Glow Up Jokes
85 glow up jokes and hilarious glow up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about glow up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Glow Up Short Jokes
Short glow up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The glow up humour may include short glow jokes also.
- All my life, my parents have told me not to open the basement door, but I got curious and disobeyed them. What is that glowing ball in the sky and why does it hurt my eyes?
- My grandpa once told me he dated Marie Curie. He was attracted to her glowing spirit and radiant personality.
Sadly, their relationship became toxic. - What's a snowflake's favorite winter solstice song? "Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Glow!"
- How many people from Chernobyl does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They glow in the dark.
- I like my girlfriend's new glow-in-the-dark braces... ...her smile really lights up the room now.
- How many Ukrainians does it take to screw a lightbulb? You don't need to, they glow in the dark.
- How many Ukrainians does it take to change a light bulb? People who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.
- Wait, what do you mean Madame Curie is dead? Because the last time I saw her, she was positively glowing!
- The Sun God Helios, feeling lazy, stuck his bare glowing buttocks over the horizon... ... it was the crack of dawn.
- What is it about tall creepy louisiana swamp dwellers that makes them naturally glow? Their bayou loomin' essence
Share These Glow Up Jokes With Friends
Glow Up One Liners
Which glow up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with glow up? I can suggest the ones about glows dark and grow up.
- What's the difference between Mariah Carey and Marie Curie? One glitters, the other glows
- Two nuclear scientists get married She was radiant, he was glowing.
- I did my first stand up routine in Chernobyl last night I got glowing reviews
- There's a new movie out about Marie Curie. It received glowing reviews.
- Why is the paper glowing? Because the paper is light
- If a glow worm were to have its tail cut off … … would it be de-lighted?
- Why did the nuclear waste worker enter the beauty pageant? Because he was glowing.
- What do you call a glowing ant? A Radi-Ant .
- What do you call a group of suspicious glowing pornstars? Illuminaughties!
- I bought one of those glow in the dark condoms... You should have seen her face light up.
- Why did the moth stick to the bride's face? Because she was *GLOWING*
- I got irradiated recently... I like to think it adds to my glowing personality.
- An actor walks into a bar He says, "can I get some glow tape on this thing?"
- Why do tulips glow? Because they come from bulbs.
(This is the only *dad* joke I know.) - What is Tim Tebow's favorite glow in the dark color? Knee-on green
Glow Up Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about glow up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean brighten up jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make glow up pranks.
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work,
“I have great news for you.
Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.”
Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.
He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, “I’m glad that you feel this way since tomorrow morning, my mother moves in with us.”
On a famous TV game show a blonde contestant needed only to answer one more question.
One simple question stood between her and the Ł1.000 prize.
"To be today's champion," the show's host smiled, "name two of Santa's reindeer."
The blonde gave a sigh of relief because she had been given such an easy question.
"Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and... Olive!"
The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!'"
"You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gay guys can play star wars.
Believe me if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows!
"I just don't understand why I can't sleep" she said while staring at the little glowing box of doom in her hand.
11 Minutes
A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known lover's spot, famous for all obscene activities. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. Uh, yes, officer?
The cop says: What are you doing?
The young man says: Well Officer, I'm reading a magazine.
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: And her, what is she doing?
The young man shrugs: Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater.
Now, the cop is totally confused.. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane… and nothing obscene is happening!
The cop asks: What's your age, young man?
The young man says I'm 22, sir.
The cop asks: And her…what's her age?
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.
Blonde Inventions
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlight
Submarine screen door
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart board
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chair
Water proof tea bags
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?
Santa Claus has 10 reindeers according to the song.
>You know **Dasher** and **Dancer** and **Prancer** and **v**...**,
**Comet** and **Cupid** and **Donner** and **Blitzen**,
but do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?
**Rudolph** the Red-Nosed Reindeer, had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows.
**Olof** the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names
Q. How many QA staff does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Bug reported: Lightbulb was glowing, and is no longer glowing.
Unable to make lightbulb glow to test.
Report closed, could not reproduce.
Teddy Bears
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."
I was born with a condition that causes my skin to glow in daylight.
My mother calls me sunshine.
What do you call a balloon that glows in the dark?
A LED Zeppelin
What am I?
I am everything but the sun I am not
The radiance of my glow will not warm you up
My heat will not burn but will ruin your life
You cannot eat me but I am edible
Everyone is freaking out about all these glasses that glow under a backlight...
... But my sheets have been glowing under backlights since I was 14
How To Impress Your Boss
1. Show up early.
2. Have all the tools you need.
3. Read the strategy guide.
4. Aim for the big glowing weak spot (usually the eyes).
What do you do if you start seeing a little glowing green man
Walk across the street
How many Chernobyl survivors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They already glow.
Where do doctors put blood that can't be used because it is too fluorescent?
In the haemo glow bin.
What do you call the Moon spirit that at once sits upon a lake of glowing jade and exists nestled within our divine souls?
