Getting The Sack Jokes
42 getting the sack jokes and hilarious getting the sack puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about getting the sack that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Getting The Sack Short Jokes
Short getting the sack jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The getting the sack humour may include short getting sacked jokes also.
- I have no problem getting women into the sack... ... it's getting the sack into the back of my van that's the problem.
- The only way to learn... When I was a young kid my dad taught me how to swim by throwing me in the deep end of a pool. Swimming to the ladder was easy, but getting out of the sack was the hard part.
- Funny Book Title Thread! I'll start:
"How To Get The Most Out Of Your Bank Heists" by Fillmore Sacks - Derek Acorah got sacked from Most Haunted for advertising bio-yoghurt in breech of his contract. That's what you get for dabbling in the Yakult.
- Women don't ever have to worry about me trying to get into their pants. They don't even have any pockets! Where would I keep my hackey sack and MTG cards?
- I got sacked from a job for smiling too much… I said, "If I can't smile on the job, get yourself another undertaker."
- Watching the Superbowl at a sober living with 7 sober drug addicts "That's also what I need to do; get away from the sack."
Boom. - Why should you never be a postman? Because you always get the sack on the first day of the job.
- How does Santa have enough in his sack to come for millions of little kids, but more astonishingly.... how does he not get arrested?
- What does a pick-up artist have in common with a kidnapper? They both want to get you in the sack!
.......I'll see myself out now
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Getting The Sack One Liners
Which getting the sack one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with getting the sack? I can suggest the ones about sack and getting fired.
- Why do dominatrixes get so much beauty rest They just love to hit the sack
- Breaking News!! Cross-Eyed circumsiser gets the sack.
- Why did the American feminist get sacked from her housemaid job? She didn't do the irony.
- I feel sorry for the postman. The poor sod gets the sack every morning.
- Am I getting under your skin? The only skin you'll be getting under is my b**....
Getting The Sack Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about getting the sack you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nut sack jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make getting the sack pranks.
Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than s**.
..:
- You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
- If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
- The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
- You don't have to keep in touch with the person who gives you some.
- 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.
- If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
- It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning with pleasure.
- You can do the whole neighborhood.
A man started to town with a fox, a goose, and a sack of corn.
He came to a stream which he had to cross in a tiny boat.
He could only take one across at a time.
He could not leave the fox alone with the goose or the goose alone with the corn.
How did he get them all safely over the stream?
He took the goose over first and came back.
Then he took the fox across and brought the goose back.
Next he took the corn over.
He came back alone and took the goose.
Why men don't write advice columns...
Dear Walter,
I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.
When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbours daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbours daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past
six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was sacked from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
-------------------------------
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no dirt in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps.
Walter.
A Cab Driver and a Priest
A Cab Driver and a Priest are going to Heaven. The Cab Driver steps up to St. Peter, states his name and how he died. St. Peter checks him off the lists, and turns around. He grabs a beautiful silken robe, and a golden staff encrusted in jewels, before turning back around. "Here, enjoy Heaven."
The Cab Driver walks away as the Priest steps up to state his name and how he died. St. Peter grabs a Burlap Sack and a Wooden Stick.
"Wait, wait, wait a minute." The Priest argues. "I've been a man of God all my life. How did the Cab Driver get more than me?"
"Well," St. Peter replied. "When you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed."
young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test,
the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.
The student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a s**... test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked out the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name, so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?"
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You guess, buddy! You guess!!
2 Brunettes and a Blonde
One dark and stormy night, 2 burnettes and a blonde escape from prison. To get out of the rain and hide from the cops they go into a barn where they find 3 sacks to hide in. One cop goes into the born and yells to other
"There's nothing in here, just 3 sacks" to which the other cop replies
"Kick the sacks and make sure they're not hiding in them"
So the cop kicks the first sack with the brunette in it and she goes "roof roof"
Oh its just a s**... dog the cop says. He kicks the second one with the other brunette in it and she goes "meow meow"
Oh its just a s**... cat.
So he kicks the last sack with the blone in it and she goes "POTATOES"
Fella rescued a damsel in distress.
Fella was heading home when he saw a lady beside the road with a flat tire. Being kind hearted, Fella stopped to change the tire for her. Lady was so thankful she invited Fella back to her place for a thank you drink. One thing lead to another and soon they were in the sack together. He realized the time and jumped up with a start. Running around getting his clothes on, he said, "What am I going to tell my wife?" "Wait, do you have any baby powder" he asked. "Certainly" she replied. He dusted his hands with the powder and headed home.
Walking in the door, he was greeted by his wife demanding to know where he had been. So he told her the truth, how he had stopped to change a woman's tire then wound up spending the afternoon in bed with her.
His wife looked at him for a moment, then grabbed his hands looking at them. She screamed at him, "You s**..., you spent the day playing pool again, didn't you?"
Three friends go snowboarding
Three friends go skiing at a ski resort and have a great time.
However, when night descends upon them, they seek shelter at the resort.
They stay up for a little bit telling jokes and talking, then decide to hit the sack.
But once they enter the room that they will be sharing, they realize something was very wrong.
There was only one bed!
So they went and complained to the staff and they told them that was the only room left. Begrudgingly, they decide to just share the bed.
They awaken the next morning all refreshed and happy.
The friend on the left said to the others,"hey guys, I had a dream about getting a h**..., it was the best dream I ever had!" "That's weird, I had the same dream," the friend on the far right said. The friend in the middle said to the others, "Well that surly is strange, for I dreamt I was skiing."
Yeah, I heard she's amazing in the sack...
... We'll be getting third- no, wait!
Second! Easy!
A Russian, German and p**... just robbed a bank. They all jump on a train to get away from the cops...
They all climb on board a cargo car carrying pets and supplies. The crew hears the the conductor coming and hides. The Russian hides near some dog cages, sees the conductors flashlight and barks a few times. The conductor moves on, and shines his light towards the cat cages where the German hid. Right away, the German meowed and the conductor moved on without pause. Finally, as the conductor moved towards the back of the car, he approaches a sack of potatoes the p**... has hid in. He kicks the sack and the p**... yells out "PO-TA-TO"!
Swimming
So i translated this Serbian joke (but i dont speak english good) hope that u will get it
Two friends are talking and one say :
-My mom married again, and my step-father is teaching me how to swim!
-So, how is it going?
-Nice! I already learned how to get myself out of the sack!
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman..
..are in the trenches surrounded by the enemy with no way of escaping The Englishman sees three sacks and says right boys follow my lead.
They each get in a sack and as the enemy approaches they poke the bag with their bayonetted.
"Meow meow" says the Englishman.
"Ah it's just some kittens, leave them be were not that cruel. "
They poke the Scotsman.
"Woof woof"
"Ah just puppies leave them be"
Then they poke the Irishman
"Potatoes!"
I used to tell this joke all the time in elementary school
Two guys are running from the cops at night. One is smart and the other is s**....
They get tired of running, so they decide to hide in a shack they come across. The smart one hides inside an animal cage, and the s**... one hides inside a potato sack.
The cops start searching the shack and they are about to look inside the cage when the smart one goes, "meow meow!" The cops say "oh, that's just a kitten" and continue searching.
Then when the cops are about to look inside the potato sack, the s**... one goes, "potato, potato!"
After years of searching for his missing journalist father, a man gets a call from the U.S. Embassy...
I regret to inform you that we've located your father's remains. They were found buried in a sack somewhere in Iraq.
Oh no! Baghdad?
Try to remember how he lived, not how he died.
Police chase
So a blonde, brunette, and redhead have just robbed a bank and are running from the cops, and they decide to ditch their car and hide in a barn.
The redhead hides behind a horse
The brunette behind a cow
And the blonde behind a rather large sack of potatoes.
As the cops come in, they investigate the stalls and first come to the horse stall
The redhead makes a neighhhhhh and the cops move one
They get to the cow stall, where the brunette goes moooooo
And when they get to the blondes stall, she has to think quick in order to save the group, so she simply replies poooootaaaaaatoooooo
I hate being an adult in times like these, $5 used to get you 12 eggs, a bar of chocolate a massive bag of sweets, milk, a sack of potatoes, a bottle of v**......
Shame for cameras in stores...
Three boys are hanging around a farm trying to get a glimpse of the farmer's daughter showering.
The farmer notices them and he grabs his shotgun. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. The farmer arrives at the barn, and notices the 3 sacks.
He kicks one. From the sack, a sound comes out: Meow!
"Must be a cat." He moves on.
Kicks the second sack: Woof! Woof!!
"Must be a dog." He moves on.
He kicks the third sack: The sack says: "Potatoes!"
Bills
Two thieves break into a bank after a lot of difficulty. Hearing police sirens, they each grab a sack from the vault and run for their lives.
8 months later, after the commotion about the robbery dies down, the thieves meet up casually to talk at a bar about the robbery:
Thief 1: Hey man!! It's been a long time!
Thief 2: Yeah it sure has been long.
T1: What did you get in your sack?
T2: I sure struck gold! I found lots of $500 bills.... I bought a new mansion, married, donated some to charity and put the rest in the bank. Life is amazing! What about you?
T1: I found bills in my sack too.
T2: What did you do with the money?
T1: I'm trying to pay them off one by one......
Why does santa claus have the biggest t**... in the world?
He gets to empty his sacks only once a year.
This is a portuguese joke so idk how well it will be in English but...
A man orders rice and beans in a restaurant. When his meal comes he notices a little fiber in his food and tells the waiter. The waiter then explains theres nothing to worry about, its just from the sack of beans. However the man still insists on getting another plate. The waiter, complying, yells out to the chef "yo beans, make another plate".
My last internship interview
Interviewer: I hope you have manners. We sacked the last guy for disrespect. He compared me to a bird
Me: Wow, I can never do that ma
Interviewer: Good. So you're here for the mentorship program?
Me: Yes ma, take me under your wing
Interviewer: Get out of my office
I have trouble keeping their jobs these days...
First I was working at a potato farm, but then I was sacked.
Next it was the tuna factory, but then I was canned.
Next I tried being a lumberjack, but then I got axed.
Next I found an opening at the crematorium, but then I was fired.
Next I s**... up at the gun manufacturers, so I was quickly discharged.
Next I was printing thesauruses, but then my job was made redundant.
Now I'm growing magenta bananas, but I think I might get a pink slip.