The Best 33 Give Me Some Knock Knock Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Give Me Some Knock Knock jokes. There are some give me some knock knock make jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these give me some knock knock leave puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Give Me Some Knock Knock Jokes and Puns

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.

**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.

1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer

Anyone got any more?

Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated.

Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10.

"Just don't tell Dad" she says.

*Hey, it's working* thinks Little Johnny.

An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and says: "Dad, I know everything."

Dad gives Johnny $100. "Don't tell Mom" he says.

Just then, the mailman knocks on the door. Johnny opens it and says. "I know everything, Mister."

The mailman drops all his mail, his eyes tear up and he says:

"Well then Johnny, come give Daddy a hug."

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".

"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...

The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."

Blonde genies

A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.

Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods.

It's the two blonde genies!

One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.

I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"

ISIS takes Congress hostage

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.

Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."

"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."


In the words of Bill Murray...

An Irish man knocks on the door of an old lady, he says he's broke and looking for work. The old lady says "Sure, I'll pay you to paint my porch." So she gives the Irish man some paint and he leaves.

One hour later the man comes back, "Are you already done?" the lady asked, "Aye." said the Irish man, "But it's not a porch it's a Mazda."

An Irish Lumberjack

A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.

The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the Irishman.

"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the Foreman. "Take your axe and go cut it down."

The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the Foreman's door.

"I cut the tree down," said the Irishman.

"*Holy smokes!*" Said the Formean. "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," replied the Irishman.

Confused, the Forman asked "...don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"

"Is that what they call it now?"

Three Bills at a bar

Three men, one from America, one from Australia and one from Russia were sitting at a bar. To show off, the American picks up his revolver, shoots the cap off his bottle of beer, and proudly exlaims:

"My name is Bill. Buffalo Bill."

The Australian, not wanting to be any less of a man, picks up his boomerang and gives it a swing across the bar. It does a big circle, and on its way back it knocks the cap off his beer as well. He then says:

"My name is Bill. Crocodile Bill."

The Russian looks around nervously, then pulls his pants down, and proudly shows his two penises. He then says:

"My name is Bill. Cherno Bill."

Two out-of-work Mexicans knock on a rich guy's door - looking for odd jobs

The rich guy feels for them, so he says, "I'll give you 100 bucks to go out back and paint my porch."

The Mexicans can't believe their luck - and agree. The rich guy gives them a few gallons of paint and some brushes.

About an hour later, they knock on the door. The guy answers, and the Mexicans tell him they are done. He says, "I can't believe you're done so fast. That should have taken at least 5 hours."

One of the Mexicans says, "We are done, Senor. But I have to tell you - that wasn't no porch. That was a Mercedes."

A man and woman live in a two story house.

A man and woman live in a two story house and sleep on the second floor. At 3 a.m. they're awakened by a knock at the front door. The man goes to the window, opens it and looks down but can't see anyone.

"Who's out there?" he asks.

A voice says, "Please help me. I need a push."

"I'm sorry," the man says. "I'm not leaving my house at this hour."

He gets back into bed. His wife says, "Honey, don't you remember when our daughters were stuck in that bad part of Oakland at 3 in the morning, and if that stranger didn't give them a jumpstart, they would been there for hours?"

"Yeah, you're right," the man says. He gets out of bed and returns to the window. "Are you still down there?" he asks.

"Yes."

"Do you still need that push?"

"Yes."

"Where are you?" the man asks.

"I'm over here on your swings."

A guy and his wife are in bed late at night...

... when they hear a knock on the door. The guy goes to the door and answers it and there's a man standing there who says, Hey, guy, can you give me a push?

The guy who answered the door says, no, get lost , and slams the door shut.

He goes back to his bed and his wife asks him what that was all about. He tells her there was this guy at the door wanting a push, and he said no.

She says, Go out there and give him a push. He's probably having car trouble. If you were in need of a push, wouldn't you want someone to get up and help you out?

Reluctantly, he gets out of bed, throws on some shoes and pants and goes out the door. He goes all the way out to the street but doesn't see the man. Out loud, he says, Hey buddy, you still need a push?

