Girls Jokes
167 girls jokes and hilarious girls puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about girls that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Girls Short Jokes
Short girls jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The girls humour may include short boys jokes also.
- I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
- Call a girl beautiful 1,000 time and she won't think twice... Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget - When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
- Girls who talks about girls' problems are great. But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.
- I called two girls hipsters and got slapped. Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
- If a girl says she will be ready in 5 minutes she will. No need to remind her every 15 minutes about it
- Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud.. But when a girl sleep with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.
- Girl: "Come over" Guy: "I'm coming over"
Girl: "We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over."
- I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.
That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1 - A father in iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied, "Thanks for the Baghdad"
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Girls One Liners
Which girls one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with girls? I can suggest the ones about female and teen.
- My mother used to tuck me in every night She always wanted a girl :(
- Hey girl, are you a broken compass? Because I'm not really sure where I'm going with this
- Hey girl are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
- I met a North African girl the other night, we spoke for hours. We just clicked.
- Pro-Tip: If a girl in a hot bikini DMs you about crypto Ignore him.
- I told this girl, "you're very average." She said, "that's mean."
- Why do teenage girls walk in groups of 3s, 5s and 7s? Because they can't even.
- My town never changes population. Everytime a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
- Hey girl, are you a parked car in July? Because I want to leave a baby in you.
- Why do you always see teen girls in groups of three? Because they literally can't even.
- I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels She didn't know I existed
- Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups? Because they can't even.
- What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? A waist of time.
- Never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp, she's probably thick and tired of it.
- Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls... I was in the women's bathroom.
For Girls Jokes
Here is a list of funny for girls jokes and even better for girls puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Girl: Come over Guy: I'm coming over
Girl: We should stop using Walkie-Talkies in bed over - If i had $1 for every girl that didn't find me attractive.. .. they would eventually find me attractive
- My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz
- My wife said she wanted just one child of each gender I told her "how about just one boy and one girl? I don't want to contribute to overpopulation."
- You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water. If it sinks it's girl ant, If it floats it's boy ant.
- I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
- I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
- My girl keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!". Always Tolkien in her sleep...
- How many trans women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell her she's a lovely girl, and she'll brighten up the room instantly.
- A girl walks into a dry cleaner She drops off her dress and turns to leave. The owner says, "Come again!". She says, "No it was toothpaste this time."
Girls Are Like Jokes
Here is a list of funny girls are like jokes and even better girls are like puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
- Why do white teenage girls always hang out in groups of 3, 5 or 7? They just, like, literally can't even
- A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."
- I'm currently in a love triangle I like this girl, this girl likes nobody, and nobody likes me.
- The reason why I only date black girls is because I don't like meeting dads.
- I like my girls like I like my Dumbledore Head Masters
- Hey girl, I heard you like bad boys Well not to brag or anything but
I'm bad at everything - A girl walks into a bar. Says to the bartender, "I'd like a double entendre, please."
So he gives it to her. - Girls are like blackjack… I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.
- Girls treat me like God They mostly forget I exist until they need help from me.
Fat Girls Jokes
Here is a list of funny fat girls jokes and even better fat girls puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you call a girl pretty, she'll forget after a day. If you call a girl fat, she'll never forget it, because elephants never forget.
- I like my girls like my file system... FAT and 16.
- Stop making fun of fat girls with lisps They're thick and tired of it.
- I said to a fat girl today... I said to a fat girl today,
"You're a big girl!"
She replied, "Tell me something I don't know."
I said, "Salad tastes nice" - Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she wont pay attention but call her fat once and she will never forget. Thats because elephants never forget.
- Why do you never tease a fat girl with lisp? Because she's thick and tired of it.
- How do you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake!
- why should you never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp? Cause she's probably thick and tired of it
- Why do you not make fun of a fat girl with a lisp? Because she is thick and tired of it.
- "You should date black guys"... ...How girls tell each other they're fat.
Girls First Time Jokes
Here is a list of funny girls first time jokes and even better girls first time puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When I meet a girl for the first time I shake hands with my left. I don't want to intimidate her with the competition right away
- I lost my virginity to a mentally disabled girl last night I wanted my first time to be special.
- Lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome I wanted my first time to be special
- I went to a bulimic birthday party. First time I've seen the cake come out of the girl.
- Do you know what happened the first time Ed Sheeran started flirting with a girl before he was famous? She ran.
