Gee Jokes
72 gee jokes and hilarious gee puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gee that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good chuckle? Check out Banky Gee's latest collection of jokes to get you laughing! From Acorn to Geez, these jokes will leave you in stitches! Read now for a guaranteed funny experience.
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Funniest Gee Short Jokes
Short gee jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gee humour may include short acorn jokes also.
- My wife said, "Did I ever tell you how great it feels when we make love?" I said, "Gee, honey. No."
And she said, "Exactly. Now let's just go to sleep, OK?" - A man has dinner at a chinese restaurant The man says to the chef:
"Gee, this steak is rubbery!" And the chef replies "thank you very much!" - Two altar boys are hoping to work in a church. They are walking down the aisle in the church when the priest sees them. He walks up to them and says, "Gee, I've never come across your faces before."
- Gee I sure hope the rioters in DC don't do anything to the IRS building at 1111 Constitution Ave. NW, Washington, DC 20224.
- Eyes give everything away. A cop pulls over a guy. Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking? Gee, officer, the man says, Your eyes are awfully glazed-have you been eating doughnuts?
- A Texan goes to a car dealership He sees a car he likes and says "Gee that's a byoot!" The Dealer responds "That's not a Buick that's a Honda!"
- DAD JOKE!! Oh look kids, a train just passed here.
Gee dad how can you tell that?
Well look, you can see it's tracks!!! - Last night I thought I heard the spring onions singing bee gees songs in my fridge. When I opened the door I realised it was just the chives talking.
- Gee, I wonder if SARS-CoV-2 mutated to the point where it could infect birds... I guess you could call the disease it causes "CO*R*VID-19," eh?
- How did Marty McFly react when shown what 2015 would really look like? Gee, it's hard to say, although he did seem pretty shaken up about it.
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Gee One Liners
Which gee one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gee? I can suggest the ones about respectful and phew.
- What did 50 Cent say to his grandmother when she made him a pair of sock? Gee, you knit?
- What did the rapper, The Game, say when 50 cent gifted him a sweater? Gee, you knit?
- What is Barry Gibb better at than the rest of the Bee Gees? Staying Alive
- What are the Rolling Stones better at than the Bee gees? Stayin' Alive
- What's the name of the Russian Bee Gees cover band? KGBGs
- Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
- The Bee Gees made a song specifically describing men More than a woman.
- Skeleton: Gee I sure have a lotta work to do today... A skele-ton
- My heart must be Italian.. because it is fra-gee-lay.
- A comedian tells a joke to a group of bodybuilders, but nobody laughs Gee, tough crowd
- What did the tree say to the shape? Gee, I'm a tree
(Gee-om-a-tree)
Read out loud - What is Nicolas Cage's least favorite band? The BEE Gees
- My name is Dr. B. Gee I help people stay alive, stay alive
- What did the acorn say his favorite school subject was? Well, gee! I'm a tree!
- Whats a vegetables favorite Bee Gee song? Chive Talkin'
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Gee Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about gee you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hmm jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gee pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Son, I found a c**... in your room.
Gee thanks, Grandpa!
Why are you calling me Grandpa?
Because I couldn't find it yesterday.
A guy walks into a bar, slumps into a chair, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "What's wrong, pal? You look down."
The guy sighs and says, "I am down. My wife is mad at me, and said she wouldn't talk to me for a whole month."
The bartender says, "Gee, that's too bad. When does that start?"
"Start? Today's the last day."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Shopping with my wife
One time I was shopping with my wife when we saw a couple younger-looking women. I made the comment, "Gee, I bet you wish you still had legs like that, huh?" And she just lost her mind. It took me a good twenty minutes to get her to stop crying before I could wheel her out of there and up the ramp into the next store.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A fool is walking down the street, dragging a brick on a leash behind him.
A cop sees him and says to himself: "I'll make fun of him."
He walks up to him and says: "Gee, you've got a nice dog!"
The fool replies, "Are you crazy? That's a brick!"
The angry cop walks away.
The fool turns to the brick and says, "We got him, didn't we, Rex?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oldie but a Goodie
Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and f**... procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!"
To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married 40 years."
Relapse
"Great news, Mr. Oscarson," the psychiatrist reported. "After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You'll never be trapped by the desire to steal again. "Gee, that's great, Doc," the patient replied."And just to prove it, I want you to stop by Sears on the way home and walk the length of the store.
