Getting Old Birthday Jokes

21 getting old birthday jokes and hilarious getting old birthday puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about getting old birthday that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Getting Old Birthday Short Jokes

Short getting old birthday jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The getting old birthday humour may include short birthday old jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend is turning 32 years old...I've told her not to get her hopes up. After all..we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute."

    "thirty-second birthday."
  2. How can you tell that you're getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
  3. You know you're getting old when... By the time you've lit the last candle on the birthday cake, the first one has burned out.
  4. You know you're getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.
  5. My mom's favorite part of my birthday is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.
  6. What did the blind, innocent, sweet, paraplegic 7 year old boy get for his birthday? Cancer.

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Getting Old Birthday One Liners

Which getting old birthday one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with getting old birthday? I can suggest the ones about old man birthday and birthday old man.

  1. Happy birthday is my favorite song. Because it never gets old.
  2. What did the old man get for his birthday? Cancer.

Rib-Tickling Getting Old Birthday Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about getting old birthday you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean getting old jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make getting old birthday pranks.

A Jewish man is turning 40 years old...

So his mother decides to send him 2 neckties. On his birthday, she calls him.
"Happy Birthday, son!" "Thanks, mom." Replies the man.
"Did you get the ties I sent you?" Asks his mother. "Yes," says the man, "in fact I'm wearing one right now." "So what's wrong with the other one?"

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday.

Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for "Name of your former bank."
After a slight hesitation, she put down: "Piggy."

Dad bought me an e**... for my 18th birthday!

I was a little disappointed when she turned out to be old, smelled terrible and was filfthy. She definitely had a ton of experience but she was very rusty.
I asked Dad to get his money back, I don't like Fords.

There's an old man who lives next door to me.

He wanted to get his grandson a gift for his birthday, but he couldn't remember the name.
He called me and asked me about the name of that toy that "always comes back to you".
Long story short, the boomer rang.

The 90th birthday

An elderly man is celebrating his 90th birthday down at the nursing home and all his friends decide to surprise him by getting him a present. So they wheel in this massive cake and out pops a beautiful young women who looks at the old man and says:
"Hi, I can give you some super s**...!"
So the old man says "Well uuuh... I guess I'll take the soup"

It's a Jewish man's 95th birthday

His friends decided last minute they would get him a stripper. The only person available was about 70 years old.
At his party, the stripper, tassels at her knees, was giving the old man a lap dance when she said,
"Ooh baby. I'm gonna give you some supa s**... tonight!" To which he replied,
"I'll have the soup"

An old man wants to get life insurance

The employee working at the insurance company asks:
'How old are you, sir?'
'I'm 102.'
'102?! And you wanna get life insurance at *your* age? You know what? Come back tomorrow.'
'Tomorrow ain't good. We'll be celebrating my dad's birthday.'
'Your dad's birthday?! How old is he?'
'He's 139.'
'Okay, come back next week then.'
'Next week is definitely a bad time for me. We're gonna have a week-long party for my grandfather's wedding.'
'Your grandfather's weddig?! How old is he?'
'He's 164.'
'And he wants to get married at *his* age?'
'Nah, he doesn't, it's just that his parents are forcing him...'

It's a Mob boss' 80th birthday

Three henchmen gathered around to see what they should do for his 80th. One of the henchmen says
The boss is old, he hasn't seen many women.
Another henchman says
We should get him something super
The third henchman says
Maybe a stripper?
All of the henchmen say at once
A super-stripper! Great idea!
They all go to a exclusive club and they sit the boss down, the henchmen pitch their idea,
Hey boss, considering we are at a club and it's your 80th birthday, we got you a super-stripper!
The boss, who is hard of hearing, replies
A what?
The henchmen all yell
The boss says back to all three henchmen,
I'll take the soup

When does a regular joke become a dad joke?

When the punchline becomes apparent. Except for the fact it decided to stop being one and mysteriously vanished one night, cleaned out our joint bank account, never calls, never showed up to court, never remembers the kids' birthdays, never made their little league games, refuses to pay child support, refuses to get a job to avoid wage garnishment, and yet somehow manages to go on vacations to Mexico with their f**... 20-year-old girlfriend Chastity. F**K YOU, ALAN!!!

It's my wife's birthday

And all she ever want was a fast car. Something to get her old heart pumping. She always hated me because i couldnt afford her nice things. She demanded that I get her something that can go from 0 to 200 faster than anything she's ever seen. Otherwise she would leave me. On the morning of her birthday I told her to go check the driveway. She went out and all she saw was a cardboard box. Furious, she questioned what it was. I told her to open it. Inside was a brand new scale.

A man is celebrating his 60th birthday..

A man is celebrating his 60th birthday, and his sons decide that they should do something special for him since he lost his wife over a decade ago and never tried to get back into dating.
So they hire a p**... and tell her to go to his house that night. The young, voluptuous woman strolls up to the door at half past 9 and rings the doorbell. After a few minutes and some grouchy yelling from the house, the old man opens the door.
The woman says, in her best s**... voice, "Hello George, I'm here to give you super s**..."
He looks her up and down briefly and says "Eh, I'll take the soup".