- The first time I got up close and personal with a girl was round the back by the school bins. In hindsight, I wish I hadn't looked into that rubbish bag.
- For the first time in my life a girl told me she loved me Arent moms great?
- I couldn't be happier! For the first time in my life a girl told me she loves me. Aren't moms great?
- I dated a girl, she later revealed she had a son and he would always come first. Don't worry I told her, in my family we all used to come at the same time.
- My friend lost his virginity to a disabled girl He said he wanted his first time to be special.
Gather Around for Heartwarming Girls Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about girls you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean male jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make girls pranks.
s**... girls are like Wal-Marts
Everyone makes fun of them but when you're inside one at 4am, you think "Thank God these are here"
My dad first talked to me about s**... when I was going to college.
He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."
"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."
And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."
My friend Jay recently had twin girls, and wanted to name them after him.
So I suggested Kaye and Elle.
So..the wife and I were in town shopping....
..and as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.
I gently nudged my wife and said "I bet you wish you still had legs like that!".
She got really upset with me..in fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store.
Getting girls to have s**... with me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle.
Easy when I have a knife.
How to make girls feel safe in the hallways
I often find myself walking behind various girls while I'm going about my day and I'm always concerned I'm making them feel unsafe. So I like to remind myself not to walk like a r**....
I find this works much better if I don't say it out loud.
LPT: How to pick up girls
Try this:
1. Acquire several dozen limes.
1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
1. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
1. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, "Sorry, I'm bad at Pickup Limes."
The worst thing about being in my 40's is that I can't get teenaged girls to sleep with me.
It's like being a teenager again.
What's the difference between American girls and Middle Eastern girls?
American girls get s**... BEFORE they commit adultery.
One of the girls in the office where I work is going to be having a baby.
I just haven't decided which one yet.
My new girlfriend asked me how many girls I've slept with. "Eleven," I replied. "Wow! You must be a player," she laughed.
"No," I said, "I'm their coach."
I used to go to Weight Watchers to meet women.
There were tons of girls there, just not very many.
For me, getting girls is like spreading butter...
It's much easier with a knife.
Why do jews get their p**... circumcised?
Because Jewish girls won't touch anything that's not 10% off
Ever since I've downloaded Adblock, all the single girls in my area seem to have lost interest...
My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again
And I don't know if I should tell him.
Since I installed adblock, my popularity with hot girls in my area has plummeted
A college professor asks all of his students to yell out stereotypes for a class project
For a class project, a college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.
"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.
"Sony!" Yells the blonde girl in the front.
What is the best way to pick up American girls?
With a crane.
What is the difference between American teenage girls amd Muslim teenage girls? (Offensive)
American teenage girls get s**... BEFORE they have s**....
Two boys are in the woods...
...They were walking when they noticed two girls getting n**... in a nearby pond. One kid bolted the other way and the other one chased after him. "Why did you leave man! That was the prime opportunity for us to see n**... chicks!" Then the other kid said "well, my mom said if I ever see a n**... girl before I'm married, I'll turn to stone and I felt something getting hard!"
A hero comes to a village...
The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. "There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it will come down and eat one of our v**... girls" the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.
Two biologists get married and have twin girls.
They name one Jessica and the other Control.
Girls from England?
A guy walks into a bar and hears two women speaking in a British accent. He asks, "Are you ladies from England?" One says to him "No, it's Wales, you idiot!" So, then the guy says, "Okay, sorry. So, are you two whales from England?"
Why do teenage girls go to the bathroom in 3s and 5s?
Because they literally can't even.
My wife's fantasy is to be with another man. Mine is to have two girls at the same time.
She must have misunderstood because now we have twin daughters from the mailman
Why does Kylo Ren never get girls?
Because for most of his life he's Ben Solo
What's with girls having weird names nowadays?
I recently slept with a girl and after s**... she was like "I'm Fifteen" I was like that's nice I'm Daniel.
I lost my watch at a party.
After some intensive searching through the crowd, I spotted it lying on the floor. There was a guy standing on it. When I looked up, I saw the guy harassing a girl, touching her at all the wrong places. She obviously didn't approve. So I walked over there and punched this guy in the face. Nobody treats girls like that. Not on my watch.
Sometimes, to impress girls, I use big words that I don't fully understand...
...in an effort to sound more photosynthesis.
