The Best 81 Glas Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Glas jokes. There are some glas optimist jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these glas beaker puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Glas Jokes and Puns

Glass with Water

This joke is said so many times, there must be some good variations. I want to know if you guys heard any.

Standard: There is a glass of water to the halfway point. People are asked to describe the glass.

Optimist: Half Full

Pessimist: Half Empty

Engineer: Glass is twice as big as it needs to be

Example Variation:

Mathematician: It depends on how the glass achieved it's current state. (Limits, anyone?)

A Glasgow girl goes to the Civic Center to register for child benefit.

"How many children?" asks the civil servant?

"10" replies the girl.

"10???" says the civil servant.. "What are their names?"

"Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec, Alec

"Doesn't that get confusing?" "

Naw..." says the girl "its great because if thur oot playin in the street, ah jist huv tae shout ALEC, YER DINNER'S READY or ALEC, GO TO BED NOW 'n' they aw dae it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed civil servant.

"'at's easy," says the girl... "Ah just use thur surnames"

Glass coffins - will they catch on?

Remains to be seen!

Glas joke, Glass coffins - will they catch on?

Glass Shower Door Media

There are plenty of cleaning products that are available over the counter which can clean the glass, tiles and every other part of the shower. However, there are other ways to do shower glass door cleaning which you can do on your own. Here are some materials that you can find at home which can also work great for your shower.
Glass Shower Door Media

A Glaswegian takes his new girlfriend home to meet is father

"This is Amanda" the guy says

"It's a f*ckin what?" Replies his father

Why do glasses get so much attention?

They are always making a spectacle of themselves.

The glass ceiling is dangerous.

I can't believe they'd let a woman up there. (Credit to Raising Hope)

Glas joke, The glass ceiling is dangerous.

I have glasses but cannot see. I have feet but cannot walk. What am I?

A riddle.

Has anyone had a glass of F5 lately?

It's so refreshing.

Why are glasses required to do math?

because you need it for davision

I went to get myself a glass of punch but...

You can explore glas big reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean glas guess dad jokes. There are also glas puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Everybody says I look better without my glasses, but I can't see it.

Will glass coffins be a success?

Remains to be seen.

What did the glass of water say to his son who is obsessed with becoming ice?

It's just a phase.

I had to use my glasses when playing tennis.

Because its a no contact sport.

Why was the glass-blower forced to retire?

He sucked...

Glas joke, Why was the glass-blower forced to retire?

I look better without my glasses

Or maybe it's just that I can't see how ugly I am in the mirror without them.

I think my glasses make me look ugly...

and so do my contacts

I look better with glasses on...

because it's the only time I can see my face.

I look better without glasses on...
because its the only time i can't see my face.

you came for 1 joke, you got 2

New glasses

"New glasses? They look super, man!"
Clark Kent begins to sweat.

Went to glasses shop to check my eyes,the worker told me I had estigmatism,I googled it....

Because I was blind on the subject.

Why did the glass finally crack?

It was badly tempered.

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full. The engineer says...

... the glass is twice the size it needs to be.

What do a glass of water and an Atheist have in common?

Jesus can make them both wine.

Those glasses really do make you look more dignified.


Will glass coffins be popular in future?

Remains to be seen.

You'd think glass would taste like rocks..

But it just tastes like blood.

Glasgow has a lot in common with Las Vegas.

I mean, for one in both places you can pay for sex with chips.

The glass eyeball manufacturer is having a promotion

An eye for an eye.

I just got glasses!

20/20 would recommend

What your glass says about your personality

Optimism- The glass is half full
Pessimist- The glass is half empty
Feminist- The glass is raping meο»Ώ

Will glass coffins be the next years big thing?

Remains to be seen.

A glass of Nutella has about 9870 calories, but I don't care!

I never eat the glass, anyway.

How do two old glasses of milk show affection?

They curdle!


Why is it better to take your glasses off before you are doing Alcotest?

Because that'll make it 2 glasses fewer.

Glass of water

Optimists: the glass is half full!

pessimists: the glass is half empty!

