georg Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious georg puns

George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey got together to make a movie...

George Clooney said, "I'll direct."

Dicaprio said, "I'll produce."

And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."

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George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

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George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane crash early this morning.

Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.

Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"

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Why doesn't George R. R. Martin use Twitter?

He killed all 140 characters.

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George Foreman named all his kids George Foreman.

He even used the name when he had a little grill.

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George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...

...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.

He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."

Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.

The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.

Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"

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A Georgian boy is getting married to a Russian girl

A Georgian boy is getting married to a Russian girl and his dad teaches him how to behave on their first night:
"First, throw her on the bed to know that Georgia is power".
"Then take off your clothes for her to know that georgia is beautiful".
And then grandpa adds:
"Then sit down and masturbate, for her to know that Georgia is independent".

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Georgia joke

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

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George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie

Clooney says, "I'll direct."

DiCaprio says, "I'll act."

McConaughey says, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."

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George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest.

George W. Bush challenged Arnold Schwarzenegger to a push-up contest. Schwarzenegger did 910 push-ups. Bush won because he did 911.

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George stops at red light...

A beautiful blonde stops just beside him.
George pull down his window.
She also pull down her window.
George smiles and asks with a grin on his face " you also farted?"

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Why does George R.R Martin never use Twitter?

Because he killed all 140 characters.

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George Washington, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a boat.

The boat begins to sink.
George Washington stands up and valiently exclaims, "Save the Women!"
George Bush runs to the lifeboat, shouting, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton stands up and says excitedly, "Do we have time?"

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George Washington: "I cannot tell a lie!"; Richard Nixon: "I cannot tell the truth!"; Donald Trump: ...

"I cannot tell the difference!"

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Why is George R.R. Martin really bad at using Twitter?

There's a limit to how many characters you are allowed to waste.

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So George Bush is in his office...

His adviser comes in tells him, "Mr. President I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was an explosion at our embassy in South America, two Americans were killed as well as three Brazilian citizens."
Bush looks at him and says, "Oh my God... How many is a brazilian?"

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George Bush was sitting down at his desk during his morning briefing.

His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter crash.

George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.

Sir, is everything alright? stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, How many is a Brazilian?

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George and the Dragon

A poor vagabond, travelling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.

The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?" he asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition.

"No!" she said rather sternly.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she snapped again.

"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"

"No!"

By this time, she was fairly shouting.

The vagabond tried again: "Might I please...?"

"What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.

"Do you suppose I might have a word with George instead?"

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George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally....

.....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity.

He yells at him, "Sir, you look a lot like a man from the old testament. Are you Moses?" Looking around, the man slowly shakes his head side to side denying the gesture. Bush is not convinced.. one more time he asks, "Sir, I don't see the need to lie to me; are you Moses?" Once again, a back and forth shaking of his head. Bush tells his security detail to interrogate him.

His lead security agent asks the man in complete confidence, "The beard, the cloak, the staff, the wrinkled skin... you look exactly like Moses." Moses replies, "Because I am."

Confused, the security agent asks, "Why didn't you just tell the president that then? What harm could it have caused?" As a matter of factly, Moses replies, "The last time I talked to a Bush, I was stranded in a desert for 40 years."

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Hopefully George Michael was an organ donor...

... so on his last Christmas he gave someone his heart

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George Soros is a big reason im voting for Hillary!

His voting machines didn't really give me a choice.

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George Clooney Matt Damon and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie.

George said: I'll Direct

Matt Damon said: I'll produce

Matthew McConaughey said: ill write ill write ill wriite

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I wonder if George Michael was a organ donor

So he could really give his heart to someone special this Christmas.

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George Washington Today

What would George Washington be doing if he were alive right now?


Scratchin' the inside of his coffin.

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George and the Dragon

A vagabond in 18th century England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon."

He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.

"Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she shouted.

"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"

"No!" she shouted again.

The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"

"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.

"D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"

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Why doesn't George R.R. Martin have Twitter?

Because he would just kill off all 140 characters.

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George W. Bush joke....

One morning while George was having breakfast, Condoleezza Rice walks in saying, "Mr. President, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in action yesterday." "Dear God, " he replied, "how much is a brazilian?"

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Why doesn't George R.R Martin use Twitter?

Because he killed off all 140 characters.

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George R. R. Martin found dead after reaching peak popularity.

Just like his characters.

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George was having breakfast when Mildred walked in, dropped her robe, and sat naked at the table.

She leaned forward on her elbows towards George, her chin resting playfully on the back of her right hand as her left hand played with his tie.

"You know," purred Mildred, "I still have urges. I still want you, physically. In fact, even after 60 years of marriage, my tits are getting all hot just thinking about your hands exploring them."

"I'm not surprised," replied George, "one of them is in my porridge and the other one is in my coffee."

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George W. Bush and Karl Rove are talking...

Karl Rove walks into the Oval Office and says "Mr. President, I have some bad news. Four Brazilian soldiers died yesterday in Iraq" The president buries his head in his hands, crying "no! No! No! That's awful, that's terrible...." He pauses, collects himself, and says "wait.... How many is a Brazilian?"

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Do you know what George Washington would be doing if he were alive today?

Scratching like hell at the inside of his casket.

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George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a job interview with God.

God asks Bush: What do you believe in?

Bush replies: I believe in a free economy, a strong America, the American nation and so on ...

God is impressed by Bush and tells him: Great, come sit on the chair on my right.

God goes to Obama and asks: What do you believe in?

Obama replies: I believe in democracy, helping the poor, world peace, etc. ...

God is really impressed by Obama and tells him: Well done, come sit on the chair on my left.

Finally, God asks Trump: What do you believe in ?

Trump replies: I believe you're sitting on my chair.

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George was enjoying his drink at the bar, when an
ugly woman takes a seat next to him.

She had a squirrel sitting on her shoulder.

The woman says to George: "If you can guess what kind of animal I have on my shoulder, I am willing to sleep with you."


George says: "It must be a crocodile?"

She replies: "Close enough"

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What would George Washington say if you told him that in 2017 it's now possible to eat breakfast in Tokyo, lunch in Paris, and dinner in Chicago?

"WTF is Chicago?"

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What are the most funny Georg jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Georg? Well, here are the best Georg dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Georg pick up lines to share with friends.

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