Gee Jokes
80 gee jokes and hilarious gee puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gee that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good chuckle? Check out Banky Gee's latest collection of jokes to get you laughing! From Acorn to Geez, these jokes will leave you in stitches! Read now for a guaranteed funny experience.
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Funniest Gee Short Jokes
Short gee jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gee humour may include short acorn jokes also.
- Me: "Gee honey, it sure is muggy out today!" Her: "If I walk outside and all of our mugs are on the front porch, I'm leaving you."
Me: *sips coffee from a bowl* - My wife said, "Did I ever tell you how great it feels when we make love?" I said, "Gee, honey. No."
And she said, "Exactly. Now let's just go to sleep, OK?" - What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she gave him a scarf for Christmas? Gee, you knit?
- A man has dinner at a chinese restaurant The man says to the chef:
"Gee, this steak is rubbery!" And the chef replies "thank you very much!" - Two altar boys are hoping to work in a church. They are walking down the aisle in the church when the priest sees them. He walks up to them and says, "Gee, I've never come across your faces before."
- Gee I sure hope the rioters in DC don't do anything to the IRS building at 1111 Constitution Ave. NW, Washington, DC 20224.
- Eyes give everything away. A cop pulls over a guy. Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking? Gee, officer, the man says, Your eyes are awfully glazed-have you been eating doughnuts?
- So two cannibals are sitting in a forest, and one of them says to the other, "Gee, I really hate my step-mom." The other one replies "Well why don't you try the potatoes?"
- Comb On! What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
Gee, I'll never part with it! - A Texan goes to a car dealership He sees a car he likes and says "Gee that's a byoot!" The Dealer responds "That's not a Buick that's a Honda!"
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Gee One Liners
Which gee one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gee? I can suggest the ones about respectful and phew.
- What did 50 Cent say to his grandmother when she made him a pair of sock? Gee, you knit?
- What did eminem say when 50cent gave him a sweater? Gee, you knit?
- What did the rapper, The Game, say when 50 cent gifted him a sweater? Gee, you knit?
- What is Barry Gibb better at than the rest of the Bee Gees? Staying Alive
- What did 50 Cent say to his grandma after she gave him a homemade scarf? "Gee, You Knit?"
- What did 50 Cent say when Lloyd Banks gave him a new sweater? Gee, you knit?
- What did 50 cent say to his grandmother after she made him a sweater? Gee, you knit?
- What are the Rolling Stones better at than the Bee gees? Stayin' Alive
- What does Dr. Dre say to 50 cent when he gives him a sweater? Gee, you knit?
- What's the name of the Russian bee gees cover band? KGBGs
- Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
- What did 50 cent say to his grandma when he saw her knitting? "Gee U Knit!"
- The Bee Gees made a song specifically describing men More than a woman.
- Skeleton: Gee I sure have a lotta work to do today... A skele-ton
- My heart must be Italian.. because it is fra-gee-lay.
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Gee Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about gee you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ooh jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gee pranks.
Son, I found a c**... in your room.
Gee thanks, Grandpa!
Why are you calling me Grandpa?
Because I couldn't find it yesterday.
A guy walks into a bar, slumps into a chair, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "What's wrong, pal? You look down."
The guy sighs and says, "I am down. My wife is mad at me, and said she wouldn't talk to me for a whole month."
The bartender says, "Gee, that's too bad. When does that start?"
"Start? Today's the last day."
Shopping with my wife
One time I was shopping with my wife when we saw a couple younger-looking women. I made the comment, "Gee, I bet you wish you still had legs like that, huh?" And she just lost her mind. It took me a good twenty minutes to get her to stop crying before I could wheel her out of there and up the ramp into the next store.
A guy goes to the doctor because he's been having trouble with his s**... life.
The doctor gives him an examination and says: Look, you're just out of shape. Run ten miles every day and I guarantee you'll start to feel better.
A week later the guy calls his doctor back and says Gee thanks for the advice doc, I've been running ten miles a day and I feel great!
Well that's just great! How's your s**... life?
How the h**... would I know, I'm 70 miles away!
A fool is walking down the street, dragging a brick on a leash behind him.
A cop sees him and says to himself: "I'll make fun of him."
He walks up to him and says: "Gee, you've got a nice dog!"
The fool replies, "Are you crazy? That's a brick!"
The angry cop walks away.
The fool turns to the brick and says, "We got him, didn't we, Rex?"
