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Gentleman Jokes

153 gentleman jokes and hilarious gentleman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gentleman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Best Short Gentleman Jokes

Short gentleman jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gentleman humour may include short gents jokes also.

  1. So I was at the Library today .. And a black Gentleman came over to me and asked where the coloured printer was. I replied "Man its 2016 you can use any printer!"
  2. I was trying to be a gentleman And hold the door open for ladies.
    But they kept screaming " get out, I'm peeing in here!"
  3. As a gentleman, I asked my date if I could push in her stool... She said let's see how the date goes first
  4. A woman stands on a boardwalk... She notices a man below looking up her dress.
    "You, sir, are no gentleman!"
    "And you, lady, are no blonde!"
  5. There exists a Japanese gentleman with a great power: None of his family or friends can die He's unbereavable
  6. I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink, I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink, a kind gentleman approached and offered to push my stool in.
  7. When a woman wears a bikini, she has 90 percent of her body exposed Men, being the gentleman that we are, only look at the other 10 percent. (Hopefully not a repost)
  8. What's the difference between a gentleman and a gay gentleman? A gentleman pulls his date's chair out for her. A gay gentleman pushes his date's stool in.
  9. Guy walks into an ice cream shop And says give me some chocolate, some marshmallows, and some almonds. The elderly gentleman working the counter says Careful son, you're heading down a rocky road.
  10. a man and harambe walk in to a bar bartender: what will you fine gentleman have?
    harambe: scotch
    man: no, you'll have ice
    bartender: just ice?
    man: yes, justice for harambe

Quick Jump To


Gentleman joke, a man and harambe walk in to a bar


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about gentleman can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of gentleman puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Gentleman One Liners

Which gentleman one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gentleman? I can suggest the ones about ladies and gentlemen and english man.

  1. What do you call a redheaded gentleman from a long line of redheads? A ginger bred man.
  2. Guess who lady gaga is dating . . . Gentleman Googoo.
  3. A feminist and a gentleman went on a date They both insist on walking each other home.
  4. I once referred to a man as an extinguished gentleman He was put out.
  5. What does a gentleman pirate say to a lady? Chivalry timbers
  6. What do you call an Hispanic gentleman who drives a hybrid car? A green bean.
  7. A gentleman is . . . ...a man who gets out of the shower to take a pee
  8. How do you call Greek gentleman with 1000 lovers? -Shepherd
  9. What did the Asain gentleman say to the 7 ft Jazz player? Utah
  10. Where did the Southern gentleman have his drink sent to? Suite T.
  11. What does a gentlemanly virus say to its host? *Tips fedora* Malady.
  12. What do you call one chickpeas smashing another? Hummuscide...
    *italics* gentleman bows
  13. What did the British gentleman say to his mistress? "I have arrived!"
  14. On Endor, how does a gentleman end a fight? Ewocs away
  15. I'm a gentleman in the streets and asleep in the sheets.

Gentleman Jokes

Here is a list of funny gentleman jokes and even better gentleman puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Pilot: Ladies and gentleman, I have to inform you we are losing altitude (pause)
    And the reason we are losing altitude is because we are about to land.
    (Jesus Christ, funny pilots...)
  • I met a French gentleman in the bathroom. How do I know he was French, do you ask? He went oui, oui.
    Source: my 13 year old brother.
  • A guest is ordering at a restaurant, Do you think you could bring me what that gentleman over there is having? The waiter looks at him sternly, No sir, I'm very sure he intends to eat it himself".
  • A waiter ask a gentleman how he likes his steak cooked. Gentleman: like winning an argument with my wife.
    Waiter: Rare it is then.
  • I tried to be a gentleman by picking up something heavy for a lady But she ended up getting mad at me in front of everyone at the gym
  • What does a gentleman say to his friend at the gay bar? "May I push your stool in for you?"
  • A gentleman goes into a doctor's office... ...and says, "Doctor, Doctor, I keep forgetting things!"
    The doctor responds, "When did this start?" and the gentleman replies, "When did what start?"
  • Ladies tell me I'm a gentleman in bed Probably because the pleasure is all mine, everytime.
  • I tried to be a gentleman today and held the door for someone. Turns out it's not polite if it's a revolving door.
  • Two mosquitoes go on a date. The gentleman opens the door to the restaurant for the lady, and goes, M'laria.
Gentleman joke, Two mosquitoes go on a date.

