Girl Jokes
190 girl jokes and hilarious girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for the best girl jokes about dating, getting married and marrying your sweetheart? Look no further! This article has the perfect jokes for you and your kiddo, from flirty to funny. Get ready to laugh out loud!
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Funniest Girl Short Jokes
Short girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The girl humour may include short female jokes also.
- I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
- Call a girl beautiful 1,000 time and she won't think twice... Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget - When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
- Girls who talks about girls' problems are great. But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.
- I called two girls hipsters and got slapped. Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
- If a girl says she will be ready in 5 minutes she will. No need to remind her every 15 minutes about it
- Girl: "Come over" Guy: "I'm coming over"
Girl: "We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over."
- I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.
That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1 - A father in iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied, "Thanks for the Baghdad"
- If i had $1 for every girl that didn't find me attractive.. .. they would eventually find me attractive
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Girl One Liners
Which girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with girl? I can suggest the ones about boyfriend and daughter.
- My mother used to tuck me in every night She always wanted a girl :(
- Hey girl, are you a broken compass? Because I'm not really sure where I'm going with this
- I met a North African girl the other night, we spoke for hours. We just clicked.
- Pro-Tip: If a girl in a hot bikini DMs you about crypto Ignore him.
- I told this girl, "you're very average." She said, "that's mean."
- My town never changes population. Everytime a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
- Hey girl, are you a parked car in July? Because I want to leave a baby in you.
- I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels She didn't know I existed
- Why do teenage girls hang out in odd-numbered groups? Because they can't even.
- What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? A waist of time.
- Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls... I was in the women's bathroom.
- What does a girl want more than anything in the world? Nothing. She's fine.
- The reason why I only date black girls is because I don't like meeting dads.
- On the perfect date, what question do you ask a girl twice? So... Can I come inside?
- I like my girls like I like my Dumbledore Head Masters
Girl Boy Jokes
Here is a list of funny girl boy jokes and even better girl boy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife said she wanted just one child of each gender I told her "how about just one boy and one girl? I don't want to contribute to overpopulation."
- You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water. If it sinks it's girl ant, If it floats it's boy ant.
- There's a big difference between a boy or a girl saying I got through a whole box of tissues when I found out my 18 year old sister was adopted
- Girl: What are your plan for today? Boy: Me and a friend of mine are going to buy some glasses.
Girl: And after that?
Boy: And after that we'll see. - When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday... I'm starting to believe him.
- Hey girl, I heard you like bad boys Well not to brag or anything but
I'm bad at everything - Confucious say, "Is good for girl to meet boy in park... but is better for boy to park meat in girl."
- A girl asks a boy "What does your dad do for a living?'' He replies "He's a magician."
She asks "Is he good?"
He says "Yeah, he disappeared 8 years ago." - What's the difference between girl spaghetti and boy spaghetti? meatballs.
My 10 year old daughter just told me this and I had to share. - "Mom, before I was born did you want a boy or a girl?" "I wanted to pickup a fork that fell on the kitchen floor..."
Little Girl Jokes
Here is a list of funny little girl jokes and even better little girl puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A little girl asks her grandad... "Would you make a frog noise for me?"
The grandad, confused asks, "why?"
The little girl replies, "dad says when you croak we are all going to disneyland". - A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."
- "Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? " "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
- A little girl says to her mommy, instead of buying me clothes for my birthday can you send them to all of the little girls that haven't got any, you know the ones. The ones on daddy's computer.
- I got arrested the other day for holding a little girl's hand They wanted to know where the rest of her body was
- A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!" A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"
- The pastor asked a little girl why one should remain quiet in church The little girl replied 'because everyone is sleeping.'
- Most people think I'm sick and twisted... But I'm not! I have the heart of a little girl.
In a jar.
On my desk. - Why don't girls have willys... A little boy came running into the kitchen an declared, "Mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow."
- A little girl and a little boy were sitting in a bathtub together.. The little girl looks down and asks, "can I touch it?" He answers, "NO WAY- YOU ALREADY BROKE YOURS OFF!"
