George Bush Jokes
109 george bush jokes and hilarious george bush puns to laugh out loud. Read celebrity jokes about george bush that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest George Bush Short Jokes
Short george bush jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The george bush humour may include short george w bush jokes also.
- George Bush started cracking a 9/11 joke, but one of his advisors whispered, Too soon. It was September 10th.
- Did you hear there was a fire in George Bushes personal library? It was awful! Most of his books hadn't even been colored in yet.
- George W. Bush couldn't decide what country to invade next... He says, "It seems we're stuck between iraq and a hard place.."
- An actual quote by President George Bush "The problem with the french is that they don't have a word for entrepreneurs"
- George Bush and his son like to refer to each other as "41" and "43." I don't know why they'd be so proud of IQ's that low.
- BUSH AND BILL Jokes Q: Why was there so much confusion with the Secret Service after George W. Bush took over the White House?
A: Because President Bill Clinton's code name was also "Mr. Bush." - What was the main difference between the war in Vietnam and the war in Iraq? George Bush had a plan to get out of Vietnam.
- So Saddam Hussein was trying to give George Bush a high-five... But George Bush left him hanging.
- Say what you will about George W Bush, but he wouldn't have stood for North Korean aggression... He'd have invaded New Zealand by now...
- President George W. Bush was once informed that 4 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. He responded, "How many is a brazilian?"
Share These George Bush Jokes With Friends
George Bush One Liners
Which george bush one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with george bush? I can suggest the ones about president bush and bush.
- What did George Bush say when he was fighting in war? I ambush
- Why is George Bush in bed every night by 9:10? Because nothing good happens after 9:11.
- How did George Bush know there were WMDs in Iraq? He got the receipt. lol
- How did George Bush get Afghanistan pregnant? He never pulled out
- The Clock is Ticking... 9:09
9:10
George Bush
9:12
9:13 - If you push George W Bush into a vat of concrete. It would set a very bad president.
- George W. Bush would have stopped 5G, thus stopping COVID-19. He hates towers.
- Why would George W Bush be a bad blacksmith? He apparently can't melt steel beams.
- Roses are red... Harambes in heaven, George Bush had advanced knowledge of 9/11.
- Roses are red... Harambe's in heaven, George W. Bush did 9/11
- What is George W. Bush's favorite song? Twisted Sister - I Want Iraq
- George bush got stuck in concrete. That sets a bad precedent.
- Whats George W Bush's favorite game? Jenga
- What was George Bush's favorite drink? A milk shake.
- George Bush Sr said read my lips! Their blue.
Hilarious George Bush Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about george bush you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jeb bush jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make george bush pranks.
Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help.
They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning.
The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore.
Bush asks the boys how he can repay them.
The first boy says, "I want a boat."
The second boy says, "I want a truck."
The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone."
Bush asks, "Why is that?"
The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."
So, Donald Rumsfeld is briefing George Bush in the Oval Office.
"Oh and finally, sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today."
Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief.
He buries his face in his hands, muttering "My God...My God".
"Mr. President," says Cheney, "we lose soldiers all the time, and it's terrible. But I've never seen you so upset. What's the matter?"
Bush looks up and says..."How many is a Brazilian?"
When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St.
Peter wouldn’t let him in until he proved his identity.
Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise.
And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, “How do I know you’re Picasso?”
Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces.
St. Peter was convinced and let him in.
When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates.
“How can you prove to me you’re George W. Bush?” Saint Peter said.
Bush replied, “Well heck, I don’t know.”
St. Peter says, “Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you’re George W. Bush?”
Bush replies, “Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?”
St. Peter says, “It must be you, George, c’mon on in.”
President George W. Bush decides it is time to do some public relations at a local Washington DC nursing home.
The President begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn't seem to notice him.
Sensing this, President Bush backtracks to the resident and asks, "Do you know who I am?"
The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the front desk, they will tell you your name."
George W. Bush joke....
One morning while George was having breakfast, Condoleezza Rice walks in saying, "Mr. President, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in action yesterday." "Dear God, " he replied, "how much is a brazilian?"
George W. Bush and Karl Rove are talking...
Karl Rove walks into the Oval Office and says "Mr. President, I have some bad news. Four Brazilian soldiers died yesterday in Iraq" The president buries his head in his hands, crying "no! No! No! That's awful, that's terrible...." He pauses, collects himself, and says "wait.... How many is a Brazilian?"
What do Tyrone's dad and George Bush have in common?
They both cried over spilt milk.
President George W. Bush is sitting in his office...
...When one of his informants walks in to report,
"Mr. President, yesterday three Brazilian soldiers were killed by Al Qaeda."
Bush is silent for a moment as he holds his head in his hands in immense sadness.
"Sir, what's wrong?" asks the informant.
