Girlfriend Boyfriend Jokes
103 girlfriend boyfriend jokes and hilarious girlfriend boyfriend puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about girlfriend boyfriend that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Girlfriend Boyfriend Short Jokes
Short girlfriend boyfriend jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The girlfriend boyfriend humour may include short daughter boyfriend jokes also.
- My girlfriend was really angry when I gave her a box of photos of all her old boyfriends for her birthday. I don't know why, she said she wanted an ex box.
- Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day." Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
- I asked my girlfriend if looks and money were important to her when choosing a boyfriend... she said "Clearly not."
:-( - I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me... She calls me her sixty second lover....
- My parents My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.
- Why do so many guys have crazy girlfriend stories but no girls have crazy boyfriend stories? Because all girls with crazy boyfriend stories are dead.
- What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? 30 pounds.
OK Ladies - if you didn't like that - what's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes. - I finally found a girlfriend! She was lost untill she found me. I'm glad I could give her a ride to her boyfriend's house.
- Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?" Boy says... Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both."
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly." - Difference between GF & WIFE Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
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Girlfriend Boyfriend One Liners
Which girlfriend boyfriend one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with girlfriend boyfriend? I can suggest the ones about mean boyfriend and girl friend boy friend.
- No boyfriend = No problem No girlfriend = No expenses
- My girlfriend said I can become what ever I want... So I became her ex-boyfriend.
- They say 1 in 3 people cheat I don't know who to tell first my boyfriend or girlfriend
- Why did the melon boyfriend and girlfriend have a big wedding? Because they cantaloupe!
- I met a guy with a girlfriend in the arctic and a boyfriend in Antarctica... Bipolar
- What did the girlfriend say to her midget boyfriend? Go up on me
- Unlike all of you, I'm a loyal boyfriend I'll never cheat on my girlfriends!
- What question does the boyfriend ask the girlfriend the most ? Did it come yet ?
- FriEND, BoyfriEND, GirlfriEND... Only Communism doesn't have end... Stay safe kids
- Girlfriends taking about Boyfriends
- My girlfriend calls me eucalyptus Because she says I'm a koala tree boyfriend.
- :O Boyfriend: Am i a joke to you?
Girlfriend: Is that a rhetorical question? - What did the girlfriend, say to her boyfriend, when he showed up for sushi? Wha suh b?
Hilarious Girlfriend Boyfriend Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about girlfriend boyfriend you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sister boyfriend jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make girlfriend boyfriend pranks.
Boyfriend: "ILY."
Girlfriend: "Can you please say the words? It makes it better."
Boyfriend: "I'm leaving you."
Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both.
"
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly."
Boy: "Hey, I like you and I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend.
"
Girl: "I have a boyfriend."
Boy: "I have math test tomorrow."
Girl: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Boy: "I thought we were listing things we could cheat on."
Boyfriend: "ILY."
Girlfriend: "Can you please say the words? It makes it better."
Boyfriend: "I'm leaving you."
Girlfriend: Darling, will you give me a ring on our wedding day?
Boyfriend: Sure, what is your number?
A girlfriend walks out of the shower and says to her boyfriend, "Honey, I s**.
.. myself down there... Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?
Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?
A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
"
What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine's Day?"
"Well, I don't know" she answers shyly.
"OK, that I give you another year to think about it…"
My girlfriend told me that will change me.
I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
My friend's friend is my friend. My friend's girlfriend is my friend. My friend's boyfriend is just a s**....
A girlfriend decides to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is...
She proceeds to snitch him out to the police.
What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
30 pounds. (and then the female come-back):
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes!
Three Men Brag About Their Sons.
Three men are in a bar. They are talking about how great their sons are to their respective girlfriends. The first man says my son is an amazing pilot. He gave his girlfriend a plane as a gift he is the best. The second man says well my son happens to be a great carpenter he actually built his girlfriend a three story house. The final man says my son is gay but his boyfriend must really like him, he got a plane and a three story house from him.
Always diagnose before you treat...
A woman walks into the dermatologists office complaining about a rash on her chest. The doctor asks to take a look, so she removes her shirt, revealing a large, red 'H' on her skin. Believing this to be a case of contact dermatitis, the doctor asks her what could have caused this. "Well", she said, "when my boyfriend and I get it on, he likes to wear his Harvard sweatshirt." He notices that she is obviously allergic to the paint on her boyfriend's sweatshirt; she is treated with a steroid and sent her way.
A few days later another girl comes in with the same symptoms. This time she has a large 'M' on her chest. The doctor decides to act like a hot-shot and show off in front of the girl. "Let me guess" the doctor says, "Your boyfriend went to Michigan?" "No", the girl says, "but my girlfriend went to Wellesley."
A ghost couple were arguing...
"I don't believe a single word you tell me," the ghost girlfriend said to her ghost boyfriend, "I can see right through you!"
A girl asks her boyfriend
A girl asks her boyfriend about how she looks.
