The Best 75 Georg Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Georg jokes. There are some georg karl jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these georg george lopez puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Georg Jokes and Puns

George Foreman named all his kids George Foreman.

He even used the name when he had a little grill.

George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey got together to make a movie...

George Clooney said, "I'll direct."

Dicaprio said, "I'll produce."

And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."

George W. Bush joke....

One morning while George was having breakfast, Condoleezza Rice walks in saying, "Mr. President, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in action yesterday." "Dear God, " he replied, "how much is a brazilian?"

Georg joke, George W. Bush joke....

George W. Bush and Karl Rove are talking...

Karl Rove walks into the Oval Office and says "Mr. President, I have some bad news. Four Brazilian soldiers died yesterday in Iraq" The president buries his head in his hands, crying "no! No! No! That's awful, that's terrible...." He pauses, collects himself, and says "wait.... How many is a Brazilian?"

Georgia joke

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."


George was enjoying his drink at the bar, when an
ugly woman takes a seat next to him.

She had a squirrel sitting on her shoulder.

The woman says to George: "If you can guess what kind of animal I have on my shoulder, I am willing to sleep with you."

George says: "It must be a crocodile?"

She replies: "Close enough"

George and Mildred

It was a pleasant, sunny afternoon in the park, full of Sunday revelers. George and Mildred were sitting together on a park bench, feeding the ducks. Mildred turned to George and said: "You know George, we've been together 29 years now, don't you think its about time we were getting married?"

George stared reflectively into the distance and replied, "Aye, Lass, but who would have us?"

Georg joke, George and Mildred

So George Bush is in his office...

His adviser comes in tells him, "Mr. President I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was an explosion at our embassy in South America, two Americans were killed as well as three Brazilian citizens."
Bush looks at him and says, "Oh my God... How many is a brazilian?"

So George W. Bush is in his office..

when his secretary of defense walks in, "we lost 2 Brazilians in Iraq today."
GW puts his head in his hands looks up very sullen and asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"

Why doesn't George R.R. Martin have Twitter?

Because he would just kill off all 140 characters.

George Washington Today

What would George Washington be doing if he were alive right now?

Scratchin' the inside of his coffin.

You can explore georg erwin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean georg andreas dad jokes. There are also georg puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane crash early this morning.

Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.

Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"

George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...

...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.

He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."

Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.

The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.

Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"

George Bush was receiving his daily report from his Defense Secretary.

During the report, the secretary said; And yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. George suddenly went pale, put his head in his hands and began to sweat profusely.

His staff was astounded. They had never seen the president react like this to such a small loss. Then, after he had recovered slightly, the president brought his head up and quietly asked the aide next to him, "Just how many in a brazilian?"

A Georgia State Trooper pulls over a car. He says...

...to the driver, "Got any ID?"

The driver says, "'Bout what?"

George Washington, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a boat.

The boat begins to sink.
George Washington stands up and valiently exclaims, "Save the Women!"
George Bush runs to the lifeboat, shouting, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton stands up and says excitedly, "Do we have time?"

Georg joke, George Washington, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a boat.

George Bush sits in his office during the Iraq War.

During a meeting with the cabinet, his aide walks up to him and says "Mr. President, we've just received word that twelve Brazilian soldiers died yesterday in Iraq."

George puts his head in his hands and is visibly shaken by the news.

He looks up at the shocked cabinet members and asks "How many is a brazillion?"

George Washington and the Silver Dollar

According to legend, George Washington once threw a silver dollar across the Patomac River. You can't do this today because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.

George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally....

.....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity.

He yells at him, "Sir, you look a lot like a man from the old testament. Are you Moses?" Looking around, the man slowly shakes his head side to side denying the gesture. Bush is not convinced.. one more time he asks, "Sir, I don't see the need to lie to me; are you Moses?" Once again, a back and forth shaking of his head. Bush tells his security detail to interrogate him.

His lead security agent asks the man in complete confidence, "The beard, the cloak, the staff, the wrinkled skin... you look exactly like Moses." Moses replies, "Because I am."

Confused, the security agent asks, "Why didn't you just tell the president that then? What harm could it have caused?" As a matter of factly, Moses replies, "The last time I talked to a Bush, I was stranded in a desert for 40 years."


Why is George R.R. Martin really bad at using Twitter?

There's a limit to how many characters you are allowed to waste.

George stops at red light...

A beautiful blonde stops just beside him.
George pull down his window.
She also pull down her window.
George smiles and asks with a grin on his face " you also farted?"

George bush was attending a morning press conference...

Donald rumsfeld read the daily briefings aloud
"This morning, 3 Brazilian soilders were killed"

"OH MY GOD THATS TERRIBLE" Screamed the president
The room went silent, everyone was stunned by the presidents emotional outburst.

A moment passed when George asked in a quiet Texas tone "how many is three brazillion?"

George HW Bush fell and broke his neck today

It's in the news. Today George HW Bush fell and broke his neck at home in Maine. Fox news is blaming it on Hillary. Donald Trump said his Mexican Maid pushed him down the stairs.

George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.

George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.

George Takei, George Clooney, George Lucas, and George R.R. Martin decided to have a barbecue.

They named their little get-together the "George" Four-Man Grill.

Where did George Washington keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

Why did George Lucas Cross The Road?

To urinate on my childhood and sell it back to be on blu-ray for $80.

George Bush and his son like to refer to each other as "41" and "43."