Cheeky Gentleman Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about gentleman you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean ladies man jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make gentleman prank.

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his c**.... A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a s**... lady, the hat would lift by itself."

A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along.
He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides.
When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.”
One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.”

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist...

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent e**.... It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.

A man is walking down the street

He notices another gentleman walking down the sidewalk towards him dragging a long chain behind him.
He says to the man, "Excuse me sir, but why on earth are your dragging that long chain down the road?"
The man replies, "Have you ever tried to push a chain down the road?"

A Broken Watch

A guy is walking down the street and suddenly notices that his watch has stopped working. As he stands there musing over this discovery, he notices that the display window of a nearby shop has several dozen watches and clocks in it.
The man steps inside the door of the shop and asks the proprietor, "Excuse me, my watch has stopped working. I wonder if you can repair it for me?"
The proprietor looks up from his desk and says, "What are you talking about? I'm not a watchmaker--I'm a mohel. I perform circumcisions."
Confused, the gentleman asks, "Well then why do you have so many watches and clocks in your window?"
The mohel calmly replies, "What would you prefer that I display?"

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American

were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.
"They must have been English,' declares the Englishman. 'Only a gentleman would share his last apple with a woman.'
'They were undoubtedly French,' says the Frenchman. 'Who else could s**... a woman so easily?'
'I think they were Russian,' says the American.
'After all, who else could walk around stark n**..., feed on one apple between the two of them and think they were in paradise?'

Three women and ducks

Three women die in a car accident and go to heaven when they are at the gate god tells them that there is only one rule and that is that you may not step on a duck. They women enter and do their best to enjoy heaven while being cautious about where they step for there are ducks everywhere. After about a week one of the three women steps on a duck and suddenly this old, smelly, repulsive and hairy man is chained to her for life. This only makes the other women more careful and another month passes by when a second of the three women steps on a duck. Then chained to her is a man more repulsive then the first. The third woman becomes ever so cautious and make it a whole year without treading upon a duck. Chained to her is a handsom, muscular and wonderful gentleman. She says to him "What happened to you?" he replies " I stepped on a duck..."

Miniskirt

A small crowd gathers at a bus stop. A b**... blonde in a tight top and even tighter miniskirt shows up same time as the bus. Being a gentleman, a man lets her onto the bus first.
She goes to take her first step up the bus stairs, her legs are unable to take the step. The miniskirt was far too tight. Smiling apologetically to everyone, she reaches back to unzips the zipper a little. She attempts to step up the stairs, again, the skirt is still too tight. She reaches around her back, unzips the zipper a little. Smiling once more, she attempts to step up. Sigh, the skirt is still too tight, she reaches behind her a third time.
Two large hands grab her by the waist, lifting her up and placing her at the top of the steps. "Get your hands off me! How dare you touch me," she squealed.
"Ma'am, as much as I don't mind," the gentleman paused,"you were pulling down my zipper".

A man and his boss are playing golf...

one weekend when a f**... procession goes past. The man takes off his hat and stands silently with eyes downcast. He doesn't move until the procession is out of sight. The man's boss, an elderly gentleman, approves. "You don't often see respect like that much among you young folk these days" he says as they resume their game.
"Well, I thought it was only right." Replies the man. "After all, we'd been married for ten years."

The police vs the senior citizen

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper

A priest and a nun ...

... are on a pilgrimage when they get caught in a blizzard. They make their way to a small abandoned cabin with a bed, a stack of blankets, and a sleeping bag. Now the priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself. They say their nightly prayers and tuck in for the night. The priest is nearly asleep when he is awoken by the nun, "Father, I'm cold!" The priest gets up, puts a blanket on her, checks that she's OK, and goes back to his sleeping bag.
This time he's starting to nod off when he's again awoken by the nun, "Father, I'm still cold!" So once again the priest gets up, places another blanket on the nun, and heads back to his sleeping bag. But when he's almost asleep this time she calls again, "Father, Father, I'm sooo cold!" The priest thinks on this situation and after a moment he responds. "Sister, we are in the middle of nowhere in a storm. No one but ourselves and the Lord God almighty will know what happens here this night. What would you say if, just for this night, we act as though we were married?" The nun thinks on this for a while and finally responds with an excited, "Yes Father, I'd like that!" To which the priest responds,
...
...
"GET UP AND GET YOUR OWN d**... BLANKET YA HARPY!"

