Gear Jokes
108 gear jokes and hilarious gear puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gear that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A collection of the funniest jokes about gear, metal gear, surplus, rods, safety gear, landing gear, Sitka gear, knee gear, and more! Check out the top gear jokes and have a good laugh. Can you top the best top gear jokes?
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Funniest Gear Short Jokes
Short gear jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gear humour may include short tool jokes also.
- Give a Man a Fish and You Will Feed Him for a Day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year.
- If a tree falls..... A tree falls in the forest but doesn't make a sound.
Hunter in camouflage gear: "WHAT THE HECK???!"
Tree: "I mean, AAAAAARGH, I fell!" - As a German, you know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. German engineering is flawless.
- Why is Joey Tribbiani a presenter on Top Gear? It makes no sense, he's not a good driver, he and all his friends are always stuck in second gear
- I saved 15% on car insurance by switching.... The gear to reverse and pulling away from the accident
- Do you know what grinds my gears? Do you know what grinds my gears? I have to read the aforementioned title twice for most jokes.
- Instead of actual serious spying gear, the Chinese used a balloon. Why? Because of inflation.
- Apple came up with a tablet computer with touch screen, geared toward children. They cancelled the product when they realized nobody wants to buy something called iTouch Kids.
- Bought a Russian car... The salesman said it was the krem de la kremlin, but every time it's putin gear, it keeps stalin. My wife said, "Crimea river, I'm not lenin you my car!"
- The new French tanks have 14 gears 13 go in reverse and 1 goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.
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Gear One Liners
Which gear one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gear? I can suggest the ones about instrument and shotgun.
- I just tried out the Samsung Gear-VR with my Note 7. It was mind-blowing.
- What do snakes use to build clocks? Metal Gears
- Jeremy Clarkson decided not to stay with Top Gear, but James May
- What do you need to teach a blonde who never had an accident in 20 years? Second gear.
- What do you call a Texas cop in tactical gear? A copsplayer.
- Where do emos get their gaming gear? Razer.
- I suspect, the gears on my bike are no good. Of late, they have been very shifty.
- Where do pirates get their camping gear? ARRRRRRRRRRRRR E AYYYYYYYYYYE
- You know what really grinds my gears? A lack of lubrication.
- what does a hornet an rain gear have in common? Yellow jacket
- You know what grinds my gears? When I'm low on transmission fluid.
- What is a homosexual's favorite Metal Gear Solid game? Snake Eater.
- What did Gears of War 3 say when it was getting mugged? AAA
- What do Whitney Houston and Jeremy Clarkson have in common? They were both on Top Gear.
- Hey did you hear about that spy in gears of war? he was in cog. neato.
Top Gear Jokes
Here is a list of funny top gear jokes and even better top gear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Matt LeBlanc was just announced as the newest presenter on BBC's Top Gear It may be a challenge for him, on his last show it's like he was always stuck in second gear
- Here in Britain, we've got May & Hammond in the Government now - All we need is Clarkson and we've got Top Gear back again.
- Matt LeBlanc got fired from top gear Matt LeBlanc got fired from top gear because he was always stuck in second gear.
- What was Jeremy Clarkson on during Top Gear? SPEEEED!
- What does Jeremy Clarkson have in common with Amy Winehouse? He can't do 'top gear' anymore!
- In relation to the top stories in the news. Top gear is cancelled in England but at least top gear is legal in Ireland.
- What comes after Top Gear? The Grand Tour.
- The new Top Gear is awesome... lol.
- When I found out Top Gear was being cancelled... I was so shocked it was like a punch in the face.
- What do you get when you minus Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear...? ... A smile !
Metal Gear Jokes
Here is a list of funny metal gear jokes and even better metal gear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You know Metal Gear Solid? It's no wonder The Patriots were never identified...
They were really good at La-Li-Laying-Low. - What is Metal Gear's Snake's secret? There's a Solid, Liquid, and Solidus Snake. It seems they all passed gas.
- They call me Metal Gear Because my snake is solid
- What was the status of the Metal Gear franchise once Kojima left? Death... Stranded.
Scuba Gear Jokes
Here is a list of funny scuba gear jokes and even better scuba gear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- BMW and Mercedes used to make scuba gear... ...but eventually BMW was forced to shut down. People kept getting the Benz.
Comical & Quirky Gear Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about gear you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean equipment jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gear pranks.
A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.
"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.
"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.
