Uproarious Generous Jokes to Share with Friends
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Some men are discussing the meaning of life...
Some men are sitting around discussing the meaning of life.
One turns and asks the others, "If tomorrow all your loved ones found themselves at a f**..., gathered around your casket, what would you want to hear them say?"
One starts off saying, "I hope they would say I was a good father and husband".
The next says "I want them to say I was not only successful, but a kind and generous man too".
"I'd want them to say", says the last man, "Hey look, he's moving!"
Help With An Old Joke
Please help me figure out the punch line of the following joke:
Did you hear about the young woman who had a date with the big butter and egg man? Next morning she was telling her friends about him: Young Woman-- And is he generous! Why he bought me the most adorable mink coat! Friend (skeptically) -- And just what did you have to do for it? Young Woman -- Just shorten the sleeves, honey!
I got caught throwing gifts into the San Andreas Fault.
But I have always been generous to a fault.
The chairman of Perdue Chicken goes to the Vatican to meet the pope.
Jim Perdue, CEO of Perdue Chicken, goes to the Vatican to meet the pope. He says "Pope Francis, it is an honor to meet you. As you know, I am a devoted Catholic, and I'm bringing a generous donation today - 2 million dollars - and in return I simply ask you hear a proposal."
Pope Francis says, "yes, of course."
Jim Perdue says "I propose you change all references of bread to chicken. For example, 'Give us this day out daily chicken.' And instead of bread-based Eucharist, you could give chicken nuggets."
Pope Francis says, "sir, that is really not a feasible proposal."
Perdue says, "tell you what, I'll donate the $2 million no strings attached, but if you implement my proposal, I'll donate another $20 million."
The Pope merely thanks him and leaves the room.
The next day, at a meeting with his cardinals, the pope says, "Exalted cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church... we need to discuss the Wonderbread account."
Which musician is the most generous?
Cher
Why did the generous Asian man buy guns for the homeless?
He was just trying to give alms to the poor
I'm a generous, nice guy...
...I think the people in my basement would agree.
I got a pay rise in my job.
At the end of the day, I went to the pub and bought a drink for everyone there.
I like to be generous, even if they did feel a bit weird sharing the same pint.
A German, a Russian, and a Syrian are in a life raft ...
The raft is slowly sinking and the 3 castaways are afraid it will sink before they are rescued, so they start looking around for things they can dispose of to lighten the load.
The Russian takes a case of fine v**..., throws it overboard and says, "We have plenty of that in my country."
Seeing the Russian's generous gesture, the Syrian takes a bag of fine hibiscus tea, throws it overboard and says, "We have plenty in my country."
Finally, the German, seeing that it is his turn, throws the Syrian overboard and says, "We have plenty of those in my country."
Why should you never watch a movie with a generous Nascar driver?
He might give away spoilers!
You can explore generous kindest reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean generous tolerant dad jokes. There are also generous puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How many black Oscar nominees would it take (compared to white nominees) to satisfy the boycotters?
Three-fifths as many seems like a generous offer.
A dying grandma tells her grandchild....
A dying grandma tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash." The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With her last breath, Grandma whispered, "Facebook..."
My wife and I were talking about obscure animals.
She said, "I want to get a manatee."
"That's very generous," I replied, "I take it with two sugars."
My girlfriend's dad just gave me the green light.
Which was very generous, but I don't find him s**....
My Thai girlfriend is so generous
She gave me a pearl necklace.
My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
I was quite surprised when the gave me a rolex. It was an incredibly generous gift, but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch."
Ellen should give away more stuff
Then rename her show Ellen the Generous.
Liberals are more generous than conservatives
Not only are they generous with their own money, they are also generous with other people's money!
(This is just a joke sorry)
I was walking down thenstreet and saw a homeless man
Being the generous person I am, I gave him a dollar
I walked a little further and found a homeless woman. Being the generous person I am, I gave her 76 cents.
Have you heard of Ellen, the woman who donates a lot?
Ellen de Generous
A doctor and a lawyer met with an accident....
A doctor and a lawyer in 2 cars collide on a country road.
The lawyer seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helps him from the car and offers him a drink from his hip flask.
The doctor accepts and has a couple of generous sips and hands it back to the lawyer, who closes it and puts it away.
"Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asks the doctor.
"Sure, after the police leave."
Why are fishmongers never generous?
Because their business makes them sell-fish.
Who's the most generous celebrity?
Cher
Why some people donate so much money to earthquake victims?
Because they're generous to a fault.
A generous wealthy guy decided it was time to donate a quarter of his 50,000,000$ to charity...
Now he has 49,999,999.75$
My good deed for the day
In the line at Walmart there was a little old lady in front of me, $73 of shopping but her card was declined!
I was feeling generous especially at this time of year and you've got to help out so I helped her put it all back.
The plumber was so generous with his time I asked how long he could stay to fix that other problem I had with the sink and he said …
I'm at your disposal
Yo Mama's so generous...
...she gave you an extra helping of chromosomes.
^^^OriginalJoke
When Bill Gates donates 30% of his net worth
He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.
Why so many gifts on the Ellen show?
For the name of the host is Ellen the Generous
Very generous barber
Is cutting a police officers hair, after that the police takes out his wallet, but barber says it's for free. The next morning barber finds dozen donuts left for him at the door.
Later that day, a florist comes, and as he is taking out his wallet, the barber says it's for free. The next morning barber finds dozen flowers left at the door.
Later that day a jew walks in, he cuts his hair, and then says it's for free.
The next morning barber finds dozen jews at the door.
when I was growing up the winters were rough, my dad made us huddle round only a single candle.
if he was feeling generous he would even light it.
No matter how generous and caring your children are...
German children are kinder.
What do you call a generous gymnast?
A flipanthropist.
I, for one, fully condone injecting yourself with a generous amount of disinfectant.
It will definitely make COVID-19 the least of your worries.
I just gave all my life savings to the San Andreas foundation.
You might say I'm generous to a fault.
Satan challenges God to a basketball game, so God puts together a choice team from heaven and goes down to h**....
When they come back to heaven, it's with shocking news: they lost the game 52 to 140!
The v**... Mary is stunned, "How could you possibly lose the game with a team like yours?! Didn't you have the best saints, the most generous souls, the philanthropists and Jesus himself??"
"Yes," fumes God, "it turns out they're all terrible at receiving."
An Asian man goes on a trip to America
He goes to an American Bank to converts his money to dollars, while going through his trip he meets a generous old friend who decides to let him stay in his place and also pay for his expenses during his stay.
After a few days he decides to return back to his country and heads to the bank to convert his money back. But the asian man sees that he received less money than he previously had even though he hadn't spent anything, so he asks about this to the banker.
The banker said," fluctuations ".
The asian man replied," fluck you americans too".
UK is a very generous country
It is the largest supplier of Independence day to countries around the world.
Two boys walk late into class
Their pants were wet up to their knees.
The teacher asks, "Where have you been."
One of the boys says to the teacher, "We were throwing pebbles in the lake."
The teacher, feeling generous told the boys to sit down at their desks and tells the class there will be a new student joining them today, and starts the lesson
Ten minutes later a girl walks into class, soaking wet from head to toe.
The teacher asks, "You must be the new student, what's your name dear?"
The girl responds, "I'm Pebbles."
I applied for a job at the Chinese Embassy
Decided not to accept their generous offer because of all the red flags
My mother always said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
She was a lovely and generous woman, but a terrible surgeon.
A kind and generous doctor walks into a bar…
Seeing a balance of happy crowd inside she shouts happily free shots for everyone!
Half of the crowd happily get their best whiskey.
The other half of the crowd are unhappy and shout back my body my rights!
Two guys were in an English pub.
They called the publican over to settle an argument.
"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.
"There are two pints in a quart" confirmed the publican.
They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.
"Two pints miss, and they are on the house."
The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the guys called out to the publican at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?"
"That's right," he called back, "two pints."
I wrote a very generous check as a donation to a local animal shelter..
I heard dogs love things that bounce.
A man calls over a waiter during his meal 'There is a fly swimming in my soup!'
'Look on the bright side Sir' replied the waiter 'If the portions weren't so generous he'd be wading'
Two old ladies Dolly and Ruby were talking about their grandchildren.
Dolly said, "Each year I send each of my grandchildren a card with a generous check inside. I never hear from them... never receive a thank you message."
Ruby replies, "I too send my grandchildren a very generous check. I hear from them within a week after they receive it. In fact, they each pay me a personal visit."
"Wow! How come ? remarked Dolly.
"Very simple solution... I don't sign the check!"
I haven't seen this one here.
Some monks came down to a small village in need of carpentry. They offered to replace all the wooden pillars and support beams in all the buildings by themselves. When the villagers asked why they were being so generous, the head monk simply replied
"Isn't it obvious? We're reposting for karma."
My wife and I were talking about obscure animals.
She said, "I want to get a manatee."
"That's very generous," I replied, "no cream, no sugar please hun!"
Today convinced me that society isn't deteriorating as much as we think.
I was on the bus at 6am and this really generous guy offered me a sip from his half-empty whiskey bottle.