You'll see - you'll feel no temptation to shoplift whatsoever. "Oh, Doctor, whatever can I do to thank you? "Well," suggested the psychiatrist, "if you DO have a relapse, I could use a new microwave. "
So *that's* how it works. [true story]
Went to visit a friend at his work (he's a chemist). There's a placard on the wall of the lab that says:
"Safety Reminder: Many Hands Make Light Work!"
Scrawled below that in black marker:
"Gee. All these years of college and I thought it was wave/particle duality."
UNFAITHFUL WIVES
A man is talking to his friend "I think my wife is being
unfaithful to me. And I think she's going out with a tennis
player."
The friend asks "Tennis player? Why?"
"Because", answers the other, "I found a racquet under our bed".
The friend thinks for some seconds and says "Gee, I think then
my wife is being unfaithful to me with a horse".
"A horse?? How come? Why??"
"Because I found a jockey under our bed."
One day a teacher asked her students to use geometry in a sentence
The teacher was baffled that nobody could come up with just one sentence, and finally asked one quiet student in the back to say one... The student looked at her and said:
Once there was a little acorn and it was planted in the ground and grew and grew until one day he awoke and said "gee I'm a tree!"
Two Ukrainian spies have infiltrated into Moscow and have set up for their plot to kill Vladimir Putin.
They are laying in wait for Putin's private car to pass by, having planted a roadside bomb.
One says to the other, "He is supposed to arrive in 5 minutes. Is everything ready?".
"Yes."
An hour later, no car has passed by.
"Are you sure you got the time right?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the proper term for 'gangster pee'?
Gee w**....
So I'm at the dentist's office...
...in the waiting room when this woman comes storming out, shouting curses and threatening to sue. When she's gone, the dentist is standing in the doorway, speechless, so I ask him, "gee, doc, what's got her knickers in a twist?" And he says, "I don't know, I just asked her to take a shot in the mouth."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So there's a child m**... and a little boy walking into the woods...
They keep walking deeper and deeper, and its getting darker and darker; scarier and scarier. Further and further they walk. The boy looks up at the child m**... and says "Gee Mister, I'm getting scared." and the child m**... looks down at the kid and says: "You think you're scared kid, I gotta walk out of here alone."
Edit*: from the film Blue Valentine
I just got subscription to a Magazine About lettuce...
...I mean, It's fun to leaf through, and full of crisp facts -*And that's just issue 1!* The publishers assure me that it's only the tip of the iceberg! Gee, I can't wait for issue 2 to see what facts romaine!
Two cannibals were sitting by a fire
Wife: Gee! I hate my mother-in-law.
Husband: Then try the potatoes, dearie!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and a woman meet. Instant Attraction.
Across a parking lot. They jump into her car and go at it straight away. Afterwards when they're collecting themselves, he says to her, Gee, if I'd known you were a v**..., I would have taken my time. She replies, Gee, if I knew you had the time I would have taken off my pantyhose first.
Using a Ouija board, I tried to communicate with the dead. It spelled out "Ah ah ah yeah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive"...
Must have bought a Bee Gee board by mistake...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Snow White said to the Seven Dwarfs
"Gee boys! I've always wanted 7 inches, just not one inch at a time."
50-cent's birthday was last week, so I made him a sweater...
...When i gave it to him he said, "Gee. You Knit?"
Watched Sling Blade the other day and heard this charmer.
Two young men, one from California the other from Arkansas, we're standing on a bridge relieving themselves into the water. The guy from California looks over and says,
"Gee, this water sure is cold",
To which the guy from Arkansas replies,
"And deep too!"
One second I'm at the bottom of the worlds fastest escalator, the next, I'm at the top
Gee, that escalated quickly
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jack and Art take a walk.
O.K. Jack and Art are walking through the park when they come upon a dog sitting and l**... "that special place".
Jack says, "Gee I wish I could do that."
Art replies, " You probably can, but you better pet him first."
So there's a rock band playing a concert...
And they're almost at the end of their set and exhausted, and their minds start to wander. The guitarist looks out into the crowd and thinks to himself "gee, that girl in the front row is pretty cute, I should see if I can get her to come backstage after the show". The drummer thinks to himself "gee, after this gig I'll be able to afford a new high hat!" All the while, the bassist is up there thinkin "gee....D....F...."
