Genius Jokes
147 genius jokes and hilarious genius puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about genius that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make everyone laugh out loud with these genius jokes that cover a wide range of topics, including the genius bar, genius math, genius yo mama, masterminds, and the ingenious genie! Have a great time exploring this collection of funny and clever jokes.
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Funniest Genius Short Jokes
Short genius jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The genius humour may include short genie jokes also.
- How does a pregnant mermaid give birth? "Sea-section"
Sorry, I thought of that last night and just had to share my genius with the world. - Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study. His brother Frank was an absolute monster.
- Everyone always talks about what a genius Albert Einstein was. They never mention what a monster his brother Frank was.
- Trump in a conference A reporter asked Trump, "What does the J stands for in Donald J Trump?"
Trump replied, "The J stands for Genius." - Albert Einstein was a genius and worthy of praise and study. On the other hand, His brother Frank was an absolute monster.
- Little brother told me this joke, genius. "Why did beethoven kill his pet chicken?"
-why
"Because it kept saying "bok bok bok"
- My sons cheezits joke. You should name the dog Cheezits! Then if he starts sneezing, you can call him Sneezits!
I laughed and thought his 8 year old genius needed shared with the world. - What's the difference between a genie and a genius? A genie grants wishes. A genius wishes for grants.
- What's the difference between a Women's cross country team and midget geniuses? The midget geniuses are cunning runts.
- What did the sadistic lifeguard with a lisp say to the genius who couldn't swim? I like the way you think!
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Genius One Liners
Which genius one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with genius? I can suggest the ones about brilliant and smart people.
- We all know Albert Einstein was a genius.. But his brother Frank was a monster.
- Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for He said 'Genius'
- What genius decided to call it erectile dysfunction and not Ballzheimer's?
- Donald J Trump was asked what the J in his name stood for His response? "Genius".
- To the genius who invented 1ply toilet paper.... I wanna shake your hand.
- Took an IQ test today. Got 404, guess I'm a genius
- I took one of those online IQ tests ... And got a 404. I'm a super genius!
- What do you call someone with amazing equestrian skills? A Stable Genius.
- Subtle. Whoever put that 'b' in there is a genius.
- What do you call a genius who died in a guillotine? Ahead of his time
- I'm such a genius... I know everything about the Dunning-Kruger effect!
- Give me an example of a genius: The man who put the 'b' in subtle.
- I have the heart of a champion, the brain of a genius and the keys to the county morgue.
- What's the difference between crazy and genius? A psych degree.
- Did you hear about the horse that could read and write? He was a stable genius.
Genius Math Jokes
Here is a list of funny genius math jokes and even better genius math puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call an African disease that only affects the math geniuses? Parabola!
^i'll ^shut ^up^now. - Maths teacher: What is line? A genius answered : A line is a dot, going for a walk....
- GenIus math level I have an imaginary girlfriend. Does that mean I'm in a complex relationship.
- My farmer friend claims one of his horses can do math using its hooves. It is a stable genius.
- Only evil math geniuses will get this Because I just foiled their (p+l)(a+n)
- I have a math genius co-worker, And everyone seems to think he is a co-median.
- Republicans are math geniuses. They want you to both multiply and divide.
- My girlfriend called me a comedic genius... I should probably clean off before I do math.
- I had to j**... before I took my math test. It was because I needed a s**... of genius.
Genius Bar Jokes
Here is a list of funny genius bar jokes and even better genius bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a picture of a wizard working at a Genius Bar? An iMage.
- How do the folks at the Genius Bar drink their beer? Out of Einsteins
- The genius and the pool player A genius walks into a bar and says, "I have 200 IQ!"
The pool player replies, "I have an eye cue too!" and pokes the genius in the eye. - A sheep walks into a bar joke A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
- This joke came to me while waiting on my iphone repair at the Apple store.. What do people at the Genius Bar drink from?
-Einsteins
Genius Yo Mama Jokes
Here is a list of funny genius yo mama jokes and even better genius yo mama puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Yo mama is so dumb she makes u look like a genius.
Laughable Genius Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about genius you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean clever jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make genius pranks.
Why are smart people so smelly?
Because genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.
(My son made this up)
So the genius kid in my computer class got an F on a test. It was only 15 question.
