German Car Jokes

60 german car jokes and hilarious german car puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about german car that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest German Car Short Jokes

Short german car jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The german car humour may include short mean german jokes also.

  1. A german and an american are talking. "My country is so big, it takes me two weeks to drive from one side to the other," says the American. The German: "Oh, I used to have a car like that...".
  2. I recently bought a German car, but the navigation system is all messed up. It only gives directions to Poland.
  3. My Texan friends really seem to love German cars. Every time I see them, they smile, wave real friendly-like and say, "Audi!"
  4. What happens when you drive an expensive German luxury car into a tree Your Mercedes Bends
  5. I have the mind of a German Shepherd and the body of and old man... ...and they are both in the trunk of my car.
  6. What do you get when you drive a german compact car through a hail storm? A volkswagen Golf ball.
  7. A cowboy walks into a German car convention... He sees a beautiful woman, walks up to her and says, "Audi"
  8. I was going to buy a new Volkswagen but my Grandpa got angry at me because of what happened to him during WW2. Apparently, during WW2 my Grandpa had a succession of highly unreliable German cars.
  9. How are French cars and their military the same? Both are slow, don't work in the cold and are usually outperformed by Germans.
  10. I asked a German if he brought back any meat from the grocers. He opened his car boot to show me his spare veal.

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German Car One Liners

Which german car one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with german car? I can suggest the ones about german language and japanese car.

  1. A cowboy walks into a German car showroom and says, "Audi".
  2. A cowboy opens a German car dealership His business card says "Audi Partner"
  3. What'd the cowboy say when he walked into the German car dealership? Audi...
  4. a cowboy opens up a German car dealership Audi Partner
  5. Why are German cars so good? Because they know how bad the trains are.
  6. What do German car enthusiasts say in Texas? Audi
  7. What did the cowboy say as he walked into a German car garage? Audi
  8. Whats so good about german cars? They get from Berlin to Warsaw in one tank
  9. What kind of a belly button does a German car mechanic have? An Audi
  10. Some German cars are very quiet. They are barely audi-ble
  11. What did the German car say before driving off? I'm Audi!
  12. What kind of transmission do German cars have? Otto-matic.
  13. How do you know if a car is German? The GPS directions only lead to Poland.
  14. What does a car that has a German soul trapped inside it say? Warum
  15. Our Cars are clean - germans, alsways

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful German Car Jokes

What funny jokes about german car you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean german word jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make german car pranks.

English man Irish man Scotch man are in a desert, they got captured by the Germans.
The Germans say, I will give you one thing before you die.
The Englishman man say water, the Scotch man say whiskey, the Irish man says a car door.
The Germans say, why do you want a car door.
The Irish man says, because when it gets hot, it can wind down the window.

Why do Germans make such good cars?

To try and make up for the Holocaust.

Thread idea: Submit your non-US / Canadian / UK jokes and explain them.

My German friend told me this joke back in college (only makes sense if you're in Germany when you tell it).
>"Why did the Russian thief steal *two* cars?"
>"Because he had to drive back through Poland!"
(the racial stereotype being that Germans consider both Russians and Polish to be notorious crooks)
Anyways if you have some kind of racial / cultural joke that might be unfamiliar to english speakers, let's hear it! (and explain it for us if necessary)

I have the head of a German Shepard and the body of a 16 year old boy....

They're both in my car and I want you to see them.

What is globalization?

Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death
Question : How come?
Answer :
An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a
Canadian, using
Bill Gates' technology which he got from the
And you are probably reading this on
one of the IBM clones that use
Philippine-made chips, and
Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries
driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally
sold to you by a Chinese!

What car does a German pianist drive?


How do you say car troubles in German?

Mein Karmph

A Russian, German and p**... just robbed a bank. They all jump on a train to get away from the cops...

They all climb on board a cargo car carrying pets and supplies. The crew hears the the conductor coming and hides. The Russian hides near some dog cages, sees the conductors flashlight and barks a few times. The conductor moves on, and shines his light towards the cat cages where the German hid. Right away, the German meowed and the conductor moved on without pause. Finally, as the conductor moved towards the back of the car, he approaches a sack of potatoes the p**... has hid in. He kicks the sack and the p**... yells out "PO-TA-TO"!

When my grandfather came to America he was told the streets were paved with gold

And when he got to America he found out three things:
1. That the streets were not paved with gold
2. That the streets were not paved
3. That he was gonna be the guy paving them
[old Shelley German joke, told by Lorne Michaels in Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee]

Problems of language ( sorry for bad english)

Two Hungaryan policeman stops a car. The driver cant speak hungaryan so he tries to speak in english. The two policeman cant understan it and they just looking at the guy. Then the driver speaks to them in german, french, and a bunch of other languages. The policemen let him go. Then one of them says: Shouldnt we learn any languages? The other says: Why sould we? That guy knows so many languages but they still useless.

A r**... wants to buy a German car.

Audi partner!


They drive a German Car
They go to Irish Pubz
To drink Belgium beer
They get a Chinese Takeaway on the way back
They sit on Swedish furniture
They watch American films
On a Japanese TV
Most of all though they are suspicious of all things foreign
Courtesy of Rick Wakemam who I'm doing lighting for tonight. (super chill guy btw)

Audi's are more expensive than they have to be.

The German luxury car maker could sell much cheaper cars if they stopped shipping them with all those extra accessories that the owners never use anyways, like rear view mirrors, turn signals, side-view mirrors...

A man in a Trabi (old eastern german car) went to a gas station.

He said: "I'd like to have two windshield wipers for my Trabi, please."
The man in charge looked at the car and responded: "That sounds about fair."

A Frenchman, a German, and a Russian are arguing about cars.

The Frenchman says: We use the Renault for travel inside our country, and the Peugeot when we travel outside the border.
The German says: Ach, ja! We do that too! We use the Volkswagen for travel inside our country, and the Mercedes when we go to foreign countries.
The Russian then says: Well, we do something simmilar, we use Ladas for travelling inside the motherland, and tanks everywhere else.

One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".

Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, Skis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.
And the most British thing of all?
"Suspicious of anything Foreign "

Best vehicle from their country.

The devil told a Pole, a German and a Russian to bring the best vehicle from their country. The first one is a Pole with a small car (Maluch). The devil told him to break it. The Pole kicked once and the car fell apart. The second one is a German in a Mercedes. Kicks the car and nothing. He grabbed a stick and banged on the Mercedes. After an hour, the car broke down. The German stands next to the Pole, they look into the distance and laugh.
The Devil asks them:
- what are you laughing at?
- because the Russian is driving a tank.

Why did the Japanese name a car Datsun?

The Japanese built a new car but they could not agree on a name. They knew the Germans were really good at naming cars so they called them up on Friday and told them they need a name by Monday. The Germans said Dat soon?!

Russian, German and an Estonian

A Russian, German and an Estonian are having a flight together when the pilot tells them that each of them has to threw something out to reduce the weight of the plane. The German throw's out a car and say's that they have too many of them. The Russian then proceeds to throw out a Tank saying that they have too many of them. Then the Estonian proceeds to throw out the Russian saying that they have too many of them.

The German in Poland

A German once went on a business trip by car to Poland.
The Polish police pulled him over.
"What's the purpose of your visit?", the policeman asked.
"Business!" said the German.
"Occupation?" the policeman followed.
"No, no, no! Business, I said!" the German replied.

jokes about german car