The Best 68 Gentle Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Gentle jokes. There are some gentle discretion jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these gentle brow puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Gentle Jokes and Puns
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed."
The park
I was about to make love to my girlfriend. "I've loved you since the first moment I first saw you. I'm so glad you're mine now" I said, stroking her hair.
She started to choke up. "I've never really had sex," she said. My first time was horrible - I was raped in a park, aged 16."
"Oh babe," I said, "Hush. Hush. It will be so different now. We don't have to rush and I'll be gentle this time."
A gentleman goes into a doctor's office...
...and says, "Doctor, Doctor, I keep forgetting things!"
The doctor responds, "When did this start?" and the gentleman replies, "When did what start?"
Joke I made up. Be gentle on criticism.
I went to the lake with a buddy of mine. We were going fishing. After being there for about an hour I was getting annoyed by all the bugs. I said to my buddy "man I'm getting tired of all these chiggers". He replied, "they prefer to be called chigroes"
A couple of newlyweds on were on their honeymoon and moments before the passionate love making commenced, the wife says to the husband, "Please, be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
The husband was shocked and replied, "How's this possible? You've been married *three* times before!"
The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, *god*, I miss him!"
A gentleman is . . .
...a man who gets out of the shower to take a pee
What do you call it when a sheep sells his wool for money?
Cashearing! (Joke I made up last night at work, so be gentle with me)
What does a gentleman say to his friend at the gay bar?
"May I push your stool in for you?"
Persian joke
Yesterday I was so hungry, I went to the sandwich shop and ordered Ham e Cheese.
....همه چيز means "every thing".
(first timer here, be gentle)
I like my health care like I like my hookers (oc)
Cheap, and accepting of all preexisting conditions...as far as I'm aware I just made this up, be gentle
What do you call a?...
What do you call potato who's high?
A. A baked potato
What do call a wizard who doesn't have enough minions?
A. Short staffed
Ps. This is my first post, be gentle with me.
You can explore gentle softly reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean gentle meek dad jokes. There are also gentle puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's the difference between Nine-Eleven and a cow?
You can't milk a cow for 14 years straight.
Be gentle... it's my cake day :-)
A gentleman walks into a library...
A gentleman walks into a library, goes over to the librarian and says, "I'll take a cheeseburger, a medium fry, and a small chocolate shake.". Confused, the librarian replies, "Sir, this is a library!". The gentleman is very embarrassed. He softly whispers, "I'm terribly sorry. I'll take a cheeseburger, a medium fry, and a small chocolate shake.".
Two gentlemen walk into a bar....
You would have thought one of them would have seen it.
Three women sat discussing their husbands and their sex lives.
"My husband's a wrestler," said the first. "He's really strong and aggressive in bed."
"My husband's an artist," said the second. "He's really gentle and sensitive."
"My husband's an IBM salesman," said the third. "He sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how good it's going to be when I finally get it."
A prostitute propositions a snowman, "I can be gentle or dominant. I can be anything you want me to be."
The snowman hands her $20 and says, "Be a snow blower."
What does a Chicago police officer and a professional skateboarder have in common?
They both shred footage.
(*be gentle, it's my first time.*)
Do you have hair around your nipples?
Is it particularly in the hair-eola?
... I came up with this the other night while half asleep. Be gentle.
Gentleman
Despite the fact that I'm a gentleman, I have no luck with women, I just always seem to screw things up.
Recently I saw an attractive woman. I decided to open the doors for her. Unfortunately, she got sucked out of the plane.
What did the gentleman say to the doctor when he went to get his pus drained?
Please! I in cyst!
Gentleman
Lady patient says to Doctor inside his examination room, Doctor can you please call my husband inside, I am not feeling comfortable.
Doctor - trust me lady, I am a gentleman.
Lady patient - no that's not the issue. Your receptionist is alone outside and my husband is not a gentleman.
A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer...
I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick...
If Valentine's Day is for couples, what day is for single men?
Palm Sunday.
First time posting, please be gentle.
Wife:What Will You Give Me If I Successfully Climb & Reach The Top Of The Great Mt.Everest..
Husband:A Gentle Push..
How many Gentlesirs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
"Screw is such a harsh word, M'Lightbulb. I have too much respect for lamps to use it."
I tried to be a gentleman to this pretty lady, so I held the door open for her...
But she just screamed at me as she got sucked out of the plane! Women are so ungrateful for nice guys nowadays.
"GENTLEMEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH TROY AND WE MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD FOR ANYTHING"
"sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse"
"Oh rad, bring it in"
Two spiders are at another spiders funeral.
"Peter was the most gentle spider I ever knew. He wouldn't hurt a fly."
"Yeah, that's true. Do you know what he died from?"
"Starvation."
Be the person your dog thinks you are.
A gentle lover.
NSFW My SO asked me why I always make terrible puns and dad jokes
I told her, "it's just gentle ribbing, you know, for your pleasure"
What do you call a Barbie on fire?
A Barbecue!
Be gentle. First post. And I remember making this up on a long car ride when I was just 4:)
What do you say to a phone who can't see very well?
"Have you lost your contacts?"
Please be gentle, I'm new to this
The gentleman
While wearing a bikini girls only expose 90% of their bodies but the gent only look at the 10% of their covered body
Let there be a gentle breeze.
And somebody farted.
I was trying to be a gentleman
And hold the door open for ladies.
