Gin Jokes
98 gin jokes and hilarious gin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for some joke to spice up your next gin-tasting session? Look no further! This article has the perfect selection of jokes about cotton gin, pink gin, sloe gin, cosbypolitan and jaeger drinks. Read on for a guaranteed laugh!
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Funniest Gin Short Jokes
Short gin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gin humour may include short alcoholic jokes also.
- A Polar Bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a gin and...... tonic." The Bartender asks "Why the big pause?" The polar bear replies, "I don't know, I've always had them."
- A bear walks into a bar. He says to the bartender "I'll have a gin...and tonic."
Bartender says "OK, but why the pause?"
"I was born with them." - A bear walks into a bar.. *Goes up to the bartender*
Bear: "Hi, I'd like a gin...................and tonic."
Bartender: "Sure, but what's with the big pause?"
*bear looks at own paws* - A bear walked into a bar... Waiter: What will it be pal?
Bear: Gin.....
....
....
and tonic
Waiter: Why the big pause?
Bear: I don't know. My dad had them too. - A fish walks into a bar. "What'll it be?" the bartender asks. "Gin? Whiskey?
"Water," the fish says, and collapses
----
^this ^is ^what ^you ^get ^when ^jokes ^are ^OC - A dog walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a gin and...tonic." The bartender says, "What's with the big pause?"
"I don't know," says the dog. "I guess I was just born with them." - Three golf clubs walk into a bar. The putter ordered a beer, the pitching wedge ordered a gin & tonic.
The barman asked the third one if he wanted anything,
He replied No thanks, I'm the driver . - A bear walks into a bar Bartender: " What will you have sir?"
Bear: "Gin............ and tonic."
Bartender: "Why the big pause?"
Bear: "I dont know my dad had them too." - I threw away a bottle of gin, but it kept showing back up in my liquor cabinet. Turns out it's 86-proof.
- A grasshopper walks in to a bar... He orders a gin and soda. The bartender says,
"You know we have a drink named after you."
The grasshopper looks around and says,
"You have a drink named Irving?"
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Gin One Liners
Which gin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gin? I can suggest the ones about whisky and whiskey.
- I'm on the Gin & Tonic diet and its going great.... so far I've lost 2 days.
- Gin and jinn are pronounced the same way. Both are spirits in a bottle.
- Gin is the Ionian mode of liquors... it will always resolve with tonic.
- "Git yer cotton pickin hands off a my gin." -Eli Whitney
- What's Darth Maul's favourite alcoholic beverage? *Qui-Gon* Gin
- What do you call a super watered down liquor with all the oxygen removed? Hydro-gin
- What does the band Toto say when it orders a gin tonic? Hold the lime!
- What do you call a drunk blue hedgehog? Gin and sonic.
- Why the gin break up with the tonic? Their relationship was on the rocks
- My mouth so dry... Eli Whitney walk up on me while I'm yawning and invent the cotton gin.
- They say alcohol makes you flirty... But I prefer my gin with platonic.
- What do people drink at Club Obi-Wan? Qui-Gon Gin.
- I am on a gin and tonic diet So far I lost 3 days
- I have a girlfriend.. Her name is Emma Gin Airy.
- What does a Geologist order at a bar? Gin & Tectonic..On the rocks.
Gin And Tonic Jokes
Here is a list of funny gin and tonic jokes and even better gin and tonic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Arnold Schoenberg walks into a bar The barman asks what he will have
Schoenberg replies, "I'll have gin, but no tonic" - Why do jazz musicians drink gin straight? Because they can never find the tonic.
- So a guy walks into a bar... He sits down and asks for a gin and tonic.
- I need a Gin and Tonic. Yes sir, we have state of the art gyms with tonic saunas at each location.
- Have you ever had a British Tonic? It's like a regular gin and tonic, just a bit more l**....
- That went about as well as i expected. "May i have a v**... gin and tonic?" "Whats v**...?" "It means without alcohol." "So you just want a tonic then?" "Yeah" "just a bottle of tonic then" "Yeah."
Cotton Gin Jokes
Here is a list of funny cotton gin jokes and even better cotton gin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you make a Snoop Dogg martini? One part Seagrams gin, one part cotton gin.
- The Cotton Gin... ...second best thing to happen to slaves.
