Giant Jokes
134 giant jokes and hilarious giant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about giant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with giant jokes that'll make you look up at the sky and marvel at jolly green giants, gas giants, giant squid, giant foreheads, jumbos, trids, and other enormous creatures. Get ready for an hilarious line of giant puns that'll bring smiles to everyone's face!
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Funniest Giant Short Jokes
Short giant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The giant humour may include short gigantic jokes also.
- So I put a giant map of the world up on the wall and gave my wife a dart. I told her wherever it lands is where we go on holiday. I guess we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
- A joke I remember making up when I was 7 : What do you get when a giant steps on a house? Mushrooms
- Elon Musk lands on mars and steps out of his spaceship ### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications.
- My uncle was taking our picture at a dairy farm in Wisconsin when he was crushed by a giant wheel of cheese. We tried to warn him.
- My granddaughter just hit me with this one: what is the biggest kind of ant ? A gi-ant!
I am so proud right now! - I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
- Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem . Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.
- I don't know why Marvel hasn't tried to put advertisements on the Hulk He's essentially a giant banner
- Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today. Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.
Myneckisaur.
This is my first dad joke post :) - Last night I had a dream that I was eating a giant marshmallow and when I woke up my giant marshmallow was gone.
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Giant One Liners
Which giant one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with giant? I can suggest the ones about jumbo and massive.
- My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died She was eaten by a giant crab
- I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants… Feefiphobia…
- What is the fear of giants called? Feefiphobia
- My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger. It was mine.
- My cousin's horoscope was Cancer. Funny how she died... She got eaten by a giant crab
- Why did the Egyptian Civilization decline? It turned out to be a giant pyramid scheme.
- I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant the other day The bill was huge!
- Did you guys hear about the giant who threw up? No? That's weird. It's all over town.
- Did you hear about the giant who sneezed? it's all over town
- What did Poseidon say to the giant squid? What's Kraken?
- The temple of the giant sea cow has recently been rebuilt Faith in huge manatee restored
- Have you heard about giant with diarrhea? Its all over town
- What do you call a disappointed giant? A sighclops
- What do you call a group of muslims that turn into a giant robot? A mecca
- How are strippers like giants? they both grind bones to make bread.
Jolly Green Giant Jokes
Here is a list of funny jolly green giant jokes and even better jolly green giant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the Jolly Green Giant most afraid of? Avocado pickers
- What STD does the Jolly Green Giant get? Le Sueur Peas
- What is the jolly Green giant's actual name? Hugh Mungus
- What did Mrs. Jolly Green Giant give her husband on their wedding night? Her peas.
- What does the Jolly Green Giant have on his feet? Pota-TOES!
Gas Giant Jokes
Here is a list of funny gas giant jokes and even better gas giant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why does Jupiter have farts? Because it's a gas giant.
Courtesy of my 6 year old.
Bonus: Uranus made Jupiter. - Why are gas giants always so happy? Because they're so Jovial.
- A man sat down to talk with his wife Man: Honey, just so you know, you remind me of Venus
Wife: Aw, that is so sweet! Thank you babe!
Man: No, sorry, I was calling you a gas giant - My Sun is a Gas Giant. My Sol just keeps getting hotter and hotter under the collar.
- LPT - While stargazing on a romantic evening, never say this to your wife: Uranus is a gas giant.
- On a manned mission to a gas giant, what would be the most important thing to say? "Excuse me".
- Why does Uranus look so smooth compared to other gas giants? Uranus contains more methane.
- A little known fact about Uranus... ...it's a gas giant.
Giant Squid Jokes
Here is a list of funny giant squid jokes and even better giant squid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why wasn't the giant squid terrorising ships last night? He was too busy Kraken open a cold one with the buoys!
- I just heard a really good joke about a giant squid It's Kraken me up
- What did the man say to the giant squid? What's kraken?
JAJAJAJAJJAJJAJA - What do you call a giant squid who runs a tow service in Indonesia? A Kraken-towa!
- So I'm talkin' to a giant squid monster and I sez to him "What's kraken?"
