Howlingly Hilarious Ghost Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
Who do ghosts worship?
Boo, DUH!!!
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
One is white and scares young children and the other is a ghost.
What do you get if you cross Bambi and a ghost?
Bamboo
I had the worst night last night..
The ghost of Gloria Gaynor appeared in front of my bed. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified.
Did you hear about the ghost who got put in prison?
He was charged with possession.
Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?
Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.
Why can't ghosts make babies?
They have hollow weenies!
.... And I'll just see myself out.
How do Ghosts get Drunk?
Booze.
Happy Halloween... Why did the Ghost enter the bar...
For the BOOOOS
Why did the ghosts haunt the bar?
For the boos.
I'm gonna start a company where I drive people around to haunted places.
It'll be called Ghost Bus Tours
You can explore ghost revenant reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ghost deja dad jokes. There are also ghost puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Stalin appears in Putin's dream...
Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country.
Stalin says "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."
"Why blue?" Putin asks.
"Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."
What do you call the ghost of a chicken?
A poultry-geist.
Why did the ghost go to jail?
He got arrested for possession.
How does a ghost eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
Sorry
Last night I woke up and saw the ghost of Gloria Gaynor...
... at first I was afraid, I was petrified.
What do ghosts do when they're sad?
They get in an elevator to lift their spirits.
Why did the ghost cross the road?
To come back from the other side.
What was Snoop Dogg's ghost arrested for?
Possesion.
What happened to Casper the friendly ghost after his parents got divorced?
His mom got soul custody.
What did the ghost say to the bees?
Boo Bees
A ghost walks into a bar
"Sorry sir" the barmen says, "We don't serve spirits after eleven"
My 8 year old son wrote this...
What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?
A poultry-geist.
Why does everyone love when a ghost goes to a party?
Because he always brings the boos
What do you call a ghost detective?
An Inspectre
Why are ghosts banned from the liquor store?
They would steal all the boos.
What do ghosts drink?
BOOOOOZE
A ghost was arrested
And placed in a holding cell with others as they await processing. The ghost turns to the man and asks "what did you get arrested for?"
"Shoplifting" he says, "how about you?"
The ghost smiles and says "possession".
What did the jalapeno dress up as for Halloween?
A Ghost Pepper.
What room does a ghost not need?
A living room
After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery.
Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen.
What are you doing working so late?
Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. They misspelled my name!
What do ghosts get arrested for?
Possession.
How do ghosts become friends?
They bond over boos.
I made this up while sleep-deprived last night. I am sorry.
Why did the ghost get in the elevator?
To lift his spirits.
How do ghosts make friends?
By buttering a flight of stairs.
Before my buddy died I asked him if there was football in heaven.
A few days later I saw his ghost. He said
"Good news, there is. Bad news, you're playing in goal tomorrow."
Did you hear about the baby ghost who joined the football team?
He heard the coach say they needed a little team spirit.
Did you hear about the s**... ghost?
He got arrested for possession
What do you call a french ghost that likes anime?
A oui-a-boo.
What did the ghost say at the party?
I'm just here for the boos.
Why are ghosts popular at parties?
Because they always bring the booze.
What do you call it when a Chinese ghost hits you with a stick?
Bam! *Boo*!
Why don't ghosts go out in the rain?
It dampens their spirits
A ghost walks into a bar...
The ghost orders a shot of whiskey. The bartender says "I'm sorry. We don't serve spirits here."
Why did the ghost b**... all over his date?
He couldn't handle his boos.
Haunted castle
A young American tourist went on a guided tour of a creepy old castle in England. "How did you enjoy it?" The guide asked when it was over.
"It was great," the tourist replied, "but I was afraid I was going to see a ghost in some of those dark passageways."
"No need to worry," said the guide "I've never seen a ghost in all the time I've been here."
"How long is that?" the tourist asked.
"Oh, about 300 years."
Guy and genie in a bottle
Guy finds a bottle and opens it. Out comes the ghost and says:
"I will grant you 3 wishes but there's a catch...for every wish you make every politician in the world gets double of that."
And the guy says: "I want a Ferrari"
Ghost: "Done, plus 2 for each politician"
Guy: "I want 10 million dollars"
Ghost: "Done, plus 20 million for each politician"
Guy: "I always wanted to donate a kidney"
What do you get when you cross a firecracker and a ghost?
Bamboo!
The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,
The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.
I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.
Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,
there is a stairway to heaven.
Do you want to hear a joke about a ghost?
That's the spirit.
There is no ghost
While visiting a spooky historic house, a lady confided in the guide that she was terrified of ghosts and dreaded meeting one on the tour.
To reassure her, the guide told her that in all the years he had worked at the house, he had never seen a single ghost.
And how long have you worked here? asked the woman.
Three hundred years.
Why do ghosts hate working out?
Because they have to exorcise
I visited a haunted house today, and my friends fled in t**....
I've been to this place for the last 271 years and haven't seen a single ghost.
Absolute cowards.
Never trust a ghost when it says "i love you"..
It was just the boos talking
After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.
Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelled my name!"
A ghost walks into a bar at 4 am.
The bartender says: sorry, we don't serve spirits after 3.
What do you call a ghost that is ripped?
A swoltergeist
I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
Why did the ghost go to jail?
For giving boos to children
Why do ghost like to ride in elevators?
Because it raises their spirits!
What kind of key does a ghost use?
a spoo-key
Why do ghosts like to ride the elevator?
It lifts their spirits
happy spoopy day
Why do ghosts love health food
Because it's super natural
Why did the ghost cross the road?
Because it was a poultrygeist.
What do you call a chicken that is a ghost?
a poultrygeist
Ill be taking my downvotes in advance thanks
Why did the ghost get arrested?
For possession
My housemates are full of s**....
Refusing to pay rent, making up excuses about hauntings.
I've lived here for hundreds of years. Not seen a single ghost.
If a Ghost Rider should be called Daredevil, and Daredevil should be called Batman, what should Batman be called?
Inspector Gadget
A man's car gets haunted by a ghost
So he decided to go to a priest to get it removed.
The priest performs the exorcism, and it works! He successfully removes the ghost from the car. He says to the man "That'll be $250." The man refuses to pay, and so a couple weeks later his car gets repossessed.
I just found out my girlfriend is a ghost.
To be honest, I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
I heard that alcoholism is a big problem in the ghost community…
They are all really into boos
How do ghosts obtain money?
Via a polterheist. Ouch, the downvotes!
I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor last night.
At first I was afraid. I was petrified.
Two ghosts were arguing...
Two ghosts had gone out for dinner at the pub and were having a great time until politics were brought up. Things got heated fast and the barman came over to the table to sort things out. Trouble was, the barman couldn't help either ghost see the others perspective mainly because he couldn't communicate with them properly.
Beginning to get frustrated, he turned away from the table and exclaimed under his breath,
"I'm going to have to find them a happy medium to get them to agree".
I've just found out my wife is really a ghost.
To be honest, I had my suspicions from the moment she walked through the door.
Why do ghosts want to get vaccinated?
So they can get boo-sted.
From my 5 year old on the way home from getting his vaccine.
Why did the ghost cross the road?
To get to the Other side.
Did you hear about the ghost who didn't pay his mortgage?
His house was repossessed
I really loved the Harry Potter books. But the Gryffindor Ghost, "Nearly Headless Nick" has always annoyed me.
I think it's because he really was poorly executed.
What do ghosts call their boobies?
Paranormal Entitties .
What do you call a press secretary's ghost?
A spooksperson
What's the best place in the house to hide from ghost?
The living room!
Just bought a boomerang from a ghost.
Now I'm worried that this going to come back to haunt me.
I saw a grave sweeper at the cemetery and asked him if the place was haunted.
He said no, he hadn't seen a ghost in over 200 years.
Joke from my 8 year old daughter for Halloween.
Why didn't the ghost like to take showers?
Because it would dampen his spirits.
Where do ghosts go shopping?
They go to a Bootique
How does a ghost plan his day?
He makes a to-boo list
Putin is working in his office planning the Ukraine war, when the ghost of Stalin suddenly appears.
Putin takes the opportunity to seek advice: Stalin, what happened? why are things not working out for us? Stalin gives him the advice: Send 5 million Russians to their deaths at war, and paint the Kremlin blue. Why blue? asks Vladimir Putin.
I knew you wouldn't have a problem with the first part, chuckles Stalin.
Why are ghosts always sad?
Because they're going through things
Putin summons the ghost of Stalin.
"Why is everything here so bad? What can I do to make Russia great again?"
"Execute half of the population, and paint the Kremlin blue" advises Stalin.
"Why blue?" asks the inquisitive Putin.
"I knew you wouldn't object to the first part," says Stalin.
Three ghosts were talking about what was keeping them from being promoted from ghoul to specter.
The first confessed, "I have a weakness for boooooooooooooobs."
The second admitted, "I drink too much boooooooooooooze."
The third said, "I lack situational awareness."
What do you call a ghost in a painting?
A portrait-geist.
Why did the trick or treater lose his ghost costume?
Someone scared the sheet out of him
Why the chicken's ghost cross the road?
To come from the other side.
