Gate Jokes
131 gate jokes and hilarious gate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out these hilarious jokes about pearly gates, garden gates, open the gate, golden gate and more! See if you can guess the solution to pass through the portal and get admittance. Have a good chuckle with these jokes about logic gates and doorways.
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Funniest Gate Short Jokes
Short gate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gate humour may include short gent jokes also.
- Breaking News: bill gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he gets to install windows.
- Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction, and name it ElonGates.
- bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
- Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10
---- - It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID none of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently
- My daughter's skirt was getting a lot of attention as I walked her to the school gates, which made me very uncomfortable. To be honest, I thought it suited me.
- A guy dies, goes to the gates of heaven, and starts telling Saint Peter a joke. 8 hours later, Peter finally gets impatient, interrupts him and says, "We don't have forever, Norm."
- When Bill Gates donates 30% of his net worth He is praised as a generous hero, But when I do it people tell me they don't accept donations under a dollar.
- Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."
Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion." - Coolio died today. He was shocked when he got to the Pearly Gates and realized It was indeed an Amish paradise.
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Gate One Liners
Which gate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gate? I can suggest the ones about port and ting.
- Bill and Melinda Gates woke up today and said... May divorce be with you.
- "You look like a million bucks", said Bill Gates disappointedly to his wife.
- You know why the gates of heaven are always left open? Cuz Jesus was raised in a barn!
- Bill Gates to Melinda: "I'll never cheat on you again." "I give you my Word."
- Bill Gates walks into a bar and everyone inside becomes a millionaire... on average.
- why do they put gates around a graveyard? Because people are dying to get in
- Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.
- A programmer dies and meets St Peter outside the pearly gates. [cr
- You wouldn't steal a gate. So why would you take offense?
- How soft is Bill Gate's pillow? Microsoft.
- Why doesn't Bill Gates have a basement? He likes windows
- What did Microsoft employees say to Bill Gates after his motivational speech? Word.
- Who's the wealthiest fish in the sea? Gill Gates, the flounder of Mackerelsoft
- Why couldn't Bill Gates get any girls? His hardware was Microsoft
- Why did Bill Gates' wife divorce him? Because, he was always microsoft in bed.
Open The Gate Jokes
Here is a list of funny open the gate jokes and even better open the gate puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A cat scratches at the gate to heaven to get in. St Peter opens the door. He looks down at the cat and snarls Egh, what is it now, in or out?!
- Bill created Microsoft and Steve created Apple I must say by doing so, they opened a lot of Gates for Jobs.
- I miss the times when I was working at the zoo My boss fired me just because I left the lion's gate open. I mean who would steal a lion?
- Why did Bill Gates get sick? Because he left the Windows open.
- There's a new Tesla feature where the closer you drive to your house, the more the entrance opens... It's called the Elon Gate.
- Open wide ye heavenly gates! Open wide ye heavenly gates!
For Father suffered in passing through,
and Mother weighs much more.
-Gravestone - Two cows are standing in an open field One cow says to the other cow: "it's cold in here".
The other cow replies: "yeah.. the farmer left the gate open". - Rick has pleaded guilty and is willing to testify. I think the flood Gates have been opened.
- All gates for paper aeroplanes now open.. Please can all the cardboard.
Golden Gate Jokes
Here is a list of funny golden gate jokes and even better golden gate puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you know the Golden Gate Bridge and Brooklyn Bridge have twitter accounts? They are both suspended.
- Ny wife and I are going on my dream trip to see the Golden Gate in person. She asked me, What would you do when you finally see it?
Me: Let's…cross that bridge when we get there. - A sign on the Golden Gate Bridge reads: "Now entering San Francisco, chains required… …whips optional"
- Girlfriend and I are visiting San Fran to finally see the Golden Gate in person. "What are we going to do when we see it?" she asks. "We'll cross that bridge when we get there."
- Why are there no black people on alcatraz Because it's a golden gated community
- I decided to read War and Peace whilst walking over the Golden-Gate, I'd heard the abridged version was easier to finish.
- A smart blonde, a dumb blonde and Santa Claus all jump from the golden gate bridge at the same time. Who makes the biggest splash? The dumb blonde, because the others don't exist!
- Why is the California golden gate bridge a great compass? It is collapsible
- u/username goes to the Golden Gate Bridge username checks out.
- Did you hear about the registered donor who had a car c**... on the Golden Gate Bridge? He left his heart in San Francisco.
