The Best 13 George Carlin Jokes

Following is our collection of funny George Carlin jokes. There are some george carlin tough jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these george carlin red puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest George Carlin Jokes and Puns

George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.

I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.

Guy runs a red light

A guy runs a red light. His passenger tells him not to do that, but the driver says "It's okay, my brother drives like this!" He runs another red light. His passenger tries to insist, the driver says again "I told ya, it's okay, my brother drives like this!" Then he comes up to a green light and stops. His passenger asks what he's doing now and the driver says "Well, my brother might be coming the other way!"

-George Carlin, I don't remember what standup special.

George Carlin joke, Guy runs a red light

We could use some George Carlin right about now.

But then he'd would be saying "I TOLD YOU SO!"

Comedians like Chris Farley and George Carlin were so good, they're a national treasure

Well, they used to be anyway

Now they're just buried treasure


I feel sorry for homeless gay people

They have no closet to come out of.

(Credits: George Carlin)

Men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide, even though women attempt it more.

So men are better at it!

\- George Carlin

George Carlin joke, Men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide, even though women attempt it more.

In memory of the late George Carlin

Catholics hate abortions.

Catholics hate homosexuals.

But who has less abortions than homosexuals?

"A team of medical scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy, however they claim that no one has shown the slightest but of interest" - George Carlin

In America, anyone can become President.

That's the problem.

~ George Carlin

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness.

Think of two of your best friends. If they are okay, then it must be you. - the late George Carlin

You can explore george carlin green reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean george carlin herbert dad jokes. There are also george carlin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


George Carlin came back to life and his new stand up routine is incredible.

It's called The Seven Words the CDC Can't Say on TV.

George Carlin:"Why do laxatives always say 'Works gently, overnight'?"

"What if I want something that works violently right now?"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the george carlin carlin jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working george carlin wrote piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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