Russians: glass no have vodka

The glass man is a bad liar.

You can see right through him.

10$ glass, $30 worth nuts, $200 for a scotch, coming home to find power went out


I really must get some glasses....

Today I walked into a brothel instead of a barbers!

I asked for a number 2 all over

I need glasses in order to see my family...

... Glasses of Vodka.

What did the glass screen feel after a baseball crashed through it?

Window Pains

Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty...

I'm an opportunist. I drank it all while the other two argued.

"I can see the glass ceiling! DOWN WITH THE GLASS CEILING!"

"Megan, we're in an aquarium! NO!"

I need glasses to see my family

Specifically, two glasses of scotch.

Why is it better to take off your glasses if you are taking breathalyzer test?

Because that'll be two glasses less.

What did the man say to Usain Bolt

when he broke some glas?

Stop it Jamaican a mess!


Man: My grandfather lived for 96 years and he never used glasses.

Woman: Yes, I know, some people in my family also drink directly from the bottle.

I need glasses to see my family.

In particular, two glasses of Scotch.

How is your glass of beer like your one-night-stand?

They both feel empty when you finish.

I think I need glasses for playing the guitar.

I can't even C#

Why was the glass in time out?

Because it was pretty ill tempered

Glass shard pizza dough?!

Nobody kneads that!

Will glass coffins become a thing?

... Remains to be seen.

Had a glass of milk before bed... slept like a baby!

Woke up screaming four times and crapped my pants

Could glass coffin be a thing of the future ?

Remains to be seen.

My glass friend is really bad at lying

You could see right through him

Glass: if you break me it's one year of bad luck

Mirror: if you break me it's 7 years of bad luck

Condom: trust me, you don't want to break me

Why would glass coffins be popular?

Remains to be seen.

A glass of water that is half full

Optimist: The Glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Thanos: Perfectly balanced.

I'm a glass is always half empty kinda guy.

I'm not pessimistic, I'm just a raging alcoholic.

What happens when a glassblower touches the glass while it's still hot?

They feel pane.

Potato's in glasses are never the centre of attention.

They're just spec taters

Do you know why I think I look better without my glasses on?

Because without my glasses I can't see my reflection

I was in a glass store just looking around

Salesman: Can I help you, sir?
Me: Oh, no, I'm just window shopping, thanks.

Do you want to know how I know when my glasses are telling lies?

I see straight through them.

Will glass airplanes ever be a thing?

I just can't see them taking off.

Don't be a glass plate that breaks from the first shock

Be a pressure cooker, the fire is under you and the heat inside you while you are whistling and don't even care!

Before and after glasses

Finally, after procrastinating for yrs, a husband got his prescription glass.

Wife: Honey, you looked handsome before wearing glasses.

Husband: Sweetheart, You too looked beautiful before I got my glasses.

Glass: If someone breaks me, its one year of bad luck

Mirror: Thats nothing. If someone breaks me, its seven years of bad luck.

Condom: hahahaha

Glass coffins will they be popular?

Remains to be seen!

Glass tastes really weird

Not sure why, but it tastes a lot like blood

will glass coffins be created?

remains to be seen

Why are all glasses wearers able to rip paper with just one look?

They have tearable vision.

I'm a glass-is-half-full kind of guy

unless that glass contains urine, in which case I find it difficult to remain optimistic.

You probably need glasses.

- What?
- Ohh... Yeah.
- Also a hearing aid.
- What?

Just overheard this in a local McDonald's

I'm more of a "the glass is half-empty" guy.

Because I don't spit into it.

My glasses have broken

I can barely look forward to buying new ones

I need glasses so I can see my family.

Specifically, 3 glasses of scotch.

The Glass

Happy person: The glass is half full

Depressed person: The glass is half empty

The Engineer: The glass is twice as big as necessary.

Will glass coffins be a success.....

.....remains to be seen.

Glasses just for looks

I wear my glasses just for looks. I can't look at anything without them.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the glas manager jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working glas fanatic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes