Gas Station Jokes
132 gas station jokes and hilarious gas station puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gas station that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Gas Station Short Jokes
Short gas station jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gas station humour may include short service station jokes also.
- Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why. He said "inflation"
- Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why? Inflation
Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!! - Had to stop at the gas station to fill my tires… They raised the price to $1.50. I just can't believe the cost of inflation these days.
- In a couple weeks, all gas stations are going to cut prices in half for a whole day April Fuels!
- You know air used to be free at the gas station and now it's $1.50. You know why? Inflation
- My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".
- When I was a kid, you could walk into a gas station with a $1 bill and leave with a bag of chips, a candy bar, and a coke. Now, they have cameras everywhere.
- I don't like to brag about the expensive trips I go on….. ….but I went to the gas station today.
- Remember the good old days when you can walk into a gas station with $1 and walk out with two bags of chips, beef jerky, and a drink? Nowadays, there's cameras everywhere.
- This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire... When the police arrived they shot her for waving a firearm.
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Gas Station One Liners
Which gas station one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with gas station? I can suggest the ones about petrol station and gas pump.
- I don't usually brag about going to expensive places But I just left the gas station.
- Air used to be free at the gas station, now it's $1.50. Do you know why? Inflation.
- If cars were replaced by horses, what would replace gas stations? Grass stations
- What do you call a family that runs a gas station? Pump kin.
- Why did the turtle stop the car? To get gas at the shell station.
- What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas? He went to the Shell station.
- My car loves going to the gas station It really gets him pumped up
- My car was on E. So i went to the gas station and put $40 in the tank. Now it's on E+.
- Gas station was selling pickles 2 for 1 Dill of the day
- Why did the man driving stop at every gas station? Cause it's impolite to pass gas
- I saw a magic car driving down the road It turned into a gas station
- You walk into a gas station to buy a salad You have two choices: regular or unlettuced.
- My girlfriend calls me the gas station... Because I have 6-10 pumps.
- Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
- I got a part-time job at the gas station glory-hole... ...I make my money on tips.
Gas Station Attendant Jokes
Here is a list of funny gas station attendant jokes and even better gas station attendant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Customer: "How much is a drop of gas?" Gas station attendant: "A drop? Free."
Customer: "A tank of drops of gas, please." - What did the armored personnel carrier (APC) driver say to the attendant at the gas station? Fill 'er up, full tank.
Gas Station Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about gas station you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gas tank jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gas station pranks.
There was this old woman who heard a song called “Two Lips and Seven Kisses.”
She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company.
In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, “Do you have “Two Lips and Seven Kisses?”
The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, “No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!”
So the woman asked, “Is this a record?”
To which the man replied, “No, its average!”
A blonde...
...is at a soda machine outside a gas station. A man walks up to her because he sees she has her arms full of soda cans. She put in another quarter, and yet another soda pops out. Another quarter, another can. He finally asked her, "Why do you keep putting money into the machine? I think you have enough." She replied, "I can't help it. I keep winning!"
Daylight robbery...
I got robbed today at Shell gas station.
I called the cops, and they asked if I knew who did it.
I said, "Yeah, pump 6."
A young couple is out carousing one evening...(could be repost)
While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you t**... clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up.
When the spedometer hits 100 she starts to s**.... When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help," he pleads.
She replies, "I can't, I'm n**...."
He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says "Cover yourself with that and go get help." She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the road.
When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "Help! Help! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her c**... and replies, "I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."
A Blond walks into a gas station...
and asks the employee: "I locked my keys in the car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?"
Ten minutes later a trucker comes in and can't stop laughing. So the employee asks him why he is laughing. The trucker says: "There is a Blond who tries to open her car with a coat hanger!" The employee: "So what? This could happen to anyone." Trucker: "Sure, but usually there isn't another Blond in the car who yells: a little more right / a little more left! "
Old man driving alone
An old man is driving along the road humming to himself.
Suddenly he hears a police siren and a motorcycle cop pulls him over.
He can't imagine what could be wrong.
"Sir, do you realize that you left your wife behind in the gas station?"
"I did? I am so relieved."
"You're relieved you drove off without your wife?"
The gent nods.
"But didn't you sense something was wrong?"
"Yes, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Saw this one on the gas nozzle at my petrol station today...
*What did the Termite say when he walked into the bar?*
"Is the bar tender here?"
A penguin has some car trouble...
A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."