Two old friends are catching up for the first time in a few months.
Dave: How's those memory pills you're on Bill, are they working?
Bill: They're fantastic mate, couldn't be happier. I'm remembering old faces, recalling old times, I'm very happy.
Dave: Hmm, what are they called, I might have to get some for myself.
Bill: Oh, umm, gee, what's the name of that flower?
Dave: Daisy?
Bill: No no no, the really pretty flower.
Dave: A tulip?
Bill: No, that's not it either, the romantic flower that grows in the garden.
Dave: A rose?
Bill: Yes! That's it, a rose. (Yelling to his wife) Hey Rose, what's the name of that medication I'm on?!
Be kind, it's my first joke...
Three women die and go to heaven. St. Peter tells them he ask to ask each of them a question.
The first woman walks up, and St. Peter asks her "Who was the first man on Earth?"
"Oh, that's an easy one! That was Adam!" And lights flash, and bells ring, and the gates open, and she walks in.
The second woman walks up, and St. Peter asks her "Who was the first woman on Earth?"
"Oh, that's an easy one! That was Eve!" And lights flash, and bells ring, and the gates open, and she walks in.
The third woman walks up, and St. Peter asks her "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
"Gee, that's a hard one!" And the lights flash, and bells ring, and the gates open...
A guy goes on a dating show where he has to whittle down 30 girls to 1.
After a few rounds he has reduced 30 down to 5. Ann, Kira, Gee, Beth and Kaitlin still remain.
"OK ladies and gentlemen, we have five contestants remaining", announces the presenter, "you have a tough choice to make. Which one of these lovely girls will you take home tonight?"
Theres a long silence as the man thinks for a minute...
"Will it be Beth or Kaitlin... Maybe Kira... or perhaps you would prefer Ann or Gee?" asks the presenter
The man thinks a little longer, then replies, "Yes. Yes I would!"
Roses are red, the ocean is blue...
gee, coincidence...
you're a whale.
Two statisticians were traveling in an airplane from LA to New York.
About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York.
A little later, he announced that a second engine failed, and they still had two left, but it would take 10 hours to get to New York.
Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced that a third engine had died. Never fear, he announced, because the plane could fly on a single engine. However, it would now take 18 hours to get to New York.
At this point, one statistician turned to the other and said, Gee, I hope we don't lose that last engine, or we'll be up here forever!
A Pirate walked into a bar
A pirate walked into a bar and sat down for a drink.
The bartender asked, "Gee you look awful, are you feeling okay?"
"I feel fine, why do you ask?," said the pirate.
"Well your leg is half missing, you have a wooden peg leg!"
"Arrr that happened a few years back, cannonball came right through the ship and took out me leg."
The bartender looked down at the pirate's hand, "But your hand, it's a hook! How did that happen?"
"Arrr well I was in a sword fight and he got me left hand, but I feel okay now."
"Okay, but how about your eye? You have an eye patch on it!"
"Arrr well just a few days ago I was looking up and a seagull pooped right in me eye."
The bartender, slightly confused asked, "How did that put out your eye?"
The pirate raised his arm, "It was the first day with the hook..."
The Philosophical Defense Mechanism
The leopard crouches to pounce the gazelle.
The gazelle says, Are you sure you want to eat me?
Leopard pauses. Uh, why wouldn't i?
"Well, I mean, is this what you want to be doing with your life? Do you see yourself doing this in five years?"
"What do you mean? if I eat you now, you won't be here in five years." says the leopard.
The gazelle shrugs. Don't you have goals? Aspirations? 'Eating Gazelle' is setting the bar pretty minimally. Don't you want cubs?
"I… gee. Maybe write a screenplay…" The leopard sits down and sighs. "Look, I'm between opportunities right now, I'm in my mom's den. What can I offer a mate?"
"No, I understand, What went wrong?"
"Well I-"
The gazelle runs away.
A bus full of ugly people unexpectedly crashes and kills everyone on board
Everyone shows up at the Gates of Heaven where God comes to meet them all Himself.
"Gee guys, I didn't intend for that to happen, I'm really sorry. I can't just resurrect you all, but to make up for it I'll grant you all one wish before I let you in."
The first person steps up and thinks for a moment. He says "You know God, I've been ugly all my life. For once I would like to know what it is like to be beautiful. Make me beautiful." So God snaps his fingers and it is so.
