The Best 64 Giant Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Giant jokes. There are some giant ditch jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these giant massive puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Giant Jokes and Puns
Did you hear about the giant that threw up?
It's all over town.
RIP Neil Armstrong
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
What is the difference between a joke and two giant black penises?
morally_inept can't take a joke.
My friend's star sign was cancer, so I guess it's quite ironic how he died.
He got attacked by a giant crab.
A weak little man applied for a job as a lumberjack...
...but the foreman refused to take him because he was too small. "I may look puny," protested the man, "but I'm not. Just give me a chance to show you my strength."
The foreman consented and told the man to go chop down a giant redwood that stood nearby. Half an hour later, to the foreman's shock, the redwood was lying on the ground.
"Where'd you learn to cut down trees like that?" the foreman asked.
"The Sahara Forest," the man answered.
"You mean the Sahara Desert?" the foreman ventured.
"Sure," said that man, "if that's what they call it now."
A pastor goes hiking
as he comes around a corner on the trail he comes across a giant grizzly bear. The bear lets out a growl and is about to charge when the pastor falls on his knees and prays: "Lord, I pray that the bear would be a Christian." In an amazing miracle, the bear is converted instantly and stops where it is. It looks upwards and begins to give thanks: "Thank you Father, for the meal I am about to eat..."
My friend asked what he should dress his 1 yr old daughter up as for halloween.
I told him a giant steak with a tiara on. He didnt get it, he asked "why would my daughter be steak?"
I told him, no a giant Miss Steak
We heard that the building was being attacked by a giant fly...
... So we called the SWAT team.
Whatever you do, don't tell this joke to a math person; they will just make you upset
Bill is a giant nerd, and he knows that he isn't perceived as cool; in fact, lots of people call him a square. So, in an effort to be cool, he finds some cool guys and decides to go do everything he can with them.
They say, "Hey Bill, we're going to the bar. Want to come?"
He says, "Sure," and comes to the bar. They all order shots and beers. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he orders shots and beers, and they all have a great time.
Next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a club. Bill comes along with them. They all start grinding on women and ordering tons of booze. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he does the same and has a good time.
The next week, they call Bill up and tell him that they're going to a football game. Bill doesn't want to be a square, so he comes along. The guys are all cheering for their team enthusiastically, but Bill just sits quietly in his seat. Finally one of the guys says, "Bill, this isn't like you. Everything else we've done, you've joined in happily. Why won't you root for the team with us?"
Bill replies, "Well, I don't want to be a square. And rooting? Rooting is for squares."
My wife's starsign was Cancer, which is quite ironic really, thinking about how she died...
she was attacked by a giant crab
A man has his 98th birthday
A man has his 98th birthday. They wheel in a giant cake, and a sexy 21-year-old blonde jumps out.
She whispers to him "I can give you some super sex."
So the old man replies, "Well then, I'll have the soup."
You can explore giant enormous reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean giant monstrous dad jokes. There are also giant puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My dad's sign was cancer. Its so ironic how he died.
He was attacked by a giant crab.
My cousin's horoscope was Cancer. Funny how she died...
She got eaten by a giant crab
My girlfriends star sign
My girlfriends star sign is cancer, so it was quite ironic how she died
She got beaten to death by a giant crab
A boy asked his father one morning...
Boy: Dad, where did I come from?
Father: You were born from a giant white cloud, then brought here by a fat pelican with a worn-out hat.
Boy: But mother said she gave birth to me!
Father: ... Your point?
My wife's star-sign was Cancer, so I guess you could say it was ironic how she died.
Mauled to death by a giant crab.
My wife's starsign was cancer, which makes how she died pretty ironic.
Attacked by a giant crab.
Two jungle explorers got captured by cannibals...
Now they find themselves in a giant cauldron full of water over an open fire. The water is getting warmer and warmer and both of them realize they're done for. So they're sitting there not sure what to do when one of them lets out a chuckle. "how could you laugh at a time like this?" says the other one, "we're both about to die!".
"I know...but I just peed in their soup."
My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger.
It was mine.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Being raped by a giant scorpion..
My mother's star sign was cancer. Ironic how she died, really.
She died due to fatal injuries from a giant crab attack.
An Irish Lumberjack
A large Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the Foreman's door.
The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the Irishman.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the Foreman. "Take your axe and go cut it down."
The Irishman headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the Foreman's door.
"I cut the tree down," said the Irishman.
"*Holy smokes!*" Said the Formean. "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Sahara Forest," replied the Irishman.
Confused, the Forman asked "...don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
"Is that what they call it now?"
Sure, Aphrodite poses naked in a giant clam shell, she's a goddess.
But when I do it, I'm ''drunk' and 'no longer welcome at the aquarium'.
No plastic surgeon will help me!
I have really giant hands and I'd like to make them smaller, but every time I ask the doctor for a hand-job I get kicked out.
There's a giant hole in town and everybody is falling in it and going to the hospital
The mayor holds a meeting and asks everyone to propose a solution.
Someone stand up and says: "We should put a cop next to the hole and whenever someone falls he'll call an ambulance."
Another person offers to put an ambulance next to the hole.
Someone else offers to build a hospital next to the hole.
At this point everybody starts arguing so the mayor shuts everybody up and says: "You are all stupid. We should close up the hole and dig another one next to the hospital."
My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died
She was eaten by a giant crab
A man stands over the coffin of his deceased wife. "Her star sign was cancer you know" he says. " I guess it's ironic..."
"That she was killed by a giant crab."
The propellor of a plane is actually a giant fan for the pilot
When the fan stops, you can actually see the pilot start sweating
A man stands, chain smoking at a bus stop...
A man stands, chain smoking at a bus stop.
The woman standing next to him says "Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?!"
"That's OK..." says the guy, puffing casually, "I'm a programmer"
"So? What's that got to do with anything?"
"Errors are serious, warnings are nothing...".
Instead of a wall we should put up a giant mirror
So when Mexicans try to cross they will read "welcome to Mexico" and turn around.
So many homophobes turn out to be secretly gay
I'm worried I'm secretly a giant spider.
This just in, giant fly attacking the city
The SWAT team has been called in to deal with the situation
Why wasn't the giant squid terrorising ships last night?
He was too busy Kraken open a cold one with the buoys!
My friend, who's star sign was cancer, died very ironically.
He was mauled by a giant crab.
Did you hear about the giant who sneezed?
it's all over town
A lot of homophobes turn out to be secretly gay..
..I'm getting nervous thinking I might secretly be a giant spider
I jokingly told my friend I was collecting the corpses of past emperors of Russia and dumping them into a giant ravine, but he thought I was serious and asked what was wrong with me.
I guess he just doesn't understand tsar chasm.
I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant the other day
The bill was huge!
There is at least one great philosophy in each of Brad Bird's films
The Incredibles: "When everyone's special, nobody is."
Ratatouille: "Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere."
The Iron Giant: "Screw our country, I want to live."
Did you hear about the giant who had diarrhea?
It was all over town
What do you call a disappointed giant?
A sighclops
I don't know why Marvel hasn't tried to put advertisements on the Hulk
He's essentially a giant banner
Why doesn't Marvel advertise on Hulk?
He is basically a giant banner.
What did Poseidon say to the giant squid?
What's Kraken?
My grandfathers star sign was cancer which is ironic seeing how he died.
He was eaten by a giant crab.
Two hunters are walking through a wooded farmland...
when they come across a giant hole they can't seem to find the bottom of. They wanna know how deep it is, so they see a rusted anvil close by, drag it over, and throw it down the hole. Seconds pass, and they never hear it hit the bottom.
A few seconds later, a goat comes sprinting by, and jumps right into the hole. The farmer comes walking by and asks the hunters "fellas, have you guys seen my goat around here?"
The hunters reply "well he just came running at us 80 mph and jumped down into that hole there!"
The farmer says "well that can't be! He was chained to an anvil!"
Imagine how someone from a thousand years ago would respond if you told them that in the future there will be giant metal birds that fly people around the world?
Don't you mean across?
The cashier at Costco dared to ask me why I'm buying a giant tub of whiteout.
Big mistake.
Took my kids to the dinosaur museum today.
Spent the whole day looking up at the giant sculptures , I discovered a new species.
Myneckisaur.
This is my first dad joke post :)
I cannot understanf why Marvel haven't put advertisements on the Hulk...
... He is essentially a giant banner
My uncle's zodiac sign was Cancer, which was ironic, because he died
from being crushed by a giant crab.
A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane that is about to crash.
The Jew says a prayer and jumps off, survives the landing but dies in the hospital. The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off, and becomes paralyzed for the rest of his life, but survives the fall. The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand, and says,"Thank God." The hand then proceeds drops him.
What do you call a group of muslims that turn into a giant robot?
A mecca
I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat
So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me
I'm fine- I only suffered super fish oil injuries
A photographer was killed in a freak accident today.
When trying to take a group photo, a giant wheel of cheddar rolled over and crushed him.
Witnesses said people did try to warn him.
My girlfriend broke up with me for being too delusional.
But I don't think that I have that problem, right giant cabbage?
Two giant wind turbines are standing in a field
One turns to the other and asks what of music do you like?
The second one says, well, I'm a huge metal fan
Marvel should use the Hulk in more of its advertising.
He's literally a giant Banner.
I remember the time my cousin completely lost it and threw a giant fit at her 12th birthday party. After she changed her outfit she was fine...
It was a post dramatic dress
You wanna hear about something ironic? My grandma's zodiac sign was Cancer.
She was killed... by a giant crab.
Did you hear the one about the 3 giant holes in the ground?
Well, well, well...
I dared to ask my wife why she's buying a giant tub of Whiteout from the store.
Big mistake.
Did you hear about the recent discovery of a giant, reptile-like predator with hemorrhoids?
It was a Tyrannosaurass.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the giant immense jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working giant chasm piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.