A grandfather and his grandson in the supermarket

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle and for cereal and soda in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say: "It's OK, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little t**... is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice: "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says to the elderly gentleman: "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be OK. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little s**...'s name is Kevin."

An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.

But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".

Permanent e**...

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with.
The man said, "This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent e**... which causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "The best we can do is one third ownership in the store and 3000 Dollars a month in living expenses."

An elderly man and woman enter the bar and ask the bartender for their usual drinks.

The bartender serves them, speaking to the man, "Mr. Johnson, it's been awhile since we saw you last, how are you and your wife doing? We were worried about you, the last time you came in you didn't seem to recognize or remember anyone."
The elderly gentleman responds, "Well, you know how it is when you start getting up in years… but I've been seeing a fantastic memory therapist. She's taught me some mental exercises that have helped me to remember all the important things in life."
The bartender says, "That's great! What's the therapist's name?"
The elderly gentleman looks confused before snapping his fingers, "What's that flower? The red one with thorns on its stem?"
The bartender answers, "A rose?"
"Yes, that's it," the older man smiles before turning to his wife, "Rose, what's the name of that therapist I've been seeing?"

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind....

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?
Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!

A fine-looking gentleman sat down in...

...the main dining room of an expensive restaurant. He ordered a big dinner and spent an hour enjoying himself.
After he was given the check, he summoned the headwaiter. "Ah, my friend," he said, "that was a delicious meal! Perhaps you don't remember that I was a guest at this same table just about a year ago. And at that time I couldn't pay the check, so you, sir had me thrown out in full view of all the other diners!"
"I am so sorry, sir" said the head waiter. "But, you understand-"
"Oh it's quite all right," interrupted the gentleman, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you again."

A man is sitting at the doctor's office

As he is doing this, he playfully rotates the wedding ring on his finger. An older gentleman across from him beckons and whispers "Son, there ain't no combination that's gonna unlock that thing".

Two older men where sitting at a bar.

Two older men where sitting at a bar when they over heard a few younger men talking.
One younger man said "you look exhausted"
The other man replied "I know all my girlfriend wants to do is have s**.... Before breakfast, after breakfast, middle of the day, night, she even makes me up most nights to have s**..."
One older gentleman scooted closer and said "Just marry her, that will put a stop to it real quick"

An old American was visiting Paris and spend couple minutes at immigration control looking for his passport.

- "Monseigneur, have you ever been in Paris before?" asked officer impatiently.
- "Oh yes I have, but I didn't really have to show it" responded older gentleman.
- "Not possible, you always show passport to French officer"
-"Well the last time I landed in Normandy, I could not find a single
Frenchman to show my passport"

Irishman and a Texan

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back. The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer.
One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. Is your bet still good? , asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone? .
The Irishman replies, Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first .

A man sees his wife taking a......

cucumber from the fridge. Being the gentleman that he is he offers to slice it up for her. She turns to him with a look of disgust on her face and says, 'what do you think I am, a slot machine?'

Two men playing golf

Two men are playing golf and they notice a f**... procession driving by on the nearby road. One of the men takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. The other man says, "wow, you're a real gentleman." The man replies "well it's the least I can do we were married for 35 years."

A man's dog dies

A fine elderly Catholic gentleman lived alone in Southwest Florida in an upscale gated community except for his beloved dog that he had for a long time.
The dog finally died and the gent went to the parish priest, saying "Father, my dear dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick told the grief stricken man "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a Baptist church down the road, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal."
The old fellow said "I'll go right now. Thank you Father...By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick replied
"Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."

A Texan walks into an Irish pub...

and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Ten minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 10 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".

An artist gets some good and bad news.

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have some good news and some bad news," the owner replied. The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death." "When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy is your doctor !"

Husband Wanted

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.

She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell.
Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair.
He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
'Rang the doorbell, didn't I?'

How do you feel about s**...?

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

'How do you feel about s**...?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?'

Priest does a crossword puzzle

A gentleman sits next to a priest on an airplane. He sees the priest doing a crossword puzzle.
Time passes and the priest says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know a four letter word that describes a woman and ends in 'u-n-t'?"
The gentleman thinks about this and finally says, "I believe the word you're looking for is 'aunt.'"
The priest replies, "Oh, you're right. That fits, too. Would you happen to have an eraser?"