Garden Gate Jokes
Here is a list of funny garden gate jokes and even better garden gate puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A feminist has just stolen my garden gate I was going to shout at her but I thought she might take a fence
- I just saw someone stealing a garden gate! I didn't say anything in case he took a fence.
- I looked out of my bedroom window last night and saw two blokes stealing my garden gate... I didn't say anything, because I didn't want them to take offence.
- I found out my friend has been stealing garden gates recently. I don't want to confront him though incase he takes offence.
Pearly Gate Jokes
Here is a list of funny pearly gate jokes and even better pearly gate puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Grant Imahara walks up to the pearly gates... As he looks around, confused, a booming voice speaks to him across the clouds...
...Myth confirmed. - Steve jobs goes to Heaven.. .. As he steps up to the pearly gates, St. Peter looks at him with a frown on his face, points downwards and says: You know how we feel about Apples up here.
- A blonde, a brunette and a red head are standing at the pearly gates. I don't believe this to be possible. I'm an atheist.
- A man walks up to the pearly gates Saint Peter asks, "How did you get here?"
The mans answers, "Flu." - Imagine that you reach the pearly gates after you die.. and St. Peters begins by asking you "so, how was heaven?"
- Why is the founder of Comcast going to purgatory? He met St. Peter at the pearly gates and St. Peter said was, "Please hold. Your soul is very important to us."
- A psychologist walking the stairway to heaven arrives at the pearly gates ... Says: You should write a book
- What did Avicii say when he reached the pearly gates? Wake me up when it's all over!
- A s**... bomber dies and goes to heaven At the pearly gates he meets St. Peter who tells him, "I bet you don't have the guts to do that again."
- h**... arrives at the Pearly Gates... ...and says to St Peter, "Sorry about the whole Jew thing."
St Peter replies, "You did your best."
Amusing Gate Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about gate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gang jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gate pranks.
Two guards are standing in front of a gate,
Guard 1: what year is it?
Guard 2: 75 B.C.
Guard 1: what does B.C mean?
Guard 2: Before Christ.
Guard 1: what is Christ?
Guard 2: i have no idea.
Ticket Please
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, instead he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
I just saw two guys stealing my neighbors gate.
I didn't say anything, because I didn't want them to take a fence.
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.
I said, "Don't jump."
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! What denomination?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.
--Emo Philips
Three women and ducks
Three women die in a car accident and go to heaven when they are at the gate god tells them that there is only one rule and that is that you may not step on a duck. They women enter and do their best to enjoy heaven while being cautious about where they step for there are ducks everywhere. After about a week one of the three women steps on a duck and suddenly this old, smelly, repulsive and hairy man is chained to her for life. This only makes the other women more careful and another month passes by when a second of the three women steps on a duck. Then chained to her is a man more repulsive then the first. The third woman becomes ever so cautious and make it a whole year without treading upon a duck. Chained to her is a handsom, muscular and wonderful gentleman. She says to him "What happened to you?" he replies " I stepped on a duck..."
Stolen Gate
The other day, I looked out my window to see two guys stealing my side gate!
I didn't say anything to them though.
I didn't want them to take offence.
Arrived home last night to find a man trying to steal my front gate. I didn't a**... him though,
I thought he may take a fence.
I was walking down the street one day..
and I saw a man taking a gate. I was going to say something but I thought he might take offence.
I was walking home and saw some drunk guy trying to steal someones gate...
I was gonna say something, but I din't want him to take a fence.
A black man and a white man are crossing the golden gate bridge.
When both of them get the urge to take a wizz so they start urinating from the bridge.
The white man comments to the black man how dirty the water is to which the black man replies.
And cold too.
Latvian man dies of hunger.
He sees St Peter at Pearly Gate. St Peter give him bread and say, "Struggle over now". Man cry from happy. But, look again! St Peter is really devil, and bread have worm. Struggle continues.
Has enough time passed in our country that we honestly and openly talk about the good things o**... Bin Laden did for us?
You don't think he did anything good? You're wrong.
How about the fact that when you take your wife or gf to the airport, you no longer have to walk her all the way to the gate?
Three legged pig
A man is driving through the country to see a farmer about a sale.
after awhile he turns into the front gate of the property.. before he can get out of the car to open the gate.. a three legged pig leaps up and undoes the latch - opens the gate for him.
He is amazed as he stops to close the gate again but notices the three legged pig quickly close and latch the gate behind him.
As he drives on to the next gate the pig runs at speed past his car - by the time he gets there the gate is wide open - the pig closes it behind him again.
He arrives at the homestead and the pig has already sped past him and in sitting on the lower step.