Blonde Girl Jokes
Here is a list of funny blonde girl jokes and even better blonde girl puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two blonde girls are celebrating at a table... The waiter comes by and asks "What are you celebrating?"
They say "We finished this puzzle in only 6 months! And the box says from 2 to 4 years!" - A blond girl turns on the radio and hears that 2 Brazilian men were killed As she starts to cry she asks "How many is a Brazilian?"
- A man sees a blonde girl staring intently at a ice cube in her hand The man asks the girl why she's staring at the ice cube and she responds, "I'm trying to figure out where it's leaking from."
- What sound does a blonde white girl make while meditating? "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?"
- Whats the difference between a blond girl and an elevator? An elevator only fits 5 people in it.
- Two blonde girl goes to a bar. The bartender asks: 'Are you sisters?'
The two blonde says: 'No, we aren't even catholics.' - Why did the blonde girl remove the bathroom door? So that she can't be spied on through a keyhole.
- "I'll have a cheeseburger with a large coke," The blonde girl requested. "Excuse me miss, this is a library."
^^"I'll ^^have ^^a ^^cheeseburger ^^with ^^a ^^large ^^coke," she whispered. - Where's the only place that blonde girls can have dark hair? Between their teeth.
- Hey, did you hear about the blonde girl who choked on a piece of plastic? She said that mannequin was one smooth talker.
School Girl Jokes
Here is a list of funny school girl jokes and even better school girl puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Girl named IKEA had to change her name to stop being picked on at school. However stop being picked on at school is arguably a worse choice.
- What's the difference between a group of Pakastani School Girls and a group of ISIS soldiers.. Don't ask me I just fly the drone.
- Why did the high school girl only answer questions 1, 3, 5 and 7 on her exam? Because she literally can't even.
- Pros of my high school years: I graduated top of my class, was voted prom king, and hooked up with the hottest girl in my grade. Cons of my high school years: my twin sister and I were homeschooled.
- So Trump is working with Putin on cybersecurity... In other news, the principal at my school is working with the boys to install a surveillance system to insure privacy in the girls' locker room.
- Two Dutch girls Two Dutch girls are riding their bicycles home from school one day. The first one says "I've never come this way before." And the other says "it's the cobblestones. "
- I hated the girls at my school They used to hit me with a ruler.. Slap me in the face. Basically did everything they could just to defend themselves.
- In a primary school... The teacher asks students to draw female reproductive system. A girl in the class puts her head down out of shyness. A boy looks at her and exclaims "Ma'am she's copying!".
- Did you hear about the kid who got caught looking into the girl's locker room? Well I heard he peeked in high school
- Three "facts" school taught me that turned out to be false 1. Pluto is a planet
2. You won't always have a calculator in your pocket
3. Girls don't like having their hair pulled
Cheeky Girl Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about girl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean male jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make girl pranks.
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.
I lost Interest in that relationship.
Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.
A solid 10, but also imaginary.
My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."
"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair
Guess who came crawling back
My girlfriend just emailed me
"thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative"
Does anyone know what "ternative" mean?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend tried to make me have s**... on the hood of her Honda Civic
I refused. If I'm going to have s**..., its going to be on my own Accord
My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!"
I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."
My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card
She isn't sick, I just think she can get better
My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess.
So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.
I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"
"Whatever means necessary," she replied.
"No it doesn't," I said.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A m**... was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,
"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".
I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night
It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
My girlfriend really changed after she became a vegan.
It's like I've never seen herbivore.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend and I began having s**... at 1:58AM this morning and didn't stop until 3:01AM.
Thanks daylight savings!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a t**..., which of her friends I would choose.
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.
When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
My girl keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!".
Always Tolkien in her sleep...
A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.
He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.
Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face
A boy paid a girl $10 to climb a flagpole...
She agrees and climbs the flagpole. When she gets home she tells her mother what happened. Her mother said "honey, he just wanted to see your underwear." The next day the same boy was standing by the flagpole and said "I will give you $20 to climb the flagpole." Again she agrees and climbs. She goes home and tells her mother "mom the boy paid me to climb the flagpole again, but I outsmarted him this time. I didn't wear any underwear."
Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan?
Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are
But I laugh more.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irish girl tells her mom she decided to be a p**....
her mom says "A WHAT"?!! The daughter says "a p**..." then the mom says "thank god... I thought you said a Protestant"
My girlfriend says I'm hopeless at fixing appliances.
Well she's in for a shock.
I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.
She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her.
It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating
I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
My girlfriend treats me like God
She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye
h**... uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind
Hey girl, are you the SAT?
Because I'd do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a 10 minute break in between for snacks. Then I'd stare at you for another 5-10 minutes thinking, "Wow, I really hope I don't screw this up."
My girlfriends parents are very religious.
The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.
I went up to this really cute homeless girl and asked if I could take her home
She looked ecstatic until I picked up her box and started walking away
My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?"
I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."
My girlfriend is so smart!
I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.
She answered: "What's up, honey?"
What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!
A girl walks into a dry cleaner
She drops off her dress and turns to leave. The owner says, "Come again!". She says, "No it was toothpaste this time."
A girl I met on tinder said "don't even bother talking to me if your height starts with 5"
Jokes on her, I'm 4'11
I dated a girl in a wheelchair
She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.
I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"
I took an epileptic girl to a rave
I jokingly told her, "I hear this place has rave reviews", but she just rolled her eyes at me.
My girlfriend "Dad joked" me on a hike.
I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike.
She said "I bet we couldn't understand them"
I said "why do you think that?"
She said "because they probably only bark"
She then laughed the next half mile down the trail barking occasionally and saying "shh, shh, do you hear that? Thats a tree talking in the distance"
I was on a blind date with this girl...
And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."
John was unable to choose between two girls...
So he asked his friend Gary for help deciding which girl to be with.
John: I'm devoted to Kate but Edith is my dream girl, she's all I've ever wanted.
Gary: Then you should be with Edith.
John: But I love Kate and could never leave her...
Gary: Then you should stay with Kate.
John: But I also want to be with Edith, I can't miss this opportunity!
Gary: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.
Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.
"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kate Dannaher?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"
"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."
Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"
He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."
The other day I told a girl, "You look great without glasses."
Girl: "I don't wear glasses."
Me, while polishing my lenses: "No, but I do."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend looked at me with her s**... eyes and said, "I want you to make me scream with your two fingers baby"
.... so I poked her in the eyes.
My girlfriend dumped me today saying I was too childish
But today is opposite day so it's all good
My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed:
Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN
Hey girl, are you an obelisk?
Because I'm trying to find out what an obelisk is through process of elimination.
I told a girl, "you look great without glasses"
She said, "but I don't wear glasses."
I replied, while polishing my lenses, "yeah, but I do."
How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting too fat?
If she fits in your wife's clothes.
My girlfriend and I broke up today
Her: "I just need time."
Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."
Her: "And distance, as well."
Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"
Her: "Go ahead."
Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was sitting on a train next to a hot Thai girl.
I thought to myself "Please don't get an e**..., please don't get an e**...."
But.....she did.
A girl once told me, If you lost about 50 pounds you'd be cute
I told her, if I lost 50 pounds I'd be talking to your friends!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?
The hippie girl gets s**... before s**....
My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike.
I rode on, ruthlessly.
At first, my girlfriend didn't want to get a brain transplant
then I changed her mind
Told a girl she looks better without her glasses on.
She said I also look better without her glasses on.
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf...
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girl friend is disabled. Now we wait.
Yesterday I sinned with an 18year old girl.
Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.
The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.
Man: And that frees me from my sin?
Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.
Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me whether I wanted to watch a movie. She said, What do you want to see?
Me: You pick.
Her: You pick.
Me: I don't care which movie. You pick.
Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day
She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton
My girlfriend just screamed at me for tickling my child's feet
She said something about 'waiting until they're born'
I'm tired of all these forced gender neutral terms
The girl I'm going out with insist on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.
She says Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.
Out of nowhere, her s**... sister comes in and sits by me.
She asks Do you want to have s**... before she gets back?
I got up and went straight to my car.
My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said I knew I could trust you.
Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.
