Gays Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....

Like he's a Muslim or something.

Daughter: What does gays mean?

Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other - two men can love each other the same way

Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'?

Me: Er... read me the whole sentence

Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"

Me: Oh

Gays in the military

"If gay men were allowed in the army, Saving Private Ryan will be a lot shorter, because it wouldn't take them 3 hours to find Matt Damon"

— Adam Hills

What do gays and republicans have in common?

Both are feeling a little butt hurt after yesterdays decision.

I don't get why people are allowed to say "Damn straight"

But I get in trouble when i say "Damn gays".

I hope the gays go to hell....

I don't have anything against homosexuals. I just know they're great at gentrifying neighborhoods. By the time I get to Hell, there will be a boutique and cafe on every block!

How many gays does it take to put in a lightbulb?

How many gays does it take to put in a lightbulb?

Only one, but it takes a whole emergency room to remove it.

Why did the gay man want to go to Iran?

He heard all the gays were hung .

How many gays can you put on a barstool?

Four, if you put it upside down.

Credit to my gay friend Wheezie.

If gays come out of the closet, where do lesbians come from?

The liquor cabinet

Most gays I know..

are fucking assholes.

Why don't gays like to play hide-and-seek?

Because everyone knows they're in the closet

Gays are fucking assholes.

How do you know Jesus is okay with gays?

Because he had two dads

Why is marijuana illegal in Saudi Arabia?

In Saudi Arabia, only gays get stoned.

A man calls his local Chick-fil-A and asks: "Do you serve gays?" The employee responds "No sir..."

"We serve chicken."

My mom asked me what gays think about.

I thought long and hard...

Why are gays always smiling?

Because they can't keep a *straight* face.

Somewhere, there is a turf war going on...

...between skeletons and secret gays.

What is the official fruit of gays in Texas?

Canteloupe

When the gays and lesbians went hiking, who got to the campsite first?

The lesbians got there lickety-split while the gays were still packing their shit!

A young muslim in saudi arabia is wondering if he is allowed to some marijuana. So, he visits his local mosque and asks his Imam if it's permissible, so the Imam told him:

No. In our country, only gays get stoned.

What do dyslexic gays love?

Alan

How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1) How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, one to change the light buld and the other 9 to say "that should be me up there"
2) How many gays does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one but it takes a whole emergancy room to screw it back out again
3) How many English men does it take to change a lightbulb? 2, One to climb the British standard safety ladder while wearing a high vis jacket and hard hat while the other one carries out a whole risk assessmennt and cancels the operation as it is deemed unsafe.
4) How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Ve are asking ze qvestions here!
5) How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? 250,000. One to change the lightbulb and 249,999 to debate whether it was politically correct.

Why do gays have a great sense of clothing?

They spend some time inside the closest! Bah dum tsssss

In San Francisco 1989 there was a major earthquake, which group of people got out the fastest.

The gays, because they already had their shit packed

A man walks into a public bathroom...

...as he stands at the urinal he notices written on the wall in front of him "BEWARE GAYS" ignoring it he then goes to wash his hands when above the hand dryers he sees it written again "BEWARE GAYS" as he turns to leave he sees something written on the floor in small lettering and bends over to read it... "we warned you twice"

How do five gays walk on a road

In one direction

ALL THE GAYS ON AN ISLAND

My brother hates gay people -- hates us. 'We should take all you gays and stick you on an island.' 'Well they have, Frank. We call it Manhattan.'

Gameshow idea

11 gay men and 1 straight man are locked in a house. The object for the gay men is to find out who isn't gay. Once a week someone gets outvoted, until 2 are left or the straight man is out. If the gays manage to outvote him, they win 1 million dollars. If the straight man is among the last 2 people in the house in the end, he wins 1 million dollars.

Now here's the twist: None of the men are actually gay, they just think they are the one straight man.

What do gays and melons have in common?

cantaloupe...

How do you fit 4 gays on one barstool?

Flip it over!

Muslims killing gays everywhere....

...rednecks are fucking conflicted now.

Can you smoke weed in Saudi Arabia?

No, in Saudi Arabia only gays get stoned.

What is a gays favorite sandwich

A lgblt.

Who wins in a race to San Francisco, the lesbian couple or the gay couple?

The lesbians. They get there lickity split while the gays are still packin it in!

They say gays destroy the very fabric of society.....

Nonsense! No gay man would ever dream of destroying fabric.

The best soccer team in the world

We will put gays as defenders, since they pressure well from the back.

Arabs, Chinese and Caucasians in mid because they bring color to the field.

Jews will be attackers because it's frowned upon to chase them.

And a 50 year old nun as our goalkeeper.
Because she hasn't let anyone in for three decades straight.

My brother recently came out of the closet.

I had been raised side by side with this man for my entire life. The whole experience has really opened up my eyes and made me reevaluate my views on homosexuality. Maybe I DO hate the gays...

Why were gays the first out of San Fransisco when the earthquake hit?

They already had their shit packed.

Why do gays make bad decisions?

Because they're never thinking straight.

Came up with a joke that does not refer to sex, dildos, blonds, blacks, cocks, gays or even Trump.

But this isn't it.

Do you hear about the 2 Irish gays?

Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael.

If god hates gays

why did he make them so damn cute

Gays should be stoned

I hear it makes the sex so much better

A gay male couple and a lesbian couple both decide to go to Los Vegas; Who gets there first?

Well, the lesbians get there lickity split while the gays are still back at home packing their shit.

I feel sorry for homeless gays

They haven't got a closet to come out of.

Why are there no gays in a mental asylum?

Because they can't wear a strait-jacket.

What would you have if the LGBT community kicked out all the gays?

A pretty good sandwich

[Amazing Comeback] So I was reading comments on a LGBT friendly add(Android's #AndProud)

> I hate fucking gays
>> Stop having sex with gays then.

They say half of all gays were born that way...

...the other half were just sucked into it somehow.

How many gays does it take to change a light bulb?

The light bulb shouldn't need to change in order for society to accept it.

I'm not homophobic or anything but...

Gays are a pain in the ass

A protestor shouted, "Trump will make America worse for Gays, Jews, Blacks, Muslims, and Latinos!" A Trump supporter shouted back, "That's not true..."

"...he won't make it worse for Jews!"

A race between two lesbians and two gays... from NY to FL who wins? NSFW?

A - The Lesbians... they are doing 69 the whole way while the two gay guys are still getting their shit pack.

What do you call it when two gays fight?

Fruit punch!

Why are there no gays in Narnia?

Because they all live in a closet

Why don't gays sink?

They're flamboyant...

What are the similarities between gays and parrots?

Shit on the stick and seed in the mouth

Intentionally or not, gays are the only people fighting overpopulation and it's time for everyone else to join the fight. But first...

So normal gays come out of the closet,

But does a gay dwarf come out the cabinet?

Why can't people just be accepting of gays?

Because people are fucking assholes

What are the funniest gays jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Gays? Well, here are the best Gays puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Gays pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes