girl Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious girl stories

What are the best Girl puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Girl? Well here is a complete list of Girl to have fun with:

My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

👍🏼

My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.

I lost Interest in that relationship.

👍🏼

Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?

Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.

👍🏼

My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

👍🏼

I met a Jewish girl and she asked for my number.

I told her we use names here.

👍🏼

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."

"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

👍🏼

Today at the gym I asked a girl what her new year's resolution was.

She said "Fuck you".

So I'm pretty excited for 2019.

👍🏼

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice...

Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

👍🏼

Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was.

She said "fuck you". So i'm pretty excited about 2017.

👍🏼

My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence

👍🏼

When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet

👍🏼

Girls who talks about girls' problems are great.

But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.

👍🏼

I was telling a girl I met in a bar last night about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born on just by feeling her tits.

"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

"Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on?"

"Yesterday?" I replied.

👍🏼

A little girl asks her mother, Mommy, how was I born?

Her mother, misty-eyed, smiled and replied: Once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The little seed grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it, and got so high that we fucked without a condom.

👍🏼

If a girl says she will be ready in 5 minutes she will.

No need to remind her every 15 minutes about it

👍🏼

My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

👍🏼

My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being too good in bed...

After 2 minutes, all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

👍🏼

My girlfriend always takes long showers after watching movies starring Chris Pratt

I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt.

👍🏼

My girlfriend just emailed me

"thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative"

Does anyone know what "ternative" mean?

👍🏼

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic

I refused. If I'm going to have sex, its going to be on my own Accord

👍🏼

Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud..

But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.

👍🏼

I met a Jewish girl and she asked for my number.

I told her we use names here.

👍🏼

Girl: "Come over"

Guy: "I'm coming over"

Girl: "We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over."

👍🏼

My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!"

I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."

👍🏼

My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

👍🏼

I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.


That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1

👍🏼

A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied,

"Thanks for the Baghdad"

👍🏼

My mother used to tuck me in every night

She always wanted a girl :(

👍🏼

Damn girl are you a newspaper?

Because there's a new issue with you every fucking day

👍🏼

Hey girl are you a newspaper?

Because there's a new issue with you every fucking day

👍🏼

Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card

She isn't sick, I just think she can get better

👍🏼

If i had $1 for every girl that didn't find me attractive..

.. they would eventually find me attractive

👍🏼

My wife said she wanted just one child of each gender

I told her "how about just one boy and one girl? I don't want to contribute to overpopulation."

👍🏼

My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess.

So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.

👍🏼

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she wont think twice..

Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

👍🏼

My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

👍🏼

A teenage girl was having sex with her boyfriend...

at her parent's house. Her father, after being woken by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out; and walks in on them.

"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry"

The dad being, a dad, replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!"

He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"

👍🏼

I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.


He said, NO!

I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.

He said, OK.

I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.

Bill Gates said, NO.

I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.

Bill Gates said, OK.

I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.

He said, NO.

I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.

He said, OK.

This is how politics works.

👍🏼

My ex girlfriend used to have sex with fruit whenever she got stressed.

After we broke up, she went fucking bananas.

👍🏼

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

"Whatever means necessary," she replied.

"No it doesn't," I said.

👍🏼

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive

They would eventually find me attractive.

👍🏼

A mormon was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,

"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".

👍🏼

My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!"

I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."

👍🏼

One day after sex, my girl told me she used to be a Christian.

Me: "It doesn't worry me at all, babe."

Her: "Awesome! I really so much prefer being a Christine."

👍🏼

You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water. If it sinks it's girl ant,

If it floats it's boy ant.

👍🏼

I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night

It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next

👍🏼

I have to tell my girlfriend that I don't like the fetish she's into...

But first I need to get some shit off my chest.

👍🏼

My girlfriend really changed after she became a vegan.

It's like I've never seen herbivore.

👍🏼

My girlfriend and I began having sex at 1:58AM this morning and didn't stop until 3:01AM.

Thanks daylight savings!

👍🏼

My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.

Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.

👍🏼

CONCLUSION

You've read some of the best girl jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty girl gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these girl jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

Can I save Girl jokes? You can do this from the Joko Jokes iPhone app. It is available for free download from the Apple App Store. Like your favorite jokes so we can rank them by their likes count. Every thumb matters for Joko Jokes' rankings.

How to share a Girl joke? You are free to share every Girl joke found on JokoJokes.com, share it on Facebook, Twitter or by email and have fun with friends and family.

JokoJokes