Gay Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."

Mom: *Stares at Dad*

Dad: *Clenches fist*

Mom: "Don't!"

Dad: *Sweats Profusely*

Mom: "..."

Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"

I refused to believe I was gay and dyslexic.....

I was in Daniel.

The Bible says being gay is fine, as long as you're high.

"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."

- Leviticus 20:13 ESV

What does gay mean?

asked a son to his father.

"It means 'happy,'" the father answered.

"Oh," replied the son, "so are you gay, then?"

"No, son, I have a wife."

Two deer walk out of a gay bar

One turns and says to the other, "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."

My friends say there is a gay guy in our circle of friends

I really hope it's Todd, he's cute.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar

One looks at the other and says, man, I blew like, twenty bucks in there!

A boy asks his father Dad, what does 'gay' mean?

Father: It means 'to be happy'.

Son: Are you gay?

Father: No, son. I have a wife.

Gay parents are awesome!

* "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard"

I met two guys wearing matching clothing. So I asked them if they were gay.

They promptly arrested me

I saw 2 guys wearing matching outfits and asked if they were gay.

They arrested me.

Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men?

The Trump card.

Why are gay men so well dressed?

They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.

In the original 'Good Will Hunting' script, there is a surprise gay sex scene between the two straight leads. It was purposely put there as a test to see if studios actually read the script. Harvey Weinstein was the only producer who mentioned the scene

Weinstein said that the sex scene usually takes place before he approves a movie

Having gay parents must be terrible

Either you have twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an endless loop of "go ask your mother"

Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminatory white men have?

The Trump card.

His son asked him what gay meant.

Son: Dad, what does gay mean?

Dad: Happy son. It means happy.

Son: Then are YOU gay DAD?

Dad: No son...... i have a wife...

Having gay parents must be horrible

You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"

I saw two guys wearing the same outfit and asked them if they were gay?

They arrested me.

Somebody told me my clothes were gay.

I said "Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."

A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar

Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."

The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."

Did you hear about the gay French baker?

Faguette

When my cab driver found out I was gay, he told me this joke. I approve.

Q: What do you call a gay man with a vasectomy?

A: Seedless fruit.

A boy asked his father, "Dad, what does gay mean?"

"It means happy son." Replied the father.

Then the boy asked, "Then Dad, are you gay?"

"No son, I am married." the father replied.

Two condoms are walking down the street...

They pass a gay bar and one condom says to the other "hey, do you wanna get shit-faced?"

I saw 2 guys with matching clothes and asked them if they are gay...

They promptly arrested me.

How do you confuse a gay person?

Seven

What does a gay rooster say?

"Anycockledoooooo!"

My friend recently found out that he is both gay and dyslexic...

He is still in Daniel...

[META] There's been an influx of anti-gay jokes recently and I just wanted to say something: jokes using gay people as the punchline are NOT funny

Come on guys

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...

To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

Someone said my clothes were gay

I said "Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."

I've been seeing some anti-gay humor on this sub lately and wanted to say something: Gay jokes ARE NOT funny.

Come on guys.

What's a gay man's favorite planet?

Earth, most likely. Unless he's personally interested in space exploration, in which case he might say Mars.

What does the word 'gay' mean?

asked a son to his father.

"It means 'happy,'" replied the father.

"Oh," contested the son, "so are you gay, then?"

"No, son, I have a *wife.*"

Wearing Crocs is like getting a blow job from a dude...

It feels really good until you look down, and realize how gay you are.

My son asked me what a dilemma was?

"Imagine you're naked and in a big bed" I explained, "A beautiful woman on one side and a gay man on the other...

Who you going to turn your back on?"

I saw a study online that said 1 out of 10 people are gay, which freaked me out because I've had sex with 10 people

Statistically, that means one of those other dudes was probably gay

Someone told me there's a gay guy in my circle of friends...

I hope it's Michael. Hes cute.

What do you call two gay Irish men?

Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick

Mike Pence is at the dinner table with his family...

His son, who has been very quiet, tells him "Dad, this might come as a shock, but I think I'm gay."

Pence laughs and says "Son, you're getting it all mixed up! I'm not the one getting shocked!"

MOM! I'm being called gay in school.

Who is calling you that son?

A bunch of cute boys.

I couldn't accept that I was both gay and dyslexic

I was in Daniel

A bar goes into a guy

It was a gay bar.

How can you tell if an astronaut is gay?

You can't. There's no orientation in space.

Are these gay cows, daddy?

No, they're bison.

Have you heard of the Saudi Arabia gay pride anthem?

We will, we will rock you!

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."


(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)

two deer are leaving a gay bar

one turns to the other and says "I cant believe I blew 40 bucks in there"

A middle school boy comes home crying...

