Ger Jokes
103 ger jokes and hilarious ger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Ger Short Jokes
Short ger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ger humour may include short jokes also.
- What do you call a frozen hamburger? A ham-brrr-ger.
my 7yo claims she made it up herself. - I went to a Carl's Jr. the other day and noticed it was incredibly cold inside... Turns out I was at Brrrrr-ger King.
- A father wanted to name his kids with 'Ger' in their names. In succession, the first child was name Gerald, the next was named Geraldine. The father then had triplets. That was Germany.
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Ger One Liners
Which ger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ger? I can suggest the ones about and .
- What do you call someone with brown hair and a red beard? "Chin"ger
- What do you call a hamburger left out in the cold for too long? A hamburrrr-ger.
- The border Between Denmark and Germany should be named as, "The Den-Ger line".
- So i just learned Tiger Woods is part asian... He's Thai-ger Woods if you will.
- What does a ghost pick out of his nose? Boo-gers
- What did the hungry polar bear have for lunch A Bur-ger
- What do you call cold beef? Ham**brrrr**ger
- "Comic books aren't important." -Bill Maher "N**ger." -Bill Maher
Ger Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about ger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ger pranks.
By legalizing Cannabis and same-s**... marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:
**"A man who lays with another man should be s**...."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]
Edit1: a typo
Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!
is your refrigerator running?
If so, I may vote for it.
Congratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate!
The Voyager probe, flying away from earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour.
My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry
I'll return.
I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...
A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a b**... was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.
Apparently only DC movies can do that.
h**...
A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:
"Cheeseburgers: $5
Fries: $3
h**...: $10."
He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the h**...?"
"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.
"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
I never understood school shooting jokes
I guess they're aimed at a younger audience...
Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !
Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have s**....
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the c**... broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.
A lion would never drive while drunk.
But a tiger wood.
It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub. It's a 30 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
I angered two people by calling them hipsters...
Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.
I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no.
Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.
My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...
I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?
If someone calls you Fat, just ignore them.
You are bigger than that!
Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.
A guy just finishes his lasik surgery and his surgeon leads him in his office to discuss the surgery...
The surgeon asks if he wants the good news or bad news first.
The man excitedly ~~replys~~ replies, "I'll take the good news first."
The surgeon tells him, "well you're about to get a new dog."
Quarantine has turned us into dogs.
We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub.
It's a thirty five minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
What gets bigger the more you take from it?
The lower class.
Malaysian Airlines and United should merge
That way they can beat their passengers and no one will ever find out.
When I was younger, the local priest told me that I was the prettiest boy he'd ever seen.
I was touched.
Andrew Tate arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes
As any longer would mean they had to give him a free garlic bread.
I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said
"I want you to try to sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.
Eventually he called me and said "Bring my laptop back here right now!"
I said "$200 and it's yours."
You: Would you like a keto burger?
My anaconda: No.
I dropped my knife and cut off a toe
After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.
Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.
Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.
Me: No way. Whats the good news?
Doctor: The good news is the surgery was successful.
Me: What are you trying to say?
Doctor: You now have a Tic-Tac toe.
TIL in germany when someone is diagnosed with coeliac disease other coeliacs will chase and try and hit them with bread to make them feel welcomed.
It's called gluten tag.
I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.
Eventually, he called me on my phone and said, "Bring it back here right now!"
I replied, "£100 and it's yours."
I just got kicked out of karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" six times in a row…
They said I exceeded my maximum number of Loggins attempts…
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?
23andme is a fake, rip-off scam website.
The results of my ancestry came back 85% German and 10% Bavarian/Eastern European, but I know *FOR A FACT* that my grandparents came to the USA from **Argentina!**
Bad news: a message in German sent 110 years ago by homing pigeon was just found.
Worse news: it was an acceptance letter to art school.
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in August! I said, Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me? She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...
It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...
What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?
A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...
Bit of British humour right there ;)
The troubles of foreigners in Canada
A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.
"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'."
"Of course," said the manager. "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
**
I built a 1:1000000 model of a German submarine.
It's a pretty good µ-boat.
After s**... with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.
My girlfriend looked at me with her s**... eyes and said, "I want you to make me scream with your two fingers baby"
.... so I poked her in the eyes.
Translated from German, I hope this works: What's 3x3?
No
An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer
The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"
One day when I was young......
I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left.....never came back......I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.
I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".
I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.
A German got pulled over by the police in France
*Police officer:* "Name?"
*German:* "Heinrich Klimt"
*Police officer:* "Age?"
*German:* "31"
*Police officer:* "occupation?"
*German:* "No, no. Just visiting"
Schrodinger took his cat to the vet.
The vet said, I have good news and bad news.
How many Apple engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They no longer make that socket, you just buy a new house.
It's a five minute walk from my house to the bar. It's a 35 minute walk from the bar to my house.
The difference is staggering.
