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Glass Half Empty Jokes

68 glass half empty jokes and hilarious glass half empty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about glass half empty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Glass Half Empty Short Jokes

Short glass half empty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The glass half empty humour may include short glass half full jokes also.

  1. An optimist says, the glass is half full. A pessimist says, the glass is half empty. An optometrist says, you both need glasses.
  2. Interviewer: Is the glass half empty or half full? Applicant: It's completely full.
    Interviewer: We'd be glad to hire you. Welcome to the Lays factory.
  3. Pessimist: The glass is half empty... Optimist: The glass is half full
    Journalist: You won't BELIEVE what's in this glass!
  4. Optimist: "This glass is half-full." Pessimist: "This glass is half-empty." EA Employee: "Download the next half for $9.99!"
  5. Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full. The engineer says... ... the glass is twice the size it needs to be.
  6. A pessimist thinks the glass is half empty, an optimist thinks it is half full... An engineer thinks the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
  7. The Glass Happy person: The glass is half full
    Depressed person: The glass is half empty
    The Engineer: The glass is twice as big as necessary.
  8. An optimist says the glass is half full, a pessimist says the glass is half empty... ... an engineer just points out that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
  9. Engineers' view about a glass of water! To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
    To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
    To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
  10. Perspective The optimist says "The glass is half full."
    The pessimist says "The glass is half empty."
    The engineer says "The vessel contains twice the required space for the volume present."

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Glass Half Empty One Liners

Which glass half empty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with glass half empty? I can suggest the ones about glass is half full and empty glass.

  1. Optimist: Glass half full Pessimist : Glass half empty
    Engineer: Glass is too tall.
  2. What did the full glass say to the half empty glass? You look drunk.
  3. I'm an optimistic pessimist... I see the glass as half empty, but there are free refills
  4. A pessimist sees the glass half empty An optometrist sees the glass in focus.
  5. I'm more of a "the glass is half-empty" guy. Because I don't spit into it.
  6. What do you call a person who looks at a glass half-empty? An Alcoholic.
  7. The optimist says the glass is half full The pessimist says he's empty

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about glass half empty can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of glass half empty puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Fun-Filled Glass Half Empty Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about glass half empty you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean broken glass jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make glass half empty prank.

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking.
He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk.
When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs.
Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end.
That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly.
But,he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.
A few minutes later, as he was u**..., he noticed blood,so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible.
Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed.
The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said.
"Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied, "You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night,anyway?"
"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."

It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full.
There's clearly room for more wine.

Half full, Half empty.

Now you might think that the glass is half full, and you might think that the glass is half empty, but engineers know that the glass is actually two times larger than it needs to be.
Politicians, on the other hand, have assured me that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge,
While surrealists think that the glass is half of a slowly rotting lemon.
Physicists happen to know that you can never know how much water is in the glass because just by measuring it you've changed the outcome.
Neutralists decline to comment.

The difference perspective has on optimism and pessimism

After downing half of his glass of milk, my ten year old son declared, "*I am an optimist: 'The glass is half empty!'*..."
"*Looking at the glass as half empty is a sign of pessimism son,*" I said.
He smiled and corrected me: "*Not if you don't like what's in it!*"

Glass with Water

This joke is said so many times, there must be some good variations. I want to know if you guys heard any.
Standard: There is a glass of water to the halfway point. People are asked to describe the glass.
Optimist: Half Full
Pessimist: Half Empty
Engineer: Glass is twice as big as it needs to be
Example Variation:
Mathematician: It depends on how the glass achieved it's current state. (Limits, anyone?)

Punch line needed

So, I was in a meeting today and I pretended to start telling a joke when I said "What did the half full glass of water say to the half empty glass of water sitting next to it?"
Well, they all tried to come up with something, but couldn't. Then they all looked at me and wanted the punch line. I had nothing since I just made that up. Any help?

The glass is half full.

The optimist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The engineer says the glass has a factor of safety of 2.

Some people see the glass half-full, others half-empty

But I didn't see it at all until it hit me.

They say an optimist will see a glass as half full, while a pessimist will see it as half empty.

Speaking as an alcoholic it's panic stations either way for me.

Engineers

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, some idiots used a glass that's twice as big than necessary.

Optimist- The glass is half full

Pessimist- The glass is half empty
Engineer- The glass is twice the size it needs to be.
College Student- I can't afford the glass.