The other man says, Yeah .

So the first guy says, Well, where are ya?

The second man says, I'm over here…on the swing.

You can explore give me some knock knock shave haircut reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean give me some knock knock knocks dad jokes. There are also give me some knock knock puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


So a cop pulls over a guy for wearing his seatbelt..

tells the citizen that his captain gave him a 100 dollar bill to give to the 100th person he sees wearing their seat belt. The citizen looks a little confused, but of course, accepts the note, and proceeds to leave. The officer asks, " So, if you don't mind my asking, what are you going to spend the money on?" To a reply of, " yes, i do mind your asking, and frankly, i don't think its any of your business." The officer of course is stunned, but , as he goes to leave, the drivers objects. "If you must know, i'll probably spend it on getting my drivers license." The cop is taken aback, as the passenger says, " Oh don't listen to him, he's drunk." Shortly thereafter, a knocking comes from the trunk, and a muffled voice says, " are we over the border yet?"

edited for grammar nazis.

I'm sitting in a bar having a drink ...

... and I see man fall down. I go over and pick him up. "Bartender, do you know where this man lives? I'll give him a lift home." He tells me where he lives. I grab the guy, pull him down to the car, put him in the car, he falls into the backseat. I get to the address, pull the man out, he falls down three more times, I pick him up each time. I knock on the door, his wife answers. I say "I brought your husband home." She says "Where's his wheelchair?"

A blonde was going door to door...

She was looking to do odd jobs and chores to make some extra money. She knocks on a door, a guy answers and she asks if he has any chores he needs done. He said "sure I need my porch painted. I'll give you $100 if you do a good job". He shows her where the paint and brushes are and she says she'll make it look great. 30 minutes later, she knocks on his door and says "I'm done" and he replies "already? I thought it would take hours". She assured him she was finished and then said "by the way, that's a Ferrari, not a porch".

A guy walking I to a bar and says to the barman "quick, get me a shot before it starts"...

The bartender gives him a shot which he knocks back and says "quick quick another one before it starts".

The bartender gives him another shot which he knocks back and says "another... before it starts"

The bartender says "wait a minute, how do you intend to pay for these drinks"?

"Ah" the man says, throwing his arms up in frustration... "it's started"

My Favorite Latvian Joke

One day, hear knock on door.

Man ask "Who is?"

"Is potato man. I come around to give free potato."

Man is very excite and opens door.

Is not potato man,

is secret police.

Omegle joke

Guy 1: Hey!

Guy 2: Hey.

Guy 1: I'm pretty sad, can you give me a joke?

Guy 2: Sure! Knock Knock.

Guy 1: Who's there?

Guy 2: Disco.

Guy 1: Disco who?

Guy 2: Disconnected.

'Your conversational partner has been disconnected.'

Guy 1: ...

A man runs into a bar.

Panting, he tells the bartender, Give me five shots of your best whiskey; quick!

The bartender pours the drinks and the man knocks them all back within seconds.

Why you drinking so fast? asks the perplexed bartender.

You'd drink fast too, if you were me. says the man.

Why, what do you have? asks the bartender.

* A dollar."*

I'm your Birthday Present

It was Jim's 75th Birthday, his friends decided to give him a hooker for his Birthday.

The hooker went to his house and knocks on the door. Jim answers, she says "Hi I'm your birthday present!"

A little startled, he asks "What am I supposed to do with you?"

"I'm yours for supersex" she answers.

Jim replies "Well, I'm 75 years old, so I'll just have the soup."


A Scottish Sargent knocks on a whore-house door.

When the madam answers he says "Excuse me madam. But could you tell me how much you would charge for the pleasure of my company?"
The madam gives her price and they negotiate back and forth until they come to a bargain. Once the reach agreement the Sargent says "That sounds like a fair price."

Then he turns, gestures behind himself and yells "OK lads. We have a deal. Company Ho!"

Paint it green

A young man shows up for a job at a large house and knocks on the front door. The owner opens the door and gives the young man a gallon of green paint and a brush and tells him to go out back and paint the "porch green." After a few hours the young man comes back and knocks on the front door. The owner opens the door and the young man says, "Sir, I'm done paintin', but that aint no porch you got out back, it's a Ferrari."

