After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
I lost Interest in that relationship.
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
A solid 10, but also imaginary.
I told her we use names here.
"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
She said "Fuck you".
So I'm pretty excited for 2019.
Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget
She said "fuck you". So i'm pretty excited about 2017.
Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.
"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."
After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.
"Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on?"
"Yesterday?" I replied.
Her mother, misty-eyed, smiled and replied: Once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The little seed grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it, and got so high that we fucked without a condom.
I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Ryan Gosling
No need to remind her every 15 minutes about it
Guess who came crawling back
I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt.
"thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative"
Does anyone know what "ternative" mean?
I refused. If I'm going to have sex, its going to be on my own Accord
But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.
Guy: "I'm coming over"
Girl: "We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over."
I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."
We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1
"Thanks for the Baghdad"
She always wanted a girl :(
Because there's a new issue with you every fucking day
Because there's a new issue with you every fucking day
She isn't sick, I just think she can get better
.. they would eventually find me attractive
I told her "how about just one boy and one girl? I don't want to contribute to overpopulation."
So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.
at her parent's house. Her father, after being woken by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out; and walks in on them.
"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry"
The dad being, a dad, replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!"
He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
After we broke up, she went fucking bananas.
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