Glass Half Full Jokes
51 glass half full jokes and hilarious glass half full puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about glass half full that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Glass Half Full Short Jokes
Short glass half full jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The glass half full humour may include short glass is half full jokes also.
- An optimist says, the glass is half full. A pessimist says, the glass is half empty. An optometrist says, you both need glasses.
- Interviewer: Is the glass half empty or half full? Applicant: It's completely full.
Interviewer: We'd be glad to hire you. Welcome to the Lays factory. - Pessimist: The glass is half empty... Optimist: The glass is half full
Journalist: You won't BELIEVE what's in this glass! - Optimist: "This glass is half-full." Pessimist: "This glass is half-empty." EA Employee: "Download the next half for $9.99!"
- Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full. The engineer says... ... the glass is twice the size it needs to be.
- I told my friend, "My dad's a glass half-full kind of guy." He said, "Oh! He's an optimist?"
"No he has Parkinson's Disease." - There are three kinds of people... The ones who say the glass is half full,
The ones who say the glass is half empty,
And the one who thinks you should have gotten a smaller glass. - I went back in time to become the first person to say the glass was half full. You can refer to me as "optimist prime."
- Glass half full Optimist thinks the glass is 1/2 full.
Pessimist thinks the glass is 1/2 empty.
Excel knows the glass is February the 1st. - There are 3 types of people Them: "the glass is half full"
Others: "the glass is half empty"
Me: "they didn't get my order right"
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Glass Half Full One Liners
Which glass half full one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with glass half full? I can suggest the ones about glass half empty and empty glass.
- What did the full glass say to the half empty glass? You look drunk.
- What do you call an optimistic programmer? A glass half full stack developer.
- What do you call a Transformer who always sees the glass as half full? Optimist Prime
- Did you hear about the kid who could only see out of one eye? His glasses were half full.
- I see you as a glass half full you need me to fill you up
Charming Humor Glass Half Full Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about glass half full you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean silver lining jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make glass half full pranks.
It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full.
There's clearly room for more wine.
My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.
Half full, Half empty.
Now you might think that the glass is half full, and you might think that the glass is half empty, but engineers know that the glass is actually two times larger than it needs to be.
Politicians, on the other hand, have assured me that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge,
While surrealists think that the glass is half of a slowly rotting lemon.
Physicists happen to know that you can never know how much water is in the glass because just by measuring it you've changed the outcome.
Neutralists decline to comment.
College
A professor tells the class that they will be performing an experiment the next day. When the students get to class, they see the professor with a large glass vase, some large rocks, some small pebbles, and some sand. The students all get seated, and the professor begins the experiment. He fills the vase with the rocks and says, "How many of you says this is full?" When half the class raises his hand, he nods, and then pours in the pebbles. "Now how many of you says this is full?" When no one else raises their hand he adds the sand and repeats the previous question. The rest of the class raises their hands. The professor then sits down to begin the rest of the class, when a student walks up with a bottle of booze that was in his backpack. He pours the booze in the vase and says to the professor "Now what does this teach you?" When the professor didn't answer the student said "There's always room for beer."
Glass with Water
This joke is said so many times, there must be some good variations. I want to know if you guys heard any.
Standard: There is a glass of water to the halfway point. People are asked to describe the glass.
Optimist: Half Full
Pessimist: Half Empty
Engineer: Glass is twice as big as it needs to be
Example Variation:
Mathematician: It depends on how the glass achieved it's current state. (Limits, anyone?)
Punch line needed
So, I was in a meeting today and I pretended to start telling a joke when I said "What did the half full glass of water say to the half empty glass of water sitting next to it?"
Well, they all tried to come up with something, but couldn't. Then they all looked at me and wanted the punch line. I had nothing since I just made that up. Any help?
Glass half-empty or half full?
The optimist will say that the glass is half-full.
The pessimist will say that the glass is half-empty.
The engineer will say that the glass is 2 times bigger than it needs to be.
The politician will say that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge.
The project manager will say that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
The fanatic will say that the glass is full, even though it isn't.
The IT support person will say that you should try emptying the glass and then refilling it.
Anyone else?
Ten Science Jokes for Nerds
* I'm reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
* I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.
* Why can't atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don't believe in higher powers.
* Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
* Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.
* A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
What do we want? .
Time travel
When do we want it? .
Irrelevant.
* What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!
* A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies For you, no charge .
* Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm positive.
* An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.
Some people see the glass half-full, others half-empty
But I didn't see it at all until it hit me.
They say an optimist will see a glass as half full, while a pessimist will see it as half empty.
Speaking as an alcoholic it's panic stations either way for me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Engineers
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, some idiots used a glass that's twice as big than necessary.
The philosopher says the glass is half empty, the optimist says the glass is half full....
The sjw says the glass is half-fluid.
I'm more optimistic than most.
Some say the glass is half empty, some would say it's half full.
I'd say "Hey, That's a nice glass!"
The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The optimist says the glass is half full.
The reposter says the glass is half full
Materialists don't really think about whether the glass is half full or half empty.
They care more about whether the glass is expensive.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Optimist: "This glass is half full"
Pessimist: "This glass is half empty"
Feminist: "This glass is r**... me"
An optimist sees a glass half full...
A pessimist sees the glass half empty.
A kleptomaniac sees the glass.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Glass of water
Optimists: the glass is half full!
pessimists: the glass is half empty!
Russians: glass no have v**...
Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty...
I'm an opportunist. I drank it all while the other two argued.
For the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" someone was the first person to say the glass is half full. While their name is forever lost, historians, theoligans and philosophers shall refer to them as...
Optimist Prime.
A pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.
Dave: (reading) a pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.
Wife: [returning from the kids room] why is half my soda gone?
Dave: because you're a pessimist.
A glass of water that is half full
Optimist: The Glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Thanos: Perfectly balanced.
Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Mother: Why didnt you use a coaster
What is the difference between an optimist, a pessimist and me?
An optimist thinks the glass is half full.
A pessimist thinks the glass is half empty.
And I think, "Why is it always about glass?"
You ever been to an optimistic optometrist?
They'll tell you that your glasses are half full.
There are 3 types of people in the world: Glass half-full people, glass half-empty people,
And kids with antivax parents, who never live long enough to form an opinion
Scientists have discovered a stone tablet 60,000 years old inscibed with pictographs describing the idea of "the glass half empty or half full."
They are calling the prehistoric philosopher "optimist prime."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm a glass-is-half-full kind of guy
unless that glass contains u**..., in which case I find it difficult to remain optimistic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Optimist: the glass is half full
**Pessimist:** the glass is half empty
**2020:** that's pee isn't it?
The Optimist says "the glass is half full"
The Pessimist says, "NO it's half empty!"
The Urologist says, "well it's gonna be full soon!"
The Urophiliac says, "aaaawwww yeah!"
A blonde walks into a blind date
Nice to meet you she says to her date as they seat themselves in the booth
So tell me about yourself. What do you do for work? She asks the man
Oh I'm an optometrist he replies
The blonde flashes a big smile and says I think this is going to work out after all, I'm a glass half full girl myself