(badum chh)
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Giant Jokes
What funny jokes about giant you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean huge jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make giant pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
RIP Neil Armstrong
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "o**... s**...? o**... s**... you want? You'll get o**... s**... when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between a joke and two giant black p**...?
morally_inept can't take a joke.
A weak little man applied for a job as a lumberjack...
...but the foreman refused to take him because he was too small. "I may look puny," protested the man, "but I'm not. Just give me a chance to show you my strength."
The foreman consented and told the man to go chop down a giant redwood that stood nearby. Half an hour later, to the foreman's shock, the redwood was lying on the ground.
"Where'd you learn to cut down trees like that?" the foreman asked.
"The Sahara Forest," the man answered.
"You mean the Sahara Desert?" the foreman ventured.
"Sure," said that man, "if that's what they call it now."
My friend asked what he should dress his 1 yr old daughter up as for halloween.
I told him a giant steak with a tiara on. He didnt get it, he asked "why would my daughter be steak?"
I told him, no a giant Miss Steak
We heard that the building was being attacked by a giant fly...
... So we called the SWAT team.
Whatever you do, don't tell this joke to a math person; they will just make you upset
Bill is a giant nerd, and he knows that he isn't perceived as cool; in fact, lots of people call him a square. So, in an effort to be cool, he finds some cool guys and decides to go do everything he can with them.
They say, "Hey Bill, we're going to the bar. Want to come?"
He says, "Sure," and comes to the bar. They all order shots and beers. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he orders shots and beers, and they all have a great time.
Next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a club. Bill comes along with them. They all start grinding on women and ordering tons of booze. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he does the same and has a good time.
The next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a football game. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he comes along. The guys are all cheering for their team enthusiastically, but Bill just sits quietly in his seat. Finally one of the guys says, "Bill, this isn't like you. Everything else we've done, you've joined in happily. Why won't you root for the team with us?"
Bill replies, "Well, I don't want to be a square. And rooting? Rooting is for squares."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man has his 98th birthday
A man has his 98th birthday. They wheel in a giant cake, and a s**... 21-year-old blonde jumps out.
She whispers to him "I can give you some super s**...."
So the old man replies, "Well then, I'll have the soup."
Why is it so cold in San Francisco?
Giant fans.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My cousins zodiac sign was cancer. Kinda ironic how she died.
She got eaten by a giant crab.
A boy asked his father one morning...
Boy: Dad, where did I come from?
Father: You were born from a giant white cloud, then brought here by a fat pelican with a worn-out hat.
Boy: But mother said she gave birth to me!
Father: ... Your point?
Why is MetLife Stadium the windiest stadium in the NFL?
Because there's a Giant fan in every seat.
What do giants and strippers have in common?
They both grind on bones to make their bread.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two jungle explorers got captured by cannibals...
Now they find themselves in a giant cauldron full of water over an open fire. The water is getting warmer and warmer and both of them realize they're done for. So they're sitting there not sure what to do when one of them lets out a chuckle. "how could you laugh at a time like this?" says the other one, "we're both about to die!".
"I know...but I just peed in their soup."
I haven't found cancer jokes funny since..
my grandfather got killed by a giant crab.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Being r**... by a giant scorpion..
An Irish Lumberjack
A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.
The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the Irishman.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the Foreman. "Take your axe and go cut it down."
The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the Foreman's door.
"I cut the tree down," said the Irishman.
"*Holy smokes!*" Said the Formean. "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Sahara Forest," replied the Irishman.
Confused, the Forman asked "...don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
"Is that what they call it now?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
No plastic surgeon will help me!
I have really giant hands and I'd like to make them smaller, but every time I ask the doctor for a hand-job I get kicked out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a giant hole in town and everybody is falling in it and going to the hospital
The mayor holds a meeting and asks everyone to propose a solution.
Someone stand up and says: "We should put a cop next to the hole and whenever someone falls he'll call an ambulance."
Another person offers to put an ambulance next to the hole.
Someone else offers to build a hospital next to the hole.
At this point everybody starts arguing so the mayor shuts everybody up and says: "You are all s**.... We should close up the hole and dig another one next to the hospital."
Heard a giant Indian guy sing with the most beautiful voice in the world.
Turns out it was actually Dalip Singh
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman walks into the bank with a giant glass jar filled with coins.
Impressed, the teller exclaims "Oh, my! Did your horde all this yourself?"
The woman replied and said, no my sister w**... for half of it.
The propellor of a plane is actually a giant fan for the pilot
When the fan stops, you can actually see the pilot start sweating
My grandmother was a cancer, ironic how she died.
She was killed by a giant crab.
This just in, giant fly attacking the city
The SWAT team has been called in to deal with the situation
The actor of Hagrid asked me why I want his signature
I said: "I am a giant fan!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why should you never eat Jolly Green Giant vegetables?
Because he always stands over the corn and peas.
h**... h**... h**.......
A giant pickle walks into a bar..
and everyone in the bar starts wanting to take selfies with him and buy him drinks. Once all the commotion settles, the bartender asks him why everyone was surrounding him to which the pickle replies, "Well, I'm kind of a big dill"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I jokingly told my friend I was collecting the corpses of past emperors of Russia and dumping them into a giant ravine, but he thought I was serious and asked what was wrong with me.
I guess he just doesn't understand tsar chasm.
I was so tried today after working at the giant keyboard factory..
I put in a big shift
There is at least one great philosophy in each of Brad Bird's films
The Incredibles: "When everyone's special, nobody is."
Ratatouille: "Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere."
The Iron Giant: "Screw our country, I want to live."
I was at a party in middle earth last night. TreeBeard got wasted and started dunking hobbits into a giant punch-bowl of booze. The dwarves laughed and begged for a turn. Soon, a queue of creatures had formed on his branches, eager to take the plunge. I didn't get in line. I knew it was a trick…
Because the real punch-line is always in the calm ents
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I dressed up like a giant rooster and scared my wife.
Apparently she doesn't like boo c**....
Did you hear about the giant flock of crows who attacked and killed hundreds of people in a church during the sermon?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One small step for man,
one giant leap for midgets.
Two hunters are walking through a wooded farmland...
when they come across a giant hole they can't seem to find the bottom of. They wanna know how deep it is, so they see a rusted anvil close by, drag it over, and throw it down the hole. Seconds pass, and they never hear it hit the bottom.
A few seconds later, a goat comes sprinting by, and jumps right into the hole. The farmer comes walking by and asks the hunters "fellas, have you guys seen my goat around here?"
The hunters reply "well he just came running at us 80 mph and jumped down into that hole there!"
The farmer says "well that can't be! He was chained to an anvil!"
Once, at an all boys summer camp, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. But that's not what freaked me out...
...the night before that I dreamed I was in a hotdog eating contest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(Dad Joke) You know the best way to catch a polar bear, right?
First, you could have giant hole in the ice at least 20 foot around. Then you take several bags of frozen peas and open them up and spread them all around the whole nice and even.
Then, when the bear comes up to take a pee you kick him in the ice hole.
Imagine how someone from a thousand years ago would respond if you told them that in the future there will be giant metal birds that fly people around the world?
Don't you mean across?
What would Dwane Johnson be if he transformed into a giant mythical bird?
He'd be The Roc.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man named Adam is being sent to prison
On the first day in the shower he is approached by a giant muscular inmate who asks him intimidatingly
"With or without spit?!"
The man (Adam) thinks to himself that it will happen no matter what and that it might hurt less with spit so he frighteningly stammers
"With spit"
To which the giant shouts to another inmate.
"Hey come on over Spit, this dude wants a t**...!"
The cashier at Costco dared to ask me why I'm buying a giant tub of whiteout.
Big mistake.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane that is about to c**....
The Jew says a prayer and jumps off, survives the landing but dies in the hospital. The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off, and becomes paralyzed for the rest of his life, but survives the fall. The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand, and says,"Thank God." The hand then proceeds drops him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The News About the Giant Hornets is Actually Good for Reddit
They can m**... the hive mentality
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear m**... Jagger and Keith Richards were attacked by a giant magpie?
Witnesses say one bird was trying to kill two Stones
My husband died after falling into a giant vat of coffee at work.
He didn't suffer, it was instant.
Wife: "Why is this giant bra on the coffee maker?"
Husband: "You said you needed k cups."
