Following is our collection of flirty puns and boyo one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Girl jokes for adults, dirty cute jokes and clean beautiful dad gags for kids.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
I lost Interest in that relationship.
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
A solid 10, but also imaginary.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget
Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.
When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"
Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.
Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex.
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.
No need to remind her every 15 minutes about it
Guess who came crawling back
"thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative"
Does anyone know what "ternative" mean?
I refused. If I'm going to have sex, its going to be on my own Accord
But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.
Guy: "I'm coming over"
Girl: "We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over."
"I'm a turtle", he says.
"Oh... who's on your back?"
"That's Michelle", he replies.
I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."
-- Go bring me a beer and I'll tell you.
-- But mommy said you should stop drinking!
-- Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.
-- Oh, okay!
We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1
"Thanks for the Baghdad"
Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.
She always wanted a girl :(
Guy: I'm coming over
Girl: We should stop using Walkie-Talkies in bed over
In my defense it was doggy style so it's more like 14 minutes.
She isn't sick, I just think she can get better
.. they would eventually find me attractive
It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz
I told her "how about just one boy and one girl? I don't want to contribute to overpopulation."
So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.
She says Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.
Out of nowhere, her sexy sister comes in and sits by me.
She asks Do you want to have sex before she gets back?
I got up and went straight to my car.
My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said I knew I could trust you.
Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
"Whatever means necessary," she replied.
"No it doesn't," I said.
"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".
Me: "It doesn't worry me at all, babe."
Her: "Awesome! I really so much prefer being a Christine."
If it floats it's boy ant.
It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
It's like I've never seen herbivore.
Thanks daylight savings!
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
Ok I said You grab one end and I'll grab the other
She couldn't do either!
When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
Because I'm not really sure where I'm going with this
Always Tolkien in her sleep...
"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kate Dannaher?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"
"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."
Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"
He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."
She said something about 'waiting until they're born'
Try to act surprised
I SHOULD NEVER HAVE NAMED 2 FRIENDS!
She drops off her dress and turns to leave. The owner says, "Come again!". She says, "No it was toothpaste this time."
She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
The girl I'm going out with insist on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend
He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.
Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face
I told her, if I lost 50 pounds I'd be talking to your friends!
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific so I said
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
Because I'm trying to find out what an obelisk is through process of elimination.
Because every time I take them she goes away
.... so I poked her in the eyes.
I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.
She answered: "What's up, honey?"
What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!
"Woah where did you get such a nice bike?" his fellow engineering student asked.
"I was walking down the street last night and this girl on her bike came up to me started taking off her clothes and said 'its all yours' so I just took the bike" he said.
His friend replied "Good choice bro the clothes probably didn't even fit you"
I jokingly told her, "I hear this place has rave reviews", but she just rolled her eyes at me.
I thought to myself "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."
But.....she did.
We just clicked.
She broke up with me because I kept pushing her around.
I said, "why don't you stand up for yourself?"
She looked ecstatic until I picked up her box and started walking away
If she fits in your wife's clothes.
I rode on, ruthlessly.
Her: "I just need time."
Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."
Her: "And distance, as well."
Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"
Her: "Go ahead."
Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"
She said, "but I don't wear glasses."
I replied, while polishing my lenses, "yeah, but I do."
She said I also look better without her glasses on.
Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.
The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.
Man: And that frees me from my sin?
Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.
Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind
The hippie girl gets stoned before sex.
And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."
But today is opposite day so it's all good
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Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.