A man walks into a coffee shop
Cashier: Congratulations! You are our 10,000th customer. Enjoy this complimentary bagel.
Man: Gee, thanks!
Cashier: That will be £2.50 please. Cash or card?
Man: I thought you said it was complimentary...
Bagel: You have a beautiful smile
Oldie but a Goodie
Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and f**... procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!"
To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married 40 years."
Relapse
"Great news, Mr. Oscarson," the psychiatrist reported. "After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You'll never be trapped by the desire to steal again. "Gee, that's great, Doc," the patient replied."And just to prove it, I want you to stop by Sears on the way home and walk the length of the store.
You'll see - you'll feel no temptation to shoplift whatsoever. "Oh, Doctor, whatever can I do to thank you? "Well," suggested the psychiatrist, "if you DO have a relapse, I could use a new microwave. "
A little boy and a man are walking hand-in-hand down a forest path at dusk...
The shadows are lengthening, a breeze is blowing, dead leaves are skittering, tree branches are rattling & creaking and the underbrush is rustling. The little boy looks up at the man and says, "Gee, it sure is scary in these woods!" The man replies, "You think you're scared, kid. I gotta walk back outta here alone."
So *that's* how it works. [true story]
Went to visit a friend at his work (he's a chemist). There's a placard on the wall of the lab that says:
"Safety Reminder: Many Hands Make Light Work!"
Scrawled below that in black marker:
"Gee. All these years of college and I thought it was wave/particle duality."
UNFAITHFUL WIVES
A man is talking to his friend "I think my wife is being
unfaithful to me. And I think she's going out with a tennis
player."
The friend asks "Tennis player? Why?"
"Because", answers the other, "I found a racquet under our bed".
The friend thinks for some seconds and says "Gee, I think then
my wife is being unfaithful to me with a horse".
"A horse?? How come? Why??"
"Because I found a jockey under our bed."
One day a teacher asked her students to use geometry in a sentence
The teacher was baffled that nobody could come up with just one sentence, and finally asked one quiet student in the back to say one... The student looked at her and said:
Once there was a little acorn and it was planted in the ground and grew and grew until one day he awoke and said "gee I'm a tree!"
A man and a boy are walking in the woods
And the boy says in his childish voice "gee mister, these woods sure are scary!"
To which the man replies in a humbled tone " your telling me! And I gotta walk out of here alone!"
Two Ukrainian spies have infiltrated into Moscow and have set up for their plot to kill Vladimir Putin.
They are laying in wait for Putin's private car to pass by, having planted a roadside bomb.
One says to the other, "He is supposed to arrive in 5 minutes. Is everything ready?".
"Yes."
An hour later, no car has passed by.
"Are you sure you got the time right?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."
A blonde, worried about the h**... crisis, walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.
"That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What's the 8 cents for?" asks the blonde.
"It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee", says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on
and they stayed there.
Tacking them could be painful."
A man walks into a bar and orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender lines them up and the man knocks them back one after the other. Then the man orders 4 more, again the bartender lines them up and the man knocks them back. The bartender says, "Gee, buddy I've never seen anybody drink like that."
The man replies, "Youd drink like that too if you had what I have." "Oh my god" buddy! What do you have?" The man winks and says... "fifty cents."
What is the proper term for 'gangster pee'?
Gee w**....
Mum loves Easter
Dad why is my baby sister called Teresa?
Well son it's an anagram of Easter, and we know how much your mum loves Easter.
Gee thanks dad.
Your welcome Alan
DAD JOKE!!
Oh look kids, a train just passed here.
Gee dad how can you tell that?
Well look, you can see it's tracks!!!
The lawyer looked at his rich client and said, "I've got some good news and some bad news,"
The client said, "well gee, I guess lets here the good news first."
So the lawyer said "You're wife has found a picture worth $10 million."
The client replied, "Oh that's fantastic! But whats the bad news?"
"It's a picture of you and your secretary."
A man and a small boy are walking into the woods as it is getting dark.
The little boy says to the man. "Gee, I'm really scared". The man turns around and snaps back at the little boy and says, "you, you, you. It's all about you. What about me? I've got to walk back out of these woods alone"
Tax on Condoms
A woman walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.
"That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What's the 8 cents for?" asks the woman. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee", says the woman, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."
What did 50 cent say to Eminem...
After Eminem made him a sweater for Christmas?
Gee, you knit?
So I'm at the dentist's office...