I used to be scared of pretty girls,
So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.
It's 80 degrees in San Francisco today.
Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their d**....
Two blonde girls are celebrating at a table...
The waiter comes by and asks "What are you celebrating?"
They say "We finished this puzzle in only 6 months! And the box says from 2 to 4 years!"
For Halloween I'm dressing up as a plate.
Girls love to do dishes.
What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?
"The girls get older, but he stays the same age"
-first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)
What's the difference between American girls and Iranian girls?
American girls get s**... BEFORE s**....
At the pharmacy I asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing.
I turned around, looked them straight in the eyes and said, "Make that 52."
What is the difference between a beautiful dress and a bottle of Whisky?
A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous...
A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous.
Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye
h**... uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind
Why girls don't have willys
Little brother came into the kitchen and declared "mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow"
Why is Santa Claus always so Jolly?
He knows where all the naughty girls live.
Why do white girls only travel in groups of 3, 5, and 7?
Because they literally can't even.
Since I'm going away to college, my Dad sat me down to have a talk.
He said OK, Dan, you're going off to college. You're going to be living away from home, in a dorm, surrounded by beautiful girls. So I got you something from the drug store.
I said It's ok, Dad- I already know about condoms.
He's said No - anti-depressants.
Why is that when a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls he's a player
But when a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys it's your mom?
A guy meets his buddy at the bar.
He says, "I don't want to brag, but when I walked in, those two girls by the door looked at me, then both said to each other, 'nine' ". His buddy said, "Really? When I walked in, they were speaking German!"
Why don't Jewish girls study on their period?
Concentration Cramps
I went to a pharmacy and asked for 50 condoms.
There were 2 girls behind me who started laughing. I turned around and looked them straight in the eyes and said, "make that 52".
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now both of them have c**... balloons :D
I went to a restaurant.
Every table was occupied with couples,
there was no seat vacant.
I took out my phone and said loudly
"Dude, your girlfriend is here with someone else. Come here fast."
9 girls left their seats for me.
A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?'
The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'
My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father.
But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.
John was unable to choose between two girls...
So he asked his friend Gary for help deciding which girl to be with.
John: I'm devoted to Kate but Edith is my dream girl, she's all I've ever wanted.
Gary: Then you should be with Edith.
John: But I love Kate and could never leave her...
Gary: Then you should stay with Kate.
John: But I also want to be with Edith, I can't miss this opportunity!
Gary: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.
I like to tell girls I have my own private jet
But I always forget to mention that my mom owns the rest of the jacuzzi
An elderly man walks into confession and says...
Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and eleven healthy grandchildren, and last night I had an affair with two 18 year old girls. I made love with both of them… twice.
The priest said, Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?
Never Father… I'm Jewish.
So then, why are you telling me?
I'm telling everybody!
I was about to smoke w**... with a couple cute Mexican girls...
I asked them if they had papers. They immediately ran off.
My girlfriend asked me with how many girls I've slept with
"Only with you babe..." I replied
"Awww, really?"
"...Yeah, with the others I stayed awake."
Roy Moore says he'll bring Alabama values to Washington, but I'm not so sure. I mean, he s**... assaulted teenage girls...
But he wasn't related to any of 'em!
My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!"
I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."
A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online.
But it's really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.
Would the person who schedules the girls at a brothel...
...be called the w**...-ganizer?
"Say something positive about gay men"
"Not only do they leave more girls for us, they take another dude with them"
A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold
The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two s**... 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have s**... with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!
It's s**... when girls say they can't find a guy, yet they ignore me.
It's like saying you're hungry when there's a hotdog on the ground outside.
Potato in bathing suit joke
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
I was walking past the graveyard late at night
and a couple of girls said to me "Is it all right if we walk with you? Walking through here at this time of night really freaks us out!"
I said, "Sure, I'm fine with that. It used to freak me out too, back when I was alive."
And you never saw anyone run so fast.
A little girl says to her mommy, instead of buying me clothes for my birthday can you send them to all of the little girls that haven't got any, you know the ones.
The ones on daddy's computer.
Since I've installed Adblock Plus
All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.
Girls used to call me ugly until they found out how much money I make.
Now they also call me poor.
I was walking home last night and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery
3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them I understand, I used to get freaked out too when I was alive.
Why are circumsized p**... so popular among Jewish girls?
They love anything that's 15% off
Just a joke lol