Girls Jokes

Following is our collection of adults humor and gurl one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Girls puns for adults, dirty boyz jokes or clean schoolboy gags for kids.

There is an abundance of mexican girl jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 81 funniest jokes on girls. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any for girls witze you can hear about girls.

The Best jokes about Girls

Girls who talks about girls' problems are great.

But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.

I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.

Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".

Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud..

But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.

I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.


That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1

Why are circumsized penises so popular among Jewish girls?

They love anything that's 15% off

Just a joke lol


Slutty girls are like Wal-Marts

Everyone makes fun of them but when you're inside one at 4am, you think "Thank God these are here"

I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night

It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next

My dad first talked to me about sex when I was going to college.


He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."

"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."

And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."

A lot of Russian girls are trying to hook up with American guys online.

But it's really just Putin trying to interfere with our erections.

My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!"

I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold

The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two sexy 17 year old daughters.

He says, Your father sent me up here to have sex with you.

One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!

The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?

The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!


Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind

I went to a pharmacy and asked for 50 condoms.

There were 2 girls behind me who started laughing. I turned around and looked them straight in the eyes and said, "make that 52".
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Now both of them have condom balloons :D

John was unable to choose between two girls...

So he asked his friend Gary for help deciding which girl to be with.

John: I'm devoted to Kate but Edith is my dream girl, she's all I've ever wanted.

Gary: Then you should be with Edith.

John: But I love Kate and could never leave her...

Gary: Then you should stay with Kate.

John: But I also want to be with Edith, I can't miss this opportunity!

Gary: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?'

The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'

Why do you always see teen girls in groups of three?

Because they literally can't even.

Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls...

I was in the women's bathroom.

A college professor asks all of his students to yell out stereotypes for a class project

For a class project, a college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.

"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.

"Sony!" Yells the blonde girl in the front.


A hero comes to a village...

The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. "There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it will come down and eat one of our virgin girls" the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.

At the pharmacy I asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing.

I turned around, looked them straight in the eyes and said, "Make that 52."ο»Ώ

Two boys are in the woods...

...They were walking when they noticed two girls getting naked in a nearby pond. One kid bolted the other way and the other one chased after him. "Why did you leave man! That was the prime opportunity for us to see naked chicks!" Then the other kid said "well, my mom said if I ever see a naked girl before I'm married, I'll turn to stone and I felt something getting hard!"

Why do white teenage girls always hang out in groups of 3, 5 or 7?

They just, like, literally can't even

LPT: How to pick up girls

Try this:

1. Acquire several dozen limes.
1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
1. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
1. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, "Sorry, I'm bad at Pickup Limes."

What is the difference between American teenage girls amd Muslim teenage girls? (Offensive)

American teenage girls get stoned BEFORE they have sex.

The reason why I only date black girls

is because I don't like meeting dads.

What's the difference between American girls and Middle Eastern girls?

American girls get stoned BEFORE they commit adultery.

Why does Kylo Ren never get girls?

Because for most of his life he's Ben Solo

My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again

And I don't know if I should tell him.

What's with girls having weird names nowadays?

I recently slept with a girl and after sex she was like "I'm Fifteen" I was like that's nice I'm Daniel.

I was walking home last night and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery

3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night so I agreed to let them walk along with me. I told them I understand, I used to get freaked out too when I was alive.

A little girl says to her mommy, instead of buying me clothes for my birthday can you send them to all of the little girls that haven't got any, you know the ones.

The ones on daddy's computer.

I used to be scared of pretty girls,

So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.

What's the difference between American girls and Iranian girls?

American girls get stoned BEFORE sex.

Six girls walking around naked sounds weird

Dozen tit?

Since I'm going away to college, my Dad sat me down to have a talk.

He said OK, Dan, you're going off to college. You're going to be living away from home, in a dorm, surrounded by beautiful girls. So I got you something from the drug store.

I said It's ok, Dad- I already know about condoms.

He's said No - anti-depressants.

What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?

"The girls get older, but he stays the same age"

-first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)

Why do white girls only travel in groups of 3, 5, and 7?

Because they literally can't even.

I like my girls like I like my Dumbledore

Head Masters

I was about to smoke weed with a couple cute Mexican girls...

I asked them if they had papers. They immediately ran off.

Why girls don't have willys

Little brother came into the kitchen and declared "mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow"

Girls used to call me ugly until they found out how much money I make.