Good thing is was a test on hex
Sigmund Freud discovered the "Freudian Slip"
which in my opinion, was pure p**......I mean genius.
What was it called when Einstein m**...?
s**... of genius.
So I f**... at the Apple Store
and when I looked around I noticed everyone looking at me. It was horrible. A man yelled, "OPEN A WINDOW". The Apple Genius came over and said "Sorry Sir we don't have any Windows here".
Born without eyelids.
Last week a little boy was born at the hospital without any eyelids. Puzzled the doctors didn't know what to make of it. In a snap of genius, when they circumcised the boy they also replaced his missing eyelids. Only problem is now he's c**...-eyed.
There was a horse who was a genius at arithmetic...
...which it learned with no difficulty. Algebra was a breeze, and it could even prove theorems in Euclidean geometry. However, when someone tried to teach it analytic geometry, it would rear back on its hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly, and make violent head motions in resistance.
The moral of this story is that you can't put Descartes before the horse.
What did the joints say to the arthritis pain?
Uh-Leave!
I made this up when I was a little kid and naturally thought I was a comedic genius for many unfortunate years to come.
Why is the sport of cricket called cricket?
A: **Because it's boring.**
*Was told this by a 10 year old, and didn't quite get it at first, but I think it's rather genius.*
3 Engineers are discussing what type of engineer God is...
Engineer #1
Obviously a Structural Engineer,like me. Look at the skeleton! Its art!
Engineer #2
Obviously a Electrical Engineer, like me. Look at the Nervous System! Genius!
Engineer #3
He's not a City Planner, like me... You Never put a waste treatment center so close to a recreational facility!
Two old ladies are outside smoking a cigarette
It starts raining and without hesitating one of the ladies pulls a c**... out of her purse and covers the cig to keep it from getting wet.
The other lady thinks this is genius and walks to the nearest pharmacy.
She grabs a pack of extra large condoms and proceeds to check out.
The cashier says," ma'am, are you sure you need these in extra large?"
The old lady replies, "well I'm not sure, do you think they'll fit a Camel?"
What do you call a h**... from a rocket scientist?
A s**... of genius.
I phoned my insurance agent earlier and asked him for a quote.
He said " I have nothing to declare but my genius. Oscar Wilde, 1882 ".
I replied "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Oscar Wilde, 1882 ".
Genius
A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." The idiot says, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?" The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?" The idiot hands over $5.
What do you call Albert Einstein giving a h**...?
A s**... of genius.
The Martian had a genius marketing strategy
Planting water on Mars and everything. They must really want people to see this film.
If you can say these four words very fast without getting tongue tied, you're a genius.
1) Eye
2) Yam
3) Stew
4) Peed
What do you get when einstein jacks off????
a s**... of genius!!!!!
(its terrible, i know)
Stephen Hawking's cleaner once j**... him off while he was sleeping.
It was a s**... of genius.
What do you call a h**... from Stephen Hawking?
A s**... of Genius.
A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence
A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.
What's it called when a smart girl jerks you off?
A s**... of genius!
How do you say genius sarcastically?
Apple genius.
I hear Sisyphus was a musical genius
The original master of rock and roll!
My buddy told me this hilarious joke earlier about Albert Einstein getting a h**......
What a s**... of genius!
What would you call a social media marketing genius?
m**...
What did Beethoven the dog shed in a moment of genius?
Fur Elise
They say we learn from our mistakes...
That's why I'm making as many as possible.
I'll soon be a genius!
Jimmy in the school..
One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"
Two guys were talking...
One of they said: "One day i found a magic genius, he offered me two things: A bunch of hot women's or a good memory." What did you choose? The other said. "I can't remember..."
#ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE
Challenge
Only a Genius can say these four words, Four times Really fast without getting Tongue twisted.
Eye , Yum , Stew , Peed
What do you call it when Einstein faps?
A s**... of genius.
A programming genius named Sewter
Built a limerick-writing computer
The metre was fine
And the rhymes quite divine
But for some reason it always got the last line wrong
How many geniuses does it take to change a light bulb?
One. Thomas Edison
A reporter asks Chess genius, Gary Kasparov:"What do you prefer -- chess or s**...?
Gary replied, "... depends on the position."
The man who coined the term 'void'...
...is called a genius for nothing.
Someone gave a h**... to Albert Einstein...
What a s**... of genius!
The person who created the sign "CAUTION HOT SURFACE"...
...in braille, was an evil genius.
What happened when Stephen Hawking's wife gave him a h**...?
She had a s**... of genius.
An Irish genius named Sean...
An Irish genius named Sean once discovered how to clone himself but was always hesitant to make more than 9 copies of himself. It turns out he couldn't handle the ten-Sean among everyone.
What do you call Einstein pleasuring himself?
A s**... of genius.
Queen: Come to bed, my love.
King: I can't, I have to think of a name for my soldiers.
Queen: K, night.
King: ... My love, you're a genius!
Whoever designed the octagon was a genius.
But whoever designed the circle definitely cut corners.
My grandma recently claimed she once gave a h**... to Albert Einstein..
What a s**... of genius.
Einstein wasn't a genius at s**... ed...
When asked how boys are different than girls, he stuttered:
Vas de-deferens
I took an iq test yesterday on Facebook, as a matter of act...
and it told me im a genius! in the *top 99%*!
When a musician's fingers move really fast across a piano, they're considered a prodigy and a genius.
But when i go even faster on full-screen rhythm games on my iPad, I'm "lazy", "going to get carpal tunnel syndrome", "unproductive", and "ruining the f**..., Emily".
What do you call a s**... genius?
An Oxymoron.
Three engineers are discussing God's engineering background.
The first one says, "God was clearly an electrical engineer. The human nervous system is a feat of electrical engineering genius!"
The second one says, "Absolutely not! He was a mechanical engineer. The way the muscles and bones interact are mechanically brilliant!"
The third one says, "Nope, you're both idiots. God was a civil engineer. Who else would run a sewage line right through a playground?"
Isaac Newton died a v**.... That means I have one up on history's greatest scientific genius.
Because I'm not dead.
What do you call it when Stephen Hawking gets a r**... hard on?
A bonerfied genius.
Today I decided to go on a 100 day #NoFap.
It was a s**... of genius.
Did you hear about the depressed genius inventor?
He made a device to electrocute himself... He was shocked when it failed.
I got a h**... from Albert Einstein the other day...
It was a s**... of genius
I know a lot about horses
I'm a stable genius.
TIL Donald Trump personally built the barn for his daughters horses, and apparently he did a better job than most professional barn raisers do.
Guess you could say that makes him a stable Genius.
Mr. and Mrs. Einstein had two kids.
Albert: Genius.
Frank: Monster creator.
I had a s**... of genius this morning
And now my genius is paralyzed
What do you call a smart equestrian?
A stable genius.
On a faraway island lived a solitary genius
On a tribal island, far far away from here, lived a man called Cong Clu. Mr. Clu was a physicist, and had lately taken a liking to particle physics.
His research, however, was disturbed quite a lot, by the strong magnetic flow from the ferrous rocks, that the island was made up of, and in the end he had to give up..
It simply proved too hard to draw Cong Clu's Ions from the experiments.
What do you call a m**... that is actually a genius
An oxymoron
Intelligent Minds
Albert Einstein: Genius mind
Isaac Newton: Extraordinary mind
Bill Gates: Brilliant mind
You: Never mind
Sometime in the Middle Ages
Queen: come to bed
King: not until i have a name for my soldiers
Queen: k night
King: babe ur a genius
(Source: @fro_vo on Twitter)
Me, after making the 127th mistake at work: I learn from my mistakes.
Coworker: Then you \*should\* be a genius.
50 shades of grey is a genius title but had they thought about it
They should have added 19 more shades
Kirk and Spock were trapped on a planet and were waiting for rescue.
Kirk complained to Spock that his legs were getting tired from just standing around.
Spock said "there's a tree right there let's cut it down with our phasers and make a bench."
"You're a genius!" Exclaimed Kirk.
"Nonsense" replied Spock "it's only log-ical"
Did you hear? Being the greatest business man and genius that he is, Donald Trump will be fixing the most original flaw of this great nation. And it will finally be known as America:
Land of the Fee! (Conditions may apply)
