girls Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious girls stories

What are the best girls puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Girls? Well here is a complete list of the top girls jokes:

Girls who talks about girls' problems are great.

But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.

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I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.

Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".

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Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud..

But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.

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Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them.

They said it would be like winning the Lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.

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I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.


That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1

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Slutty girls are like Wal-Marts

Everyone makes fun of them but when you're inside one at 4am, you think "Thank God these are here"

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I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night

It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next

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My dad first talked to me about sex when I was going to college.


He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."

"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."

And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."

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My friend Jay recently had twin girls, and wanted to name them after him.

So I suggested Kaye and Elle.

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How to make girls feel safe in the hallways

I often find myself walking behind various girls while I'm going about my day and I'm always concerned I'm making them feel unsafe. So I like to remind myself not to walk like a rapist.

I find this works much better if I don't say it out loud.

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Why do asian girls have small boobs?

Because only A's are acceptable.

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What the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? (offensive be warned)

American teenage girls get stoned BEFORE they have sex.

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So..the wife and I were in town shopping....

..and as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.

I gently nudged my wife and said "I bet you wish you still had legs like that!".

She got really upset with me..in fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store.

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Two Thai girls...

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

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Getting girls to have sex with me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle.

Easy when I have a knife.

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Two Thai girls.

Two Thai girls asked me if wanted a threesome claiming it would be like winning the lottery, I agreed and they were right, to my horror we had 6 matching balls!

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Both of them?

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs an get me slippers?

No bother, he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds.

Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both.

Fook off you liar! .

I'll prove it, Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, Both of them, Paddy?

Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?

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Girls vs Guys

How come that when a women sleeps with a bunch of guys, she is considered a slut but when a man does it, he is considered gay?

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So there were two larger girls at the bar...

I went to the bar and overheard two heavy girls talking with an odd accent.

I asked them, 'Are you two ladies from Scotland?'

One turned to me and said, 'It's Wales, you idiot!'

'Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?'

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Girls pants are like a cheap hotel...

... no ballroom.

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My penis is so polite...

It stands up so girls have a place to sit down.

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I love when girls say they need a man that can keep up with them...

but immediately go into hysterics when I catch them.

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Why is Santa so jolly?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

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A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg...

I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man.
That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!

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Why's it a good idea to have a threesome with 2 Vietnamese girls?

It's usually a Nguyen/Nguyen.

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I've been crying a lot recently

It's shocking how many girls carry pepper spray

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Guys that try and pick up girls on Facebook are pathetic..

Girls, if you agree message me your number so we can talk about it.

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So embarrassing..

The most embarrassing thing happened to me last week. I was at a school dance. I was standing by the punch bowl watching the girls dance and I don't know how it happened but I got a boner. Just the way they moved and danced gave me an erection. So anyway, one girl saw me and pointed me out. Suddenly everyone saw and started laughing at me. I started crying and I ran out of the dance. It was so embarrassing. I am never chaperoning the kindergarden dance ever again.

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Why is santa always so happy?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

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A NSFW joke I was told at work.

There a 3rd grade teacher and she is having her students make noises that farm animals do. She asks a white girl, "What sound does a cow make?" The girls responds, "Mooo." The teacher says, "Wonderful that is exactly right." The teacher then asks a Black kid, " What sound does a pig make?" He says, " Freeze Mother Fucker!"

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Two girls walking down the street when...

one sees her husband coming out of a floral shop with a bouquet of flowers. She says "Oh shoot, he's buying me flowers. I'll have to lay on my back for two days with my feet in the air. Her friend says "Would'nt it be easier to just buy a vase?

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What do fat girls and bricks have in common?

They both get laid by Mexicans.

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So, a blonde and a brunette are at the mall...

and they see this really good looking guy. Being very outgoing girls they strike up a conversation. After they part ways, the blonde noticed that he had really bad dandruff.
"Yeah, we should give him Head & Shoulders." To which the blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"

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A teacher was trying to get her students to try new foods.

A teacher was trying to get her students to try new foods.

She blindfolded them and gave them things like apples, bananas, noodles, and the students would guess correctly.

Then, she gave them a little bit of honey. None of the children could determine what it was, so she gave them a hint.

"Your mommy may call your daddy this sometimes."

One of the girls spit it out and yelled, "Oh no, its an asshole!"

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How many sorority girls does it take to change a lightbulb?

Seven. One to change it, two to take pictures, and four to make t-shirts for the event.

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An man goes to buy some Viagra.

He explains to the doctor that a couple of young girls are staying at his place for the weekend. The doctor sells him the pills, and sends him on his way. On Monday, the man comes back and asks for some painkillers. The doctor says, "What did you do to cause so much pain to your penis?" The man says, "Oh, these aren't for my penis. They're for my wrist. The girls never showed up!"

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How many 12 year old girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

11; 1 to actually put the lightbulb in, and the other 10 to take hundreds of pictures and upload them to Facebook.

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Two girls sitting quietly together.

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probably won't get him laid

A guy walks into a bar and starts pretending to shoot arrows to a few girls. One of those girls smiles and gets closer to talk: "Hey, I saw that you threw me an arrow." she said while winking at him.

"Yes, I guess I did." came his reply.

"Who are you?", she asked. "Cupid throwing love arrows?"

"No, I'm Legolas killing orcs"

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College roommates

Two girls, one from Georgia, one from Connecticut, are going to be roommates in college in Virginia.

On move-in day, they are unpacking and settling in, when the southern belle asks "So where y'all from?"

The northern girl replies with a huff: "Well! I'm from Connecticut, where they teach us not to end a sentence with a preposition!"

The Georgian girl responds: "Oh, I apologize! Where y'all from, cunt?"

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Gentleman

My penis is so polite, it stands up so girls have a place to sit down.

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Two wives go out for girls night.

Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.

They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.

One used her panties the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.

The next morning one husband called the other and said, "no more girls night out! my wife came back with no panties."

The other husband said, "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read "from all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you"!!

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Girls on GoneWild

Q: Why do girls on gonewild wear panties?

A: So that their ankles would keep warm

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What's the difference between the 3 Stooges and my penis?

Girls don't laugh at the 3 Stooges

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Can little girls have babies?

Little Johnny asks his mom "Can little girls have babies?"

Little Johnny's mom looks puzzled and replies "Of course not."

Little Johnny excitedly runs back to the window and yells to little Sally "It's OK! we can play that game again!"

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A boy calls 911.

911 picks up and the boy yells, "Help, help!

911 asks, "What's the emergency?"

The boy says, "Two girls are fighting over me!"

911 responds, "Is that a problem?"

The boy replies, "No, but it looks like the ugly one is winning!"

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What do rocks and girls have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

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In a classroom

The teacher is talking to little girls about Johnny's awful language 'Remember girls, when Johnny starts swearing just go out of our classroom.' Johnny came in and sat down. The teacher asked what are the buildings under construction in town. Kids say many things but then Little Johnny says 'They are building a whorehouse nearby'. And so every girl got up and started heading for the door. Then Johnny shouted 'Wait up whores, it will be done in a month, what's the rush'

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What does a 9 volt battery, and a pretty girls bumhole have in common?

People tell you not to, but you're still going to put your tongue on it.

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prank for a guy with multiple girls in the house

Take a piss and toss in a couple pieces of toilet paper. Don't flush. Repeat. Watch with amusement as all the ladies of the house argue with each other over who isn't flushing the toilet.

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best girls jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about girls. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty girls gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these girls jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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