Gig Jokes

100 gig jokes and hilarious gig puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gig that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Short Gig Jokes
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Funniest Gig Short Jokes

Short gig jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gig humour may include short concert jokes also.

I went to an Oasis gig with my sister in 1995. When they came out onto the stage I shouted, "Go Oasis!"
Then my sister left.
I was once in a band called "1023MB , I thought we had potential, but we just couldn't get a gig.
What Ricky Gervais said after taking some digs at fat people at a show "I don't want fat people to feel uncomfortable at my gigs. So next time, buy two seats"
I got booed off of the stage at the start of my comedy act for saying that I still live with my parents... That's the last time I do a gig at an orphanage.
a graphic designer, an astrophysicist, a dentist and an electrician walk into a bar it was queen and they were playing their first gig
Life is hard in a band Me and the guys started a rock band, we call it 1023MB. But no matter how hard we look we cant find a gig.
Being an aspiring musician is like getting a contract with Verizon. 10 gigs for $80 a month
Why do accordion players always play on the edge of the stage? So they can be closer to their cars when the gig is over.
Had to quit my band after nobody came to any of our gigs. Going to miss the boys from "Private Function".
I said "My, what big eyes you have!" Followed by "My, what big hands you have!"
And then "My what big teeth you have!"
My charity gig for children with disabilities did not start out well.

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Gig One Liners

Which gig one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gig? I can suggest the ones about ska and megabytes.

My band is called 1023MB We haven't gotten a gig yet
We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes. We never made it to a gig.
I started a band with friends called 999 Megabytes Still haven't gotten a Gig though
There is a band called 1023MB Unfortunately, they haven't had any gigs yet.
There's a band called 1023MB It hasn't had any gigs yet.
I started a band call 999 megabytes We haven't got a gig yet.
My band is called 999 megabytes. We don't have any gigs. lol
Why the musician sold his computer... Not enough gigs.
I'm in a band called 1023 Megabytes. We haven't made it to a gig yet.
Have you heard of the band 999 megabytes? Probably not, they haven't got a gig yet
Have you heard of the band 1023 Megabytes? They've never had any gigs.
I started a new band called 1023MB We still haven't got a gig.
Why did the Canadian DJ turn down the gig at the local Y? Because why emcee, eh?
Have you heard about the band called "1023 Megabytes?" They haven't made it to a gig yet.
My friend is in a band called 1023 megabytes They dont have a gig yet tho

Charming Humor Gig Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about gig you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tunes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gig pranks.

I was once on in a band called 1023MB

We were so close to our first GIG

(edited - XXXX MB is 1 GB. Its a binary joke and yes, it makes sense)
(edit 2 - KiB, MiB and GiB can toss it, 1111111111 )

A fifteen year old kid gets an upright bass and starts to take lessons.

After his first lesson, his dad asks him, "what did you learn today?" "I learned to play the A note." After his second lesson his dad asks again, and he responds "I learned to play the D note." After his third lesson his dad asks again and he responds, "I learned to play the E note." After the fourth lesson his dad asks, and the kid responds, "I don't need lessons anymore. I've got a gig with a bluegrass band."

A bass player joke.

A dad gets his son a bass and lessons for his birthday. When the son comes home from his first lesson dad asks, " what did you learn at your first bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4...5 notes on the E string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your second bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4..5 notes on the A string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your third bass lesson son?"
"I blew it off I had a gig."

I used to know a guy who was in a band called 999 megabytes.

They were pretty good but they never made a gig.

After the resurrection, Jesus was hanging out with Peter, fishing.......

Jesus says, "I feel like performing a miracle. What should I do?"
Peter says, "How about the walking-on-water gig?"
Jesus agrees, steps out of the boat, and slowly starts sinking as he walks around.
Peter helps him back into the boat and asks, "Why didn't it work this time?"
Jesus replies, "I'm not sure, maybe it's the holes in my feet."

I've just started a new band..

We are called '999 Megabytes'.....we have not done a gig yet.

A man decides he wants to learn to play bass.

He signs up for lessons and the first day the instructor says to him "today we're learning E." and he just plays E over and over again. The next lesson the instructor says he'll be teaching him A and he plays A over and over again. The third lesson is D and he plays D over and over again. At the end of the lesson the instructor says "next lesson we'll learn G" but the guy replies "I can't make the next lesson, I have a gig."

