Gasp Jokes
21 gasp jokes and hilarious gasp puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gasp that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Gasp Short Jokes
Short gasp jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gasp humour may include short gassy jokes also.
- A Tibetan monk was making his morning toast when he saw, in the margarine, the face of Jesus. He gasped and said, "I can't believe it's not Buddha."
- A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!" A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"
- Son: Mom, dad, I'm gay. Son: Mom, dad, I'm gay.
Mom: *gasp*
Dad: *clenches fists*
Mom: Honey, stop!
Dad: *steps forward*
Mom: N-
Dad: HI GAY, I'M DAD. - With a grim look on his face, my doctor told me I had onomatopoeia. Breaking in to a cold sweat, I gasped, What's that?! He whispered, It's exactly what it sounds like.
- Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine... "One liter of water." it read.
Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair
"This speaks volumes..." - At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd ever seen.
- What did the pyromaniacs say when their kid told them he wanted to be a firefighter? *gasp* YOU'RE NOT ARSON ANYMORE
- I let some of my friends use my high quality printer from Spain. When I told them where it was from, they all gasped in shock. Because no-one expects the Spanish ink precision!
- What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
- Two frenchmen were strolling down a boulevard... When one of them gasped, "Mon Dieu - here come my wife and my mistress!"
"Sacre Bleu!" Exclaimed his friend. "I was about to say the same thing!"
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Gasp One Liners
Which gasp one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gasp? I can suggest the ones about gas pump and gases.
- What happened to the guy after he tripped? broccoli fell out of his pocket.
- Motorcyclist: I can drive this motorcycle on one wheel! 4 year old: *gasp* wheelie?!
- What does a tsundere wookie mom gasp when she sees her baby choking on food? Chew baka
- Ever heard of the comedian who died gasping for air after his routine? He joked to death.
- What did one washing line say to another? *gasp*! You have no clothes on!
- Mom: HEY! Don't say the N word around here. Me: Nickelback
Mom: *gasp*
Delightful Fun Gasp Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about gasp you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gas tank jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gasp pranks.
An old Soviet joke..
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) n**... in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."
100 nuns are in a prayer session.
After the session ends, the head nun stands up and addresses the nuns.
"There was a man in the convent last night," she says.
99 nuns gasp, while one chuckles quietly to herself.
"We found a c**... in the garden," the head nun continues.
Again, 99 nuns gasp, while one chuckles quietly to herself.
"There was a hole in that c**...."
99 nuns chuckle, while one gasps.
Three Blondes on a Hike
3 Blondes were walking on a hike just outside of their town when one of them stops abruptly and lets out a gasp! The other two quickly look.
Blonde one- look at those Bear tracks!
Blonde two- those aren't Bear tracks. Those are Moose tracks
Blonde three- those aren't Bear or Moose tracks...more like Wolf tracks
Before they can argue any further a Train hits them.
100 Nuns
100 nuns are meeting with the priest.
Sisters I must confess, I have had s**... s**... relations with a woman.
99 nuns gasp one nun in the back giggles.
It is Okay, I used a c**....
99 nuns gasp one in back giggles.
The c**... had a hole in it.
99 nuns giggle, one in the back gasps.
There are 101 nuns on a bus....
They are all going on a trip. The head Mother Superior stand up and faces all the nuns. She says
"There seem to a problem going on in our church"
99 nuns gasp and one snickers.
She then hold up a c**... and says
"I had found this in our chapel"
99 nuns gasp and one snickers.
"But don't worry" she says, "well find them soon, there's a hole in it"
99 nuns snicker and one gasps.
The Mother Superior assembles all the nuns
"This morning," she announces, "the gardener found a c**... in the rhododendron bushes!"
Ninety-nine nuns gasp in horror, one giggles "Tee-hee!"
"And it had been used!" the Mother Superior adds.
Ninety-nine nuns gasp in horror, one giggles "Tee-hee!"
"...And there was a hole in it!" says the Mother Superior.
Ninety-nine nuns giggle "Tee-hee!", one gasps in horror.
How are you doing? the doctor asked, as his pregnant patient gasped, sweated, and panted in pain...
She could not even get a sentence out, so great was her discomfort:
"I don't!..... [gasp]... can't!......[grunt] ... don't!..... [cry]..."
"Hmmmm. Sounds like your contractions are a few seconds apart."
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland."
When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Lenin's wife n**... in bed with Leon Trotsky. A voice calls out, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."
My mom: You know, I love you very much. I'll fight with anyone who messes with you.
Me: You must have a lot of internal conflict
Sister: *gasp*
Mom: ....
Note: mom teased teased us a lot when we were kids
If a group of koi fish Is called a "gasp," then what do you call a group of hipsters?
A Pabst.
What do you call a German theatre that only does suspenseful dramas and plays?
The Gasp Chamber