Now they also call me poor.

Girls from England?

A guy walks into a bar and hears two women speaking in a British accent. He asks, "Are you ladies from England?" One says to him "No, it's Wales, you idiot!" So, then the guy says, "Okay, sorry. So, are you two whales from England?"

For Halloween I'm dressing up as a plate.

Girls love to do dishes.

My girlfriend asked me with how many girls I've slept with

"Only with you babe..." I replied

"Awww, really?"

"...Yeah, with the others I stayed awake."

My friend Jay recently had twin girls, and wanted to name them after him.

So I suggested Kaye and Elle.

My new girlfriend asked me how many girls I've slept with. "Eleven," I replied. "Wow! You must be a player," she laughed.

"No," I said, "I'm their coach."

Ever since I've downloaded Adblock, all the single girls in my area seem to have lost interest...

How to make girls feel safe in the hallways

I often find myself walking behind various girls while I'm going about my day and I'm always concerned I'm making them feel unsafe. So I like to remind myself not to walk like a rapist.

I find this works much better if I don't say it out loud.

My wife's fantasy is to be with another man. Mine is to have two girls at the same time.

She must have misunderstood because now we have twin daughters from the mailman

My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father.

But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

It's 80 degrees in San Francisco today.

Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their dicks.

Girls are like blackjack…

I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.

Since I installed adblock, my popularity with hot girls in my area has plummeted

Why is Santa Claus always so Jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live.

Potato in bathing suit joke

Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!Β 

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

Two biologists get married and have twin girls.

They name one Jessica and the other Control.

Girls treat me like God

They mostly forget I exist until they need help from me.

So..the wife and I were in town shopping....

..and as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.

I gently nudged my wife and said "I bet you wish you still had legs like that!".

She got really upset with me..in fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store.

I like my girls like my file system...

FAT and 16.

What is the best way to pick up American girls?

With a crane.

One of the girls in the office where I work is going to be having a baby.

I just haven't decided which one yet.

I used to go to Weight Watchers to meet women.

There were tons of girls there, just not very many.

Why do white girls always travel in odd numbers?

Because they literally can't even.

For me, getting girls is like spreading butter...

It's much easier with a knife.

Why do jews get their penises circumcised?

Because Jewish girls won't touch anything that's not 10% off

I lost my watch at a party.

After some intensive searching through the crowd, I spotted it lying on the floor. There was a guy standing on it. When I looked up, I saw the guy harassing a girl, touching her at all the wrong places. She obviously didn't approve. So I walked over there and punched this guy in the face. Nobody treats girls like that. Not on my watch.

A guy meets his buddy at the bar.

He says, "I don't want to brag, but when I walked in, those two girls by the door looked at me, then both said to each other, 'nine' ". His buddy said, "Really? When I walked in, they were speaking German!"

I was walking past the graveyard late at night

and a couple of girls said to me "Is it all right if we walk with you? Walking through here at this time of night really freaks us out!"

I said, "Sure, I'm fine with that. It used to freak me out too, back when I was alive."

And you never saw anyone run so fast.

What is the difference between a beautiful dress and a bottle of Whisky?

A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous...

A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous.

Why do teenage girls go to the bathroom in 3s and 5s?

Because they literally can't even.

I lent a girl an unbrella today

Which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

An elderly man walks into confession and says...

Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and eleven healthy grandchildren, and last night I had an affair with two 18 year old girls. I made love with both of them… twice.

The priest said, Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?

Never Father… I'm Jewish.

So then, why are you telling me?

I'm telling everybody!

Why don't Jewish girls study on their period?

Concentration Cramps

Would the person who schedules the girls at a brothel...

...be called the whore-ganizer?

Since I've installed Adblock Plus

All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.

Why is that when a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls he's a player

But when a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys it's your mom?

It's stupid when girls say they can't find a guy, yet they ignore me.

It's like saying you're hungry when there's a hotdog on the ground outside.

"Say something positive about gay men"

"Not only do they leave more girls for us, they take another dude with them"

I went to a restaurant.

Every table was occupied with couples,
there was no seat vacant.
I took out my phone and said loudly
"Dude, your girlfriend is here with someone else. Come here fast."

9 girls left their seats for me.

Getting girls to have sex with me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle.

Easy when I have a knife.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes