Geez Jokes
39 geez jokes and hilarious geez puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about geez that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Geez Short Jokes
Short geez jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The geez humour may include short phew jokes also.
- Geez, there's a lot of people on this Ashley Madison list... It's a pretty bad state of affairs
- I asked my Google assistant to tell me what was the name of the number with 100 zeros I've already tried 5 times, and it keeps refreshing to the main page. Geez, thanks a lot.
- Who came first, the chicken or the egg? Who cares, as long as they both enjoyed themselves. That's all that matters. It's not a competition. Geez.
- A 16 year old blonde is dinning with her parents Blonde: Oh by the way I´m pregnant
Parents (simultaneously): You´re WHAT!?!
Blonde: Geez relax and eat a chill pill, I´m not even sure it´s mine - Two flies are sitting on a steaming pile of horse manure. One of the flies grunts and breaks wind. The other fly says, "Geez! Do you mind? I"m trying to eat over here!"
- Relax...close your eyes...OK, now I will read your mind. Geez! Really? You think this is some kind of joke?
- Whats the difference between a razor and an iron? You don't know? Geez, you must have trouble shaving.
- Geez this is the worst Spice of the Month Club ever The year starts cumin and it don't stop cumin
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Geez One Liners
Which geez one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with geez? I can suggest the ones about ouch and gosh.
- Geez, somebody's found the password to my account. ,,Guess I'll have to rename my dog.
- Two ducks walk into a bar… Ok! Ok! They waddle. Geez!
- What did the Russian say when his comrade stole his pasta dish? Pero-geez!
- What did the man say when his friend sneezed 20 times? Aler-geez dude!
- What did the Spanish guy say to the Portuguese guy he didn't know? Por que geez?
- What's you name sir? - Peter O'Brien
- geez, make up your mind - Geeze, how's all the news in Nepal? It's really shaking me up!
Uproarious Geez Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about geez you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wow jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make geez pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Businessmen are on a plane
The first one turns to the other two and says "My wife and I hate these long business trips, but at least we got to have s**... 3 times last night before I had to go to the airport."
"Just 3?" Replied the 2nd man. "I made love to my girlfriend 5 times." Turning to the 3rd man he asks "And you?"
"I only made love to my wife once last night." the 3rd guy replied.
"Just once? That's it? Geez. What did your wife say in the morning?"
"Don't stop."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mr. and Mrs. Blip-Blop
Mr. and Mrs. Blip-Blop were lying in bed one night. Mrs. Blip-Blop turns to Mr. Blip-Blop and says,
"Blip-Blop, blippity bloppity blop. Blip blippity blop bloppy blop." Mr. Blip-Blop replies,
"Geez, hon; just s**... it."
So a doctor walks into the room
So a doctor walks into the room and tells his patient "Alright, so I've got some bad news"
The patient says "Aw geez, I'm not getting anything named after me am I?"
"No, no," the doctor says, "you're not getting anything named after yourself," and the patient breathes a sigh of relief.
And then the doctor says "It's going to be named after me"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women are a lot like h**....
At first you're like, "Oh geez, this is fun" then eventually you die.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We have little Johnny in Australia too.
Little Johnny walks into the bathroom just as his mother is getting out of the bath.
He points at her nether region and asks "mummy, what's that?"
She thinks quickly and replies "that's where god hit me with his little golden axe."
Little Johnny replies "geez, he got you right in the c**t didn't he"
A knight
A guy walks into his usual bar and orders a beer. He notices a full suit of armor standing on display by the bar. "Where did you get that?" the guy asks the bartender. "I picked it up at an antique store downtown," the bartender says. "It only cost $2,500." "Geez, all that money for a knight?" the guy exclaims. "Oh, no," the bartender hastens to reassure him. "You get to keep it forever."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old geezers sharing jokes
Group of old geezers been getting together at the same bar for decades. They always tell each other jokes. After awhile they know all the jokes so well, they just designate a number. Like ole Joe would say, 103, and everybody would be laughing their a**... off. One day a toothless Jack said 10,587! Everyone just roared, and roared and roared! Somebody whispered to his buddy, what's so funny about dat? His buddy said, Cause we haven't heard that one before!
Drink like a man or...
An alcoholic in serious health condition finally goes to see a doctor:
\- "Are you drinking like a man, or like cattle?"
\- "Geez doctor, of course like a man!"
\- "That's the problem! Cattle know when to stop."
"I want your face to be the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see before falling asleep"
"Oh my God! Are you proposing?"
"What? NO! Just setting your photo as my phone wallpaper. Geez!"
Oh geez...
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I recently got a call from a bank asking me if I would be interested in buying an insurance. Here's how the call went.
Guy on the phone:- Would you be interested in an insurance?
Me:- Oh geez, I can't tell you right now, can you give me your home number so I can call you back?
Guy on the phone:- I'm sorry but we're not allowed to do that.
Me:- Oh I guess you don't want people calling you at your home.
Guy on the phone:- Uhh, no.
Me:- Well, now you know how I feel (Cutts off).
P.S.:- This joke is from Seinfield, I just found it funny so I decided to post.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Prostitutes
A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're h**..., boy! They have s**... with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes." After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?" She replies, "Well, most of them become taxi drivers."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman and her son are in a cab
A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're h**..., boy! They have s**... with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes." After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?" She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bar and asks for six shots of v**....
The bartender says, "Six shots? What's wrong?"
"I found out my older brother is gay," replied the man.
The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of v**.... "What now?" asked the bartender.
"I found out my younger brother is gay," replied the man.
The night after that, the man walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of v**.... "Geez, does ANYBODY in your family like women?" asked the bartender.
The man replied, "Yeah, my wife does."
Two 12 year olds are in the hospital...
Two 12 year old boys are in the hospital, both on gurneys waiting to be wheeled into surgery. The first boy says to the other, "What are you here for?"
The second boy says, "I'm having my tonsils removed."
"Oh, I had my tonsils removed a few years ago. It wasn't that bad, and I got lots of ice cream after."
"So what are you here for?", asks the second boy.
"I'm getting a circumcision."
"Oh geez, good luck. I had mine done when I was a baby and I couldn't walk for 12 months afterwards."
Credit goes to my Finance professor, who told this joke as his opening statement for his retirement banquet speech.
A man comes home exhausted after work
He settle into the couch, turns on the TV, and then tells his wife: "Quick!! Give me a beer. It's about to start!!!"
She hands him a beer. 5 minutes later he yells: "Get me another beer!! It's almost started!!" She brings him another beer. After another 5 minutes he yells: "Get me another beer!! It's gonna start any second now!!"
She brings him beer and says: "Is that all your going to do is sit there and drink beer?" He looks down and says: "Oh Geez, It's starting already."
Crowbar from sears
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and—Whack!—knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, That was a karate chop from Korea.
The little guy thinks Geez, but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden—Whack!—the big dude knocks him down again and says, That was a judo chop from Japan.
So the little guy has had enough of this. He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and—Wham! —knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!
The little guy looks at the bartender and says, When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.
Holy Moly! - What's that smell!?
A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all lived in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole stuck his head out of the hole, sniffed the air and said: "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole stuck her head out of the hole, sniffed the air and said "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tried to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but couldn't because of the bigger moles were in the way so he said: "Geez, all I can smell is..."
Are you sure you're ready?
You may never forgive me for this one...
*MOLASSES*
They invented a machine that takes the pain of childbirth away from the mother and passes it to the father...
... So husband and wife are in the delivery room, and she's in pretty strong labor. The husband says, "Ok doc, gimme some of it, I can handle it". The doctor turns the machine to 20% of pain. The husband says "Wow, I don't feel a thing! Gimme some more doc!" So the doctor turns the machine up to 40% of his wife's pain. Husband says "Geez, I don't know what all these women are complaining about! I barely feel anything! Turn it up all the way!" The doctor turns the machine to 100%, and the wife delivers the baby completely pain free.
The husband, wife, and new baby leave the hospital. The husband is bragging about what a tough guy he is to take all that and not feel a thing. They pull into their driveway and find the mailman dead on the front steps.