...in the waiting room when this woman comes storming out, shouting curses and threatening to sue. When she's gone, the dentist is standing in the doorway, speechless, so I ask him, "gee, doc, what's got her knickers in a twist?" And he says, "I don't know, I just asked her to take a shot in the mouth."
So there's a child m**... and a little boy walking into the woods...
They keep walking deeper and deeper, and its getting darker and darker; scarier and scarier. Further and further they walk. The boy looks up at the child m**... and says "Gee Mister, I'm getting scared." and the child m**... looks down at the kid and says: "You think you're scared kid, I gotta walk out of here alone."
Edit*: from the film Blue Valentine
Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said "Gee it's hot in here"
The other one shouted "Wow, a talking muffin"
Gee, I wonder if SARS-CoV-2 mutated to the point where it could infect birds...
I guess you could call the disease it causes "CO*R*VID-19," eh?
A rich, dumb Husband and wife are taking their first trip on their new Yacht.
They have sailed far from the shore, and the two are sitting in chairs, looking out towards the water.
"Gee, I just love this new Yakt!" The man says.
"Erm... Honey, the "c" is silent." His wife responds.
The man takes a sip from a tall glass, before responding "you're right, it's very tranquil."
I just got subscription to a Magazine About lettuce...
...I mean, It's fun to leaf through, and full of crisp facts -*And that's just issue 1!* The publishers assure me that it's only the tip of the iceberg! Gee, I can't wait for issue 2 to see what facts romaine!
How did Marty McFly react when shown what 2015 would really look like?
Gee, it's hard to say, although he did seem pretty shaken up about it.
Two cannibals were sitting by a fire
Wife: Gee! I hate my mother-in-law.
Husband: Then try the potatoes, dearie!
A man and a woman meet. Instant Attraction.
Across a parking lot. They jump into her car and go at it straight away. Afterwards when they're collecting themselves, he says to her, Gee, if I'd known you were a v**..., I would have taken my time. She replies, Gee, if I knew you had the time I would have taken off my pantyhose first.
g**... walks into a pub with his terrier
He walks up to the bar to order a drink, whereupon his dog starts l**... its b**....
Another guy already at the bar looks wistfully at the dog and says to the owner Gee mate that's a skill eh, wish I could do that. .
The owner replies Give him a biscuit and he might let you.
Using a Ouija board, I tried to communicate with the dead. It spelled out "Ah ah ah yeah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive"...
Must have bought a Bee Gee board by mistake...
Snow White said to the Seven Dwarfs
"Gee boys! I've always wanted 7 inches, just not one inch at a time."
What did Lloyd Banks say to 50 Cent after he got him a sweater for Christmas?
Gee, u knit?
Geometry
Johnny was in class when his teacher asked him to use the word geometry in a sentance.
Johnny thought for a moment and then said ok.
Once there was an acorn that fell on the ground. Some fell on it and it sprouted. The roots went into the ground and the stock grew upwards. A year passed and the acorn looked around himself and said,
Gee, I'm a tree!
50-cent's birthday was last week, so I made him a sweater...
...When i gave it to him he said, "Gee. You Knit?"
Watched Sling Blade the other day and heard this charmer.
Two young men, one from California the other from Arkansas, we're standing on a bridge relieving themselves into the water. The guy from California looks over and says,
"Gee, this water sure is cold",
To which the guy from Arkansas replies,
"And deep too!"
One second I'm at the bottom of the worlds fastest escalator, the next, I'm at the top
Gee, that escalated quickly
A serial killer and his date are out for a walk in the woods
"Gee it sure is scary out here" she says
"How do you think I feel? I gotta walk out of here alone."
A comedian tells a joke to a group of bodybuilders, but nobody laughs
Gee, tough crowd
What did the tree say to the shape?
Gee, I'm a tree
(Gee-om-a-tree)
Read out loud
Grandma catches Bobby beating-off
Stop it! Don't you know you can go blind from that?
Gee gram, can't I just do it till I need glasses?
Jack and Art take a walk.
O.K. Jack and Art are walking through the park when they come upon a dog sitting and l**... "that special place".
Jack says, "Gee I wish I could do that."
Art replies, " You probably can, but you better pet him first."
The Boy and the Child m**...
So there's a little boy and a child m**... and walking into the woods and they keep walking and it's getting darker and darker and they're walking deeper and deeper into the woods and the little boy looks at the child m**... and says, "gee mister, it's scary out here" and the child m**... says, "you think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone!"
