Gir Jokes
101 gir jokes and hilarious gir puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gir that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Gir Short Jokes
Short gir jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gir humour may include short jokes also.
- Wife asked why steak has to be a "manly" food . . . Told her that if it was a girly food, it would be a Ms. Steak.
- So a girl told santa what she wanted for christmas Santa:what do you want for Christmas?
Girl:I want a unicorn
Santa:be realistic
Girl:I want a boyfriend
Santa:what color do you want your unicorn? - At a bar. A guy approaches a girl at a bar.
Guy:Hey can I buy you a drink? I'm John.
Girl:I don't think so.
Guy:Who am I then?
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Gir One Liners
Which gir one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gir? I can suggest the ones about and .
- How do animals cross the ocean? On a Gir-raft.
- what do you call the lovechild between a Man & a Giraffe ? a German
^^^^^^Gir-man - What do you call someone who supports men showing their girly side? A femmenist
- My neutered cat has such a tiny girly voice Must be a catstratti
- A pregnant woman came in looking for a girly stroller So I kicker her in the stomach.
- Ay' girl,is your dad a t**... Cause you re da bomb
Gir Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about gir you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gir pranks.
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.
I lost Interest in that relationship.
Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100.
A solid 10, but also imaginary.
I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show.
I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.
My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."
"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
Call a girl beautiful 1,000 time and she won't think twice...
Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget
A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"
Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.
When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"
You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. Terry?! you say laughing, Terry's a girls name! Without any hesitation, Terry pulls out a gun and shoots you dead.
You have died of dissin' Terry :(
When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned
Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
Girls who talks about girls' problems are great.
But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.
I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.
Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
I was having s**... with my girlfriend, Diana, when my roommate, Jones, entered the room
Im indiana Jones, Get out
Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !
Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have s**....
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the c**... broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.
If a girl says she will be ready in 5 minutes she will.
No need to remind her every 15 minutes about it
My girlfriend broke up with me so I took her wheelchair
Guess who came crawling back
My girlfriend just emailed me
"thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative"
Does anyone know what "ternative" mean?
My girlfriend tried to make me have s**... on the hood of her Honda Civic
I refused. If I'm going to have s**..., its going to be on my own Accord
Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud..
But when a girl sleep with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.
Girl: "Come over"
Guy: "I'm coming over"
Girl: "We should stop using walkie talkies in bed, over."
A n**... man arrives at a costume party with a g**... his back.
"I'm a turtle", he says.
"Oh... who's on your back?"
"That's Michelle", he replies.
My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!"
I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."
The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, She's beautiful, isn't she? I said, If you think she's beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate.
He said, Why? Is she a stunner? I said, No, she's an optician.
A little girl asks her father: "Daddy, what is corruption?"
-- Go bring me a beer and I'll tell you.
-- But mommy said you should stop drinking!
-- Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.
-- Oh, okay!
My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.
That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1
My girlfriend broke up with me for being too un-American
I saw it coming from a kilometre away
A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied,
"Thanks for the Baghdad"
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.
My mother used to tuck me in every night
She always wanted a girl :(
Girl: Come over
Guy: I'm coming over
Girl: We should stop using Walkie-Talkies in bed over
Last night my girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed…
2 minutes later she told me all the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.
My girlfriend is mad because I could only last 2 minutes in bed
In my defense it was d**... so it's more like 14 minutes.
Why are circumsized p**... so popular among Jewish girls?
They love anything that's 15% off
Just a joke lol
Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card
She isn't sick, I just think she can get better
If i had $1 for every girl that didn't find me attractive..
.. they would eventually find me attractive
My wife asked me how she compared to past girlfriends...
So I told her she was the only one I had been with!
The others were all eights and nines.
My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning
It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz
My wife said she wanted just one child of each gender
I told her "how about just one boy and one girl? I don't want to contribute to overpopulation."
I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukakke party.
Everyone came, you should have seen her face.
