Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Gasoline Jokes and Friends
I saw a woman at the fuel pump spill gasoline on her arm and then light a cigarette.
The police arrested her for waving a firearm.
What has 10 letters and starts with Gas?
Automobile!
Everyone says gasoline because they don't think about it.
My Favorite Joke (Sorry Cat Lovers)
How do you make a cat go Woof?
Soak it in gasoline and throw it in a fire place!
Another costume
A guy goes into a costume shop.
He says, "I'm going to a costume party, I want to go as Adam."
The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough."
She brings out a bigger one. He says, "Still not big enough."
She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, "Still not big enough."
She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"
How do you make a cat go woof?
You pour some gasoline and toss a match and WOOF!
A man on fire
A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
Douse it in gasoline and toss it in a fire.
I saw a VW hybrid today.
It runs on gasoline and lies.
Horrible animal jokes inside.
How do you get a dog to sound like a cat? Stick it in the freezer for a few hours, then run it through a bandsaw and it goes "MRRREEOOW".
BONUS JOKE: How do you get a cat to sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it up and it goes "WHOOF".
What's the difference between water and gasoline?
In Flint Michigan you can get gasoline that is unleaded.
People who live in Flint should drink gasoline.
It's cheaper than the water and guaranteed unleaded
You can explore gasoline petrol reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean gasoline nozzle dad jokes. There are also gasoline puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's the best part about living in Flint, Michigan?
Leaded gasoline is pretty cheep!
I told my boss that I wanted a raise.
The boss, like a jackass, replied, "How much of a raise do you need to get the job done?"
"About five gallons of gasoline," I replied.
How to teach a cat how to bark?
Pour some gasoline on it and WOOF!
Did you hear about the ex-porn star who got fired from the gas station?
Every time he got close to filling the tank, he'd pull the nozzle out and spray gasoline all over the car.
How do you burn a lot of calories at once?
Douse a fat person with gasoline and light a match
A man stuck in a traffic jam
some guy came and knocked on his windows and said "Donald Trump has been kidnapped, the kidnappers ask for 1 billion dollars or they will burn him with gasoline , we're asking for donation "
So the man in the car asked and on average how much does a person donate?
so the guy replies "between one gallon and two gallons "
Do you know how to make a cat go woof?
Soak it in gasoline and light it on fire and it goes woof!
How do you stop your wife from going out?
Pour on some more Gasoline.
Why can't the police stop the theft of gasoline?
They never go on petrol.
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
On a high traffic road...
"Excuse me sir, could I have a moment"
Guy, driving a car "Yes, how can I help you?"
"There's a terrorist attack recently, and they have held hostage many of our country's leaders. They demand 1 billion by the end of today or they will shower our leaders with gasoline and burn them"
"oh, ok then. How much do other people usually gave you?"
"1 litre"
How Would You Make A Cat Go "Woof"?
Gasoline & A Match .... "WOOF"!
Four engineers get into a car.. The car won't start
The Mechanical engineer says: "It's a broken starter".
The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery".
The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline".
The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
A man is filling is car up with gasoline ...
And spills some on his arm. He doesn't think anything of it. A few minutes later, he lights a cigarette and his arm catches on fire. He stuck an itnout the window to try and put it out, to no avail.
A policeman sees him, pulls him over, and helps him out out the fire. Then he writes him a ticket.
Illegal transportation of a fire arm.
A solicitor walks up to a car
...and says,
"Good afternoon, have you heard the news? There is a tragedy happening. Terrorists kidnapped our President Donald Trump. If they don't receive $100 million in ten hours, they say they will soak Trump in gasoline and set him on fire! And that's why I and others are going around and asking people to donate what they can. Would you like to make a contribution?"
The driver responds,
"Okay, you can take a gallon."
A man stucks in a traffic jam in US
He sees a foreign man is coming towards him. Foreign man comes and says:
– Terrorists captured Trump, we are collecting donations. If $10.000.000 hasn't given in 1 hour, they will burn him with gasoline.
– How much people donate usually?
– Around 5 gallons.
My wife drinks gasoline on this specific date.