Altha'or syzygena
What do you call poultry that glows in the dark?
Chicken Kiev
A burglar sneaks into a house one night...
As he was looking for valuables he heard someone say "Jesus is watching you".
Shocked, he turns on his flashlight and sees a parrot. He asks the parrot if he was the one talking. The parrot says "Yes". Amused, the burglar asks the parrot its name, to which the parrot replies "Moses".
The burglar is surprised, and asks "What kind of people names their parrot Moses?"
The parrot looks at the pair of glowing eyes behind the robber and says, "The same kind of people who names their pitbull Jesus."
P.s. Sorry for sucky English.
My friend has recently decided to wear glow in the dark condoms to spice up s**... with his girlfriend...
I told him that it might finally help them see the light at the end of the tunnel.
An actor walked into a bar...
An actor walked into a bar...
He then shouted: "CAN WE GET SOME GLOW TAPE ON THIS THING!"
Some girls have the neatest glow in the dark make up
lol blacklights
Scientists have invented an alcohol that glows in the dark.
In other words, you can now get drunk and enlightened at the same time.
My new tour company
Started a company giving tours of the city of Pripyat, business isn't booming yet but I have received several glowing reviews
What did one firefly say to the other when he was getting late?
"I am sorry but I gotta glow now"
What did one fire fly say to another?
Gotta glow now.
Glow in the dark condoms
Why have glow in the dark condoms been invented?
-So gay guys can reenact lightsaber duels from Star Wars.
My friend was showing me his new golf ball.
He tells me, "This ball is amazing, you can't lose it. If it goes in the rough, it makes a beeping sound. It glows in the dark so you can find it when its getting dark. If it goes in the water, it will float and make its way back to the shore."
I said to him, "That's incredible, where did you get it?"
"Found it"
What did the kid firefly say to the Dad firefly?
I'm gonna glow outside
Trump's Orange Glow
**Trump is a forward-thinking businessman.**
He denies global warming so in the future he can maintain his signature orange glow without incurring the cost to run his tanning bed.
If God doesn't exist...
...then why has anyone fur-fetched the boo-boo skates despite even use bowls glow? Czechmate atheists!
What do you call a glowing fascist?
A neon-n**...
What did the firefly say to the normal fly?
Do you even glow bro?
(Found this one in an old joke book) What did the police officer say to the firefly?
Who glows there?
p**... hair that glows in the dark
Is easier to get out of your teeth
Boy: Turn off the lights
Girl: Okay..
Boy: Close the Curtains
Girl: Oh, okay..
Boy Get in the bed with me under the covers.
Girl: Okay..
Boy: Perfect! Now let me show you my glow in the dark watch.
The best compliment.
Once at a party, the hostess paid me a nice compliment. You are a good-looking guy, she said. Honest! I've had only one shot of v**.... she said, looking at my bemused expression.
My glow was only slightly dimmed when my wife interjected, Imagine how great he'll look after two.
A man was dumping toxic waste into a river.
Suddenly, the sky darkened, lightning flashed, and a glowing woman appeared, hovering above the river.
**"For your crimes, I curse you to only speak in words related to water!",** she intoned, and then vanished in another flash of lightning.
The man stood, shocked, before gathering his wits and muttering, "Well dam".
The chief editor of the New York Times is traveling in the Amazon jungle
He travels deep into the jungle hoping to write a story about a tribe of cannibals.
After a couple of weeks he finally locates the tribe and starts spying on them from behind some trees.
He feels a tap on the shoulder and he quickly gets captured and finds himself t**... and looks down and sees a spit with glowing coals warming up below him.
He screams for mercy and says You don't understand, I'm the chief editor of the New York Times!! .
The head cannibal replied, relax…
Soon you'll be the editor in chief…
What do you say to a pregnant jack-o-lantern?
o**...! You're glowing!
a marketing mistake
A small business owner walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How's business?" the bartender asks. "Horrible. We had quite a fiasco this week. I had a shipment come in containing 100 high-quality T-shirts that featured a glow-in-the-dark design of a 100 dollar bill on the front. They looked really cool in the catalog when we ordered them, but we didn't sell a single one all week," the business owner complains. "I guess it's true. Money doesn't glow on T's. "
One day, Jack's lightbulb wasn't working
He called the electrician immediately and hoped he could fix it. The electrician tried his best, but could not make it glow.
After a while, the electrician said, "There is one last thing we can try". Desperate, Jack agreed to follow his instructions. The electrician then invited 10 people into Jack's apartment, and instructed them all to put their hands on the lightbulb.
Suddenly, the lightbulb started working! Jack was stunned, and asked the electrician, "How did you do that?!"
The electrician smiled and said, "Many hands make light work."
A man runs home from work
The second he gets home he finds his wife of 20 years, takes her into the bedroom and throws her on the bed, and pulled some blankets over them.
The wife was shocked, he hadn't been this way since they were young!
Then the man then turns to her and says: "look! My new watch glows in the dark!"