A cartographer is asked to make a giant topographic map
He is very meticulous, agonizing over every little detail on the map. After months of work, he nervously presents it to his client, who says it's perfect and commissions another big project. As he leaves the meeting, the cartographer takes a deep breath, turns to his assistant, and says, "I was really worried he wouldn't like it, but that was a huge relief."
My girlfriend broke up with me for being too delusional.
But I don't think that I have that problem, right giant cabbage?
I dared to ask my wife why she's buying a giant tub of Whiteout from the store.
Big mistake.
Did you hear about the recent discovery of a giant, reptile-like predator with hemorrhoids?
It was a Tyrannosaurass.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
spider-man: weird your rug looks just like a giant piece of paper
**me [sneaking up behind him with an enormous cup]:** that 𝑖𝑠 weird
A man furiously approaches his neighbour and shouts, Where is your wife!?
Why? the neighbour asks. What did Anna do?
She tricked my wife into investing in a fake farm for giant snakes, the man yelled.
Anna conned her?
No. Burmese python.
I returned to the genie and asked him why he turned me into a 11ft giant who gets his backside wiped every time he farts.
He said, "You wished to live longer and be treated like royalty."
The big duck
A man at an airport see a guy with a giant duck on leash
He asks : "Wow, where did you find this ?"
"Well, i found a magic lamp with a genie that granted me one wish, i can let you try it"
So the other guy grabs the lamp and starts to rub it
A genie come out : "I grant you one wish"
" incredible, I wish for a billion !"
Suddenly, a pillion appeared.
"But this is not what i asked for !"
And the other guy says "You really think i asked for a big duck ?"
A man knocked on Mrs Smith's door.
"I'm afraid there's been a terrible accident at the brewery," he said.
"Your husband fell into a giant vat of beer and drowned."
Mrs Smith started crying. "Oh poor thing, he had no chance!"
"I don't know about that," the man replied. "He got out three times to use the toilet."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Archangel Michael has just created a duck-goose with giant teeth and wants to show his magnificent creation to God.
He comes to God's presence and says: "look what beauty I made, I'm just not sure where to put it"
God thinks for a moment and says: "how about you put it in Australia with all the other nonsense you've created."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between Jesus and vaccines?
One has the ability to prevent disease, slow down and eventually stop a global pandemic, and has saved countless millions of lives.
The other is a giant hoax, made up by evil s**... bags to control the global population.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Siren with giant b**...?
A booby trap.
Why didn't any dogs agree to follow the first one (Laika) into space?
Because they realized that space was really just a giant vacuum.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Giant: "I'll grind this orphan's bones to make my cake!"
Also Giant: "I find self-raising flour makes for a lighter and more consistent texture."
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What do giants and strippers both have in common?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
Lucky Number 7
I had a vivid dream of the number 7, just a giant 7... and when I woke up, it was 7:00... so I get up and decide to go to the track, because I like to play the ponies.. and I get a cab, and the cab pulls up, and it's number 7... so I get to the track and I ask what I owe, and it was $7.77... I go in through gate 7 and the only booth open is the 7th. I look at the board and in the 7th race there's a horse named Lucky Number 7 and his odds are 77/1. So I put $700 on him... and believe it not... he came in 7th.
(Cr
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Miss Spencer asked her class what they want to be when they grow up
And little Tommy enthusiastically responded: "I want to be a j**...!"
In shock Miss Spencer asked: "Dear heavens, why would you want to be that?"
"Well," responded Tommy "Whenever I'm walking in the city with my dad he always says 'Look at that j**... driving his Porsche', 'Look at that j**... with his hot wife' or 'Look at that j**... living in his giant mansion'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the computer nerd who was eaten alive by a giant snake?
Now he's programming in python.
I had a friend whose zodiac sign was cancer. The way he died was very ironic...
He got was eaten by a giant crab.
Dog attack
A guy limps up to a bar. "What happened to you?" the bartender asks. "On the walk over here I was attacked and bitten on the leg by this giant dog," the guy says. "Oh, no! Imagine if it had been a small child!" the bartender exclaims. "Well, I think I could have fought off a small child, Gary," the guy replies.