I don't know why they'd be so proud of IQ's that low.

Did you know George Washington is not on the 1$ bill?

It's just a picture of him.

George Washington wasn't arrogant, but he did predict the $1 bill would contain his likeness.

In that regard, he was on the money.

Why doesn't George R. R. Martin use Twitter?

He killed all 140 characters.

Why did George Washington leave office after his second term.

He wanted to set a president.

George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

What did George Washington say to his men just before they got in the boat?

"Men, get in the boat!"

George Soros is a big reason im voting for Hillary!

His voting machines didn't really give me a choice.

Why is George Bush in bed every night by 9:10?

Because nothing good happens after 9:11.

How did George Bush get Afghanistan pregnant?

He never pulled out

If George Washington were alive today...

he'd be clawing at the inside of his coffin and screaming incoherently.

What's George Washington's favorite song.

Doesn't matter, just as long as it's royalty-free.

I wonder if George Michael was a organ donor

So he could really give his heart to someone special this Christmas.

Hopefully George Michael was an organ donor...

... so on his last Christmas he gave someone his heart

At least George Micheal wasn't a liar.

Last Christmas he gave us his heart.

George Takei's contributions to the Gay Community cannot be understated.

He put the O My back in Sodomy.

How does George Takei say the plural of hippopotamus?

Hippopot oh my

George W. Bush visits Algeria.

As part of his program, he delivers a speech to the Algerian people: "You know, I regret that I have to give this speech in English. I would very much prefer to talk to you in your own language. But unfortunately, I was never good at algebra..."

George R.R. Martin, Steven Moffat, and Joss Whedon walk into a bar.

Everyone you've ever loved dies.

George and the Dragon

A poor vagabond, travelling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.

The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?" he asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition.

"No!" she said rather sternly.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she snapped again.

"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"

"No!"

By this time, she was fairly shouting.

The vagabond tried again: "Might I please...?"

"What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.

"Do you suppose I might have a word with George instead?"

If George Washington was alive today, he'd probably say

Why am I in a coffin?

Why did George Thorogood sing Bad to the Bone?

Because he had osteoporosis

George R. R. Martin found dead after reaching peak popularity.

Just like his characters.

Why would George W Bush be a bad blacksmith?

He apparently can't melt steel beams.

George W Bush, Barack Obama, and Trump all die and go to heaven.

Upon arriving, God asks them respectively what they believe in.

Bush said he believes in American exceptionalism, the right to bear arms, and the free market.

God said alright, you can take this seat to my right.

Obama said he believes in everyone having Healthcare, equal rights for all, and sustainability.

God invited him to take the seat to His left.

Trump said "I believe you're in my seat"

Say what you will about George W Bush, but he wouldn't have stood for North Korean aggression...

He'd have invaded New Zealand by now...

George Washington: "We should put 'We trust in God' on our money"

John Adams: "Brilliant idea! Did you get that?"

Yoda: *taking note* "Yep"

If George Washington were alive today, what would he be famous for?

Old age!

George and Barbara Bush were driving through Texas...

...when the First Couple stopped at a restaurant.

Barbara Bush recognized the waiter was an ex-boyfriend from high school. George and Barbara had a friendly conversation with the waiter, and then continued their drive.

In the car, George Bush said to Barbara, "Can you imagine what life would be like if you'd married him instead of me?"

Barbara Bush replied, "Yes. He'd be President and you'd be serving coffee."

George Bush was sitting down at his desk during his morning briefing.

His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter crash.

George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.

Sir, is everything alright? stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, How many is a Brazilian?

Why are George R R Martin's tweets always so short?

He killed off most of his characters.

George Washington: "I cannot tell a lie!"; Richard Nixon: "I cannot tell the truth!"; Donald Trump: ...

"I cannot tell the difference!"

George Foreman really likes the name George . In fact, he named all his sons George Foreman .

He even used the name when he had a little grill.

Why can't George Washington ever tell a lie?

Because he's dead.

George Clooney Matt Damon and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie.

George said: I'll Direct

Matt Damon said: I'll produce

Matthew McConaughey said: ill write ill write ill wriite

Why didn't George Washington want his portrait on US currency?

Because he didn't want to be drawn and "quartered."

George wasn't feeling too good. He felt worn out.

"How's your sex life?" asked the doctor.
"Every Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday, never fail", said George.
"Why not cut out Sunday?", suggested the doctor.
"I can't do that. It's the only day I'm home."

George Lucas announced that he'd like to make several changes to The Phantom Menace.

But I say let's let Qui-gons be Qui-gons.

George W. Bush would have stopped 5G, thus stopping COVID-19.

He hates towers.

George Clooney Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a new film.

George Clooney says he's gonna direct Leonardo DiCaprio says he's gonna be the producer and Matthew McConaughey says I'll write I'll writte I'll write

George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...

Careless Swissper

George Washington was the first ever

He had unprecedented success

George R. R. Martin, Patrick Rothfuss, and Scott Lynch walk into a bar

I'll finish writing the rest of this joke soon.

George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.

George R. R. Martin, Patrick Rothfuss and Scott Lynch walk into a bar

I'll finish writing this joke later

What did George Bush say when he was fighting in war?

I ambush

George Bush started cracking a 9/11 joke, but one of his advisors whispered, Too soon.

It was September 10th.

Pornography is often frowned upon,

but that's only because I'm concentrating.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the georg george burns jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working georg george carlin piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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