germany Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious germany puns

A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.

She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."

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The most German joke I know (source: am German): Why are there so few crimes in Germany?

Because its illegal.

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A Portuguese, a Greek, and a Spaniard go into a brothel. Who pays?

Germany.

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"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"


"That's easy, Berlin."


"And the capital of France?"


"Berlin"


"And the one of Poland?"


"Also Berlin."


"Good job Adolf, good job!"

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A mother is helping her son study for a test

She asks him "What is the capital of Germany?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then asks "What is the capital of France?"

He replies "Berlin."

She asks "What is the capital of Russia?"

He replies "Berlin."

She then hugs him and says "Great job Adolf, you'll do so well on your geography exam!"

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Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives.

A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:

cop: name?

Otto: Otto

cop: address?

Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin

cop: Occupation?

Otto: no, just visiting...

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called the UPS office in Germany to ask if they were sending out my Oculus Rift

they said VR ready

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My friend is visiting Germany this week. I suggested he might want to make it a permanent move.

There's fewer Nazis over there.

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A mother was helping her son study for a test

She asked him, "What is the capital of Germany?"

He replied, "Berlin."

She then asked, "What is the capital of France?"

He replied, "Berlin."

She asked, "What is the capital of Russia?"

He replied, "Berlin."

She then hugged him and said, "Great job Adolf, you'll do so well on your geography exam!"

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A boy is studying for his geography quiz

His mom asks him:

"What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin", says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin."

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin."

"You're so smart, Adolf, I know you'll do great on your quiz."

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Germany opens a summer school for kids with ADD

Its a concentration camp

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If you ever feel your job is pointless.

Just remember: there is some bloke in Germany putting indicators on BMWs

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What do you call a bra in Germany?

A Stoppemfromfloppen

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A Russian grandpa arrives at German airport

He goes to the young girl who is in charge of border control and she asks after checking the passport

"Good morning, First time in Germany?"

"First time I'm visiting my son who lives here, but I've been here before"

"Weird, your passport doesn't have a stamp on it, How did you arrive last time?"

"T-34, I was the gunner"

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My friends in Germany were complaining that they couldn't find a good bagel anywhere...

well whose fault is that?

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So I just got back from a trip in Germany, and I realized how awful American children are.

While they may be nice and all where I live in NYC, kids in Germany are kinder.

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Geography class

-Whats the capital of Germany?

-Berlin teacher

-Whats the capital of France?

-Berlin again teacher

-Whats the capital of Poland?

-Still Berlin teacher

-Adolf! If you keep this up you'll fail geography!

-We'll see about that

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How did Hitler originally get into power?

"Let's make Germany great again"

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ATTENTION: This afternoon I will attempt to travel back in time and change history.

You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.

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I ate a bad burrito and now I feel like Nazi Germany

A lot of gas and I'm fighting a war on 2 fronts

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In Germany, online jokes can be given as a sign of thanks.

They call them danke memes.

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In America, it's called Alt Right

In Germany, it's called "This is Why Grandpa Lives in Argentina"

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A Greek, a Spaniard and a Portuguese all walk into a bar. Who pays?

Germany.

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There has been a controversial story in the news where a man in Germany got in a fight with a women after referring to her as "a vagina."

Can you imagine a world where people are called by their genitals? What a dick!

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What is the difference between Germany and the bermuda triangle?

The bermuda triangle has three points.

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The Polish farmer

During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country.
One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer.
- Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him.
After some thinking, the farmer answered
- I'd like to belong to Germany.
- Why is that?
- Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold

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A mother is helping her son study for a geography quiz.

She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin" says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin"

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin"

"Good job Adolf, you'll do great on your quiz tomorrow."

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Best One Liner of the World Cup So Far...

Let's face it... That's not the first time Germany has gone into Russia unprepared...

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Why was Germany able to accept so many refugees so quickly?

They already had all the camps set up.

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What's green and flies over Germany ?

Snazis.


This insanely corny joke brought to you by my Dad, circa 1990.
May he rest in peace!

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As usual for Germany ...

they perform better in '14 than in '18.

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How does Germany pay for all these refugees?

Krautfunding.

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How do you get to Nazi Germany

It's on the third right

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Talking about the American Dream in a college class and the prof asks:

To a student from Germany, "Is there a Germany Dream?" He responded, "There was, but no one liked it."

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From my Botswanan friend

A man dies and goes to hell.

He finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.

He goes to Germany Hell and asks, 'What do they do here?'
... He is told 'first they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day'.
The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.

He checks out the USA Hell as well as the Russia Hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.

Then he comes to the BOTSWANA Hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, 'What do they do here?'

He is told 'first they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
The BOTSWANA devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.

'But, that is exactly the same as all the other hells why are there so many people waiting to get in?' asks the man.

Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work.
The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on.
And the BOTSWANA devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in;
signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business.'

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What are the most funny Germany jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Germany? Well, here are the best Germany dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Germany pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes