girlfriend Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious girlfriend stories

What are the best Girlfriend puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Girlfriend? Well here is a complete list of Girlfriend to have fun with:

My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

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My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.

I lost Interest in that relationship.

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Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?

Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.

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My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

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I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show.

I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.

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My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."

"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence

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My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being too good in bed...

After 2 minutes, all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

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My girlfriend always takes long showers after watching movies starring Chris Pratt

I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt.

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My girlfriend just emailed me

"thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative"

Does anyone know what "ternative" mean?

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My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic

I refused. If I'm going to have sex, its going to be on my own Accord

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My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!"

I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."

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The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, She's beautiful, isn't she? I said, If you think she's beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate.

He said, Why? Is she a stunner? I said, No, she's an optician.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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Had sex with my girlfriend a couple days ago..

My girlfriend and I had sex a couple of days ago.

She looked at me and said, "Turn the light off and stick it in my butt".

I guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool off first.

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Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card

She isn't sick, I just think she can get better

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I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukakke party.

Everyone came, you should have seen her face.

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My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess.

So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.

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My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That's the best I've done so far.

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"I love you lots snuggles" said my girlfriend

"And I love you tons" I replied.
"Wow fine, you don't have a nickname for me?" She said angrily.
Sometimes I swear the fat cunt's going deaf.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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My ex girlfriend used to have sex with fruit whenever she got stressed.

After we broke up, she went fucking bananas.

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My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

"Whatever means necessary," she replied.

"No it doesn't," I said.

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My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex.

My girlfriend insists that it says dyslexia but what does she know

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I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or go see Star Wars.

She said "I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out," but she pulled some strings and got me in.

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I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her personal trainer

Me: "Ok, this isn't working out"

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My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!"

I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."

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I have to tell my girlfriend that I don't like the fetish she's into...

But first I need to get some shit off my chest.

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The first time I had sex, it was in my parent's bedroom. My girlfriend giggled nervously and moaned, This is a bit awkward.


I grunted, Just ignore them.

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My girlfriend really changed after she became a vegan.

It's like I've never seen herbivore.

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My brother just updated his status to "I love my girlfriend <3".

I always knew he liked them young, but that is fucking ridiculous.

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My girlfriend and I began having sex at 1:58AM this morning and didn't stop until 3:01AM.

Thanks daylight savings!

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My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.

Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.

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My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

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My girlfriend said if I turned off the light, I could stick it in her ass.

After I tried, she freaked out and told me never again.

I guess the bulb was hot.

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My girlfriend said if this gets 100 votes we'll try anal.

So please don't vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.

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My girlfriend just text me, 'thespacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative'

Anybody know what 'ternative' means?

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I accidentally gave my girlfriend a glue stick instead of chapstick...

She's still not talking to me :(

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My girlfriend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo...

I had to put my foot down

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If Al Gore tried his hand as a musician, his album would be called...

**Algorithms.**

Girlfriend thought of this while doing dishes earlier.... I could hear her laughing to herself in the other room for almost 10 minutes.

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My girlfriend is weird, she always starts conversations with, "Are you even listening to me!"

Thanks, I'll be here all week.

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I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect..

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

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My girlfriend is a porn star!

She's going to be really mad when she finds out.

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What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.

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What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married?

Feyoncè

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1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships. I'm left wondering...

Is it my wife or my girlfriend that's cheating?

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What did the gamer say when his girlfriend asked what World of Warcraft and League of Legends were?

"Wow, lol"

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My girlfriend has the hottest ass in the world.

Me

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My buddy told me he had a threesome with his girlfriend and her twin.......

I asked how he could tell them apart. He said "Her brother has a mustache."

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CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best girlfriend jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty girlfriend gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these girlfriend jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

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