My band and I had our first significant gig tonight, but afterwards I realized that it would have been way cooler with a fog machine...

It was a huge mist opportunity.

I formed a band called '999 megabytes'

We haven't found a gig yet.

What does a guitarist say when he gets to his gig?

"...Would you like fries with that?"

A Bass Teacher is excited about getting a new, young student.

The kid is comes in for his first lesson and learns all the notes on the E string.
Next week he comes in and the instructor shows him all of the notes on the A string.
The third week comes, the teacher is waiting, but the kid never shows up. Annoyed, he calls him to see where he is.
The kid picks up and says,
"Oh, sorry man, I got a gig..."

A bass player runs into a bar...

where the guitar player and the singer are busy setting up. Breathless, he says "We've got a big problem! I locked my keys in the van!" "Whatever, man" says the singer, "We've got a gig to do, we'll worry about it later." "No, you don't understand" said the bassist, "the drummer is trapped inside!"

Have you heard of that new band 1023 Megabytes ?

They're pretty good, but they don't have a gig just yet.
Edit !: just woke up and i feel like the comments are funnier than my joke :(

I'm part of a big band group called The Megabytes.

Our thousandth member recently joined, finally readying us for our debut live performance.
It'll be our first gig.

I did a gig at statistics seminar. Told 100 jokes to try and make people laugh.

No pun in ten did.

I got booed off stage for saying I still live with my mum...

Never doing a charity gig for an orphanage again...

My band

My band "coldplay Secret Show" played a sold out gig tonight in front of 400 angry people.

Did you hear about the band called 1024mb?

They haven't got a gig yet

A man wins big...

*pardon if this is a repost*
A gig worker hits a convenience store on the way home, and buys some juice, a sausage croissant, and a scratcher. Once outside he scratches the card, and wins $400 dollars. The guy collects his winnings and heads home.
When he arrives, he asks his wife "What would you do if I won the lottery?"
She replies "I'd take half the money and leave you."
"Great! I just won $200 tonight, here's $100 -- enjoy your half."

I used to be in a band called 500Mb......

But we had to break up because we couldn't get a gig.

I used to be in a band...

Called 999 megabytes.
Never got a gig though.

I got a job at the s**... club.

"I help the girls get dressed and undressed."
"Great gig. How much?"
"Twenty dollars a day."
"That's not very much."
"It's all I can afford."

What's the difference between a dead squirrel and a dead t**... player on the side of the road?

The squirrel was on his way to a gig.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is retiring from doing films.

He already has a new gig in mind. He wants to be an exterminator.

Did you hear about the band called 999mb?

I heard they haven't got a gig yet

A Comedian Walks onto A Stage and Says...

I did a gig recently where I got booed off stage for saying that I live at home with my parents. As soon as I said it the whole audience starts shouting: Booooo! That's the last time I do a charity gig for an orphanage

My rock band got a gig at the baseball game.

I played first bass.

Did you hear about the band called 1023MB?

They're good, but they haven't got a gig yet.

So I recently discovered this band called 1023MB, they're great and all but....

They've never had a gig.

Why do drummers carry transparent lunchboxes?

So they know if they are going to the gig, or coming from it.
Ta-boom!

There is a band called '900 mb'

They have never had a gig

Have you ever heard the band 1023MB?

Probably not, they've never made a gig.

I was going to tell a cereal joke at my first stand-up gig

But it was too corny, so I flaked.

50 Cent is a very insightful person. Wherever he goes, he tailors his shows to be inoffensive to local cultures and customs.

At his latest gig in Harare he performed under the name "4 Billion Dollars".

The Apple iPod says that 1 gig is enough for 250 songs.

But if I played 250 songs at a gig, the crowd would leave.

A friend of mine, a performing arts student, was recently killed in an accident in Toronto…

He was putting himself through school by working as a birthday clown and he had to take the subway to get around. He was going to his next gig and his floppy shoes caught on his baggy trousers and, since he was a little too close to the edge, he fell in front of the train. We have tried to get the transit commission to adjust the signage but they won't do anything. They said he was just another victim of circus-pants.

A r**... mistook his own foot for a flounder while flounder gigging...