But they kept screaming " get out, I'm peeing in here!"
My Father taught me everything I know about sex.
Thankfully, he was a gentle man.
A Gentlemen always seeks for the best
And thus he remains single and clean shaven throughout his life.
Gillette The best a man can get..
I'm a gentleman in the streets
and asleep in the sheets.
We always called our teacher Turtle
Because he Tortoise (Taught us).
Told by my 7 year old boy, so be gentle.
A redneck couple from West Virginia get married..
That night, they stay in a cheap motel. Just as they're about to consummate the marriage, the woman says- "Be gentle- it's my first time."
The new husband gets dressed and storms home to tell his parents the devastating news:
"You did the right thing, son", says his father. "If she ain't good enough for her own family- she ain't good enough for ours!"
What it the most popular food in the world?
I think it's salt but you should take it with a grain of salt.
-- (Be gentle I made it up...)
What do you call a gentle loving lawyer?
Legal Tender
A girl had the choice of going out with either a fencer or a boxer.
The fencer was really kind and gentle, while the boxer seemed rowdy. In the end, she chose to go out with the boxer.
I asked her, "Why did you choose the boxer? The fencer seemed really nice."
She responded, " I don't know, the fencer just seemed rapier."
How long does sex last roughly?
Less time than if you were gentle.
[OC, be gentle] Ronald McDonald snuck up on a Happy Meal and said, "Serve fries!!!"
The Happy Meal replied, "Nugget out of my face."
I tried to be a gentleman by picking up something heavy for a lady
But she ended up getting mad at me in front of everyone at the gym
Saw a gentleman with a Christmas walking stick
Saw a gentleman with a Christmas themed walking stick, covered in tinsel and alot of tree lights, I complimented the man on the festiveness of the stick.
He turned and said "Yes well usually I have difficulty with my stick being a bit too heavy but this is the only time of the year it's light"..
The 7 qualities to be the perfect girlfriend are..
Beautiful
Intelligent
Gentle
Thoughtful
Innocent
Trustworthy
Sensible.
What do you call an indigenous man who is polite, respectful and protects his woman?
A Gentle mayan.
What did the eye say to the nose when asked to smell something?
Eyes don't nose
Be gentle, my seven year old inspired the joke
As a gentleman, I always hold the door open for the ladies and let them go through first
You never know where there might be a sniper hiding
A redneck couple gets married and are on their honeymoon.
The woman changes into a sexy outfit and lies on the bed.
She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, "Please be gentle with me. I'm a virgin."
The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his father.
His father comforts him by saying, "Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours."
Ouch
My sister has always been fascinated with cell biology and she moved across state to attend a better college, moving her into her dorm we moved a dresser to benefit the small space she had and in doing so she dropped it on my foot. I yelled out MITOSIS!
(This is my first original joke be gentle)
I tried to be a gentleman today and held the door for someone.
Turns out it's not polite if it's a revolving door.
Faithful dog for sale
Faithful dog for sale read the add, as such John called up the owner for details.
- Hey, I saw your offer for a good natured dog, I have a couple of questions.
- Shoot.
- He good with kids?
- Very. He's kind and gentle and has endless patience.
- yard dog or house dog?
- House trained but loves the yard as well.
- Cool. Last, is he really faithful?
- Oh yeah, very faithful. This is the fifth time I'm selling him.
How did the puppy's bath go?
Not well. What cycle do you usually put him in? Hand washable or gentle?
New research shows 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
This is my first time. Please be gentle.
I was recently told I should date a gentle optometrist.
You know, because she's easy on the eyes.
Just came up with this be gentle
What do you get when you cross cowboys with communism?
*Manifest destiny*
(Old joke alert - be gentle.)
So, a guy sees this girl home after a date.
She says
\- Do you want to come in? You'll have to be very quiet, my parents are upstairs.
\- Sure
So they go in to the sitting room, get on the couch, and start smooching.
The guy says
\- Sorry, I need to use your bathroom.
\- The bathroom is upstairs, and you might wake my parents. Can you go in the kitchen sink?
\- OK
Couple of minutes later, guy walks back in
\- Any paper?
The light switch [true story]
One day, the milkman came to the farm to bring the milk to the factory.
He left a note to my father saying : " the light switch isn't working "
To what my father replied another note : " the light switch doesn't like it gentle "
The dairy man left the last note : " Neither the baker's wife ! "
Three gentlemen walk into a bar
The fourth ducks
What does a gentleman pirate say to a lady?
Chivalry timbers
As a gentleman, I asked my date if I could push in her stool...
She said let's see how the date goes first
What does a gentlemanly virus say to its host?
*Tips fedora* Malady.
A gentleman is preparing to board a plane when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.
Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope starts a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, Excuse me, but would you know a four letter word ending in 'u-n-t' that refers to a woman?
Oh my god! the man thought. I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word. The gentleman thinks for quite a while, then it hits him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman says, I think the word you're looking for is 'Aunt'.
Oh, of course! the Pope exclaims. Do you have an eraser?
A Gentleman happening to turn up against a House to make Water,
did not see two young Ladies looking out of a Window close by him, 'till he heard them giggling, then looking towards them, he asked, what made them so merry? O! Lord, Sir, said one of them, a very little Thing will make us laugh.
Gentlemen, there are two strategies for winning an argument with your wife.
Neither of them work.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the gentle gently jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working gentle seductive piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.