Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That's the best I've done so far.
Yesterday, he brought his dog along.
A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...
Bit of British humour right there ;)
It's a pretty good ยต-boat.
The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sรฌ"
"Ja"
*Police officer:* "Name?"
*German:* "Heinrich Klimt"
*Police officer:* "Age?"
*German:* "31"
*Police officer:* "occupation?"
*German:* "No, no. Just visiting"
Because its illegal.
One. Because we are efficient and not very funny.
Nothing. German engineering is flawless.
He was the shittiest mechanic the luftwaffe had.
One. We are efficient and dont have humour.
My german girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10.
Last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done.
He reached passport control and the officer asked:
"Name?"
"Hans Kleiner"
"Age?"
"31"
"Occupation?"
"No no, just visiting"
How do you tell an Optimist German from a Pessimist German? The Optimist studies English, while the Pessimist studies Russian.
Nothing. Our engineering is perfect.
No matter how kind you are, German kids are kinder.
He was easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
We used to rate our sexual experiences out of 10.
We tried anal once and she yelled out 9! 9! the whole time
My best ever score.
...a border control asks him
"Occupation?"
German: No just visiting.
He was easily the worst aircraft mechanic the Luftwaffe has ever had.
Likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale from 1 to 10.
Last night I tried anal. She kept yelling "9". You will never believe it, that's my best rating yet.
The performer suddenly realizes that these men have a poor view so he gets on a small platform. "Can you all see me now?" He asks them.
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sรญ"
"Ja"
Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"
"No, just here for a few days."
รรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรรร....
A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:
cop: name?
Otto: Otto
cop: address?
Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin
cop: Occupation?
Otto: no, just visiting...๏ปฟ
When suddenly the dog slips and falls in to the rough sea below. Distraught, she begins to scream for help as the waves drag the dog deeper and deeper. Out of nowhere a German man dives in, brings it ashore, resuscitates it and the dog gets up as if nothing has happened. The woman, who is incredibly thankful to the man says Thank you so so much, you've saved my dogs life, are you a vet?? to which the German man replies VET??? I'M FUCKING SOAKING
Like, are you just yelling your age or are ten of us too many?
Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*
Overheard at the White House:
Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."
Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."
Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".
Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.
Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.
Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"
The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.
He's stopped at customs. The officer asks him, "Name?"
"Hans Muller" replies the German.
"Occupation?"
"No, just visiting this time."
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are watching a man do some juggling on the street. The juggler notices that the men can't see very well, and stands on some boxes.
"Can you all see me now?" He calls
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sรญ."
"Ja."
Dad: I never told you this but, my great grandfather died in the holocaust.
Me: Oh, man thats terrible.
Dad: Yeah, he got really drunk one night and fell off of the guard tower.
Weird right?
... when all of a sudden they see a hedgehog passing by. So, one of them shrugs and goes like, "Hm, I didn't even know they had public transportation here."
[my gf's fav joke, literal translation from German]
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about German? Well, here are the best German dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and German pick up lines to share with friends.