gilbert gottfried Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious gilbert gottfried puns

Two old men, Harold and Moe, are sitting in the park...

Harold says, "Moe, I'm old. I mean really old. I bet you couldn't even GUESS how old I am."

Moe says, "I'll tell you what, I'll guess your age. I just need you to pull down your pants."

Harold says, "I'm not pulling down my pants, we're in the middle of a park for Chrissake!"

Moe says, "Harold, just pull 'em down then I'll be able to tell your age."

Harold looks unsure, but figures what the hell, and pulls them down.

Moe says, "Now Harold, take down your underwear so I can get an accurate guess of your age."

Harold figures he's already got his pants down, and anybody looking would just think he was senile anyways. He takes down the underwear.

Moe says, "Now Harold, bend over and put 2 fingers in your ass."

Harold goes along with it, bends over, and shoves 2 fingers in his ass.

Moe says, "Harold, you're 95."

Harold says, "That's amazing, how could you tell my age from that?"

Moe says, "Eh, you told me yesterday."

(Gilbert Gottfried standup)

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Lottery- Gilbert Gottfried

A man comes home to his wife and says "Honey pack your bags I just won the lottery!" She says "What should I pack?" He says "I don't care just pack and get the fuck out!"

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A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm, waking his wife.

"This is the pig I've been fucking!" He announces. His wife says,"You moron, that's a sheep", and the farmer replies, "Shut the fuck up, I was talking to the sheep!" (Cred to Gilbert Gottfried, the comedy legend)

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Why did the lizard use viagra?

He had a reptile dysfunction!

Credit goes to Gilbert Gottfried

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A classic from Gilbert Gottfried

So a man sees a bar. There is a sign that says:

*Cheese Sandwich $1.50

*Handjobs $10

So he walks into the bar and [Insert friend name here] is the bartender.

He asks, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

The bartender answers, "Yes."

So the man says, "Bitch, clean your hands. I want a cheese sandwich."

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How do pants fit on a man with 5 penises?

Like a glove


-Gilbert Gottfried (shortened)

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What are the most funny Gilbert Gottfried jokes of all time ?

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