German Word Jokes
41 german word jokes and hilarious german word puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about german word that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest German Word Short Jokes
Short german word jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The german word humour may include short german language jokes also.
- I asked my German friend, What's a three letter word for compete? Friend: Vie.
Me: Because I'm trying to finish a crossword. - I've spent the day in a German police station. Word to the wise… Don't go hailing a taxi in Germany like you do in other countries.
- What would Germans call a painfully offensive joke? Ouchwitz
>say ouch when offended or in pain
>Witz is the German word for joke
>sounds like auschwitz
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German Word One Liners
Which german word one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with german word? I can suggest the ones about mean german and german nein.
- What is the German word for a bra? stoppenfromfloppen
- Why don't the Germans care about the word, 'nichts'? It means nothing to them.
- The Germans really do have a word for everything. It's *alles* by the way.
- What do you call the German word for Vaseline? Derweinerslider
- What's the German word for empathy? Schadenfreude
- Today I learned the German word for 'Brazier' *Schtopemfromfloppin*
- If a bag has a bunch of German words in it... Does that make a Deutschbag?
- German's favorite english word Armistice
- The German word for thank you sounds like a Canadian memeist. Dank, eh?
- I recently found out the German word for g**... Rap... Glockenspiel.
- What is the German word for v**...? Goesentite
German Word Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about german word you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean german car jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make german word pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Czechoslovakian and the German
A Czech and a German entered into a contest. The point of the contest was to guess the right 7 numbers and win an all expense paid trip to Alaska to hunt a grizzly bear. The contest ended and it turns out the two men guessed the same winning numbers, so both got to go on the hunt.
After arriving in the camp and getting settled they decide to head out tomorrow with the guide to hunt the mighty bear. But the next day the guide is feeling under the weather so the two men decide to go out alone. After hiking through rugged mountains for hours they come into a clearing and see two bears, a male and a female. The German takes aim and pulls the trigger... "Click"! The all expense paid trip didn't come with ammo. The sound startled the bears and they charged. The Czech pulls his knife and rushes at the bears. The German tries to pull his p**... but stumbled backwards, hit his head, and fell into a river. When he comes to he sees the guide kneeling over him.
After being briefed on the situation they
decide to track the bears and save the Czech. They find the female bear chewing on a boot, the guide takes aim and... "Bang!", the bear is dead. The two men cut open the bear and her stomach is empty except for a few fish. The German utters the immortal words," The Czechs in the Male"
English couple adopt a German baby boy 'Engelbert'....
.....now six years old Engelbert has never spoke a word, everyone just assumed he is mute.
Then one day at the breakfast table Engelbert shouted (with a typical German accent) mummy these sausages are not cooked through!
Mummy rushed across and shocked with disbelief said Engelgert you can talk, how come you never said anything for six years?
(German Accent again) Engelbert replied up until now everything has been quite satisfactory.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Finnish WWII air force verteran was about to give a talk to an American high school.
He was stereotypically Nordic: pale skin, fair hair, and a heavy accent.
He introduced himself and began with a vivid description of his first dogfight in the Lapland War. "Literally the moment after we take off and got through the fog we saw them. Eight pesky Fokkers were spread out and firing in front of me and my buddies. We had to go in defense position and try to outflank them, but they got flight leader. On second approach we shot a few down and dispersed the rest. On third approach I shot two Fokkers down, but another one got me in the rudder. I went into tail spin and had to bail out. Luckily the f**...-"
The principal of the school suddenly interjected, as at this point nearly everyone was laughing. "Now, students, please be respectful of our guest and where he is from. As some of you may know, a Fokker," the principal said slowly, carefully pronouncing the word, "is a type of German fighter plane used in World War II. There is no need to-"
The Finn had to interrupt, "Excuse me Mr. Principal, actually Fokker is Dutch. We were shooting down Messerschmitts."
One fish says to another fish
One fish says to the other fish "Hi!" The other fish says "Where?"
The joke here is of course that the word "Hi" sounds like the German word "Thai" which means shark. The other fish was German.
Joke I heard while in Hungary
Two cops are standing by the street side in New York City. A foreigner approaches them looking slightly panicked.
"Parlez vous Francais?" He asks them. The cops, not knowing a word of French merely shrug their shoulders at the man.
Frustrated, he asks them, "Ustedes hablan español?" Again, the cops merely shrug.