Everyone else starts chattering amongst themselves at such a brilliant idea. They all start wishing for the same thing.
God steps up to the last guy in line who is laying on his side laughing so hard he is crying. After several minutes of patiently waiting, God finally says "Now what in Heaven could be so funny boy?" The man stands up, wipes a tear from his eye and says "Make them all ugly again."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes into a drugstore
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The clerk says, What size? The guy says, Gee, I don't know. The clerk says, Go see Sophie in aisle 4. He goes over to see Sophie; she grabs him in the c**..., and yells, Medium.
The guy is mortified, he hurries over to pay and get out of the store. Another guy comes in to buy condoms, the clerks asks the size, and again sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, Large. The guy struts over to the register, pays and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms. The clerk says, What size? The kid feeling embarrassed says, I've never done this before. I don't know what size. The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4. She grabs him and yells, Clean up in aisle 4!
Gee I really need a longer cable for my headset..
.. said no Turtlebeach owner ever.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gee, you smell nice!
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old lady received 3 wishes...
An old lady sat on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life, when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appeared and informed her that she would be granted three wishes.
Well, now, said the old lady, I guess I would like to be really rich.
*p**...* Her rocking chair turned into solid gold.
And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess.
*p**...* She turned into a beautiful young woman.
Your third wish? asked the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wandered across the porch in front of them. Ooh – can you change him into a handsome prince? she asked.
*p**...*
And there before her stood a young man more handsome than anyone could have possibly imagined. She stared at him, smitten. With a smile that made her knees weak, he sauntered across the porch and whispered in her ear,
Bet you're sorry you had me neutered.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old Lady and the Fairy Godmother
An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when, all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
Well, now, says the old lady, I guess I would like to be really, really rich. *p**...* Her rocking chair turns to solid gold. She smiles and says, Gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess. *p**...* She turns into a beautiful young woman.
Your third wish? asked the fairy godmother.
Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. Ooh… can you change him into a handsome prince? she asks. *p**...* There before her stands a young man, more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine.
She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak. He saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear, Bet you're sorry you had me neutered!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Brewers Convention
There's a big convention of brewers from all over the world. At the end of the first day, Nils, Hank and p**... go for a drink together to share their thoughts. They get settled at the bar, and the landlord comes over to take their order.
Nils says, "I've worked for Carlsberg for ten years, so I'll have a Carlsberg." The landlord gets a glass, pulls a pint, and hands it to Nils.
Hank says, "Gee, I've been at Busch for twenty years: I'm having a Bud." The landlord takes a bottle from under the bar, opens it, and hands it over.
Then it's p**...'s turn. "To be sure, I've worked at Guinness since I was a wee boy, thirty years ago, but I'll have a lemonade," he says.
The other two look at him in disbelief. He turns to the landlord, shrugs his shoulders, and say "Well, if this pair aren't drinking beer, I'm not going to be the odd one out!"
PTA Meeting
Three fathers are waiting around at a PTA meeting. They are mulling over life, family and education over by the coffee and the doughnuts until the first dad says, 'I recently taught my son Ben about Taxes. Gee, I wish I hadn't though. Every time I ask him to get me a beer now, he cracks open a tinny and downs half. He then proceeds to say, "There's your beer tax Daddy!"'
The second father laughs. 'Yeah, that sounds like when I taught my Daughters Rose and Violet about Unions. They've been on strike ever since, refusing to do dishes and laundry until they get better pay and more candy!' He chuckles again, retreating into his mug of Coffee.
He looks up again and asks the third man what he's done around the home to help his Daughter. He replied, 'Well, I'm starting to regret teaching Mercedes about Prostitution.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms...
A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
"What size?" asks the clerk.
"Gee, I don't know."
"Go see Sophie in aisle 4." He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the c**..., and yells, "Medium!"
The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.
Another guy comes in to buy condoms, and gets sent to Sophie in aisle 4. Sophie grabs him and yells, "Large!"
The guy struts over to the register, pays, and leaves.
A high school kid comes in to buy condoms.
"What size?" The kid embarrassedly says "I've never done this before. I don't know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4.
She grabs him and yells "Clean up in aisle 4!"
What did the tree say to the math teacher?
Gee I'm a tree!