Bush brings his head up to look at the man and asks,
"How many is a Brazilian, exactly?"
The George W. Bush Library just opened...
It uses the Doofas Decimal System.
So George Bush is in his office...
His adviser comes in tells him, "Mr. President I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was an e**... at our embassy in South America, two Americans were killed as well as three Brazilian citizens."
Bush looks at him and says, "Oh my God... How many is a brazilian?"
So George W. Bush is in his office..
when his secretary of defense walks in, "we lost 2 Brazilians in Iraq today."
GW puts his head in his hands looks up very sullen and asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"
George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...
and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane c**... early this morning.
Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.
Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"
50th Anniversary Tour
This year, 60s rock group The Byrds will be embarking on a tour of the United States for the 50th anniversary of their formation. The band announced that former President George Bush will be joining them on stage for several of their songs, however, Bush will be playing both guitar and keyboards in order to cut costs. This just goes to show that a Bush in the band is worth two of the Byrds.
This is a very old joke that I'm sure most people have heard.
One day George W. Bush was walking through Washington when he spotted a boy selling week old "Republican Puppies", delighted he resolved to come back with reporters in a few weeks for his campaign. When he came back the boy was now selling "Democratic Puppies". Disgruntled he asked why and the boy said,
"They used to be Republican Puppies, but now they've opened their eyes."
George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...
...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.
He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."
Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.
The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.
Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"
George Bush was receiving his daily report from his Defense Secretary.
During the report, the secretary said; And yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. George suddenly went pale, put his head in his hands and began to sweat profusely.
His staff was astounded. They had never seen the president react like this to such a small loss. Then, after he had recovered slightly, the president brought his head up and quietly asked the aide next to him, "Just how many in a brazilian?"
What did the bicycle repairman done?
George Bush and Al Gore walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "what's up?"
Bush says "Well, tomorrow, I'm going to have the troops storm into iraq and kill 2000 Iraqis and one bicycle repairman.
The bartender replies "Oh my god, what did the bicycle repairman done to deserve this?"
Bush then turns to Gore and patted him on the back and says "See, i told you no one would care about those 2000 iraqis."
George Washington, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a boat.
The boat begins to sink.
George Washington stands up and valiently exclaims, "Save the Women!"
George Bush runs to the lifeboat, shouting, "Screw the women!"
bill clinton stands up and says excitedly, "Do we have time?"
George Bush sits in his office during the Iraq War.
During a meeting with the cabinet, his aide walks up to him and says "Mr. President, we've just received word that twelve Brazilian soldiers died yesterday in Iraq."
George puts his head in his hands and is visibly shaken by the news.
He looks up at the shocked cabinet members and asks "How many is a brazillion?"
What's George Bush's favorite thing to eat?
Rice.. Condoleezza Rice
George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally....
.....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity.
He yells at him, "Sir, you look a lot like a man from the old testament. Are you Moses?" Looking around, the man slowly shakes his head side to side denying the gesture. Bush is not convinced.. one more time he asks, "Sir, I don't see the need to lie to me; are you Moses?" Once again, a back and forth shaking of his head. Bush tells his security detail to interrogate him.
His lead security agent asks the man in complete confidence, "The beard, the cloak, the staff, the wrinkled skin... you look exactly like Moses." Moses replies, "Because I am."
Confused, the security agent asks, "Why didn't you just tell the president that then? What harm could it have caused?" As a matter of factly, Moses replies, "The last time I talked to a Bush, I was stranded in a desert for 40 years."
George W. Bush was once asked about his favorite political philosopher..
And he responded that it was Jesus.
List of the shortest books
1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.
2. Contraception by the Pope.
3. The American Guide to Etiquette.
4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.
5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.
6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.
7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.
8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.
9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.
10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.
The George Dubya Bush Presidential Library burned down…
All three books were destroyed.
Two of 'em hadn't even been coloured in yet.
George bush was attending a morning press conference...
Donald rumsfeld read the daily briefings aloud
"This morning, 3 Brazilian soilders were killed"
"OH MY GOD THATS TERRIBLE" Screamed the president
The room went silent, everyone was stunned by the presidents emotional outburst.
A moment passed when George asked in a quiet Texas tone "how many is three brazillion?"
o**... Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message
o**... Bin Laden sends George W. Bush a coded message to let him know he is still alive:-
"370H SSV 0773H." Bush is baffled. Condi Rice and her aides and even the FBI and CIA
can't decipher it. So they ask Britain's MI6 for help. Within a minute MI6 replies:-
"Er, tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
What's more popular than feminism on June 7th, 2015?
George W. Bush on October 3rd, 2008.
Bush Senior broke his neck
He was trying to show Jeb Bush how to dodge wrenches, hey Jeb if George can dog a shoe then I can dog wrench!
