Gift Jokes
160 gift jokes and hilarious gift puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gift that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you’re looking for a laugh and have a knack for clever gift jokes, this article is for you! From funny Christmas gift ideas and wedding gift gags to outrageous birthday giveaway and housewarming gift, we'll give you the inside scoop on how to use the most popular Myrrh references for a joke that’s sure to get some chuckles.
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Funniest Gift Short Jokes
Short gift jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gift humour may include short goods jokes also.
- A father in iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied, "Thanks for the Baghdad"
- My boyfriend doesn't know me at all, he keeps giving me birds as gifts, and I don't understand it. Should we break up?
- Why do chinese people love IPhones and Apple products? Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.
(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post) - I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary... I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.
- I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.
- TIL that I was born exactly 9 months after my Dad's 32nd birthday... and my mom gives awful birthday gifts.
- Wife: I am going to London for 5 days, what should I get you on my way back? Husband: A cute British girl.
\*wife returns from London\*
Husband: Where is my gift?
Wife: Wait nine months. - My friend went on holiday to Havana... ...and asked me what gift I would like him to get for me. I said get me "something Cuban", but he got me a Che Guevara t shirt.
Clothes, but no cigar. - Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents. - I dressed up as a gifted kid for Halloween. When my neighbors asked what I was supposed to be, I sadly replied, "I was supposed to be a lot of things..."
Share These Gift Jokes With Friends
Gift One Liners
Which gift one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gift? I can suggest the ones about reward and award.
- Why was the anti-vaxxer's 3 year old crying? They were having a mid-life crisis.
- Mom, why am I getting christmas gifts in July? Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
- What do you call a politician with half a brain? Gifted.
- My biggest talent is that, I can always tell what's in a wrapped box it's a gift.
- Wife: "You always get the worst anniversary gifts." Husband: "You didn't say over. Over."
- I got an iPad from my chinese friend... I love homemade gifts!
- A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a handbag She said thanks for the baghdad
- Got a $100 Nike gift card Can't wait to buy that one pair of socks
- What's the worst type of tree to give as a wedding gift? An adult tree
- My grandfather died at auschwitz He had a heart attack after he saw the gift shop prices.
- The best gift I ever received was a broken drum you can't beat that.
- Apparently Michael Jackson was also a gifted baseball player. He was big in the minors.
- Want to know why I like space heaters? "They make great housewarming gifts"
- Kids may be a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.
- Why did Jim buy his friend a space heater? It was a housewarming gift!
Christmas Gift Jokes
Here is a list of funny christmas gift jokes and even better christmas gift puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I received a rolex for Christmas from the lesbian couple who live next door. Now, while I am happy with the gift, I guess they didn`t quite understand what I meant when I told them, "I wanna watch".
- Why was the letter E the only letter to get Christmas gifts? Because all the other letters were "not E"
- A broken drum is the best gift for Christmas You just can't beat it.
On the other hand, a wife would be the worst gift because you definitely can... - I ground up my ctrl key and gift wrapped it. The card reads: This is ground ctrl.
TO: Major Tom
(Merry Christmas David Bowie!) - Amazon is a lot like Santa Clause It brings gifts to our homes, gets busy around christmas and is very eager for our cookies.
- My Chinese roommate and I decided to give each other homemade christmas gifts this year! I'm hoping for an iPad!
- This year, I'm going to save money on Christmas gifts by bringing up politics during Thanksgiving dinner.
- Why was Kanye's Christmas gift to Kim spoiled? Because he's a bad wrapper
- Nick Cannon one tried gifting Mariah Carey a parcel of land for the holidays but she wasn't happy. She told me, I don't want a lot for Christmas.
- Eminem needs to release an aftershave and shower gel gift set for Christmas Eminessence and Marshal Lathers.
Birthday Gift Jokes
Here is a list of funny birthday gift jokes and even better birthday gift puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife said she wanted her birthday gift to go from 0-200 in less than ten seconds... ...so I bought her a bathroom scale.
- The lesbian couple across the street got me a Rolex for my birthday It's beautiful and a very thoughtful gift, but I think they miss understood me when I said I wanna watch .
- For my birthday, I got gifted a sticky deck of cards. I'm having a hard time dealing with it.
- For her birthday, the only gift I got my wife is an alarm clock that swears at her instead of beeping. She's in for a rude awakening.
- I saw a little kid crying. He told me he lost the $200 he had saved for his mom's birthday gift. So I opened my wallet and gave him $40 Why not? Just five minutes earlier, I found ten $20 bills!
- Buying a hoarder a birthday gift has its ups and downs... On one hand, they already have everything. On the other, they'll always cherish your present.
- For my birthday I wanted something that could go 0-200 in 5 seconds or less. My wife said she had the perfect gift idea A bathroom scale wasn't what I had in mind
- Today is my birthday, and my lesbian neighbors decided to gift me a Rolex. I don't think they quite understood when I said "I wanna watch".
- What Did the King say When the Queen Gifted him a Fool for his Birthday "I've no use for one of these... But it was a nice jester"
- I bought my wife a refrigerator for her birthday. I know it's not the best gift in the world, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.
Gift Wrap Jokes
Here is a list of funny gift wrap jokes and even better gift wrap puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My biggest talent is always being able to tell what's in a wrapped present It's a gift.
- Not to brag, but I have a psychic ability of guessing what is inside a wrapped present. You can say....It's a gift.
- What is a Christmas gift’s favorite type of music? Wrap.
- Why did the man wrap his house in gift wrap? He was told he'd be happy if he started living in the present.
- I tried wrapping all the presents this year But I just don't have the gift.
- I tried wrapping Christmas presents.. But I just didn't have the gift
- I'm going to cover my whole body in gift-wrap. Then I can say I'm truly living in the present.
- My friend is really good at wrapping presents …you could say he's gifted
- I'm really good at wrapping presents. It's a gift.
- If you were to wrap a cloud as a gift, what would you wrap it with? A RAINBOW!
Gift Card Jokes
Here is a list of funny gift card jokes and even better gift card puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Buying yourself an Uber gift card is ironic. Cause it's a free ride when you've already paid.
- For fathers day, I bought my dad a $100 gift card to the Apple Store... He said "Thanks for the phone charger, son."
- The Lord said to John "Come forth and recieve eternal life" But John came in fifth and won a Best Buy gift card.
- My most dad joke for real life eye rolls. *giving someone a gift card for a specific shop*
Don't spend it all in one place! ;) - And so the Lord said unto John, come forth, and you shall receive the gift of eternal life. But John came fifth, and received a $10 subway gift card
- Brooks Brothers just filed for bankruptcy so now I might never be able to use this $50 gift card on one sock.
- My dad bought me an amazon gift card for my birthday recently He told me not to spend it all in one place though
- The guy who stole the spotify gift cards got caught He got 6 months.
- What does this joke mean from jimmy kimmel show? Bed Bath & Beyond is currently offering store credit in exchange for Toys RUs gift cards. Said kids, Umm… I guess the whiskey decanter?
- My mom gave me her credit card to buy her a gift for mothers day She said if I buy anything expensive on eBay she'll smash my head on the keyboarkqkrjfhufjffitufltudduyldrysgldzkteydculfdylyxdhdyd
Wedding Gift Jokes
Here is a list of funny wedding gift jokes and even better wedding gift puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I got an wedding invite that said, We are not accepting any gifts. Your presence on our special day is a gift in itself. Reading it, I realized that I wasn't invited.
- Saved some money on the gift, though! I recently received an invitation to a wedding that would have been difficult to attend.
In hindsight, "Maybe next time" probably wasn't the best RSVP. - When i married my girlfriend... I gave my wife half of the wedding gifts.
Isn't that big-a-me? - What do you get an undertaker for a wedding gift? His and Hearse towels
- I just found out that the traditional 15th wedding anniversary gift is crystal. My wife going to be so surprised to have a t**... with my mistress!
Comical Gift Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about gift you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bonus jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gift pranks.
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
It was at the end of the school year,
and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "
That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
Returning on Investment
After being away on buisness, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
Larry was not a good gift giver.
Every time he gave his wife a gift for Christmas, her birthday, or their anniversary, she complained about what a sucky gift it was. She was starting to get angry.
"Larry, the next time you give me a bad gift, I will light it on fire!"
A week later was Larry's wife's birthday. She came down to see only one small box. She sighed and went to go get a lighter. She opened up the present. It was a candle.
A little boy calls his best friend on Christmas day...
HEY! So what did you get for Christmas? The second little boy pauses and says well I got a gift card and a t-shirt…you?
The first little boy excitedly replies Oh man, I got a new scooter, a new 3DS XL. A PS Vita. A new bike and were going to Disneyland on Friday. Can't believe all you got was a gift card and t-shirt! to which the second little boy replies well…at least I don't have cancer…
Mailman's last day on the job.
After 30 years, mailman George decides to retire. On his last day, he makes his usual rounds.