Apparently my family is racist
I had them meet my new black girlfriend and they all started screaming at us. Especially my wife.
My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess.
So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.
My girlfriend invited me to her house to watch Netflix.
She says Stay here, I have to do laundry really quickly.
Out of nowhere, her s**... sister comes in and sits by me.
She asks Do you want to have s**... before she gets back?
I got up and went straight to my car.
My girlfriend was outside the door and hugged me, and said I knew I could trust you.
Moral of the story: always leave your condoms in the car.
s**... girls are like Wal-Marts
Everyone makes fun of them but when you're inside one at 4am, you think "Thank God these are here"
"I love you lots snuggles" said my girlfriend
"And I love you tons" I replied.
"Wow fine, you don't have a nickname for me?" She said angrily.
Sometimes I swear the fat c**...'s going deaf.
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one.
She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
I told my son, You will marry the girl I choose.
He said, NO!
I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter.
He said, OK.
I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates said, NO.
I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.
Bill Gates said, OK.
I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.
He said, NO.
I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.
He said, OK.
This is how politics works.
My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"
"Whatever means necessary," she replied.
"No it doesn't," I said.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily s**....
My girlfriend insists that it says dyslexia but what does she know
If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your....
Space x.
I told my girlfriend we can either have s**..., or go see Star Wars.
She said "I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out," but she pulled some strings and got me in.
Why don't h**... ever try reverse c**...?
Because you don't turn your back on family.
A m**... was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,
"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".
I walked in on my girlfriend having s**... with her personal trainer
Me: "Ok, this isn't working out"
One day after s**..., my girl told me she used to be a Christian.
Me: "It doesn't worry me at all, babe."
Her: "Awesome! I really so much prefer being a Christine."
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
Thank you honey, she says, Is there anything I can bring back for you?
He laughs, and says, An Italian girl!
When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, How was the trip?
Very good, she replies.
And what happened to my present?
Which present? she asks.
The one I asked for - an Italian girl!
Oh, that. I did what I could. We'll just have to wait 9 months to see if it's a girl.
You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water. If it sinks it's girl ant,
If it floats it's boy ant.
I slept with a girl who works at Netflix last night
It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
The first time I had s**..., it was in my parent's bedroom. My girlfriend giggled nervously and moaned, This is a bit awkward.
I grunted, Just ignore them.
I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy
It's not like I did anything
My girlfriend really changed after she became a vegan.
It's like I've never seen herbivore.
My brother just updated his status to "I love my girlfriend <3".
I always knew he liked them young, but that is f**... ridiculous.
My girlfriend and I began having s**... at 1:58AM this morning and didn't stop until 3:01AM.
Thanks daylight savings!
My dad first talked to me about s**... when I was going to college.
He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."
"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."
And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a t**..., which of her friends I would choose.
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
After kissing a g**... her sofa she said let's take this upstairs
Ok I said You grab one end and I'll grab the other
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.
When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
I just found out my girlfriend just gave me an STD....
Looks like I'm gonorrhea-valuate the relationship
Hey girl, are you a broken compass?
Because I'm not really sure where I'm going with this
My girl keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!".
Always Tolkien in her sleep...
Jane and Erica are talking in heaven
"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion."
"Too bad you didnt look in the freezer," said Erica, "Or we might both still be alive."
Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.
"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kate Dannaher?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"
"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."
Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"
He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."
My girlfriend just screamed at me for tickling my child's feet
She said something about 'waiting until they're born'
What do you do if your girlfriend tells you she's h**... Positive?
Try to act surprised
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a t**..., which of her friends I would choose...
I SHOULD NEVER HAVE NAMED 2 FRIENDS!
How many trans women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell her she's a lovely girl, and she'll brighten up the room instantly.
A girl walks into a dry cleaner
She drops off her dress and turns to leave. The owner says, "Come again!". She says, "No it was toothpaste this time."
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day
She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"
I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton