Get Well Jokes
54 get well jokes and hilarious get well puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about get well that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Get Well Short Jokes
Short get well jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The get well humour may include short get better jokes also.
- How do you get rich in Ancient Greece? Well, step one, become an oracle. Step two: Prophet.
- My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill... So, I sent him a 'Get well Soon' card.
- My wife phoned me, panting and breathless. "Where are you?" she moaned.
"I'm at the pub." I replied.
She said, "I think the baby's coming!"
I said, "Well, he won't get in. He's underage." - Well, you won't get called a racist for criticizing the President anymore... ...you'll just get called a racist for supporting him.
- I have a friend that accuses me of pushing him around and talking behind his back He is in a wheelchair and we get along quite well.
- Boss: "Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life"!! Me: "Well It got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago 2011
Boss: "Really"?
Me: "No" - My wife gave me the silent treatment for a week... It ended when I told her "We've been getting along really well lately".
- Sarcasm doesn't get you anywhere Me: well it got me to the sarcasm world championships in peru 98
Really
Me: No - Earlier today I saw the Facebook group 'kids vs cancer' Well, it turns out writing "my money is on cancer every time" is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail.
- I told my friend with mesothelioma to get well soon. He told me he was trying asbestos he could.
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Get Well One Liners
Which get well one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with get well? I can suggest the ones about feel better and get better soon.
- Where do mansplainers get their water? From a well, actually
- Where does the know-it-all get his water? From a well, actually.
- What do you call a hole where you get water? Well?
- The water got turned off at my friend's house I told him to Get Well Soon
- They say it's hard to get over your ex I think say 60mph does the job pretty well
- Dad do trees cry? They dew.
Poor dad joke and my 4 year old didn't get it. Oh well. - How did I get a date with a blind girl? Well, it was easy, she wasn't seeing anyone.
- How did you get pregnant ? Well those camouflage condoms my boyfriend used didn't work
- Well, might as well get this out of the way... Ghislaine Maxwell didn't kill herself.
- I'm thinking about digging a hole to get some water It's going well
- When I am away from home, I sometimes get love sick... Well they call it chlamydia
- How do you convince your neighbor to share their water with you? Try to get a long well.
- So a river gets blocked off. "Well I'll be dammed."
- Life is like a well paying job.. I need to get one
- Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? Because they have a common enemy
Get Well Soon Jokes
Here is a list of funny get well soon jokes and even better get well soon puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I heard about this little village in Africa where everybody is dying of thirst... So I sent them a "Get Well Soon" card.
- My friend in Africa was complaining about the lack of drinking water in his village. So I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
- Wet Joke My Uncle Forgot to pay his water bill the other day.
I sent him a get *well* soon card - A Week Off A Scottish man is at home because he had a week off, his wife asked, 'Why are you still at home, its 1pm?' He answered, 'I have a week off.' She then replied, 'Get well soon!'
- After once again being unable to pay my bill, the water company sent me a card this morning. Get Well Soon
- At the Hallmark store "Do you sell sympathy cards?" I asked at the Hallmark store.
"Yes we do." replied the clerk.
"Good," I said, "could I exchange this 'Get Well Soon' card for one?" - Here's one I came up with tonight: What kind of rocks are best at making "get well soon" cards? Sentimentary rocks.
- There's a sick killer criminal in my town. We sent him get well soon cards.
- I once went to a modeling contest... Not only did I get dead last, but I also received 508 get well soon cards.
- My friend fell sick because he couldn't pay his water bills.... I hope he gets Well soon!
Howlingly Hilarious Get Well Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about get well you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean heal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make get well pranks.
Trump got COVID...
Well my wife and I don't see eye to eye politically. One was happy, the other worried... you understand. So after much debate, we came to a compromise: we sent him a get well soon card that said stay positive.
I am sick
Once I was traveling from Mumbai to Singapore. A woman sitting next seat continued looking at me. I understood that this lady had never seen a Sikh person before.
Midway in the flight when the tea and snacks were served, I struck a conversation with the lady.
Her name was Margarita and she belonged to Spain.
She asked, "what are you?"
I replied, "I am Sikh."
"I am sorry," said the young lady, "hope you get well soon."
I replied,"no dear, I am not sick as that of the body, I am Sikh as of religion."
She shook hands with me and said, "it is nice meeting you, I am also sick of religion."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman wakes up in hospital after having a v**... tuck. There are three bunches of flowers beside her bed.
One from her surgeon saying "all went well".
The second from her husband saying " I love you, get well soon".
The third was from Tommy in the burns ward saying "Thanks for the new ears .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I took a sick day and lied that I had constipation
My boss bought it and even said he hopes I get well soon and stop being so full of s**...
My friend had to go get a wound stitched
I told him to get well sewn.
I went to the doctor and said my family are all sick of me playing the guitar
He said, if you keep picking it they won't ever get well.
2016 is like a crisp autumn wind on a clear day in Venice
It blows.
(Get well soon Carrie)
What do you say to a man who's fallen ill from dehydration after their water supply was cut off?
Hope you get well soon.
My friend heard about an African village trying to raise enough money to sink a well for fresh water. He sent them a cheque for $100...
...I sent them a "Get well soon" card
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Magician told me to pick a card... so I kicked him in the nuts and said, "I pick 'Get Well Soon'".
While meeting a sick person..
American says : Get well soon
Britisher says : Wishing you speedy recovery
INDIAN..
Recently one of my relatives expired due to the same illness
I Am Sikh
Khushwant Singh told a friend:
"Once I was travelling from Mumbai to Singapore. A woman sitting next seat continued looking at me. I understood that this lady had never seen a Sardar before. Midway in the flight when the tea and snacks were served, I struck a conversation with the lady. Her name was Margarita and she belonged to Spain.
During the conversation, she asked, "what are you?"
I replied, "I am Sikh."
"I am sorry," said the young lady, "hope you get well soon."
To this I replied,"no dear, I am not sick as that of the body, I am Sikh as of religion."
The lady was very pleased and shook hands with me and said, "it is nice meeting you, I am also sick of religion." "
I sent a postcard to an African tribe suffering from drought
'Hope you get well soon'
A store owner was tellimg his goods to "get well soon" and "rest well".
Turns out that he thought his clothes were sick.
I have been thinking about getting into writing cards for Hallmark. Here is the first go: outside Get well
Inside: Hung! Happy Gender Reassignment Surgery!
hope you get well soon!
doctor:"i am sorry, but you're gonna die."
patient:" no! how mucht time do i have?"
doctor:"five..."
patient:"five what? months? weeks???"
doctor:"four, three, two..."
Got my girlfriend a Get Well Soon card
Maybe if she had listened she wouldn't have died of thirst
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.
However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest.
Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily.
Written in large black letters was the sentence.
"Get well quick..... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."