Sloe Gin Jokes
Here is a list of funny sloe gin jokes and even better sloe gin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a cocktail of v**..., orange juice, sloe gin, and southern comfort? A slow, comfortable, screw.
Cheerful Fun Gin Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about gin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tonic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gin pranks.
A bear walks in to a bar and says, I'll have a gin and..........tonic. The bartender asks, Why the big pause? The bear looks down for a second and says, I don't know,
I guess I was just born this way.
DIVORCED & DRUNK
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.
His wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband. "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table. His wife asks, Do you know her?
Yes, sighs the husband. She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.
My God! says the wife. Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?
A polar bear walks into a bar
A polar bear walks into a bar. Bartender says "what can I get you?" Bear replies " I'd like a gin......... And tonic" Batender asks "Why the big pause?" The polar bear looks at his hands, turning them back and forth "I don't know, my dad had 'em too."
A polar bear walks into a bar
Bartender: What'll you have?
Polar bear: I'll have a gin and...................tonic.
Bartender: OK but why the big pause?
Polar bear looks down and says: I don't know...i was born with them.
My Grandma E-Mailed me this one
When you drink v**... over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink r**... over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends.
A bear walked into a bar...
A bear walked into a bar. The bartender asked, "What can I get for you?"
The bear replied "I'll have a gin....... and tonic"
The bartender said "OK, but what's with the pause?"
The bear said "I was born with them."
A polar bear walks into a bar and the bartender says...
A polar bear walks into a bar and the bartender says
What'll it be today?
The bear says give me a gin and.........................tonic
The bartender says sure thing but why the big pause?
The bear looks down and says I dunno? I was just born with them.
It's my cake day!
My Favorite Limerick
There once was a fellow McSweeney
Who put some gin on his w**...
Just to be couth
He added vermouth
And slipped his girlfriend a martini
Reality Check
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.
Do you know her? the wife asks.
Yes, the husband says. She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.
My goodness! the wife says. Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?
A bear walks into a bar and asks for a gin and............
.........tonic. The bartender says, "Okay, but why the big pause?" The bear looks down at his hands and replies, "I don't know, I was born with 'em."
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
A bear walks into a bar...
And says to the barman: "Give me a gin..."
.
.
.
"And tonic."
The barman, curious, asks while preparing the drink: "Hey mate, why the big pause?"
To what the bear replies "I don't know... I guess my father had them too".
Buying drinks at a bar
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
A polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a Gin ............................. and tonic please". The barman asks "What's with the big pause?"
To which the bear replies "I don't know, I've always had them".
Tom Collins practical joke
A man would approach someone on the street and ask: "Have you seen Tom Collins?"
The stranger would say soemthing like: "No. I've never met him."
"Perhaps you had better do so because Tom's calling you names and telling people that you're a b**... thief."
This would upset the second man, who would run off trying to look for Tom Collins. But he didn't exist.
Man walks into a bar with a cat under his arm.
He orders a gin for himself and a tonic water for his pet.
"I'll serve your gin, but I won't make him anything", says the barman, pointing at the kitty.
"Why not", asks the man
"I don't want to end up in an unresponsive stupor", the barman replies
"What are you on about?" says the man, "he's the one drinking it".
"Yeah, but that's what happens every time I get catatonic"
The wife came home with four cases of beer,
*The wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, a litre of v**..., two litres of gin, two bottles of whisky and two loaves of bread*
*"Are we expecting guests?" He asked.*
*"No," she replied.*
*"Then why did you buy so much bread..!!
A bear goes into a bar
walks up to the counter and blops down, doesn't say a word and after a while the bartender asks "what'll it be bud?"
The bear looks up from the counter and yes, "I think ill have..." and after 10 seconds goes, "a gin and tonic"
bartender nods and says, " well alright, but whats up with the pause."
Bear looks down and says, "what these? had em for years"
A bear walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll ya have?"
The bear says, "A gin and...."
"...Tonic."
The bartender says, "What's with the big pause?"
The bear holds them up and says, "I dunno, my father had them too."
A bear walks into a bar
He says to the bartender : "I'll have a gin... ... ... ... ... and tonic"
The confused bartender asks: "what's with the big pause"
"Oh these" *lifts up paws * "I was born with them"
A bear walks into a bar...
