna, a piano, and glue.
Me: I don't know?
Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.
Me: What about the glue?
Dad: I knew you would get stuck on that part.

A story from a factory

One day, this guy's at work at a factory that makes glue and whiteout. These two substances are stored in these large vats. One day, the guy falls into one of the vats. His supervisor comes to help and the two start a conversation:
Guy: I'm okay. I just fell into the vat of glue.
Supervisor: You actually fell into the vat of whiteout. See, it says so right there.
Guy: I stand corrected.

What's the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bucket of glue?

You can tune a piano but you can't tune a fish.
 
What about the bucket of glue, you ask?
 
 
I knew you'd get stuck on that part.

I confused a tube of super glue with a tube of l**...

It was horrible. My model airplane kept slipping apart.

I gave my buddy, Steve, a glue stick instead of chapstick...

...he's not currently speaking to me.

Women really do hold grudges over the smallest things...

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm and I accidentally gave her a tube of super glue. It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.

I started reading this great book on glue.

I can't put it down!

The result of a silly mistake...

Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me!

My girlfriend asked me to hand her some lipstick and I accidentally gave her a glue stick

She still isn't talking to me

I think my wife is putting glue on my antique gun collection.

She denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

How does a bottle of glue named Ed answer the phone?

Ed here

How do you repair a relationship between two mentally ill people?

Crazy Glue...

A series of tuba jokes

What is a tuba for?
1 1/2" x 3 1/2".
How do you fix a broke tuba?
With a tuba glue.
What do you call ten tubas at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
What do you call an arrogant tuba player?
A brasshole.
What's the difference between God and a tuba player?
God doesn't think he's a tuba player.

If you ever need to look like you have a beard, glue a rabbit to your face.

And presto-chango, f**... hare!

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference"

Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: Ah i knew you'd get stuck on that

Yesterday I accidentally gave my wife glue stick instead of Chapstick

She still isn't talking to me

My friend made a puppy out of glue!

I thought it was cool until it bit a mailman. He's a viscous dog.

I was rushed into the ER because my son squirted glue into my eye.

It was an eye-opening experience.

Glue-sniffing drug addicts

A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.
But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.
"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
"Don't worry," replied another. "His lips are sealed."

I'm repairing my Quidditch equipment with some glue and a sewing kit. Quaffles I can usually fix by gluing them,

but Snitches get stitches

I had to quit my job at the Elmer's Glue factory...

I was getting too attached to my coworkers... I couldn't separate myself from my work.

What's the worst part about accidentally using glue instead of l**...

Deciding whether to go to the hospital or the vet

A husband is divorcing his wife coz she poured glue all over his firearms...

He says "She denies it, but I am sticking to my guns"

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?

Glue toast to the ceiling.

Two men are sitting at a table.

o**... says, "I have ants"
The second guy replies, "Yeah, but my ants are taller than yours."
So the first guy now says 'Well, I have a tube of glue!",
To which the second guy replies, "And... I have an entire tin of it."
Finally, the first guy says "I have bread."
Unable to beat the first guy any longer, the second guy says "I can't handle that with my glue tin 'n taller ants."

I once met a girl who confused a tube of k**... Jelly with super glue

I asked her how it happened, but sadly her lips were sealed.

The first time I sniffed airplane glue I OD'd...

When I came to a man asked me, Are you hooked?
I said, No, I'm stuck.

What did Che Guevara get stuck in his hair?

Guerrilla glue.

Glue joke, What did Che Guevara get stuck in his hair?

jokes about glue