A mathematician goes into an insane asylum

He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:
How much is 9 minus 3?
First guy answers: "Potato."
Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?
"Tuesday." Replies a second.
Wrong again.
"Six!" Answers a third.
Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?
"Simple! I just multiplied Tuesday and Potato and subtracted 83.

Gentleman

Despite the fact that I'm a gentleman, I have no luck with women, I just always seem to screw things up.

Recently I saw an attractive woman. I decided to open the doors for her. Unfortunately, she got s**... out of the plane.

n**... sunbathing....

A man was sunbathing n**... at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly, it would lift itself."

I asked a Southeast-Asian-looking elderly gentleman if he was from Thailand.

He said, "Yeah, Siam."

A man lies n**... on the beach...

But because his private parts aren't as tanned as the rest of his body, he place a hat on it. A few minutes later a lady walks by, fully n**.... The lady jokinly said to the man "Well, if you were a gentleman, you would raise your hat for me..." The man answered in return "Well, m'lady, the hat would raise itself, if you weren't that ugly."

The Artist

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display. "Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news
is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The gentleman was your doctor."

A guy walking into a bar

 sees an old man fishing in a puddle off the sidewalk.
Poor Old fool, he thought. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?
The old man replied, You're the eighth.

Thief and a congressman

A thief stuck a p**... in a man's ribs and said, Give me your money. The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman! The thief said, In that case, give me my money!

Devil in the Church

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

Two guys are playing golf...

Two elderly gentlemen come to a par 3 hole. One of them tees up, starts to swing, but notices a f**... procession passing by. He stops mid-swing, takes off his hat and bows to the procession. After it passes, he puts on his hat and resumes his swing. The other man says to him, "Wow, that was really gentlemanly of you, paying your respects like that!" As he swings, he replies, "Well, she was my wife for 25 years..."

I tried to be a gentleman to this pretty lady, so I held the door open for her...

But she just screamed at me as she got s**... out of the plane! Women are so ungrateful for nice guys nowadays.

A congressman was walking down the street

A congressman was walking down the street when suddenly a thief jumps in front of him. The thief stuck a p**... in a man's ribs and said, Give me your money. The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman! The thief said, In that case, give me my money!

Someone asked me if I'm a gentleman.

Yes, yes I am. Holding doors open for people for example. Or when my wife gets home late, I light up some candles, letting some warm water run, add some soap, so she can start doing the dishes as soon as she gets home.

Four blonds walk into a bar...

...cheering "85 Days! 85 Days!"
A gentleman inquires "Excuse me, but what's '85 days?'"
The blonds reply "We completed a puzzle in 85 days and the box says 2-4 years!"

Invisible...

A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his study and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."
The psychiatrist responded, "Tell him I can't see him."

A woman was trying to breastfeed her son in a bus

The kid throws a tantrum and refuses to s**... on his mother's breast. So in a fit, the mother tells her son, "If you don't want this milk, I'm gonna give this to the gentleman beside us."
An hour later, the kid still refused to breastfeed. So she tells her son again, "If you won't breastfeed, I'm really gonna give this to this man beside us!"
Then the guy beside them suddenly interrupted, "Please make up your mind now. My stop was 30 minutes ago."

Operation successful

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting a complicated surgery on him and.....
he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.
'Yes, Dad, what is it?'
'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if something happens to me.........
........your mother in law will come and live with you.'
The surgery was a great success....

A rich, young man walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a few drinks. As he is enjoying his beer, he sees a mentally r**... man outside the building.
Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched the old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?
The old man replied, You're the eighth.

Some people call me an old softie

But I prefer them to call me a distinguished gentleman with a flagging e**...

Two med students are walking down the street...

When they see an older gentleman limping in front of them. Every time he took a step his right foot would shake.
"I bet it is a degenerative nerve damage issue" says the first one.
"It looks more like a hip joint issue" says the second.
They argue for a while and then decide to ask the man what his problem is.
The gentleman listens to them and then he says:
"I thought it was only a f**..."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby in Glasgow.

The bus driver turns to her and says Oi! That there's the ugliest baby I've ever seen, you should be ashamed of yourself, bringing a baby like that out in public. It's disgusting! She rushes to the back of the bus in tears, and a gentleman leans over to her and asks Lassie, why're you crying?
She says Well that bus driver up there just said the most horrible thing to me that anyone's ever said before.
In shock the gentleman exclaims Well you can't just let him get away with that! You've got to get up there and give him a piece of your mind! Here, I'll hold your monkey.

