Girlfriend Jokes

Funniest Girlfriend Short Jokes

Short girlfriend jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The girlfriend humour may include short boyfriend jokes also.

1. My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
2. My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100. I lost Interest in that relationship.
3. Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words? Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
4. I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show. I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.
5. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
6. My girlfriend just emailed me "thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative"
   Does anyone know what "ternative" mean?
7. My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!" I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."
8. My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
9. My girlfriend broke up with me for being too un-American I saw it coming from a kilometre away
10. Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card She isn't sick, I just think she can get better

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Girlfriend One Liners

Which girlfriend one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with girlfriend? I can suggest the ones about female and daughter.

1. My girlfriend is like the square root of -100. A solid 10, but also imaginary.
2. My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair Guess who came crawling back
3. I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy It's not like I did anything
4. My last girlfriend said I was unnecessarily mysterious. Or did she?
5. My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike. I rode on, ruthlessly.
6. What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyónce
7. My girlfriend said I'm terrible in bed But it's unfair to make a conclusion in 17 seconds
8. My girlfriend accused me of cheating I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
9. My girlfriend says I'm hopeless at fixing appliances. Well she's in for a shock.
10. My deaf girlfriend just told me, We need to talk. That is not a good sign.
11. My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are But I laugh more.
12. At first, my girlfriend didn't want to get a brain transplant then I changed her mind
13. My girlfriend told me she will leave me if I don't support Trump... I said ok.. Biden
14. My girlfriend says I'm way too condescending… (That means I speak down to people)
15. A girlfriend is like a good US president I'd love to have one

My Girlfriend Jokes

Here is a list of funny my girlfriend jokes and even better my girlfriend puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukakke party. Everyone came, you should have seen her face.
• My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess. So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.
  
• My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one. She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
• My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?" "Whatever means necessary," she replied.
  "No it doesn't," I said.
• If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your.... Space x.
• My girlfriend really changed after she became a vegan. It's like I've never seen herbivore.
• I just found out my girlfriend just gave me an STD.... Looks like I'm gonorrhea-valuate the relationship
• My girlfriend just screamed at me for tickling my child's feet She said something about 'waiting until they're born'
• Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful. I just need to work out if that's my wife or my girlfriend
• My girlfriend asked me who my favorite vampire is. I replied, "The one from Sesame Street."
  She said, "He doesn't count."
  "Oh I assure you, he does."

Ex Girlfriend Jokes

Here is a list of funny ex girlfriend jokes and even better ex girlfriend puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again. MAN, I sure am LUCKY!
  I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!!!
• My girlfriend was really angry when I gave her a box of photos of all her old boyfriends for her birthday. I don't know why, she said she wanted an ex box.
• I saw my ex girlfriend at the other end of the museum hall, but I was too self conscious to say hello. There was too much history between us.
• My ex-girlfriend tried to humiliate me by telling all her friends I was terrible in bed. Imagine her surprise when they all disagreed.
• My stalker ex-girlfriend just threatened to kill herself if I didn't take her back. Isn't it great when problems solve themselves?
• My ex girlfriend was a beautiful woman... ... olive skin, green eyes, snakes for hair.
  But I had to break it off with her because she was constantly objectifying me.
• My ex girlfriend was an absolute treasure I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her
• My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again And I don't know if I should tell him.
• My girlfriend wanted me to be more like her ex. So I dumped her.
• I spent the last two years trying to find my ex girlfriend's killer. No one will do it.

Old Girlfriend Jokes

Here is a list of funny old girlfriend jokes and even better old girlfriend puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I am 51 and my girlfriend is 8 Months pregnant and I'm starting to panic a little. Do you think I am too old to be a dad?
• "How old is your girlfriend?" "She's52" "Haha, dude, she could be your mom!"
  "Yeah, actually it's yours"
• My girlfriend didn't believe me when I said I have the body of 20 year old Her opinion changed when I opened the freezer
• Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to children... Old girlfriends seem to get offended.
• What does the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend Flush
  I heard this from my 11 year old cousin, the look on his mom's face after he told me this made my day.
• My girlfriend is turning 32 years old...I've told her not to get her hopes up. After all..we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute."
  
  "thirty-second birthday."
• So my girlfriend wants to roleplay as a 14 year old... I told her "why bother? You'll be 14 in a few years anyway"
• On a scale of 1 to 10 How old is your girlfriend?
• I ran into my old girlfriend at the airport, boy she has a lot of baggage.
• My 35 year old friend and his 22 year old girlfriend had their meal out completely ruined by strangers judging them for their age gap. It completely ruined their 10 year anniversary.

Cheating Girlfriend Jokes

Here is a list of funny cheating girlfriend jokes and even better cheating girlfriend puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I've been cheating on my girlfriend with her twin, but it's OK because I can tell them apart. Brian has a moustache.
• Do you know how Chris Brown's girlfriend found out that he had been cheating on her? She found another girl's lipstick on his fist.
• Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said "You're a lot like a math exam."
  I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"
  She said, "No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."
• I told my girlfriend I think she's cheating on me. She told me I sound just like her husband.
• My girlfriend thinks I'm cheating on her, and I'm getting tired of it. She sounds just like my wife
• My girlfriend keeps insisting that I'm cheating on her. She's starting to sound like my wife.
• I read somewhere that 1 out of 3 people cheat I did the math, and there is a 5/9 chance that either my wife or my girlfriend is cheating on me.
• They told him: your girlfriend is cheating on you.. He wiped away his tears & asked : Which one ?
• Did you know that Stalin had a girlfriend that cheated on him? You know what, don't worry about it. She's out of the picture now anyway.
• My girlfriend found lipstick in my jacket pocket. I told her straight up I was cheating. There's no way that I was going to confess that I sell Avon

Hilarious Girlfriend Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about girlfriend you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean girl friend boy friend jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make girlfriend pranks.