My son told me this joke when he was two. "Knock knock..."

"Who's there?"

"Boo."

"Boo who?"

"CHICAGO"

He's almost 13 now, so... even if you downvote me straight to Hell, this works out.

Because I can just give him a lecture over why it's all his fault, and then I will be a successful parent today.

Halloween trick or treat

I remember a story from last year. I was sat in my living room when I heard a small knock at the door. As I opened the door there was a little boy dressed as the Predator, with his dad. I asked "and who are you meant to be?" kneeling down to give him a sweet, "a child Predator" his dad responds. "What a coincidence" I thought.

Talking clock

γ€€While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

γ€€γ€€"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

Knock Knock

"Knock knock"

"Whose there?"

"Nev"

"Nev who?"

"Nevwho gonna give you up..."

An elderly man hears a knock on his door...

He answers it to find a beautiful young woman standing there completely naked.

The woman says to the old man, "I'm here to give you super sex"

The old man replies, "I'll have the soup."

A policeman pulls over a guy for speeding

The officer walks up to him and says "look buddy, its 16:50 on a Friday night and I knock off in 10 mins. I really don't want to be filling in paperwork so tell you what? Give me a good excuse for speeding away from me, and I'll let you go. The man thinks for a second and says "my wife ran off with a cop last week. I was afraid you were trying to give her back "

"Have a nice weekend, sir!"

A little girl knocks on my door and said Brick or Breat. I said what are you dressed up as? She said a Birate.

A birate you mean a pirate She said ya a birate. I asked if you are a pirate were are your buccaneers you know your band of cut throat's and theaves, were are your buccaneers? she said under my bucking hat give me the bucking candy

Kid looking for odd jobs comes to a guys door

"Hey mister" he starts out, "I'm looking for some work for pocket money over the holidays".

Impressed by the youngster's work ethic the man says "Sure son; there's a few tins of paint in the garage. Go get them and paint the porch and I'll give you $20"

4 hours later there was a knock on the man's door by a paint spattered youth holding his hand out for payment who says "I've finished and by the way that's not a porch it's a BMW"

Knock on the door at 2 AM

A husband and wife are sound asleep, when at 2 AM there's loud banging on the door and a man shouting Can you give me a push please?

The husband wakes up and hears it, but buries his head under the blankets and tries to sleep again.

A few minutes later, the banging continues, and the wife wakes up to hear Can you give me a push please?

The wife turns to her husband and says Ah go on, give the man a hand. Wouldn't you be happy if someone helped you when your car broke down?

Reluctantly the husband gets dressed, stumbles down the stairs and walks out the door. Once outside, he can't see the man. He shouts where are you?

The man replies right here, on the swing!

I need help thinking of a joke involving supernatural creatures

It needs to be a one or two liner, no knock knock jokes or riddles.

Context: I'm working at a summer camp and my call sign is Ghost. Tomorrow morning at the assembly, I'm going up and giving some world news (spoofs, not actual news). I want to say "hey guys, I'm Ghost with all your *other*worldly news", but I'm having trouble thinking of what to say after that. Any ideas would be great.

An elderly couple live next to a highway...

One night they wake up to hear a knock at the door. The husband, grumbling about the late hour, gets up, heads downstairs and opens the door to see a stranger.

The stranger says, "Terribly sorry to wake you but I was wondering if you could give me a push?"

The elderly man replies that it is the middle of the night and he is too old for physical exertion. He then heads back to bed. Upon getting in bed the wife asked him what happened and is shocked to hear that he did not help the stranger. "Go outside and help him right now!" she demands.

The old man begrudgingly gets dressed and walks outside. He looks left and right and doesn't see the man or his car anywhere along the highway. "Where are you?" he shouts.

"Over here on the swings!"

Knock, knock

Who's there?

I'm Mr, Farter.



Mr, Farter who?

I've brought some insecticides to give to your mother in law!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the give me some knock knock llama jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working give me some knock knock codename kids piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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