His dad asks, "What's wrong, son?" "A boy at school called me gay!" the son replied. The dad then says, "Well, if he does it again, you can punch him in the face." The boy then stated, "But he's cute!"

A kid asks his Dad "what does 'gay' mean?"

The father says "It means 'to be happy." The son asks "Are you gay?" The father says "No, son. I have a wife."

Why didn't the gay pirate have a parrot?

Because he preferred a cock-er-two!

This is my first original pirate-themed joke. I have more on the way. Love it? Hate it? Let me know!

A wizard walked into a gay bar

and disappeared with a poof.

Gays in the military

"If gay men were allowed in the army, Saving Private Ryan will be a lot shorter, because it wouldn't take them 3 hours to find Matt Damon"

β€” Adam Hills

How would a Muslim describe Castro's gay, atheist lover?

In Fidel.

My son just said, "Dad, can you tell me what gay means?"

"It means to be happy," I replied.

"Are you gay, dad?"

"No, son. I married your mother"

What's the proper name for a gay couch?

A homosectional.

I had a gay friend in high school...

...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable.

"What does gay mean?"

A son is on the computer and he comes across the word gay. He asks his dad, "What does gay mean?"

"It means happy."

"So dad, are you gay?" the son asks.

Dad replies, "No son, I have a wife."

My best friend turned his back on me when I told him I was gay...

That was his first mistake (Β Ν‘Β°Β ΝœΚ–Β Ν‘Β°Β )

The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants..

... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.

Son asks his dad the meaning of the word gay

Dad, what does gay mean?

Well, it can mean two things. It can mean that a man is attracted to another man. Or it could mean happy.

Dad, are you gay?

No son, I'm married to your mother.

The CEO of Apple came out gay...

Now we know why the iPhone 6 can't stay straight

I'm opening a new gay club called "Garage Sale"

Because one mans junk is another mans treasure!

They say that 1 out of a group of 5 guys is gay....

I'm really hoping it's Jake, because he's *super cute*.

I tried to be gay once...

I sucked.

I told my gay friend I could turn fruits into vegetables...

He said "prove it."

So I pushed him off the balcony.

Son: Mom, Dad, I'm gay

Mom: *looks at Dad*

Dad: *clenches fist*

Mom: don't you dare!

Dad: hi gay, I'm Dad!

My gay friend got stoned today.

I told him Saudi Arabia was not a good honeymoon destination but he didn't listen.

It's 2018, we need to stop calling things gay just because they are lame.

So what if there are no women at this bar? Most of the guys are really nice and some of them even bought me drinks, and that's pretty cool if you ask me.

A guy in school said that my clothes were gay

"Well, yes", I told him "they came out of the closet this morning."

My son came home from school absolutely ecstatic about gay marriage being legalised today.

"Why are you so happy?" I asked him, "Have you even got a boyfriend?"

He scowled at me and just said "It's the principle Dad"

"Really?" I replied "Well, at least it's not the priest again".

Why are gay people bad liars?

They can't keep a straight face

My friends told me my clothes were gay...

I replied: "yeah, they came out of the closet this morning!"

A dad and his son are watching the news when a story about gay marriage pops up.

the son asks, "dad, what does gay mean?"

the dad replies quickly, "gay means happy."

The son looks at him and asks him, "are you gay?"

"no son, i have a wife..."

My gay friend's had an 80's themes costume party.

I came dressed up as AIDS. Nobody really knew what I was at the start of the party, but by the end, everybody got it.

Son : Mom, Dad... I'm gay.

Dad : *Raising his right hand*
Mom : No , don't you dare!
Dad : *Sweating profusely*
Mom : Don't do it!
Dad : *waves at son* Hi gay , Im Dad.
Son : No Dad, I'm serious!
Dad : You're serious? I thought you were gay!
Son : I'm not serious!
Dad and Mom : Good.

What did the gay deer say when he left the bar?

I can't believe I blew fifty bucks in there.

I wanna do stand up comedy on a gay cruise...

...so I can open with: "Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming out."

What's a gay mole's favourite thing?

Molasses.

My Friend couldn't believe he was gay and dyslexic

He's still in daniel

Professor X to JK Rowling:

Professor X: "What's your power?"

JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters."

Gay Professor X: "Interesting."

What's the worst part about being gay?

You cant think straight.

Two condoms walk past a gay bar

One asks the other, Hey, wanna go inside and get shit-faced?

Wearing crocs is like getting a blow job from a guy...

....it feels good but then you look down and realize you're gay.

A muslim walks into a gay bar

The bartender ask what he'll be having. The Muslim replies, shots for everybodyο»Ώ.

Did you know when a man masturbates he generates 5 BTU of energy..

So if you had 5000 men in a room masturbating, it would be extremely gay.

What are the funniest gay jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Gay? Well, here are the best Gay puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Gay pick up lines to share with friends.

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