The foreigner continues with the same result with Dutch, Russian, and German. Eventually, he leaves, knowing that there's no hope for him to communicate with the officers.
"I keep telling you we should learn more languages!" says one cop to the other.
"Why?" he responds. "That man knows five, and it didn't get him anywhere."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three spies are captured in london
One is German, one is French and the other is italian. First they interrogate the German spy and after 3 hours of t**... he talks and is thrown back into the cell with the others. Then the French spy is interrogated, and after about 8 hours of t**... they get him to talk and throw him back with the others. Last they interrogate the Italian spy and after 20 hours of t**... and failing to make him say a word they give up for the day and throw him back with the others. When he is back in the cell with the other spies asked him, "how did you last that long without saying a word"?
Then the Italian man says,
"I was trying to speak but they had my hands strapped down and I wasn't able to move them".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tom Swift's best moments.
"German sausage jokes are the wurst," Tom said frankly.
"I got cut in half," Tom said intuitively.
"I will never read Shakespeare," Tom said unwillingly.
"I lost my legs right under the ankles," Tom said defeatedly.
"Who turned out the lights?" Tom asked dimly.
"I don't know the words to this song," Tom said humbly.
"I lost my wrists," Tom said offhandedly.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Italian, a German, and a Brit get captured by the enemy...
Every night a guard would take them one at a time out of their cell and into the interrogation room, tie them up, and t**... them to try to get information.
The Brit caved after the first night, the German caved after the second night. The Italian had lasted 7 days and still hadn't said a word. They asked him "hey guy, why don't you just tell them something so this can all be over for you?"
The Italian responded "how do they expect me to talk with my hands tied behind my back?"
A young boy asks his grandfather
A young boy asks his grandfather:
"What's the most common English expression?"
The Grandfather, full of wisdom, says, "I love baseball and apple pie."
Puzzled, the boy shrugs it off and continues.
"So, what's the most common German expression?"
Without skipping a beat, the Grandfather says, "David Hasselhoff is the best."
The boy wrinkles his nose in disbelief, but presses on.
"OK then, what's the most common French expression?"
Suddenly, the Grandfather stops. He looks worried. He hesitates, wringing his hands in concentration. He begins to speak, but can't get the words out. His confidence gone, he quietly mutters...
"I give up."
Three men are trying to enter America for the first time
and are coming from Germany, China, and the Dominican Republic. They are told that they can become a citizen if they use the words green, pink, and yellow in a sentence.
The German is up first. He says, I love looking at pink and yellow flowers in the green grass, it looks beautiful. His sentence was good enough and he was given citizenship. The Chinese man is up next and says, I love looking at all your green money, mine was weird, pink and yellow. He gets in too.
Now time for the Dominican. He thinks long and hard and he finally says, When the phone greens, I pink it up and say yellow?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The final word on nutrition and health.
The final word on nutrition and health.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In German you use "Herrlich" for Good or well. Notice that the word contains "Herr" which means "Man". Now let's look at s**... "Dämlich".
"Dame" means "Woman"
The german baby
A couple adopts a german baby, and eagerly wait for its first words. The baby turns one,...then two...and three...and nothing, the parents begin to worry, and have him examined by a doctor, but the doctor can find nothing wrong...another year goes by, and still nothing.
One day, when he's four, as they are sitting down to dinner, the kid says, 'This apple strudel is a bit tepid.' The parents are overjoyed that their son has finally spoken, and ask him, ' Wolfgang, after all these years you've finally said something! Why didnt you say anything earlier?'
The kid answers, ' Up till now, everything was satisfactory.'
Old German joke
An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, The soup is cold."
His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"
The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."
Linguists from France, Italy, and Germany were debating which language was the most beautiful.
The German representative was waving his hand frantically to be chosen to speak, when the French representative began to speak.
"French is certainly sublime. Consider the word Papillon. How could the word for butterfly be more beautiful than the butterfly itself
The German is dying to speak, but then the Italian chimes in.
"Italian is as beautiful as French. Our word for butterfly is Farfalle, also more beautiful than the insect itself"
Finally it's the German's turn. He is dying to speak and blurts out,
"AND VAT IS WRONG WITH SCHMETTERLING!?"
A German boy never uttered a single word growing up.
Then ,one day, aged 5, while sitting at breakfast, he looked up from his plate and said in perfect German - 'The toast is burnt'...to which the family were amazed at. 'You can speak, that's amazing, why have you never spoken until now?'
He replied: 'There was nothing wrong until now'