Gas Tank Jokes
58 gas tank jokes and hilarious gas tank puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gas tank that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Gas Tank Short Jokes
Short gas tank jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gas tank humour may include short gas pump jokes also.
- Gas prices are getting ridiculous I went online to check the value of my car and it asked if the tank was empty or full.
- A man made a motorcycle completely out of wood It had a wooden engine, a wooden frame, wooden tires, wooden gas tank, everything was wood.
But did he ride it?
No, wooden start.... - Customer: "How much is a drop of gas?" Gas station attendant: "A drop? Free."
Customer: "A tank of drops of gas, please." - Did you hear about the car with a wooden engine, wooden wheels, and wooden gas tank? It wooden go!
- I'm pretty excited. My loan got approved. I'll be closing on a full tank of gas this week.
- A woodcutter once decided to build his own motor bike. He used wood for the frame, wood for the engine, wood for the brakes, and even a wooden gas tank. Did he ride it? No. It wooden start.
- Why did the Pornstar get fired from his job at the gas station? Because every time the tank was almost full he'd pull the nozzle out and spray gas all over the car.
- I called my wife fat and she said "I can't believe you said that to my face!" I replied, "Well, I would say it behind your back, but my car only has half a tank of gas!"
- Some idiot filled his cars gas tank with milk On the bright side he doesn't need to breastfeed his wife anymore...
- How do you know when a pornstar is pumping gas? After the tank is full, he pulls the nozzle out and sprays gasoline all over the trunk.
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Gas Tank One Liners
Which gas tank one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gas tank? I can suggest the ones about gas station and car gas.
- What do you get when you put adderall into the gas tank of a Ford Fiesta? A ford Focus.
- You know it's getting bad when.... Kelley Blue Book asks is the gas tank full or empty.
- Why did the Frenchman put snails in his gas tank? To make escargot.
- How do you get a Russian soldier to retreat faster? Give him a full tank of gas
- My car was on E. So i went to the gas station and put $40 in the tank. Now it's on E+.
- How do you double the value of a Yugo? Fill up its gas tank.
- Why did the French chef stuff snails into his gas tank? Because it makes escargot.
- I put adderall in the gas tank of my Ford Fiesta... ...turned it into a Ford Focus
- Why did the gas station put propane in the gas tanks? April fuels!
- Why is thanksgiving such a special holiday at the gas station? It is a day to be tankful.
- My old car is a great investment It doubles in value every time I fill the gas tank.
- What do you call a tank that's run out of gas? empty!
^sorry - 1/2 I once got drunk and poured Redbull in my gas tank My car turned into an airplane.
- Gas companies LOVE this one trick to get more miles per tank! Buy a bigger tank!
- Why did the blonde pour Campbell Soup in her gas tank? She wanted to soup up her car.
Gas Tank Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about gas tank you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tank jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gas tank pranks.
Your momma's so s**... when my car ran out of gas she came over and f**... in the tank.
If Men Ruled the World... Laws:
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Car rental agencies would rent tanks.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car as long as you returned it within 24 hours with a full tank of gas.
Get Out of Jail Free cards would be considered legal documents.
Southern Gas Station Promotion
A gas station owner near Camden , Alabama was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, Free s**... with Fill-Up."
Soon a local r**... pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free s**.... The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free s**.... The r**... guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close! The number was 7. Sorry; no s**... this time."
A week later, the same r**..., along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free s**.... The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The r**... guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but NO free s**... this time."
As they were driving away, the r**... said to his brother, "I think that game is RIGGED, and he doesn't really give away FREE s**...." Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My WIFE won twice last week."
A trucker and a blonde.
A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.
"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.
He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.
"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.
The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
A man was out of gas on the side of the road...
A man was pulled over on the side of the road, out of gas and stranded. He rolled down his window and a bee flew in. It landed on his dashboard and asked, "Why are you pulled over?"
"I'm out of gas", said the man.
"Alright, just wait right here", said the bee. It flew away and returned a few minutes later with a whole swarm of bees. The bees flew into his gas tank and, a few minutes later, flew back out. "Try it now", said the bee.
The man turned his keys in the ignition and the car started. "Wow!", he exclaimed, "What did you put in my gas tank?"
The bee replied, "BP"
How do you call a Jew with a gas tank?
A DIY-er.
Not quite the same as turning water into wine but . . .
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting home-bound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said,
'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic!!'
A man drives to a gas station with the sign "Free s**... with every full tank".
The man fills up, goes inside and asks the guy inside for his free s**.... The attendant says "Tell me a number between 1 and 10", "7", "That was close, it was 8, better luck next time."
Next week he tries again, and he chooses 2 and close but no free s**.... Keep on trying is the attendant advice. The man returns to his car and later shares his disappointment with a coworker.
"But don't you realize" says the coworker "that this is a marketing ploy, and you are never going to win at it?" "I'm not s**...." says the man, "And I know it's not just a ploy, because, three times in a row now, my wife has won it".
Did you hear about the ex-p**... star who got fired from the gas station?
Every time he got close to filling the tank, he'd pull the nozzle out and spray gasoline all over the car.
Police Shooting
A lady was filling up the gas tank in her car and lit a cigarette to pass the time. After which a piece of ash fell onto her arm and started a fire. As she's flailing about trying to put the fire out, a police cruiser pulls into the station. Instinctively, she starts running towards the officer in an effort to get help. The police officer sees the lady running at him and shoots her, killing her
I guess you shouldn't run towards police officers if you have a firearm
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...
She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."
John goes to the gas station
John goes to the gas station and asks the owner: What does a drop of gas cost? The owner answers that he could get a drop for free. So John goes on to say: Well then, I would like to have a tank full of drops.
The day my dog died
When I was about four years old my brother had an old beater of a sports car, and one day he and my dad were draining the gas tank before they do more work. So they drain the gas into a bucket and then go inside for beer. My dog Hershey's t**... on up to the bucket and takes a nice long drink.. And then he began to run laps around our house, faster and faster until my dad came out to see all the commotion. Just as he got out Hershey's falls down on to his back and is still.
My dad frantically asked me What happened is the dog okay?!
I laughed and said Yeah he's fine, he just ran out of gas.
So many people complain about how much money it is to fill up their car with gas.
I save money by filling up just the tank.
What did the armored personnel carrier (APC) driver say to the attendant at the gas station?
Fill 'er up, full tank.
A man was filling his car up while drinking beer and later crashed
A forensic scientist, cop, and mechanic head to the wreck to determine the cause.
*"He was poisoned!"* said the scientist.
*"No! This was simply a case of drunk driving."* replied the cop.
*"You're both wrong! He crashed because he filled the gas tank with booze."* exclaimed the mechanic.
Suddenly, a voice echoed from behind them.
*"I'm the gas station owner and you're all half right. That wasted idiot drank pure gasoline while pouring beer into his car."*
A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.
On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas again.
The second bee steps up and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.
This time the squirrel chimes in and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further.
But the man says, Don't bother, she only runs on BP.
I saw a crippled man in a wheelchair at a gas station once.
He bought a couple of scratch off lottery tickets, scratched the surface with his coin, and shouted with glee, I won ten thousand dollars! . Well I was broke, and I needed gas money to get to my shift at work. I asked the crippled man, excuse me sir? Is there any possible way I could have ten dollars, just to put into my gas tank so I can get to work? The crippled man stared deeply at me and said, you can have your ten dollars when you pry them from my cold dead hands.
And that's the story of how I got ten thousand dollars.