April Fuels.
I saw Ron Jeremy at a gas station
I wasn't sure it was him at first. However, as he finished pumping, he pulled the nozzle out and sprayed gasoline all over the trunk.
I was filling my car with leaded gasoline wearing some comfortable aesbestos boots. As I popped a thalidomide pill into my mouth I thought...
"A government ban on assault weapons would never work..."
When I heard the government was planning to ban gasoline due to people getting hurt by it
I had to reveal I was pro-pain
Harley
The quickest way to turn gasoline into noise without the side effect of horsepower
How do you make a cat "woof" like a dog?
Soak it in gasoline and throw it in a fire... Woof
A man is walking on the interstate
He stops a car and says to the driver,
"Hi, terrorists have kidnapped our beloved president Mr. Trump. They're demanding we pay them 50 million dollars, or else they'll pour gasoline on him and burn him alive. Can you please give something."
The driver thinks for a while and anwsers,
"I can spare 5... no, 6 gallons."
One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years
Therefore, if you chug two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!
A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar
All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are.
The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Cause a whole big explosion and blew my poor horse to bits." The spider nods sympathetically. "I just lost my husband in that same fire. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby."
The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the dinosaur his story.
The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck"
About to mix gasoline with a lit match, AMA
A joke my grandpa told a lot.
Man 1: My dog drank some gasoline.
Man 2: What happened?
Man 1: He ran around like crazy for an hour then fell over.
Man 2: Did he die?
Man 1: No he ran out of gas.
What did the father gasoline say to his wife gasoline about their son that was setting cars ablaze?
That's arson.
Four students are in the car that breaks down
First student, engineering student, says "This is mechanical problem, there's nothing we can do."
Second student, chemistry student, says "You're wrong, this is clearly reason of faulty gasoline. There's nothing we can do."
Third student, electrical engineering student, says "No, there's problem with ignition. There's nothing we can do."
Last student, IT student, says "We should exit car, close the doors, come in and try again. Maybe that will solve the problem."
"doctor, my husband thinks he is a car. First he drinks five litres of gasoline abd then he runs 20km."
"I understand your concern." Said the doctor "With 5 litres he should run atleast 50km."
Four engineers get into a car. The car won't start.
Mechanical engineer: it's a broken starter.
Electrical engineer: dead battery.
Chemical engineer: impurities in the gasoline.
IT engineer: hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in.
I was out mowing my lawn...
I was out mowing my lawn. When I had to stop and refill the mower with gasoline.
The gas can broke and spilled gasoline into a puddle. I went to get some absorbent to clean up the mess but found the local stray cat had lapped up all that spilled gasoline.
I tried catch it, but it went racing around the block, then back into my yard and right up my tallest tree. Then fell right off the top of the tree.
Feeling bad I took the cat to the vet, the doctor gave the cat an exam and I finally asked, "Is the cat alright?"
The doctor replied, "the cat is fine, it just ran out of gas."
Is Tom the cat able to pour gasoline on the ground from a container?
No, but Jerry can.
Her: What is that beautiful scent you are wearing, it smells expensive
Him: it is, it's gasoline
When I was young I used to sniff gasoline to get high…
These days we switched to cocaine to save some money.
Pretty Excited!!! Our loan was just approved and...
We're closing on full tank of gasoline this weekend.
You know why there's Four Horsemen in the Apocalypse?
Because they can't afford any gasoline!
The traffic jam in Russia.
There is a massive traffic jam somewhere in Russia. A driver sits idling in his car.
Suddenly a man approaches and knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Putin and are asking for a 20 million rubel ransom!
Otherwise, they are going to douse him in gasoline and set him on fire!"
The man continues "We are going from car to car taking up a collection."
The driver asks "Okay, how much is everyone else giving?"
The man replies "Oh, about a gallon or so."
Four engineers get into a car.
Four engineers get into a car. the car won't start.
The mechanical engineer says :
"its a broken starter"
The electrical engineer :
"dead battery"
The chemical engineer:
"impurities in the gasoline"
The IT engineer:
"Hey guys , i have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".
