Gem Jokes
28 gem jokes and hilarious gem puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gem that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover a world of hidden gems with these hilarious gem jokes! From the world of ruby gems, rock and gems to Steven Universe gems and the classic diamond, find the perfect joke for your favorite gem. Plus, learn the differences between diamonds, pearls, and plagiarism with these hilarious gem jokes!
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Funniest Gem Short Jokes
Short gem jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gem humour may include short plagiarism jokes also.
- Heard this gem in the video game L.A. Noire. Three blondes walk into a bar.
You'd think one of them would have saw it. - I got this gem from a 6-year-old ...seriously, I need to get rid of it fast, the law really frowns on stealing from children.
- Coffee News Gem Game Warden: Fishing?
Person without fishing license: Nah, drowning worms. - What do you call a man short on time? You call him Tim
I found this gem on the game Oxenfree - Where do chicken strips find love? Chicken tinder
~Thank you, to Popeye's Louisiana Kitchen's official Instagram for this gem - When a man sleeps with a lot of women.... ....he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
-Another gem by Jimmy Carr - Having lunch in town when I hear a father drop this gem on his son. How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it. - People say musicians are gems I used to think Simon and Garfunkel were real gems,
but then I about diamond and carbuncle. - Inspired by "A man walks into a bar with a labrador" Made me think of this gem:
Why dont blind people go skydiving?
It scares the sh*t out of the dog. - What do you call a burnt out fire pit in a commercial? Ash seen on TV.
(Sorry)
High with my boyfriend and thought of this gem.
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Gem One Liners
Which gem one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gem? I can suggest the ones about diamond and crown.
- What's the Pokemon Sableye's birth sign? Gem-in-eye
- What did the geologist say to his favorite gem? You are my rock!
- What kind of gem can you get for 10 cents? A DIME-ond
- A guy I was working out with gave me some great tips They were Jim's Gym Gems.
- Guys, the sole gem has been confirmed... It is the heart of Te Feeti
- How can you tell a r**... has got money? He gems out his dip cup
Hilarious Fun Gem Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about gem you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dragon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gem pranks.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Made some Indian food for dinner the other night. While telling my wife what was in it, I said I'd used butter in one part, but wished I'd had some ghee instead. She looked at me quizzically, and I continued "Because it's more traditionally Indian."
"Ah," she replied. "Thanks for clarifying."
Note: this actually happened! She's a gem and I'm keeping her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend told me this gem the other day
A man walks into a doctor's office with his 8 year-old daughter. Looking at the nurse he asks "Excuse me, miss? I need to see someone about getting my daughter on birth control."
The nurse replies, "My god! Your daughter is s**... active?"
"Nah, she just lays there like her Mom."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A gem from the YouTube comment section
"This watch has tremendous sentimental value to me. My father sold it to me on his deathbed." -w**... Allen
A Gem Joke that Rocks
Diamond: Hey, Ruby, did you hear that I'm getting embedded into a statue next Tuesday?
Ruby: But we were going fishing on Tuesday! You sure you can't change the date?
Diamond: Sorry Ruby, it's set in stone.
A man finds a mysterious looking gem buried deep in the desert.
He proceeds to clean the gem when suddenly a genie pops out.
Genie: My name is Hughe mhist ake and I will answer any ONE question no matter what it is. Ask me about the past, present or future and I shall answer.
Man: Amazing! If I ask you how I will die, will I be able to change the future so that I won't?
Genie: that would have been possible yes. Goodbye
lettuce jokes
thought I would make up some jokes about lettuce. Just cos
I thought that joke was as bad as the titanic which hit an iceburg
But clearly you guys thought it was a little gem
Unfortunately no more lettuce jokes Romaine
So I'm gonna leaf
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a clever midget and an STD?
Well, one of them is a cunning runt...
side note: apparently Jim Morrison of The Doors said this gem at a meeting with some record executives.
I hear there's a new gem store opening down the road. They have a neat catchphrase.
# *Welcome to Mohs!*
My son dropped this gem on me
Son: Dad what's a cow plus 2 say?
Me: Cow cow?
Son: Twwoooooooooo