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Gimme Jokes

64 gimme jokes and hilarious gimme puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gimme that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Gimme Short Jokes

Short gimme jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gimme humour may include short gonna give jokes also.

  1. A dog walks into a bar The dog says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!" The dog says, "They're hiring electricians at the circus?"
  2. Patient: "Gimme the bad news first!" Doctor: "You have AIDS."
    Patient: "What's the good news?"
    Doctor: "You have alzheimer's."
    Patient: "Well that's not so bad, at least I don't have AIDS."
  3. *mugger pulls a knife* Mugger: gimme your money
    Me: well this night took a SHARP turn
    *later*
    Doctor: it's a record for amount of stabs
  4. A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Gimme some Chapstick... ...and put it on my bill."
  5. Messy drinker A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, What'll you have? The skeleton says, Gimme a beer and a mop.
  6. So yet another snake walks into a bar... He asks the bartender,
    "Gimme a shot of Jack!"
    "No sir."
    "Well why not?" The snake said.
    "You can't hold your liquor!"
  7. I don't understand how do people steal jobs Like I've never seen a Mexican walking in a restaurant and be like ay gimme the dishes .
  8. A mushroom walks into a bar, puts down a $5 bill, says "Gimme a drink!" Bartender says "Get outta here, we don't serve your kind!"
    Mushroom says "Why not? I'm a fun guy!"
  9. Two mathematicians were chatting online... 1st mathematician: Gimme 5!
    2nd mathematician: 120
  10. A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, What'll you have?
    The skeleton says, Gimme a beer and a mop.

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Gimme One Liners

Which gimme one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gimme? I can suggest the ones about giveaway and giving.

  1. So, a cheerleader walks into a Starbucks... and shouts, "gimme a tea!"
  2. A skeleton walks into a bar Tells the bartender, "Gimme a beer and a mop."
  3. A skeleton walks into a bar ... ... He says " Gimme a beer -- and a mop ! "
  4. A skeleton walks into a bar... And says "gimme a beer and a mop."
  5. My Kit-Kat bar got stuck in the vending machine at work... ...gimme a break...
  6. Gimme chocolate! Or I scream.
  7. What's a hummingbird's favorite pickup line? "Gimme some sugar, baby!"
  8. What did biggie smalls say to the bard? Gimme the lute
  9. What did James Hetfield say when he go to the gas station? Gimme fuel
  10. What did Biggie Smalls say to the restaurant host? Gimme The Booth!
  11. What does a bully say to SpaceX? Gimme your launch money!
  12. What did the noose say to the depressed guy? Gimme some head.
  13. What does Janet Jackson say when she goes to the garden?!? GIMME A BEET.
  14. What did the atom say when it was robbing a bank? Gimme all your money or I'm gonna split
  15. Doc, i need pills against my greediness Gimme more! More!

Gimme joke, Doc, i need pills against my greediness

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about gimme can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of gimme puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Hilarious Gimme Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about gimme you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean give me a beer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make gimme prank.

Gimme your best Mickey Mouse/Disney character joke!

Going on a Disney Cruise and need your funniest, raunchiest or most n**... joke involving a Disney character.

The man says to the bartender...

"Gimme twelve shots of your finest whiskey, and fast!"
The bartender lines up a dozen shot glasses and as he fills them, the man starts to down them one after the other.
Shocked, the bartender asks, "What's the hurry, buddy?"
Between shots, the man replies, "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I've got."
Concerned, the bartender asks kindly, "What have you got, brother?"
The man downs the last shot and puts all his money on the table. "Fifty cents!"

A man walks up to a counter and says . . .

A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer."
"Ah," says the person behind the counter. "You must be Polish."
The customer becomes irate. "Now, just a minute," he says, "I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?"
"Well-"
"If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I'm Italian?"
"Well, no."
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I'm Irish?"
"No."
"Then why," said the customer, "are you assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?"
"Well . . . this is a hardware store."

A Man Walks Into A Bar.....

He says to the bartender gimme a shot of whiskey. He get's it and downs it. He then says get me a glass of whiskey, he get's that and downs it. Then he asks for a pint of whiskey, the bartender says "Well he won't down this one" the guy downs it. by now he's swaying and staggering, he then asks for two pints of whiskey. The bartender says "Why are you downing all these whiskeys so fast?" the guy replies "Because I've only got 50 pence"

Gimme a triple shot of Jack

A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender gimme a triple shot of Jack". The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another". The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".
As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"
The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having s**... with her."
The bartender says "Geez, what did you say?"
The man says, "I told him, BAD DOG!! BAD DOG!!"

Guy at the doctor's office.....

(Doc)...... "Mr Smith I have both *good* and *bad* news"
(Patient)... "Ok doc, gimme the *bad* news first"
(Doc) - "Well Mr. Smith, I'm afraid you have AIDS"
(Patient) - "Oh NO.....What's the *good* news doc?"
(Doc) - "Your cancer is eating it!!"

A customer at the restaurant I work at told me this one.

So a ham sandwich walks into a bar
He goes up to the bartender and says "gimme a gin and tonic"
The bartender looks at him and says
"I'm sorry but we don't serve food here"

Diminishing Return Joke (request)

Salesman: Lady, this vacuum cleaner will cut your house cleaning time in half.
Woman: Great, Gimme two of 'em!
*Does anyone know of any other jokes that demonstrate the Law of Diminishing returns? Its for a project I'm working on...

A guy rushes into a pharmacy run by prudes...

Goes straight to the register and says in a loud voice "Gimme one c**...."
The cashier lady is outraged. "Young man! You mind that tongue of yours!"
"Right. Gimme two condoms, then."

Cowboy walks into a bar.

A cowboy walks into a bar. He's wearing brown paper shirt, a brown paper vest, brown paper pants and a brown paper hat. "Gimme 5 shots of tequila", he demands. "You must be celebrating" the bartender said as he set up the shots. "yep, I just got out of prison", said the cowboy. "What were you in for"?, asked the bartender. The cowboy replied, "rustling".

A guy walks into a bar...

He sits down and says to the bartender "gimme somethin' cold and full of gin." The bartender replies "here, take my wife."

EA's pay to win system is actually a brilliant idea...

And if you'd like to know why, gimme $20. I may or may not tell you

Gimme a White Russian, Hold The Russian.

At an all-you-can-eat buffet, my nine-year-old was excited to find a chocolate milk machine. But her aunt did not approve. Chocolate milk for dinner? she asked.
It's delicious! said my daughter.
Her aunt shrugged. Well, its 8 a.m. somewhere.

A man walks into a bar with his arm covered in asphalt..

...and says to the bartender, "Gimme a beer, and one for the road"

An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp

An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp. The genie pops out and says "I will give you three wishes"
Irishman says "I want to live forever"
Genies nods and says "It is done. You will live forever"
Irishman says "I want a mug of beer that never runs out"
Genie nods and a bottomless beer mug appears in the guy's hand. Genie says "You have one more wish to use"
Irishman says "This is great! Gimme another one of these mugs"

An old man goes in for his annual checkup...

After some tests, the doctor comes in and tells him "I've got some bad news and some worse news, which do you want first?". The old man says "Gimme the worse news". Doc says "You've got cancer". Old man shakes his head and asks for the bad news. Doc says "You've got Alzheimer's". Old man hangs his head low for a moment, looks up at the doctor and says "At least I don't have cancer".

A man walks into a bar and says "Gimme a beer before it begins!".

He gets the beer, drinks it and says: "Gimme another one before it begins!" After drinking that one, he says "Another before it begins!".
The guy drinks a few more beers that way before the bartender asks him: "Who's paying for this?"
The guy replies: "And it begins..."

Me: man I reckon i'm the greatest procrastinator in the world, no one's better at procrastination than me

Friend: oh really? how about we have a contest
Me: yeah sure just gimme 5 minutes

OG Rolling Stones Joke

I was on another forum, the comments section of a political site. Somebody was talking about how the Rolling Stones still got it despite having gotten a lot older. So people were making up humorous OG-version Stones song titles, like "Limping Jack Flash" and "Gimme Fiber."
And then somebody said it:
>!"Hey! You! Get Offa My Lawn!"!<

Gonna start a petition to change Reddit's name

How does Re-post-ddit sound?
...sounds bad? Gimme some slack, it's hard to create original content on here

The dog says, "Gimme a beer."

The bartender says, "Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!" The dog says, "They're hiring electricians at the circus?"

Yo mama so fat...

When she hauls a**..., she has to make two trips.
Gimme your best yo mama jokes.

A man, frantic rushes up to the bar

Gimme twelve shots quick!! He says. The bartender starts pouring them out as the man starts slamming them. After the last shot the bartender says "d**...! You sure drank those fast!! The man says "buddy, you'd drink fast too, if you had what I got!" "Jeeze, what do you have bud?" The bartender says. The man says "about 75 cents".

my first day as a mugger [points gun]: gimme all your money!

**victim:** please, I have kids.
**me:** nah— I'd rather have the money.

A guy rushes into a bar out of breath and manages to excitedly utter to the bartender "Gimme 6 shots of whiskey quick"!

The bartender says "What's the hurry?" as he lays out the six shots. The guy starts downing the shots as fast as the bartender is filling them. As he is gulping down the last shot, he utters "Well you would drink fast too if you had what I have". The bartender says "well geez mister what do you have"? and the guy says "2 dollars".

A man asked God,

Man: Is it true that one billion years is like a second to you?
God: Yes, it is.
Man: Is it true that a billion dollars is like a penny to you?
God: Yes, it is.
Man: Then, could you please give me one penny then?
God: Sure, gimme a sec.

Dad and son octopus crossing the road, dad said to his son:

gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand, gimme your hand. (Courtesy of my 1st grader).

Two little kids.....

aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, Okay, you say a**...' and I'll say h**....'
All excited about their plan, they troop downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast. Aw, h**..., says the eight-year-old, gimme some Cheerios. His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother. What'll you have?
I dunno, quavers the six-year-old, but you can bet your a**... it ain't gonna be Cheerios.

drunk guy goes into a library

And says: GIMME A SMOKED COD N CHIPS!"
the librarian says "Sir this is a library!"
So the guy whispers: "sorry, gimme a smoked cod n chips"

The Best Medicine

A man went to his doctor and said, "You've got to check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh and you'll hear it!"
The doctor placed his ear against the man's thigh and heard, "Gimme $10! I really need $10!"
"How long has this been going on for?" the doctor asked.
"That's nothing!" the man said. "Put your ear up to my knee!"
The doctor put his ear up to the man's knee and heard, "I really need $20! Please give me $20!"
"Ah," the doctor said. "I know exactly what's wrong. Your leg appears to be broke in two places."

Gimme joke, The Best Medicine

jokes about gimme

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these gimme jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.