This Halloween I decided to go as a harp. As I walked into the party, a gentleman asked, "what are you supposed to be?"

"A harp", I replied.
"No, no. You're much too small to be a harp" he protested.
So I asked, "are you calling me a lyre?"

A man is sunbathing on a n**... beach

To prevent a sunburn, he covers his most important o**... with a hat.
A woman passes by and notices the hat.
She says, "Sir, a real gentleman always lifts his hat in front of a lady."
The man replies, "Ma'am if you were a real lady, the hat would've lifted itself."

Satan appeared before a small town congregation and everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away...

Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman, who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

The doctor is trustworthy

Lady patient to the Doctor inside his examination room "Doctor can you please call my husband inside, I am not feeling comfortable. "
Doctor - "Trust me lady, I am a Doctor & I am a Gentleman.
Lady patient - "No that's not the issue.
Your receptionist is alone outside and my husband is neither a doctor nor a gentleman...

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Soviet are asked what nationality Adam and Eve were.

The Brit exclaims They must have been British! Look at how gentlemanly Adam behaved towards Eve. He must have been an Englishman.
Outrageous! Says the Frenchman. They must have been French. Look at the love that they exhibited towards each other! Only the French can love like that.
The Soviet chuckles and says You're both wrong. They must have been Soviet; they had no clothes, no food, and someone in charge was telling them they were in paradise .

A man decided to visit a fortune teller...

After looking into his hand and into the crystal ball, the fortune teller says in a dramatic tone:
You sir, will be responsible for the death of millions
Shocked and taken aback, the man goes back to his home. Along the way, he passes near a river and sees a small boy drowning helplessly.
Well, if millions of people are going to die because of me, I might at least save one life.
He jumps into the river and pulls the boy out. The shocked mother comes in tears and says:
Oh my dear god, thank you so much Mr., you are a saint. Adolf, you should thank this gentleman yourself.

Guy walks into a bar

Grabs a seat and orders a whiskey double, neat. The bartender prepares his drink with great delicacy and brings it right over. The gentleman reaches into his blazer searching frantically. This catches the bartenders attention so he monitors the patron out the corner of his eye. Finally the man finds what he's looking for and sighs a sigh of relief. He pulls out a straw and takes a sip of his whiskey. The perplexed bartender grabs his attention "I'm terribly sorry sir, was your glass dirty?" To which the man replies surprised "oh no no everything's fine! I just promised my wife I'd never put my lips on another glass of whiskey again." 😳

A man decided to sunbathe on the beach.

He took all of his clothes off, except that he covered his private parts with a hat to prevent a sunburn. As he's sunbathing, a woman walks past him. She looks at the man and snidely remarks:
"A true gentleman would always tip his hat for a lady."
To which the man replies:
"Ma'am, if you were a true lady, it would tip itself."

A Blonde and a Brunette are on an elevator...

The doors open before their stop and a gentleman gets on. A few floors later the doors open and the gentleman exits. When the doors shut,
Brunette - He needed some Head & Shoulders.
After a few seconds.
Blonde - How do you give shoulders?

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all standing in a group watching a street performer juggle.

The performer notices that the four gentleman have a very bad view of the show and gets up on a wooden box, and shouts into the crowd can you guys see me better now? He asks.
Yes
Oui
Si
Ja

An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.

Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.

The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.

He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"

A Frenchman bumps into a English gentleman on a street

"Good day to you sir, what are you up to." says the Englishman.
The Frenchman says "nothing much....what are you doing."

"Oh we are playing Croatia today" answers the Englishman.

"Ah what a coincidence. We are playing them on Sunday you see" replies the Frenchman.

The lady who had crashed her SUV complained to the Police that the man she collided with was on his mobile and drinking beer from a bottle at the time.

The Police said that the gentleman was entitled to do what ever he wanted in his own garden!

A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his c**...

When all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a s**... woman, the hat would lift by itself."

A wife's husband and her lover end up at the same backyard party.

They are actually talking to each other, though somewhat unacquainted. The wife wants to somehow interject and separate the two.
"Honey, do you want a beer?"
"Yes."
"Yes."
She hustles off. flustered and embarrassed at **both** of them responding.
The husband looks wryly at the gentleman next to him..
"Hmm.." he begins thinking. "How did *he* know I wanted a beer?"

Gentleman joke, A wife's husband and her lover end up at the same backyard party.

jokes about gentleman

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these gentleman jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.