When he arrives at the first house, the whole family comes out, congratulates him, and sends him on his way with a $50 gift envelope.
At the second house, they present him with a box of fine cigars.
At the next house, he is met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She takes him by the hand and leads him up to the bedroom, where she blows his mind with the most passionate s**... he has ever experienced.
When done, they go downstairs, where she fixes him a giant breakfast. As she pours him a cup of coffee, he notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this is just too wonderful for words," he says, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she says, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar.' But breakfast was my idea!"
A man buys his wife a beautiful diamond ring for xmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
An English Girl..
WIFE: "I'm going to LONDON. What gift do you want?"
HUSBAND: "An English girl."
After a month, wife returns..
HUSBAND: "Where is my gift?"
WIFE: "Wait for nine months!"
Water p**...
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water p**.... He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.
I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, ''I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?''
Mom smiled and replied, ''Yes dear - I remember very well...''
Three Men Brag About Their Sons.
Three men are in a bar. They are talking about how great their sons are to their respective girlfriends. The first man says my son is an amazing pilot. He gave his girlfriend a plane as a gift he is the best. The second man says well my son happens to be a great carpenter he actually built his girlfriend a three story house. The final man says my son is gay but his boyfriend must really like him, he got a plane and a three story house from him.
The gift.
Knowing that the minister had a very sore t**..., an elderly woman presented him with a bottle of cherry brandy.
"This is quite soothing, the woman said, "but please don't tell anyone I gave you liquor. Everyone thinks I am teetotaler."
"I understand," replied the good man.
When the church magazine came out a few days later, the congregant skimmed the "With Appreciation" column. There she read: "The minister extends his thanks to Mrs. Alice Rodgers for her gift of fruit and the spirit in which it was given."
What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?
Nothing wrapped in Emptiness.
How did the birthday child respond?
You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift.
To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."
A man knows his marraige is on the rocks and wants to buy a grand gift for his wife...
He offers to buy her a Ferrari but she says no, he offers to get her a massive diamond ring but she declines, he asks her if she wants a huge yacht but she again turns him down. Exasperated, he says 'well what *do* you want?' to which she replies 'a divorce!', the guy goes deathly pale and whimpers 'I wasn't planning on spending *that* much'.
What is the best gift you can give your girlfriend for your anniversary?
Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember.
Christmas gift
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe; she fakes it with Ken."
I'm sick of my mate Adam.
He walks round like he's gods gift to women.
Florida man contracts h**... while checking his birthday p**...'s mouth for sores
As meemum used to say, "you shouldn't look gift w**... in the mouth"
UNAPPRECIATED HANUKKAH GIFT
A Jewish guy's mother gives him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time he visits her, he makes sure to wear one.
As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, "What -- you didn't like the other one?"
A son asks his father
Son: Dad, what do I give my
girlfriend as a Christmas gift?
Dad : How does she look?
Son: She looks sweet, pretty, fun to be with, and even tall and also fair in complexion.
Dad : Give her my number.
What's it called when you commission someone to make an animated image for your girlfriend but he pockets the money and disappears?
A gf gif gift grift
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary....
His wife was mad. She said "Tomorrow morning there better be a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds!" The next morning there was a box, gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob's been missing since Friday.
Got my mother in law a cemetery plot for Christmas once, and the next year didn't buy her anything. When she asked me why I didn't buy a gift for her I said.....
... because you still haven't used the one I got you last year.
Late Night Political Jokes
"Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, 'Donald Trump.'" Jimmy Fallon
"They're talking about putting a woman on the $20 bill. And Hillary said, 'I'm available.'" David Letterman
"Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a daughter named Charlotte this weekend. Hillary Clinton was really excited until she remembered that you have to be 18 to vote." Seth Meyers
Every time I have s**... with my girlfriend I put a dollar in a jar.
On Valentine's Day I use what I saved to buy a gift for her.
Wife's Birthday Gift
John: "It's my wife's birthday."
Peter: "What's your gift to her?"
John: "I asked her what she wanted."
Peter: "What did she say?"
John: "Anything, as long as there is a diamond."
Peter: "What did you give her?"
John: "Playing cards."
How to start a fight
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
People say to me Jesus was not Jewish
## I say ofcourse he was Jewish
+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift
## He's Jewish. Give it up
****
_by Robin Williams_
Happy Birthday Robin!
I didn't know what to do with all the gifts my ex gave me.
So I took antibiotics until they went away.
My friend gave me one last gift before he died.
It was his EpiPen.
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary.
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!" The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday!