There are three kinds of people...

The ones who say the glass is half full,
The ones who say the glass is half empty,
And the one who thinks you should have gotten a smaller glass.

The philosopher says the glass is half empty, the optimist says the glass is half full....

The sjw says the glass is half-fluid.

I'm more optimistic than most.

Some say the glass is half empty, some would say it's half full.
I'd say "Hey, That's a nice glass!"

The pessimist in me says 'the glass is half empty'...

The optimist in me says 'at least it's whiskey'.

The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The optimist says the glass is half full.

The reposter says the glass is half full

Materialists don't really think about whether the glass is half full or half empty.

They care more about whether the glass is expensive.

Optimist: "This glass is half full"

Pessimist: "This glass is half empty"
Feminist: "This glass is r**... me"

The realist, optimist, and pessimist find a note under their 3 empty glasses

It says "Sorry, but while you were arguing whether your drinks were half full or half empty, I drank them.
Love from the opportunist"

What your glass says about your personality

Optimism- The glass is half full
Pessimist- The glass is half empty
Feminist- The glass is r**... me

Why do alcoholic people see the glass half empty ?

Because it means they'll refill it faster

An optimist sees a glass half full...

A pessimist sees the glass half empty.
A kleptomaniac sees the glass.

Glass of water

Optimists: the glass is half full!
pessimists: the glass is half empty!
Russians: glass no have v**...

I'm a pessimist and an optimist,

So when I see a glass half empty I pour it into a smaller glass.

Some people say the glass is half full. Some people say the glass is half empty...

Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.

Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty...

I'm an opportunist. I drank it all while the other two argued.

My doctor prescribed me antidepressants and said they would change my outlook

I don't know how many different ways you can look at a half empty glass

For the question "Is the glass half empty or half full?" someone was the first person to say the glass is half full. While their name is forever lost, historians, theoligans and philosophers shall refer to them as...

Optimist Prime.

The optimist says, "The glass is half full." The pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

The rationalist says, "This glass is twice as big as it needs to be."

A pessimist, an optimist and an engineer where discussing how full a glass is...

The pessimist says it's half empty.
The optimist says it's half full.
The engineer says it's half as big as it should be to contain the amount in it.

A pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.

Dave: (reading) a pessimist sees the glass half empty; an optimist see the glass half full.
Wife: [returning from the kids room] why is half my soda gone?
Dave: because you're a pessimist.

A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says the glass is half full.

The engineer says the glass is too big.

A glass of water that is half full

Optimist: The Glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Thanos: Perfectly balanced.

I'm a glass is always half empty kinda guy.

I'm not pessimistic, I'm just a r**... alcoholic.

An optimist, a pessimist and a feminist look at a glass of water

The optimist says: "The glass is half full."
The pessimist says: "The glass is half empty."
The feminist says: "The glass is being r**...."

Optimist: The glass is half full.

Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Mother: Why didnt you use a coaster

What is the difference between an optimist, a pessimist and me?

An optimist thinks the glass is half full.
A pessimist thinks the glass is half empty.
And I think, "Why is it always about glass?"

Plato and Nietzsche walk into a bar

They both order beers and after a while Nietzsche turns to Plato and says "This glass is half empty."
Plato reply's "What glass?"

There are 3 types of people in the world: Glass half-full people, glass half-empty people,

And kids with antivax parents, who never live long enough to form an opinion

Dear Optimistic and pessimistic persons,

While you were arguing weather the glass was half full or half empty, I drank it.
Yours truly:
The Opportunist.

Scientists have discovered a stone tablet 60,000 years old inscibed with pictographs describing the idea of "the glass half empty or half full."

They are calling the prehistoric philosopher "optimist prime."

Optimist: the glass is half full

**Pessimist:** the glass is half empty
**2020:** that's pee isn't it?

There are 3 types of people

Them: "the glass is half full"
Others: "the glass is half empty"
Me: "they didn't get my order right"

The Optimist says "the glass is half full"

The Pessimist says, "NO it's half empty!"
The Urologist says, "well it's gonna be full soon!"
The Urophiliac says, "aaaawwww yeah!"

Glass half full

Optimist thinks the glass is 1/2 full.
Pessimist thinks the glass is 1/2 empty.
Excel knows the glass is February the 1st.

jokes about glass half empty

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these glass half empty jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.