"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Australian on safari...
An Aussie is tramping through a jungle with his hunting gear. He comes into a clearing and finds a stunningly beautiful n**... women sprawled out across a bed of leaves.
"My god," he says. "Are you game?"
She smiles invitingly, "Yes I am."
So he shoots her.
My favorite golf joke
Two guys are out golfing and a big thunderstorm rolls in. The first guy packs up his gear and starts running for the clubhouse when he sees his buddy take his 1-iron out of his bag and hold it above his head while casually walking in.
First guy says, "What are you doing?! Are you trying to get yourself killed? Don't you see all the lightning?"
"Don't worry," says the second guy, "even God can't hit a 1-iron."
Deer Season
Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.
A blonde decided to go ice-fishing
...so she packed up all her gear and went ice fishing. She cut a hole and put the fishing line down the hole. After 15 minutes, after feeling nothing, she wasn't sure there would be a fish, so she prayed to her God, asking for a fish to please come bite her line. A few minutes later, a loud booming voice said: "THERE'S NO FISH THERE!" So she packed up her stuff and she found another spot. Again, she prayed for a fish to biter her line, but to no avail. Again, she heard a loud, booming voice, "THERE'S NO FISH THERE!" Still feeling hopeful, the blonde moved her stuff and cut a third hole in the ice. This time, without even praying, the loud booming voice said, "GET OFF THE ICE, THE GAME IS ABOUT TO START!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Polish Moose Hunt
Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose. The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both. And he had exactly the same airplane as yours." Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.
However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness. Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the c**.... After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"
Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
Bungee Jumping
Two guys in America are bungee jumping on a bridge, they meet at the top and say, "hey this is fun, I bet you they never heard about this in Mexico."
A few months go by and the two have set up a bungee jumping business, ready to start testing it out. There is a big crowd at the bottom of the bridge, all are curious.
One of them puts on the bungee gear and the other stays at the top to catch him.
The guys testing jumps and comes back up with a few bruises, the guy at the top fails to catch him, the tester goes back down.
One more time the tester comes back up, it appears he has a few broken bones, the guy at the top fails to catch him again, the tester goes back down.
Finally the tester comes back up, more bruises, more broken bones, the guy at the top finally catches him and asks what happened?
The tester can barely speak because he is in pain, but quietly says, "What is Piñata?!?"
A Swiss car maker is coming out with a new car that has only one gear...
That gear is neutral.
Where does the Emperor keep all his past dead Sith's gear for display?
The Sithsonian.
I don't like gears on a car, and I hate using them.
They've just always looked shifty to me.
How is the new Meta Gear game?
Its solid.
Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Defendent: "Gucci Sweats and Sum Jordan's"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The difference between being naughty and being k**...
Is whether you by your gear at an adult shop or home depot
A busdriver and a pastor have a conversation...
The pastor complains: "Every time i start preaching, people stop praying and fall asleep."
The busdriver replies: "For me it's the other way around. When i shift into 5th gear and hit the pedal, they wake up and start praying."
What's the worst gear for America?
Cruz control.
What's the most powerful part of a french tank
Reverse gear
A man is stranded on a desert island...
... When all of a sudden a beautiful brunette in full scuba gear strides out of the water surrounding the island. She sits down next to the awestruck man and says, "Would you like a cigarette?" The man agrees, and she unzips a pouch on her thigh and pulls out some cigarettes and a lighter.
After they've finished their cigarettes, the brunette says, "Would you like a drink?"
The man agrees, and the woman opens a small bag at her waist, and takes out a small bottle of champagne and two glasses. As they sip their drinks, the brunette leans forward and says, "Would you like to play around?"
The man's eyes widen and he yells, "You've got golf clubs in there as well?"
The reverse gear on our car stopped working, so my wife and I took it to a garage.
Moving forward we should be fine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pulleys are the r**... of the gear world
No teeth
A mechanical engineers wife comes out of delivery. She texts him
She texts him : "your new vehicle has been launched".
He replies : " is it with gear stick or automatic?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Decided to complete my next few marathons dressed in b**... gear
It'll be a running gag
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
DIVING WITHOUT EQUIPMENT
Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you m**...!"
In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken.
Since then, the steaks have never been higher.
You know, camping gear for sea mammals is really versatile.
It works for all in tents and porpoises.
There's a company that recycles old or abandoned camping gear left behind at festivals and gives them to charities and the homeless....
They're called "Past Tents, Present Tents and Future Tents".
What is the difference between a manual-transmission car and an italian tank?
One has 6 gears and 1 reverse gear, the other has 6 reverse gears and 1 forward gear
A scientist conducted a research on smartphone protection gear.
It was an interesting case study.
When I bought a fixed gear bike last summer, people called me a hipster.
Commuting to work today in the snow, I finally understood why. I only liked riding my bike before it was cool.
The best gear to wear for playing hide and seek is a leather poncho with Sketchers.
You'd literally be wearing hide and sneakers.
I went fishing the other day
After setting all my gear up, I realised I had left my tackle box at home. I found some liquorice in my pocket and thought I'd try it for my bait, I caught all sorts
After being recommended by my boss, I've started taking an active interest in steroids.
He said I need to get into gear.
In high school they called me Mr. Oblivious. So when I noticed the new kid with his fancy gear walk in I called him "Mr.Big Shot".
That compliment spared me from the school shooting
I just bought an expensive car, and found out the reverse gear was broken right after I drove out.
There's no going back now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why would Konami Sue Hideo Kojima over getting an e**...?
You would have to consider Kojima Metal Gear Solid .
I just bought my very first car, only to find the reverse gear broken.
Well, there's no going back now.
I feel uncomfortable watching a band pack up their gear after a show.
It's disconcerting.
Give a man a fish and you will feed him for the day.
Teach a man to fish and he's going to spend a fortune on gear he'll only be using twice a year.
What do you call a black kneecap protection?
A knee gear
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents found b**... gear that i've been hiding in my room
I bought b**... gear from my local s**... shop and hid it under my bed.
My parents were furious when they found out and I was yelled at and spanked.
So i started leaving it out in the open.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire...
Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.
But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.
When does a bad apple become rotten?
When it dons full riot gear and covers up its badge number.
R stands for Racing
that's exactly what I thought too before shifting the gear on my car to R at 120 mph
I was driving my wife to work this morning when she suddenly pushed my hand from the gear lever
"What are you doing?" I asked
"Well," she said, "I've kept quiet for too long and I'm sick of you not concentrating on your driving - you do the steering and I'll stir the petrol."
The first time Chewbacca tried to fly a ship, he pulled gear lever instead of break lever.
A Wookie mistake.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young soldier was making his first parachute jump.
The corporal explained the procedure "You count to ten and pull the first ripcord. If the c**... doesn't open, pull the second. That should do it. Then, after you land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up."
The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary "Geronimo! " and jumped out of the plane. He counted to ten and pulled the ripcord. The c**... failed to open. He pulled the second ripcord and the c**... still didn't open. As he plummeted downward, he said, "I'll bet that g**... truck won't be there either."
I saw a homeless man & I asked him if I gave him $20 would you buy booze? He said no he hadn't had a beer in years. Then I said if I give you $20 will you buy hunting gear? He again said no, he stopped hunting 5 years ago.
So then I said I'll do you better than $20. I'll take you home let you all cleaned up. My wife will cook a fantastic meal for you. Then I'll bring you back & still give you $20.
He asked me won't she get mad? I said it didn't matter.
I just wanted her to see what happens to a man when he stops drinking & hunting!
In search of: Married woman, recently cheated on, mad, scorned -
Willing to sell her husband's fishing gear
A guy asked his buddy to teach him how to fish
His buddy then gave him a list and said "Alright, here are some basic things you need, go get them and I'll prepare the boat for our trip."
A week went by and the guy went back to his buddy accompanied by another guy in complete fishing gear.
"Where the heck have you been?" asked his buddy.
"I went to Poland" he said
"What the heck for?!" asked his buddy, bewildered.
"You wrote that I need a fishing pole!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Diving
One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he was not wearing a scuba gear.
The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later.
The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the h**... are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING s**...".
My niece just showed me a picture of her new girlfriend dressed in hockey gear, pads, mask and all
I said "She looks like a keeper"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just had a Metal Gear Solid s**....
I got into the car with an old buddy and put the gear on reverse.
I said, This…takes us back.
A man gets up early Sunday morning
He goes downstairs, puts on his bike gear, takes his bike in the garage but when he opens the door he notices it is pouring. Bummed out, he puts his bike back, undresses, goes back upstairs and crawls back under the sheets, spoons his wife and whispers: "Awful weather outside" And his wife goes: "Ha ha ha and to think my husband is out there on his bike right now"