My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
I was quite surprised when the gave me a rolex. It was an incredibly generous gift, but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch."
Valentine's Day Gift
A young lady was caught napping one afternoon on Valentine's Day. She woke up when she heard the doorbell.
"I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day," she said to her boyfriend. "What do you think it means?"
"You'll know for sure tonight," he replied.
That evening, the young man arrived with a small package and gave it to his girlfriend. Delighted, she opened it and found a book entitled "The meaning of dreams."
Bob had forgotten his wedding anniversary and was in trouble.
His wife was really angry.
She told him, Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday
A woman has to go to a conference in Italy, so her husband drives her.
"Thanks honey" she says, "what would you like me to bring you back?"
"Oh, um, an Italian girl!" The husband jokingly says.
"I'll see what I can do" the woman says as she walks into the airport waving goodbye.
3 days later the woman returns and her husband greets her at the airport.
"How was your trip? Did you remember to bring my gift?"
"What gift?"
"The Italian girl!"
"Oh, we'll have to wait 9 months to see if it's a boy or girl"
Why did the US Navy gift the British Navy glass-bottomed boats?
So they could see the old British Navy!
In London this Christmas one in 5 children will not get a gift from Santa
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas dinner with their parents
One in every 5 children will not have a Christmas tree in their house
This is not a message from the Salvation Army or unicef for you to donate
One in every 5 kids in London is a Muslim and they don't celebrate Christmas
Santa comes to the White House....
Santa arrives at the White House and hands Donald Trump his Christmas present. Trump excitedly tears open his gift then looks up at Santa in shock. "What?", Santa exclaims. "I thought you LOVED coal.
The l**... next door bought me a nice Rolex for my birthday.
I'm trying to be grateful for the thoughtful gift, but I can't help but think they misunderstood when I'd told them that for my birthday, "I wanna watch."
A schoolboy rescues President Trump
A schoolboy walking home from school see Donald Trump* drowning in a pond. He dives him and saves him.
The president is very grateful and offers him a gift as a reward.
"All I want is a wheelchair" says the boy.
A wheelchair? Why do you need a wheelchair? the president asks.
Well, the boy explains, when my old man finds out I rescued you from drowning, he's gonna break both my legs.
*(
Kids are a great gift, but
I still prefer to play with the box they came in!
A wife tells her husband her underwear cost $300...
The husband screams "Three hundred dollars!? That's outrageous!" The wife says "Well you don't wrap a beautiful jewel in newspaper".
The husband replies "Yeah, but you don't gift wrap a dead b**..., either".
Guy calls in on radio show
**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'
**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?
**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan
How did Santa feel about getting a gift from his elves?
He was presently surprised.
A savage wife
Wife : I am going to London for a month.What should I bring for you?
Husband: A nice British Blonde...
*after 1 month*
Husband : Where is my gift?
Wife : Wait for 9 months.
A home DNA test kit
does not make a good baby shower gift.
I can't stop making puns
Some say it's a gift. Some say it's a punishment
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
What's the best gift a parent can give their child?
Presence
Here's a classic jewish joke.
A mother brings her son two new ties as a birthday gift for her adult son. Later, in the evening the two meet for dinner and the son is wearing one of the ties. His mother takes one look at him and says, You didn't like the other tie?
My girlfriend said that if i got her another useless gift she would burn it...
That's why I got her a candle
Without telling my wife, I bought a gaming pc for my son as a birthday gift. Check out the specs: Intel Core i7 10700K, MSI MPG Z490 Gaming Carbon WiFi, Nvidia GeForce RTX 2080 Super, G.Skill TridentZ RGB 4x16 DDR4-4000, Samsung 970 Evo 1TB, Corsair RM850x, Cooler Master MasterLiquid ML240R RGB
He is turning one tomorrow.
Bob was in trouble...
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from hisgrandmother,
he discovered a water p**.... He squealed with delight andheaded for the nearest sink.
I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with waterguns?"
Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember."
Gifted child!
My parents always said I was a gifted child. Turns out they meant someone left me on their doorstep in a box.
The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"
Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.
Should've been more specific
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really p**....
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
What to pick
An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
My hot neighbor
I was excited when my hot neighbor said she would bring me something special last night, it turned out she wanted to gift me models for earth and neptune
She gave me blue b**... and left
Bill Cosby
University of Michigan is pleased to announce a gift from the Cosby family for the new school to be names in his honor.
The Sleep Studies Center for women.
Bob was in trouble
He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary
His wife was mad. She told him tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!
The next morning she saw a big gift wrapped box in the driveway. She rushed out, opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
