The Best 35 Glass Is Half Full Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Glass Is Half Full jokes. There are some glass is half full entire jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these glass is half full clear float puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Glass Is Half Full Jokes and Puns

An optimist says, the glass is half full. A pessimist says, the glass is half empty.

An optometrist says, you both need glasses.

Pessimist: The glass is half empty...

Optimist: The glass is half full

Journalist: You won't BELIEVE what's in this glass!

Optimist: "This glass is half-full." Pessimist: "This glass is half-empty."

EA Employee: "Download the next half for $9.99!"

Optimist: "This glass is half full"

Pessimist: "This glass is half empty"

Feminist: "This glass is raping me"

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full. The engineer says...

... the glass is twice the size it needs to be.


For the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" someone was the first person to say the glass is half full. While their name is forever lost, historians, theoligans and philosophers shall refer to them as...

Optimist Prime.

Optimist: Glass half full

Pessimist : Glass half empty

Engineer: Glass is too tall.

Half full, Half empty.

Now you might think that the glass is half full, and you might think that the glass is half empty, but engineers know that the glass is actually two times larger than it needs to be.

Politicians, on the other hand, have assured me that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge,

While surrealists think that the glass is half of a slowly rotting lemon.

Physicists happen to know that you can never know how much water is in the glass because just by measuring it you've changed the outcome.

Neutralists decline to comment.

I told my friend, "My dad's a glass half-full kind of guy."

He said, "Oh! He's an optimist?"

"No he has Parkinson's Disease."

The Glass

Happy person: The glass is half full

Depressed person: The glass is half empty

The Engineer: The glass is twice as big as necessary.

An optimist says the glass is half full, a pessimist says the glass is half empty...

... an engineer just points out that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

You can explore glass is half full 4mm reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean glass is half full shatters dad jokes. There are also glass is half full puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Engineers' view about a glass of water!

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Perspective

The optimist says "The glass is half full."

The pessimist says "The glass is half empty."

The engineer says "The vessel contains twice the required space for the volume present."

A pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.

Dave: (reading) a pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.

Wife: [returning from the kids room] why is half my soda gone?

Dave: because you're a pessimist.

A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says the glass is half full.

The engineer says the glass is too big.

I'm a glass-is-half-full kind of guy

unless that glass contains urine, in which case I find it difficult to remain optimistic.

There are three kinds of people...

The ones who say the glass is half full,

The ones who say the glass is half empty,

And the one who thinks you should have gotten a smaller glass.

I went back in time to become the first person to say the glass was half full.

You can refer to me as "optimist prime."

Optimist: the glass is half full

**Pessimist:** the glass is half empty

**2020:** that's pee isn't it?


There are 3 types of people

Them: "the glass is half full"

Others: "the glass is half empty"

Me: "they didn't get my order right"

You ever been to an optimistic optometrist?

They'll tell you that your glasses are half full.

They say an optimist will see a glass as half full, while a pessimist will see it as half empty.

Speaking as an alcoholic it's panic stations either way for me.

Engineers

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, some idiots used a glass that's twice as big than necessary.

Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty...

Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.

What do you call a Transformer who always sees the glass as half full?

Optimist Prime

The optimist says, "The glass is half full." The pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

The rationalist says, "This glass is twice as big as it needs to be."

The Optimist says "the glass is half full"

The Pessimist says, "NO it's half empty!"

The Urologist says, "well it's gonna be full soon!"

The Urophiliac says, "aaaawwww yeah!"

The realist, optimist, and pessimist find a note under their 3 empty glasses

It says "Sorry, but while you were arguing whether your drinks were half full or half empty, I drank them.
Love from the opportunist"

I'm more optimistic than most.

Some say the glass is half empty, some would say it's half full.
I'd say "Hey, That's a nice glass!"

Glass with Water

This joke is said so many times, there must be some good variations. I want to know if you guys heard any.

Standard: There is a glass of water to the halfway point. People are asked to describe the glass.

Optimist: Half Full

Pessimist: Half Empty

Engineer: Glass is twice as big as it needs to be

Example Variation:

Mathematician: It depends on how the glass achieved it's current state. (Limits, anyone?)

Dear Optimistic and pessimistic persons,

While you were arguing weather the glass was half full or half empty, I drank it.

Yours truly:
The Opportunist.

A glass of water that is half full

Optimist: The Glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Thanos: Perfectly balanced.

Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty...

I'm an opportunist. I drank it all while the other two argued.

What your glass says about your personality

Optimism- The glass is half full
Pessimist- The glass is half empty
Feminist- The glass is raping meο»Ώ

Glass of water

Optimists: the glass is half full!

pessimists: the glass is half empty!

Russians: glass no have vodka

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the glass is half full pint jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working glass is half full insulated glass piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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