Glass Is Half Full Jokes
65 glass is half full jokes and hilarious glass is half full puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about glass is half full that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Glass Is Half Full Short Jokes
Short glass is half full jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The glass is half full humour may include short glass half full jokes also.
- An optimist says, the glass is half full. A pessimist says, the glass is half empty. An optometrist says, you both need glasses.
- Interviewer: Is the glass half empty or half full? Applicant: It's completely full.
Interviewer: We'd be glad to hire you. Welcome to the Lays factory. - Pessimist: The glass is half empty... Optimist: The glass is half full
Journalist: You won't BELIEVE what's in this glass! - Optimist: "This glass is half-full." Pessimist: "This glass is half-empty." EA Employee: "Download the next half for $9.99!"
- Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full. The engineer says... ... the glass is twice the size it needs to be.
- A pessimist thinks the glass is half empty, an optimist thinks it is half full... An engineer thinks the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
- I told my friend, "My dad's a glass half-full kind of guy." He said, "Oh! He's an optimist?"
"No he has Parkinson's Disease." - The Glass Happy person: The glass is half full
Depressed person: The glass is half empty
The Engineer: The glass is twice as big as necessary. - An optimist says the glass is half full, a pessimist says the glass is half empty... ... an engineer just points out that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
- Engineers' view about a glass of water! To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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Glass Is Half Full One Liners
Which glass is half full one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with glass is half full? I can suggest the ones about glass half empty and empty glass.
- Optimist: Glass half full Pessimist : Glass half empty
Engineer: Glass is too tall. - What did the full glass say to the half empty glass? You look drunk.
- What do you call an optimistic programmer? A glass half full stack developer.
- What do you call a Transformer who always sees the glass as half full? Optimist Prime
- What do you call an optometrist? A doctor for whom the glasses are always half full.
- Did you hear about the kid who could only see out of one eye? His glasses were half full.
- The optimist says the glass is half full The pessimist says he's empty
- I see you as a glass half full you need me to fill you up
Howlingly Hilarious Glass Is Half Full Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about glass is half full you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean broken glass jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make glass is half full pranks.
It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full.
There's clearly room for more wine.
My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.
Half full, Half empty.
Now you might think that the glass is half full, and you might think that the glass is half empty, but engineers know that the glass is actually two times larger than it needs to be.
Politicians, on the other hand, have assured me that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge,
While surrealists think that the glass is half of a slowly rotting lemon.
Physicists happen to know that you can never know how much water is in the glass because just by measuring it you've changed the outcome.
Neutralists decline to comment.
Glass with Water
This joke is said so many times, there must be some good variations. I want to know if you guys heard any.
Standard: There is a glass of water to the halfway point. People are asked to describe the glass.
Optimist: Half Full
Pessimist: Half Empty
Engineer: Glass is twice as big as it needs to be
Example Variation:
Mathematician: It depends on how the glass achieved it's current state. (Limits, anyone?)
Punch line needed
So, I was in a meeting today and I pretended to start telling a joke when I said "What did the half full glass of water say to the half empty glass of water sitting next to it?"
Well, they all tried to come up with something, but couldn't. Then they all looked at me and wanted the punch line. I had nothing since I just made that up. Any help?
The glass is half full.
The optimist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The engineer says the glass has a factor of safety of 2.
Some people see the glass half-full, others half-empty
But I didn't see it at all until it hit me.
They say an optimist will see a glass as half full, while a pessimist will see it as half empty.
Speaking as an alcoholic it's panic stations either way for me.
Engineers
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, some idiots used a glass that's twice as big than necessary.
Optimist- The glass is half full
Pessimist- The glass is half empty
Engineer- The glass is twice the size it needs to be.
College Student- I can't afford the glass.
There are three kinds of people...
The ones who say the glass is half full,
The ones who say the glass is half empty,
And the one who thinks you should have gotten a smaller glass.
The philosopher says the glass is half empty, the optimist says the glass is half full....
The sjw says the glass is half-fluid.
I'm more optimistic than most.
Some say the glass is half empty, some would say it's half full.
I'd say "Hey, That's a nice glass!"
The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The optimist says the glass is half full.
The reposter says the glass is half full
Materialists don't really think about whether the glass is half full or half empty.
They care more about whether the glass is expensive.
Optimist: "This glass is half full"
Pessimist: "This glass is half empty"
Feminist: "This glass is r**... me"
The realist, optimist, and pessimist find a note under their 3 empty glasses
It says "Sorry, but while you were arguing whether your drinks were half full or half empty, I drank them.
Love from the opportunist"
What your glass says about your personality
Optimism- The glass is half full
Pessimist- The glass is half empty
Feminist- The glass is r**... me
An optimist sees a glass half full...
A pessimist sees the glass half empty.
A kleptomaniac sees the glass.
Glass of water
Optimists: the glass is half full!
pessimists: the glass is half empty!
Russians: glass no have v**...
Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty...
Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.
Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty...
I'm an opportunist. I drank it all while the other two argued.
For the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" someone was the first person to say the glass is half full. While their name is forever lost, historians, theoligans and philosophers shall refer to them as...
Optimist Prime.
The optimist says, "The glass is half full." The pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
The rationalist says, "This glass is twice as big as it needs to be."
A pessimist, an optimist and an engineer where discussing how full a glass is...
The pessimist says it's half empty.
The optimist says it's half full.
The engineer says it's half as big as it should be to contain the amount in it.
A pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.
Dave: (reading) a pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.
Wife: [returning from the kids room] why is half my soda gone?
Dave: because you're a pessimist.
A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says the glass is half full.
The engineer says the glass is too big.
A glass of water that is half full
Optimist: The Glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Thanos: Perfectly balanced.
An optimist, a pessimist and a feminist look at a glass of water
The optimist says: "The glass is half full."
The pessimist says: "The glass is half empty."
The feminist says: "The glass is being r**...."
Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Mother: Why didnt you use a coaster
You ever been to an optimistic optometrist?
They'll tell you that your glasses are half full.
There are 3 types of people in the world: Glass half-full people, glass half-empty people,
And kids with antivax parents, who never live long enough to form an opinion
Dear Optimistic and pessimistic persons,
While you were arguing weather the glass was half full or half empty, I drank it.
Yours truly:
The Opportunist.
Scientists have discovered a stone tablet 60,000 years old inscibed with pictographs describing the idea of "the glass half empty or half full."
They are calling the prehistoric philosopher "optimist prime."
Perspective
The optimist says "The glass is half full."
The pessimist says "The glass is half empty."
The engineer says "The vessel contains twice the required space for the volume present."
I'm a glass-is-half-full kind of guy
unless that glass contains u**..., in which case I find it difficult to remain optimistic.
Optimist: the glass is half full
**Pessimist:** the glass is half empty
**2020:** that's pee isn't it?
There are 3 types of people
Them: "the glass is half full"
Others: "the glass is half empty"
Me: "they didn't get my order right"
I went back in time to become the first person to say the glass was half full.
You can refer to me as "optimist prime."
The Optimist says "the glass is half full"
The Pessimist says, "NO it's half empty!"
The Urologist says, "well it's gonna be full soon!"
The Urophiliac says, "aaaawwww yeah!"
Glass half full
Optimist thinks the glass is 1/2 full.
Pessimist thinks the glass is 1/2 empty.
Excel knows the glass is February the 1st.
A blonde walks into a blind date
Nice to meet you she says to her date as they seat themselves in the booth
So tell me about yourself. What do you do for work? She asks the man
Oh I'm an optometrist he replies
The blonde flashes a big smile and says I think this is going to work out after all, I'm a glass half full girl myself
