Giving Jokes

Funniest Giving Short Jokes

Short giving jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The giving humour may include short donation jokes also.

1. Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words? Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
2. If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on. I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
3. Give a man a shirt, and he'll wear it once Tell a man he looks good in it, and he'll wear it for a lifetime
4. I just saw my chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.
5. A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem He tells the bartender,"Give me 2 shots of..."
   The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get 1 shot."
6. Give a Man a Fish and You Will Feed Him for a Day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year.
7. I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself... my wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"
8. Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
   use twice a year
9. Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.
10. If I won 298 million, I'd give a quarter of it to charity. ...I'm not sure what I'd do with the other $297,999,999.75 though.

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Giving One Liners

Which giving one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with giving? I can suggest the ones about gonna give and gift.

1. Why are people complaining,what EA did was great! I mean, you've got to give them credit.
2. People say smoking will give you diseases. What they don't know is that it cure salmon.
3. Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank, Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.
4. What does Eevee evolve into when you give it money? Patreon
5. You have to give President Trump credit Because he definitely doesn't have any cash.
6. How do you turn a 3D printer into a 4D printer? Just give it time.
7. Can someone please tell me what LGBTQ+ stands for? Nobody is giving me a straight answer.
8. What food makes women stop giving blow jobs? Wedding cake
9. Roses are red, Cellos are brown Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ;)
10. What do you call an evil wizard who gives good hickeys? A neck romancer.
11. What do you give to someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year? A trophy
12. Girl if I had to rate you, I'd give you a 10 Oh the pH scale, because girl you are basic.
13. What did the bra say to the hat? You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift
14. What do you give a cannibal that shows up late to dinner? A cold shoulder.
15. If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

Giving Head Jokes

Here is a list of funny giving head jokes and even better giving head puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework, she's gonna slam my head on the keyboard. But I don't give a fuskhhkxkhdkhhskhd
• What do the Zika Virus and Catholic Priests have in common? They're both giving kids a little head all over Latin America.
• What do you call a girl that doesn't give head? An UBER
• A blonde was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriends dandruff problem... The redhead says "why don't you give him head and shoulders."
  The blonde replies "how do you give shoulders?"
• Daughter calls her Mom: My boyfriend has dandruff what can i do? Mom: give him head & shoulders.
  2 days later the daughter calls back.
  Daughter: How do i give him shoulders?
• my doctor said for every upvote this gets, i will lose one rib I only need 24 and then I can finally give myself head
• I met a girl named Nirvana yesterday... I asked her "Did your parents give you than name while you were still In Utero?". She was like "What?".. I just shook my head and said "Nevermind...".
• A man takes his sick wife to a doctor.. The doctor after making initial observations, says - 'Sir, your wife doesn't look so good'. To which the man replies, 'Yea, but she gives great head'.
• This and That are both on summer break. That is heading to Florida. This has plans to travel somewhere, but he won't give me the details.
  i have no idea where this is going
• What's it called when an Asian man gives his best friend head? A bro job.

Giving Up Drinking Jokes

Here is a list of funny giving up drinking jokes and even better giving up drinking puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I am giving up drinking for a month Sorry that came out wrong
  I am giving up. Drinking for a month
• I'm giving up drinking, for a month. *(oops, incorrect punctuation)*
  I'm giving up. Drinking for a month.
• If you're depressed, try drinking a pint of water before going to bed. It'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
• Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
• If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water, before you go to bed. That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
• I'm giving up drinking till christmas Bad punctuation, can't edit title
  I'm giving up. Drinking till Christmas.
• If you are suffering from acute depression, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.... That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
• My landlord doubled my rent. I'm going to give up drinking for a month. Sorry I missed punctuation there.
  I'm going to give up, drinking for a month.
• Give a man a fish Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
  Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  Fish 24:7
• My wife told me I had to give up drinking So I joined the AA.
  Unfortunately, I joined the Automobile Association by mistake.
  At least either way I'm on the road to recovery.

Thanks Giving Jokes

Here is a list of funny thanks giving jokes and even better thanks giving puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I bought a sweater that kept giving me static shock Thankfully the store replaced it with another, free of charge.
• Dear God, If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.
  Thanks,
  America.
• I am a man who loves to give women breakfast in bed. All I want to receive in return is a simple "Thank you!"... ...not "Who are you?", "How did you get in here?", and "I'll call the police!"
• How do you tell if a girl is ticklish? You give her two test tickles I will see myself out. Thank you and have a good day
• A son asks his dad if he regrets anything about having a son at 16. Nuttin the dad responds with a straight face.
  Thanks Dad the son says as he gives the dad a hug.
• My son said, "Thanks for giving me tips on how to be less lazy." I said, "It's the least I could do."
• If life gives you lemons, politely thank life, then, when life's not looking, throw the lemons into a duck pond.
• I was so bad at math my bank refused to give me a loan Thank god I had someone to cosine
• Batman giving his Batmobile to robin Batman: Robin, im giving you my Batmobile.
  Robin: aww really batman? thanks!
  Batman: yes, its 555-522-8626
• Thank you God for giving me food to sustain my body, TidePods to clean my clothes, & wisdom to know the difference.

Giving Birth Jokes

Here is a list of funny giving birth jokes and even better giving birth puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Every 5 seconds a woman gives birth to a baby. We need to stop this woman.
• How does a pregnant mermaid give birth? "Sea-section"
  Sorry, I thought of that last night and just had to share my genius with the world.
• It's obviously worse to pass a kidney stone than giving birth to a baby. Because people always say they want another baby but no ones ever said they want another kidney stone.
• A cat gives birth in a public park... ...and is fined $50 for littering.
• How do mermaids give birth? A sea section.
• If you help a cow give birth... Did you decalfeinate it?
• Giving birth is terrible for a cow's hips… …but it's great for their calves.
• Giving birth isn't as painful as being kicked in the nuts I've never heard a man say 'let's do that again' afterwards
• Just helped a girl give birth... OP delivered.
• How did the cow feel after giving birth? Decaffeinated.

Giving Blood Jokes

Here is a list of funny giving blood jokes and even better giving blood puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• "Give blood, give blood, give blood" everyone says... And then they're all freaked out when they unwrap their presents.
• My motto in life is to always give 100% It does make blood donation quite tricky.
• Whatever you do in life, give 100%... unless you're giving blood.
• Whatever you do, always give 100% Unless you're donating blood
• My dad died because we couldn't remember his blood type in time give him a transfusion As he died he kept telling us to "be positive" but it's hard without him.
• I always give 100% in everything I do Donating blood now, can't wait to add this to the list of thi
• i tried to donate blood today. it turns out it has to be your own. now they won't give me back my mason jars.
• I felt super exhausted after giving blood. It's such a draining procedure.
• You know, as a child I was always told to give one hundred precent at everything I do... Needless to say the blood drive did not go very well.
• I had a horrible experience giving blood today, the staff were horrible, the needles hurt and I felt really unhappy. Apparently I'm, "a negative".

Witty Giving Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about giving you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean helping jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make giving pranks.