George HW Bush fell and broke his neck today
It's in the news. Today George HW Bush fell and broke his neck at home in Maine. Fox news is blaming it on Hillary. Donald Trump said his Mexican Maid pushed him down the stairs.
What´s the difference between George W. Bush and a Onion?
No one cries when you cut George Bush into half.
What is George W Bush's favourite part of a website address?
*Dubya Dubya Dubya*
George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.
George W. Bush challenged arnold schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.
Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger inspire George W Bush to become president?
A: Because he could explain the Bush administration's positions on civil liberties in the original German!
Arnold Swarzeneggar pushup contest.
Arnold Swarzeneggar challenged former President George W. Bush to a pushup contest, and the President accepted.
Swarzeneggar did 910,
But Bush did 911.
What kind of car does George Bush the younger drive?
A BMDubya!
Bill Clinton, George W.Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, "Save the women!"
George W. Bush hollers, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"
What does George Bush Jr and Michael Jackson have in common?
Bush did 9/11 and Jackson did 9 11 year-olds.
Moses Meets Dubya
George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, "I am George W. Bush, the President of the USA, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"
Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 years!"
Donald Trump is the most unifying voice in American politics.
When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?
It's 2004 and George W Bush is on the campaign trail...
He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress.
"Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"
Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says "How about a q**...?"
The waitress is appalled. "Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."
After she storms off, one of the president's advisors leans over and says "Hey, uh, George, it's pronounced *keesh*."
[ShowerThought] If George Bush had Affordable Healhcare Act
Would it have been called Bushcare?
Women and minorities feel betrayed by Trump being elected...
Now they know how smart people felt with George Bush.
Would would win a chess game between George Bush and o**... Bin Laden?
o**.... Why? Because George already lost two towers.
I heard George Bush Senior is in the hospital in critical condition...
I guess some people really would rather die than watch Trump be sworn in this Friday.
George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a job interview with God.
God asks Bush: What do you believe in?
Bush replies: I believe in a free economy, a strong America, the American nation and so on ...
God is impressed by Bush and tells him: Great, come sit on the chair on my right.
God goes to Obama and asks: What do you believe in?
Obama replies: I believe in democracy, helping the poor, world peace, etc. ...
God is really impressed by Obama and tells him: Well done, come sit on the chair on my left.
Finally, God asks Trump: What do you believe in ?
Trump replies: I believe you're sitting on my chair.
George Bush and his competitor got into a fist fight...
I got to say, it was Al Gore...
I just made a George Bush cocktail!
It costs $9.11
What would happen if Bill Clinton and George Bush had a child together?
The King of Funk.
George W. Bush visits Algeria.
As part of his program, he delivers a speech to the Algerian people: "You know, I regret that I have to give this speech in English. I would very much prefer to talk to you in your own language. But unfortunately, I was never good at algebra..."
What do h**... and George W. Bush have in common?
They both like to paint.
A blond, a rabbi, a schoolkid, a lawyer, a p**..., the pope, a pirate and George Bush walk into a bar...
The bartender says:
Is this a joke?
I heard people talking on the street today, they were saying that we should dry George W Bush in concrete
But I think that's setting a bad president
Who'd win in a game of chess, George Bush or Vladimir Putin?
Putin, 'cause Bush is missing two towers.
"Do you know who my favorite magician is?"
"David Copp-a-feel" - George H.W. Bush
George W Bush, Barack Obama, and Trump all die and go to heaven.
Upon arriving, God asks them respectively what they believe in.
Bush said he believes in American exceptionalism, the right to bear arms, and the free market.
God said alright, you can take this seat to my right.
Obama said he believes in everyone having Healthcare, equal rights for all, and sustainability.
God invited him to take the seat to His left.
Trump said "I believe you're in my seat"
George and Barbara Bush were driving through Texas...
...when the First Couple stopped at a restaurant.
Barbara Bush recognized the waiter was an ex-boyfriend from high school. George and Barbara had a friendly conversation with the waiter, and then continued their drive.
In the car, George Bush said to Barbara, "Can you imagine what life would be like if you'd married him instead of me?"
Barbara Bush replied, "Yes. He'd be President and you'd be serving coffee."
George Bush was sitting down at his desk during his morning briefing.
His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter c**....
George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.
Sir, is everything alright? stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, How many is a Brazilian?
What's the difference between George H.W Bush and Stephen Hillenberg?
One created a childish cartoon character that dominated TV screens in the 2000s, and the other one created Spongebob.
Why did George H.W. Bush want Jeb to be one of his pallbearers?
So he could let him down one last time
George Bush made Jeb Bush a pallbearer so he could let him down one last time.
Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport?
Because it's way to cold for planting Bushes in Maine.. told to me by my mother
Landscaping
Q: Why did a landscaper named George look startled when he went back to his project?
A: A Bush was missing from his clients lawn.