... goes up to the barman and says "I'd like a gin and tonic .............. and a packet of peanuts". The barman says "Sure, but why the big pause?". The bear holds up his hands and says, "These? Hey, I was born with them".
A customer at the restaurant I work at told me this one.
So a ham sandwich walks into a bar
He goes up to the bartender and says "gimme a gin and tonic"
The bartender looks at him and says
"I'm sorry but we don't serve food here"
Two friends are driving through a town...
They see a billboard saying:
v**... + water = kidney problems;
r**... + water = liver problems;
Whiskey + water = heart issues;
Gin + water = brain damage;
Says one to the other dude, looks like there are some serious issues with water supply in this town
So a bear walks into a bar...
So a bear walks into a bar and sits at a bar stool.
"What'll it be?" says the barkeep.
The bear responds with, "I'll have a gin and.......................tonic.".
"What's with the big pause?" asks the barkeep.
The bear, surprised, exclaims, "I'm a bear!!!"
It's my cake day so a joke for everyone
A polar bear walks into a bar and the bartender says
What'll it be today?
The bear says give me a gin and.........................tonic
The bartender says sure thing but why the big pause?
The bear looks down and says I dunno? I was just born with them.
Zwei Gin Bitte!
During World War 2, two German spies recieved an intensive training in English so they could do their job in London without causing suspicion.
To test their knowledge they enter a pub.
Spies: "Two gins, please!"
Bartender: "Dry?"
Spies (confused): "Nein, zwei!!
A polar bear goes into a bar . . .
. . .and says to the bartender: I'll have a Gin and… Tonic.
The bartender asks, Why the big pause?
And the polar bear replies, I don't know, I've always had them.
Its not my fault I have a double-chin... When God was giving out chins..
I thought he said Gin so I said I'll have a double.
Why does a pirate prefer to drink in a bar that serves r**..., instead of gin?
Because it has mo'lasses.
A polar bear walks into a bar.
The bartender says, What'll you have?
The polar bear says, I think I'll have a gin and ...................................................................... ............................................................................ tonic.
The bartender says, Ok, but why the big pause?
The polar bear says, I don't know, I was born with them.
A bear walks into a bar...
A bear walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender.
The bartender greets the bear, "Hey there! What can I get for you?"
The bear goes, "Umm, I'll have..."
The bartender checks his watch, waiting patiently for the bear's order.
Finally, the bear answers, "...a gin and tonic please."
The bartender replies, "Why the big pause?"
The customer retorts, looking slightly confused, "Because I'm a bear."
Donald Trump, Boris Johnson and Vladimir Putin go to a bar
Bartender (who is somewhat inexperienced) asks what they want to order.
Putin - "I'll have a V and C."
Bartender - "What's a V and C?"
Putin - "v**... and Coke."
Johnson - "I'll have a G and T."
Bartender - "What's a G and T?"
Johnson - "Gin and tonic."
Trump - "I'll have a 7 and 7."
Bartender - "What's a 7 and 7?"
Trump - "15."
A lot of different plants can be turned into alcohol and then used for trucking fuel. I tried this with juniper berries.
I call it gin diesel.
I'm planning on opening a combined cocktail bar and waxing salon.
I'm going to call it "Gin and Bare It".
There was an alcoholic Jedi who used the Jedi mind trick to get a drunk driving incident removed from his record.
They called him DUI-Gone Gin.
My new favorite drink is a Steve Bannon
It's straight gin, but you drink it at 8 am while shitposting on the internet.
Three Little old ladies are sitting on a park bench
1st lady: It's windy
2nd lady: No, it's Thursday
3rd lady: Me too, let's have some gin
Hey did you hear the one about the Mexican personal trainer suggesting gin in your diet?
He just wants you to Beefeater
What are Steve Bannon's favorite flowers?
Gin blossoms.
So what do you like to have your Gin with?
Depression.
A guy walks into a bar...
He sits down and says to the bartender "gimme somethin' cold and full of gin." The bartender replies "here, take my wife."
I was drinking gin for the first time when I realized...
I'm not supposed to lose my ginity until I'm married
What's the main ingredient in a Jedi martini?
Qui-Gon Gin
What do you call a Jedi who drank all the alcohol?
All-Gone Gin.
What do Jedi masters drink?
Mace windu will have a whiskey,
Yoda prefers a neat v**...,
And qui-gon, gin.