Later at the hospital, he was chatting with the doctor as the doctor was stitching him up. The doctor was also an avid fisherman too.
Doctor: I see you were using a double pronged gig.
r**...: No, I use a single prong gig.
Doctor: Then why am I stitching up two holes?
r**...: Well the first one is from the gig, the second is from where I tried to put it on the s**....

I tried to start a band called "999 megs"!

Never did get a gig :(

My electricians a great guy. I told him I was worried about my set for my upcoming standup gig and couldn't figure out what material to use.

He just stared me in the eyes and said, "it's all about the crowds energy, joule know watt to use"

"My new band's name is 1023 MB"

"Awesome! When are you guys playing?"
"I don't know. We don't have a gig yet."
Ba Dum Tss...

I never feel entirely comfortable leaving a music gig...

It's disconcerting.

So, this ventriloquist's doing a gig at a pub and has people rolling over their seats laughing.

At one point, he delivers an Irish joke, and a man in the crowd gets up, points at him, and roars: 'What's ye's telling them offenshev jokes, for?! Some of us here are Paddys, boy-o!'
The ventroloquist stops, turns to the man and says: 'I'm sorry, sir, I was just telling a joke. I didn't mean to offend you so. I'll keep it clean of offensive jokes from now on.'
And the p**... goes: 'Who's talkin' to ye's?! I was shpeakin' to the man on your lap!'

What's the difference between a t**... player and a dead frog on the side of the road?

The frog was probably headed to a gig.

A teenager gets a bass guitar and a month of lessons for his birthday

After he comes home from his first lesson, his mother asks:
What did you learn in your first lesson?
I learned all the notes on the E string!
The next week he comes home and mom asks:
What did you learn this week?
I learned all the notes on the A string!
After the third week the son returns home rather late and his mother asks again:
What did you learn this week?
I couldn't make it, I had a gig

A double bass player

A double bass player gets a call for a gig. Says he has to meet everyone else at the docks at 9pm. He's there waiting when he gets bashed on the head and knocked unconscious.
He wakes up ducked taped to his bass, floating in the harbour. After his first panic fades he looks around and notices several other players also ducked taped to their basses, bobbing in the water.
After a pause he yells out "Hey, do we get fed on this gig?"
"We did last year!" one answers.

I'm in a band called 1023 megabytes.

People don't believe me when I say we've got a gig.

I used to be in a band called 1023mb

But we never got a gig

Why did the bass player miss his second lesson?

He had a gig that night.

A magician and the parrot

There was a magician on a cruise ship. He started off having a good gig, until the captains parrot started spoiling the tricks after watching them over and over. One day the ship sinks. And the only two survivors are the magician and the parrot. After sitting in the row boat for a couple of days. The parrot asks "Alright. What did you do with the ship?"

I had booked a U2 for my wife's birthday party...

Unfortunately they had to cancel. Luckily I found a replacement at the last minute. This new guy was amazing. He looked the part, sang all the songs exactly, and even his mannerisms were spot on.
After the party I went up to the replacement and asked how much I owed him for the gig. He said, "Don't worry mate, I'm pro Bono."

My boss fired me today for accidentally deleting over 1000MB of important files

He told me I lost the gig...

A new band called 1025 MB is playing soon

They just barely got a gig

Me and my friends started a band called 1,023 Megabytes...

We haven't gotten a gig yet.

A banjo player returns home after a gig one evening...

Parking his car by his housing, he realizes he forgot to bring in with him his banjo from the backseat. He let's it go, thinking it'll probably be there in the morning still. Next morning he approaches his car, and notices that the rear window of his car has been smashed in! Uproared, he rushes to the car, and what does he find once he gets there? Two banjos in the backseat.

I started a band called 999 Megabytes

Still haven't gotten a gig yet.

I named my recently formed band '999 Megabytes'

We still haven't got a gig...

I started a garage band called Insufficient Memory

We really need a gig.

After working a construction site in the blistering heat all summer, it made me really miss my old gig.

Because 7/11 was an inside job.

J.K. Rowling started out writing children's literature. Then she tried her hand at writing books for grown-ups. Now she's back to writing for children.

Apparently Twitter's her new gig.

I just joined a band called 1023 Megabytes.