I just don't get how the german people could fall for h**... and the n**...
There were an awful lot of red flags.
Americans are getting stronger; 20 years ago, it took two adults to carry $50 worth of groceries.
Today, a 5 year-old can carry them!
What is a Pirate's favorite letter?
The one from the General Manager telling him he's been traded to the Mets.
Thanks to everyone who awarded this post! You're so kind .
A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang
One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."
The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"
"I don't know"
"Actress?"
"I don't know."
"Singer?"
"I don't know."
"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"
The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead."
My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn't working, goodbye."
I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.
A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."...
...The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."
The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"
A Canadian visits America and gets held at gunpoint by a stranger
The stranger says, "give me all your money and I'll let you live!"
The Canadian replies gleefully, "Oh! You must be what they call a doctor!"
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They're disgusted by his haircut, tattoos, and piercings. Later, when he leaves, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy."
"Oh, please, mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
What happens when you finger a gypsy on her period?
You get your palm red.
Tea is an evil substance. It is much more dangerous than beer.
I discovered this last night. I drank 15 beers up until 3 am in the pub while my wife was just at home drinking tea.
You should have seen how mad and violent she was when I got home. She threw the chair at me and kept screaming at the top of her lungs. On the other hand, I was quiet and peaceful and silently made my way to bed. But she kept cursing and shouting through the night and well into the next morning.
Please friends, if you can't handle your tea, you should not be drinking it. Please avoid drinking tea.
Don't you hate it when you're driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick it out the window and you drive for a couple more miles and smell something funny and you look over onto the back seat and sure enough..
Grandma's f**... herself again
A Canadian visits America...
... and gets held at gunpoint by a stranger.
The stranger says, "give me all your money and I'll let you live!"
The Canadian replies gleefully, "Oh! You must be what they call a doctor!"
Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?
She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.
Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They're appalled by his haircut, tattoos and piercings.
The boy leaves and the girl's mom remarks, Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy.
* Oh, come on Mom! If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 300 hours of community service? *
A man goes to the white house and asks to talk to president Trump.
A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. The man then leaves.
The man comes back the next day and again asks to speak to president Trump. The guard says "like I already told you he is no longer president".
This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president".
What's the opposite of lady fingers?
Mentos
(I will see myself out)
A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.
She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"What is the capital of France?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"What is the capital of Russia?"
"Berlin," says the boy.
"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."
My wife kicked me out of the house for my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger references, but don't worry...
I'll return
My grandfather swore by adding a spoonful of gunpowder to his tea every morning.
He said it was a very old remedy to help him live longer, and it worked: he lived to the ripe old age of ninety-seven.
He left a widow, two children, fourteen grandchildren and a fifty-foot crater where the crematorium used to be.
(True joke) In 1960, after winning his olympic gold medal, Muhammad Ali went to eat at a fancy downtown resteraunt.
When the waiter came over Ali asked for a cheeseburger.
Shocked to see a black man sitting in the resteraunt, the waiter announced "We don't serve n**...".
Ali: "Well I don't eat them either, just give me my d**... cheeseburger".
The most German joke I know (source: am German): Why are there so few crimes in Germany?
Because its i**....
German humor is like healthcare
Many Americans simply don't get it
Why do teenagers always travel in groups of 3, 5, or 7?
Because they can't even.
Now that Facebook changed their name to Meta, FAANG is not longer a valid abbreviation of the biggest 5 tech companies.
I'd like to suggest MANGA
Mr. Bigger and Mrs. Bigger have a baby. Who's the biggest in the family?
The baby of course - because he's a little Bigger.
A sea cadet is being examined: "Suppose you're at sea and a storm comes up, what would you do?"
Cadet: I'd throw out an anchor.
Examiner: And what if another storm comes up.
Cadet: I'd throw out another anchor.
Examiner: But what if an even bigger storm comes up?
Cadet: I throw out an even bigger anchor.
Examiner: But where are you getting all your anchors from?
Cadet: The same place you're getting your storms.
I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure…
So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.
The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
A woman sues a man for defamation of character, charging that he called her a pig.
The man is found guilty and made to pay damages. After the trial, he asks the judge, Does this mean that I can no longer call Ms. Harding a pig?
The judge says, That is correct.
And does it mean that I can't call a pig Ms. Harding?
No, says the judge, you are free to call a pig Ms. Harding. There is no crime in that.
The man looks Ms. Harding in the eye and says, Good afternoon, Ms. Harding.
Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....
Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!
Then silence.
A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, I'm terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!
A voice from the back of the plane yelled, Why don't you come here and see ours?
All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...
But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.
What's the most common operation in a LEGO hospital?
Plastic surgery.
[Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]
Stallone: I'm making a movie about composers. I'm playing Vivaldi.
VanDamme: I'll be Mozart.
Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I'm not saying it.
What was the guitar teacher arrested for?
f**... a minor