" You said your first girlfriend was very pretty and your second girlfriend was quite ugly, what do you think about me"
"Well, says the boyfriend, I think you are a bit of both"
"How" She asks
He replies" I think you're pretty ugly"
Lorraine and Clearly
A guy had an abusive girlfriend named Lorraine. Lorraine didn't know her boyfriend was cheating on her with a lovely girl named Clearly. In August Lorraine died. At the f**..., People wondered why the guy wasn't sad,and why he was so happy.
When they asked him why he was so happy at the f**... he sang....
" I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone !"
A blonde calls her boyfriend...
One day a man gets a call from his blond girlfriend.
"Hey Babe!"
"Listen, I need you to come over right now! I'm doing a puzzle and I think it's supposed to be a tiger but I just can't figure it out, I've been doing it for hours..."
The boyfriend was a little confused, as she didn't seem the type to buy a puzzle... But it was clear she was upset, so he made the trip over. He walked in to her apartment and saw her sitting on the floor, a blue box overturned and all the pieces arranged in random circles on the floor.
He looked at her for a while without saying anything, then just sighed and said, "Sweetie, lets get all these frosted flakes back in the box..."
How did the girlfriend satisfy her secretly gay boyfriend?
I don't know, I guess she really had him pegged.
What'd I tell my boyfriend after he broke up with me?
"Now that I'm one of your ex-girlfriends, I look forward to you actually flirting with me now!"
A boyfriend says to his girlfriend, "Baby, you're kind of like Charles Barkley..."
"...You've been on the team for so long and you're still not getting a ring! Happy Valentines day!"
Flovers Joke
A man comes home with a bokay of flowers for his girlfriend and she says "I guess I'll have to spread my legs now." And her boyfriend asks "Why, don't you have a vase?"
Blonde woman calls her boyfriend....
"Sweetie, I'm doing this jigsaw puzzle and can't figure it out, would you come and help me?" she says.
Boyfriend comes over, and asks "What is the puzzle of?"
"A rooster", she replies miserably, gesturing towards the table, "But I can't even figure out where to start."
Boyfriend looks at the table, takes his girlfriend by the hand and says "OK, let's sit down and have a cup of tea, and then we can start putting the cornflakes back in the box."
SNL Gold: Domestic Violence
A local county couple had an argument over a jar of salsa, which resulted in the girlfriend stabbing her boyfriend. But hey, you'd be mad too if he was jalpeno business.
Girlfriend: Tell me something to make me feel like a woman!
She said excitingly with a smile on her face..... tell me, tell me tell me she said as she wrapped her arms around her boyfriend but the boyfriend stands quietly..she says again come on tell me!
The boyfriend holds her close, looks deep into her eyes and then moves in closer and whispers: "you don't know how to park"
Girlfriend asking her Boyfriend about her looks
Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both."
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly."
Girlfriend asks her boyfriend if he is ok with l**....
Apparently "Only in HD" was not the answer she wanted.
A married couple come to the marriage counselor...
A married couple come to the marriage counselor. The wife complains:
- We were having a perfect marriage until his girlfriend started dating my boyfriend..
This is how my day went...
1. woke up
2. met a girl
3. became attracted
4. boyfriend and girlfriend.
But, instead it went 2,3,4,1.
A girlfriend and boyfriend are talking...
The girl says, "hey John, how do you spell p**...?'" He responds, "gosh honey, why do you need to know? That's an awfully big word for an 8 year old."
Boyfriend and Girlfriend
Boyfriend and Girlfriend are sitting in their apartment, the boy is playing Xbox One.
Boy: Why do you look so sad?
Girl: ...
Boy: Turns of his Xbox one.
Girl: Why did you stop playing?
Boy: Because there is something much better than my Xbox.....
Girl: *Blushes*
Boy: Turns on PS4.
What did the Muslim boyfriend tell his girlfriend when he saw her eating bacon?
That's Harambe.
My ex-girlfriends always come back to me.
To fix problems that their boyfriends can't fix.
A boyfriend and a girlfriend are taking on New Year's Eve
Girlfriend: What'cha doin'?
Boyfriend: Watching the ball drop on my laptop.
Girlfriend: Cool. What's your New Year's resolution?
Boyfriend: 1080p
A young couple are showering together
A young couple are showering when the girlfriend says, "Honey I want you to do something naughty."
The boyfriend agrees.
He then proceeds to drop shampoo in her left eye.
Valentine's Day Gift
A young lady was caught napping one afternoon on Valentine's Day. She woke up when she heard the doorbell.
"I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day," she said to her boyfriend. "What do you think it means?"
"You'll know for sure tonight," he replied.
That evening, the young man arrived with a small package and gave it to his girlfriend. Delighted, she opened it and found a book entitled "The meaning of dreams."
My mother said that I'm indecisive
I couldn't understand where that came from, so I asked people. "It's because you like both dogs and cats" said my boyfriend. "No, no, no. It's because she likes both tea and coffee" said my girlfriend.
Boy rockss
Boyfriend: Can you be the moon of my life?
Girlfriend: Awww Yes sweetheart...!
Boyfriend:Great!then stay 9,955,887.6 away from me..!! :P
Son: Dad I just got a girlfriend.
Dad: Good work son.
Sister: Daddy I just got a boyfriend
Dad: *Load's Shotgun*.
Girlfriend: "We're breaking up."
Boyfriend: "Why?"
Girlfriend: "You're always playing video games."
Boyfriend: "This is a s**... thing to *Fallout 4*."
All Credit goes to my friend
Today at the bar I told my girlfriend that she was cute...
She said: "I have a boyfriend".
A large car with chauffeur
A boyfriend is watching TV when his girlfriend walks into the room
Gf: "I want to go to the mall to go shopping, wanna bring me?"
Boyfriend sighs
Bf: "How would you like it if you went in a large car with a chauffeur?"
Gf: "That sounds great!"
Bf: "Well, the bus leaves in 5 minutes."
A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell
She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.
She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"
"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"
A young couple is getting ready to have s**... for the first time.
A young couple is getting ready to have s**... for the first time. The boyfriend asked his girlfriend, "Have you ever ridden a horse?"
She said, "Yes, I have."
Satisfied, he responded with, "So this will be just like riding a horse."
Suddenly, the woman's face looked horrified.
Concerned, the man asked his girlfriend what was wrong.
Tearfully, she responded with, "So it will be bumpy and uncomfortable?"
Another blonde joke
Boyfriend is driving down the street with his (blonde) girlfriend in the passenger seat. The boyfriend becomes concerned the turn signals are not working, so he asks his girlfriend to poke her head out the passenger side window to see if the right turn signal is functioning. She replies, "it's working, it's not working, it's working.."
3 men in a bar talking about there sons
The first man says my son is doing so well he just got a job as a doctor and just bought his girlfriend a new car.
The next man says my son is an engineer and he just took his girlfriend to the Bahamas.
The third guy says my son is a male stripper. One of his boyfriends just bought him a car and went to the Bahamas with the other one.
What did the girlfriend say when her boyfriend finally told her about his g**... f**...?
"Don't worry, I'm into what u**... to."
Olympic condoms (n**...)
A boyfriend buys Olympic colored condoms, and tells his girlfriend it's because there are 3 colors Gold, Silver and Bronze. He tells her "tonight i think i'll wear the gold" she replied "i wish you would wear the silver one". "Why?" the boyfriend asks. "It would be great if you came second for a change!"
A Muslim Couple decided to spend their day at the zoo.
They stopped at the Gorilla enclosure.
The Girlfriend then said, "The baby gorilla is soooo cute, I want to kiss it"
The Boyfriend then said. "No! That is Haram bae!!"
A couple planning their weekend...
Boyfriend: honey, i want to have a great weekend!
Girlfriend: yeah, me too! So see you on monday!
......
A jealous boyfriend.
A jealous boyfriend catches his girlfriend whispering quietly into her cell phone very late one night. Are you cheating? her angry boyfriend asks. Is there somebody else? The girlfriend laughs and replies, Do you really think I'd still be dating you if there were someone else?
Why do scubadivers roll backwards out of the boat?
If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.
Credit to my girlfriend and boyfriend. They the real heroes.
[Breaking up]
\[Breaking up\]
Girlfriend: I think we should-
\*remembers her boyfriend is blind\*
hear other people.
credits : @stephenjmolloy
I just saw a so called funny t-shirt which on the front says, I'm not gay , and on the back says, But my boyfriend is.
So I asked my girlfriend to please not wear it anymore.
My girlfriend is perfect in every way!
She is funny, has an amazing body, and is so beautiful when she is asleep.
Too bad she doesn't know I'm her boyfriend.
Smoking joke
Girlfriend: How many ciggerates do you smoke per day?
Boyfriend: 5 packs, give or take
Girlfriend: If you quit smoking, you could even buy a car in a year.
Boyfriend: huh...do you smoke?
Girlfriend: God, no.
Boyfriend: Where is your car?
What did the cheating girlfriend say when her boyfriend caught her having s**... with with his best friend?
"You've got a friend in me"
Girlfriend to boyfriend
GF - I'm sorry babe but i've cheated on you.
BF - I'm sorry aswell, I have also cheated on you.
GF - April fools day!
BF - Mine was on 24th March
Girlfriend: your friends must call you M 16.
Boyfriend: Why, because I'm like a rifle in bed?
Girlfriend: no, because you b**... in three seconds
How I lost my girlfriend?
My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.
A boyfriend is ending it up with his girlfriend on the phone......
Him: Babe, I'm breaking off with you. Your father threatened me yesterday.
Her: oh no! What did he say to you?
Him: he said "If you see my daughter ever again, I'll get a 12 inch iron rod and heat up half of it red hot and put the cold half up your a**..."
Her: why the cold half??
Him: so I won't be able to take it out!!
Girlfriend: Why do we need walkie-talkies? Our relationship is over.
Boyfriend: Our relationship is what? Over.
What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
About 40 pounds.
What's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
Daytime drinking