He asks the farmer 'what's the story with this three legged pig? he opened the gates and ran like lightning to get in front of me - it's only got three legs - amazing!'
Farmer replies - 'Good pig like that.., you would be mad to eat 'im all at once'
So a blonde died and went to Heaven.
God was at the gate and said to her, "Before entering, you will see 10 angels, and each one of them will tell you a joke. If you manage to not laugh at all, you may enter."
The blonde walked up to the first angel, listened to the joke and did not laugh.
She then went to the second and again did not laugh.
This happened every time and she finally reached to the last angel.
When the last angel was at the middle of the joke, the blonde started laughing REALLY HARD.
The angel then asked, "Woah, is my joke really that funny?"
The Blonde, laughing non-stop, said, "No... I JUST GOT THE FIRST JOKE!"
I'm sick and tired of scandals always being named -gate
The only thing about it that consoles me is there's a parallel universe where Watergate Hotel was instead named after John Hancock.
A vulture is boarding a plane with a dead raccoon under each wing, when the gate attendant stops him and says, "I'm sorry, sir..."
"...but you're only allowed *one* carrion."
A farmer has a new handsome assistant
A farmer has a new handsome assistant. One morning they want to go out into the fields to work. At the garden gate the farmer sees that the roads are muddy and realizes that he forgot his rubber boots (Wellingtons for the Brits ;)
He tells his assistant to go get the boots from the house. The assistant returns and finds the farmers very pretty wife, along with the equally pretty daughter sitting in the kitchen. He tells them: "The farmer just said it would be alright if I had s**... with you right now!" The women look sceptical, so the assistant opens the window and shouts to the farmer: "Both?"
Farmer: "Of course both of them, what do you think?!"
The Priest and the Politician
A priest and a politician arrived at Heaven's gate one day together. And St. Peter, after doing all the necessary formalities, took them to show them where their quarters would be.
First, he took them to a small, single room with a bed, a chair, and a table and said this was for the priest. And the politician was a little worried about what might be in store for him. And he couldn't believe it then when St. Peter stopped in front of a beautiful mansion with lovely grounds, many servants, and told him that these would be his quarters.
And he couldn't help but ask, he said, "But wait, how—there's something wrong—how do I get this mansion while that good and holy man only gets a single room?" And St. Peter said, "You have to understand how things are up here. We've got thousands upon thousands of priests. You're the first politician who ever made it.
Why did Bill Gates build a gate?
Someone kept breaking his windows.
What did the farmer say when the police found the gate from the public footpath in his barn and accused him of stealing?
That's not my stile.
'Weeds' is a gateway show...
...watching it can lead to binging on more serious programs like 'Breaking Bad'.
Airline Safety
Taxiing down the tarmac, the 747 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a two hour delay, it finally took off.
Barry, a worried passenger asked the steward, "What was the problem?"
"Well, the pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine", explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
Why don't gelding horses like to race?
Because every time they go to the starting gate they're reminded "They're Off!".
A buzzard carrying two dead badgers tried to check in at the airport for his flight.
The gate attendant told him, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one carrion."
Why did the vulture have to check some luggage at the gate?
It was only allowed one piece of carrion.
An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.
After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.
"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"
"Oh, this isn't my flight," the man says. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm vegan."
A thief stole my gate the other day, but I didn't report him
I was afraid he might take a fence
Faithfull
After having died, a couple souls flied to the heaven gate, St.Pierre opened the door and informed that for one time of unfaithfulness to each other in their life they will be prod by a needle.
After being prod 5 times, the wife turned to ST.Poerre and asked:
Where is my husband?
He is lying on the sewing-machine table St.Pierre replied.
I saw some guy stealing my front gate...
-"I saw some guy stealing my front gate."
-"Didn't you say anything?"
-"No, I thought he'd take a fence."
I woke up this morning to a noise outside, looked out my bedroom window and saw two guys trying to steal my gate.
I didn't say anything, I don't want them to take offence
I saw some guy stealing a gate last night...
I thought not to shout at him cuz he might take a fence.
Remember, an NAND gate is an AND gate...
... but NOT
I cannot wait until..
There is a scandal involving an actual Gate!
Chris Cornell dies and goes to heaven
At the gate, St. Peter says, "because your beautiful voice and amazing talent brought happiness to so many people, we'll grant you one wish".
Chris thought about it for a moment and replied, "I'd like the world to be a kinder, better place".
So St. Peter killed Roger Ailes.
A Pope and a lawyer meet by the Pearly Gates.
A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven.
They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms.
The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light.
They came to the Lawyer's room.
