For the BOOOOS
Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen.
What are you doing working so late?
Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. They misspelled my name!
Booooobs.
The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.
I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.
Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,
there is a stairway to heaven.
It'll be called Ghost Bus Tours
They would steal all the boos.
To come back from the other side.
He got arrested for possession
He got arrested for possession.
Panicking, the man folds the sheet with the poo and throws it out the window.
The sheet lands on a man walking by. The man wrestles a little with the sheet and the poop comes flowing out.
Another man walks by and asks him what he's doing.
"Damn,you'll never believe me," he replies. "But I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!!
And placed in a holding cell with others as they await processing. The ghost turns to the man and asks "what did you get arrested for?"
"Shoplifting" he says, "how about you?"
The ghost smiles and says "possession".
Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country.
Stalin says "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue."
"Why blue?" Putin asks.
"Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."
To lift his spirits.
He couldn't handle his boos.
By buttering a flight of stairs.
They get in an elevator to lift their spirits.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?
A poultry-geist.
Boo, DUH!!!
Bam! *Boo*!
Booze.
Black guy one: "Do you think it will work?
Black guy two: "Only one way to find out."
BG1: "I only have $50"
BG2: "Well, I have $100, I'll go do it then give you my change
BG1: "Let's do it then"
BG2 goes in and fifteen minutes later comes out white as a ghost, wearing a brand new suit and carrying briefcase.
BG1: "Holy shit it actually worked! Let me get that $25"
BG2: "Fuck you, nigger. Get a job."
A oui-a-boo.
He was charged with possession.
"Sorry sir" the barmen says, "We don't serve spirits after eleven"
After trick-or-treating,
a teen takes a shortcut home
through the cemetery. Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots
an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
I thought you were a ghost,
says the relieved teen. What are you
doing working so late?
Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. They misspelled my name!
Guy finds a bottle and opens it. Out comes the ghost and says:
"I will grant you 3 wishes but there's a catch...for every wish you make every politician in the world gets double of that."
And the guy says: "I want a Ferrari"
Ghost: "Done, plus 2 for each politician"
Guy: "I want 10 million dollars"
Ghost: "Done, plus 20 million for each politician"
Guy: "I always wanted to donate a kidney"
He heard the coach say they needed a little team spirit.
Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.
They bond over boos.
I made this up while sleep-deprived last night. I am sorry.
A few days later I saw his ghost. He said
"Good news, there is. Bad news, you're playing in goal tomorrow."
A man gets onto a bus. On this bus, the man meets a nun. The man, being a straight-forward guy, asks the nun if she wants to have sex. The nun replies "Heaven's, no!" and gets off the bus. When the man gets off the bus, the bus driver stops him.
"You know, that nun visits a grave every night at midnight. If you really want to have sex with her, all you have to do is dress up like the ghost of that grave and demand sex. She can't possibly turn you down."
The man says thanks and exits the bus. Later that night, the man arrives at the grave dressed as a ghost. He approaches the nun and demands sex.
The nun responds "Well, alright. I have an oath of virginity, however, so it'll have to be anal sex."
The man says fine and the two have sex. Afterwards, the man takes off his costume.
"Jokes on you, I was the man all along!"
The nun pulls off her costume.
"Jokes on you, I was the bus driver."
That's the spirit.
Disclaimer: My girlfriend told me this one and she has repeatedly said it pretty much since last Christmas and stills finds it super amusing.
It dampens their spirits
The speaker is interested in the supernatural experiences that the audience members may have been through. "Raise your hand if you have ever seen a ghost" About 80% of the audience raises their hand. "Great" says the speaker "now keep your hand raised if you have spoken to a ghost" Half of them lower their hands. "Ok this is good, now has anyone here had any actual physical contact with a ghost"? Only about ten people still have their hands raised, the excitement of the speaker is palpable "Now, has anyone here ever made love to a ghost"? All hands go down, except for one guy right up the back of the auditorium. "WOW that is amazing sir, please could you come up on to the stage". The man slowly makes his way to the stage, slightly nervous about the attention he is getting. "Sir could you please tell us what that experience was like, to make love to a ghost"? The man edges closer to the microphone and says "ghost? I'm sorry I thought you said GOAT"!
They have hollow weenies!
.... And I'll just see myself out.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Ghost? Well, here are the best Ghost dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Ghost pick up lines to share with friends.