It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar.
The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!"
St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"
When constructing the Black Gate...
Minion: "Is this too big? Do we need less door?"
Sauron: "No, Mordor."
What do a double hinged gate and a bi-s**... have in common?
They swing both ways.
Icarus arrives at the airport.
Ahead of him, a husband and wife shepherd their two children, a boy and girl, toward their gate.
"Dad, can I have a taco before the flight?" The boy asks.
The father sighs, relenting. "All right."
Three hours later, Icarus lands. His father waits outside, ready to greet him.
"Good to see you!" He exclaims, then pauses, looking at Icarus's suit. "Geez, you got v**... all over you. What happened?"
Icarus shrugs. "I flew too close to the son."
A lawyer dies and goes to heaven
He gets to the gate and sees Saint Pete. No fair the lawyer says, I am only 45.
Saint Pete says no, we got a new system. We do it by billable hours, our system says you are 135
Horse race
A man has a racehorse who never won a race.
Man in disgust says," Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."
The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING"
The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing
She's at the gate... and she's off
A Plane Full Of Ugly People Crashes
A plane full of ugly people crashes and everyone on board dies. The peoples' souls then go to heaven, where they are greeted by God at the gate. God tells them that he will grant each person one wish. The first person says, I want to be beautiful . God snapped his fingers and it happened. Then the second person wished for the same thing. This continues as each person in line wishes to be beautiful. God notices the last man in line laughing hysterically. When it came to be the man's turn he laughed and said, I wish all those people were ugly again.
A postal carrier is working on a new beat.......
when all of a sudden he comes upon a garden gate marked BEWARE OF THE PARROT!
Befuddled, he looks down the walk and into the garden and, sure enough, there is indeed a parrot sitting on its perch.
He has a little chuckle to himself at the sign and the parrot there on its perch.
The mailman opens the gate and walks into the garden.
He gets as far as the parrot's perch, when suddenly the parrot calls out: "REX, ATTACK!"
A zombie is checking for an overseas flight...
At the security check the TSA is scanning his luggage, running him through metal detectors, etc. Finally, an attendant stops him at the gate.
"Sir, you're absolutely crawling with bugs. You're going to have to store those un your suitcase or ship them separately."
"Oh, no, it's okay." He says. "These are my carrion beetles."
My wife and I are finally planning a trip to San Francisco for my life long dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.
She said, What are you going to do when you finally see it?
I said, Let's cross that bridge when we get there.
When I reach home, my 1.5 year old son rushes out to the gate..
..to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrrrmmm brrrrmmm sound. His cute antics always me forget that he is suffering from a rare disease ...It's called Parking son's disease.
Julius Caesar and Marcus Brutus are at the airport
Brutus: Which is our boarding gate Caesar?
Caesar: A-2 Brutus
Brutus: And what time is the flight Caesar?
Caesar: 8:02 Brutus
Brutus: By the way, I have sandwiches. Do you want one Caesar?
Caesar: Ate two Brutus
Brutus: This is an unusual paper size for a ticket. What size is it Caesar?
Caesar: A2 Brutus
Brutus (Thinking to himself): This man is really getting on my nerves. One of these days I'm going to have to kill him
A man dies and meets St. Peter at the gate.
St. Peter greets him, and tells him he can enter heaven on one condition. He must share one good deed he did in his life time. The man says, I was driving down the road, when I say a gang of bikers bullying this little girl. I went up to the leader, punched him and told them to leave the poor girl alone. St. Peter this amazed, and asked him when all of this happened. About 5 minutes ago replies the man
Priest, Doctor and Lawyer died
A priest, doctor and lawyer died. They met Saint Peter at the gate, who would only let them into heaven if they could answer one simple question.
Peter asked the priest, "what was the unsinkable ship that struck an iceberg?" The priest replied, "The Titanic". And the gates opened up.
Peter asked the doctor, "how many people died on the Titanic?" Doctor replied, "1,503". And the gates opened up.
"Name them" said Saint Peter to the lawyer.
So three women escape from a prison, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head.
They hide under a tarp on a work truck. The security guard is checking the tarp at the gate. He pokes his rifle at the brunette and she goes "meow, meow". He pokes his rifle at the red head and she goes "woof, woof". He pokes his rifle at the blonde and she goes "potato, potato".
I wrote this joke, tell me what you think.
A vulture was boarding an airplane but was stopped at the gate and told he couldn't board. They said his carrion was too large.
Airport trouble
An airplane lands at an airport with great difficulty, stopping, just short of an accident. When they arrive at the gate, the captain wipes his brow and says,"My God that's the shortest runway I've ever seen!"
"You're not kidding" says his co-pilot, looking out of the window "but it sure is wide."
3 people try to escape a mental institution
They decide to kill the three guards and leave. One guard is in the room with them, another in the hallway, and another guarding the gate. They kill the one in the room, kill the one in the hallway, and then make their way down to the main gate. When they arrive at the main gate, they find out the guard has the day off. They walk back in, saying "our plan failed."
I was awoken last night by a person stealing my gate.
I did not say anything in case they took a fence!
I got really sick at the gate to my plane and a nearby doctor had to come over and check me out
He gave me a terminal diagnosis.
Dad: Son, I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No.
Dad: The girl is Bill Gate's daughter.
Son: Okay then!
Dad goes to Bill Gate.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No.
Dad: My son is the CEO of the world's greatest bank.
Bill Gates: Okay then!
Dad goes to the CEO of the world's greatest bank.
Dad: Make my son the CEO.
CEO: No.
Dad: My son is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
CEO: Okay then!
This is BUSINESS.
A limo driver is driving Gorbachev to a very important building
The limo driver suddenly passes out, Gorbachev decides to put the unconscious man in the back seats and drive instead
Once he reaches the gate, two security guards start whispering to each other
Guard 1: "Uh, who is the person in the back?"
Guard 2: "I don't know, but he must be very important, since Gorbachev is his driver"
My next door neighbour just stole my gate and I want to confront him about it
But I'm worried he might take a fence
How did the Euro Cup leave Wembley with the Italians?
Via the South Gate
(A joke from ancient Rome) A young idiot is told that it looks like his beard is coming in, so he goes down to the gate to wait for it to arrive.
While he's waiting a friend sees him and asks what he's doing. "I'm waiting for my beard, I was told it was coming in." Says the idiot. "No wonder people call you an idiot" says the friend... "How do you know it's not coming in from the other gate?"
A man is walking home with his wife when...
Another man runs past with a gate in his hands. The man thinks it looks like his gate but says nothing.
A few minutes later the couple arrives home and sees a gap in the fence where the gate should be.
"I thought that gate was ours!" Says the man
"Then why didn't you say anything?" Asks his wife.
"I was worried he would take a fence" says the man.
Taxiing down the tarmac, the 767 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After a hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"
*"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."*
h**... dies and goes in front of a h**... gate...
St. Peter is waiting, judging him.
They stand in silence when h**... breaks it:" St. Peter, where am I?"
"h**..., h**...." he responds.
"Ya, ya, Heil h**..., but where am I?".
3 men were waiting in line to enter heaven
The angel at the gate asks the first man
"how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "10 times" the man answers. The angel gives him the keys to a 2010 Toyota Camry "this is how you will drive around heaven".
The second man says he cheated on his wife 5 times, the angel gives him a 2018 Lexus and let's him in.
The third man says he never cheated on his wife, he gets a 2021 Rolls Royce.
A few days later the 3 men meet and the man in the Rolls Royce is very sad, the men ask him what's wrong, he replys "I just saw my wife riding around on a scooter.
Lucky Number 7
I had a vivid dream of the number 7, just a giant 7... and when I woke up, it was 7:00... so I get up and decide to go to the track, because I like to play the ponies.. and I get a cab, and the cab pulls up, and it's number 7... so I get to the track and I ask what I owe, and it was $7.77... I go in through gate 7 and the only booth open is the 7th. I look at the board and in the 7th race there's a horse named Lucky Number 7 and his odds are 77/1. So I put $700 on him... and believe it not... he came in 7th.
(Cr
I fly often for business. Yesterday, I had three bags to check.
I said, "I'd like this bag to go to New Orleans, this one to Seattle, and the third to Chicago."
The gate agent rolled her eyes and said, "We can't do that!"
I immediately shot back, "Why? You did it last week."
The consultant dies and goes to heaven
When he meets Peter at the Gate, he protests:
'I am only 53, why did you take me so early?'
'You're 83, Peter replied, it was time.'
'How did you get that number, I know I am 53 and I have my birth certificate to prove it,' the consultant replied.
'We added up your time sheets', Peter said.'
Saruman's fortress has only one gate, but Sauron's realm has multiple gates
Sauron has more doors.
A man approaches an ancient temple seeking enlightenment
He hails the monk guarding the gate, "I have come to seek enlightenment for I know nothing"
The monk perks up, "Greetings, what is your name traveler?"
The man smiles, "I am Steve"
The monk laughs, "Lying so soon?"