45 year old charming guy
Having recently turned 45, I thought I had lost all the appeal and charm I used to have with the ladies, until today that is. At my local gas station, the pretty young girl who has served me every other day or so for several weeks asked for my number. I was taken aback. I explained how I was flattered but was perhaps a bit too old for her and that if I were 20 or so years younger I would happily take her up on her offer, I explained how love and s**... attraction, when intertwined, can be exciting and that I hadn't felt this way in years and asked that she save her love for someone who will truly care for her and respect her not only as a woman, but as a person.
. . . . "No," she said. "Your pump number, sir."
Piece of rope walks into a gas station..
and tries to buy a gatorade, the clerk looks the rope up and down then sniffs and says "we dont serve your kind in here!". So the rope leaves, but determined to get his drink ties himself into a knot and frays his ends. He goes back in and the smae clerk looks at him and says "You a rope?" the rope replies "Frayed knot!".
So a 400 pound lady walks into a gas station to get directions..
she walks in and says "How do I get to 280?"
A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"
A truck driver stops at a gas station with a penguin in the passenger seat.
The owner from the gas station asks where the penguin comes from.
"I found him on the highway, what should I do?", the driver replies.
- "You have to take him to the zoo!"
The truck driver nods and drives away.
3 days later the truck driver came to the gas station again. Surprised, the owner asks him:
"I thought you were going to take him to the zoo?"
- "I did, and tonight we're going to the movies!"
Saw a sign at a gas station earlier that said "car wash out of order."
So I waxed my car, sprayed it with water and then applied soap.
I'm at the gas station right now...
Just kidding. I am not at the gas station right now. April Fuels
s**... Pleasure is like a gas station
Sometimes you just fill up and leave
Sometimes you do none of the work
Sometimes you have to pay the person filling
Most of the time you end up at a Self Serve
I was at a Pakistani owned gas station...
There was some sort of problem with my debit card at the pump.
I know this because a message popped up that said "PLEASE SEE KASHIR."
The Snail Salesman
The traveling snail salesman delivered snails to restaurants in his station wagon. After travelling and working for half the day, he stopped at a gas station for a cup of coffee. When he came out he found his car was no longer there. The snail salesman cried out "Where did my escargot cargo car go?!"
A gas station had 2 signs in the window, help wanted and self-service.
I walked in and hired myself.
cr
if the gas station is 2 miles away..
..and my dad's car can travel at 60mph, why hasn't he returned from getting cigarettes after 6 years?
Did you hear about the ex-p**... star who got fired from the gas station?
Every time he got close to filling the tank, he'd pull the nozzle out and spray gasoline all over the car.
My wife thinks I don't pull up far enough at the gas station.
She calls me a two pump chump.
Yo momma's so s**..., that when she heard about 9/11...
She thought it was a new gas station.
I was at a gas station and I accidentally filled up my e**... with diesel.
She died.
My brother and I work together at a gas station, filling cars
I now call him pump-kin.
Why is thanksgiving such a special holiday at the gas station?
It is a day to be tankful.
Gas stations should be ashamed for selling a poisonous product that we over-consume and that pollutes the Earth...
Seriously, Slim Jims are terrible.
Dad joke [OC]
*My dad with a coffee at the gas station cash register:*
Cashier: any gas with that?
Dad: no thanks, I drink mine black
Police Shooting
A lady was filling up the gas tank in her car and lit a cigarette to pass the time. After which a piece of ash fell onto her arm and started a fire. As she's flailing about trying to put the fire out, a police cruiser pulls into the station. Instinctively, she starts running towards the officer in an effort to get help. The police officer sees the lady running at him and shoots her, killing her
I guess you shouldn't run towards police officers if you have a firearm
"A man gets pulled over by a cop..."
As soon as the cop walks up to the window he sees a bottle with wine, and the driver says: "Sir, this is just a bottle of water I bought at the gas station a few miles back."
Cop: "Well I'm quite sure that is red wine you have in there"
Driver: "Praise the Lord its a miracle!"
Robbery
Yesterday, a Walmart manager was robbed outside of a gas station. Robbers took $19.95 of his money
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...
She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."
What do s**... and pizza have in common?
It's not very good when you buy it from a gas station.
Today I went to a gas station and switched the Regular, Plus, and Premium b**... on all the pumps...
April Fuels!
A father and son walk into a gas station...
After grabbing a few snacks they walk up to the register to pay for everything.
The cashier says "sorry sir, but you have to swipe your card again."
Son: "dad, don't."
Father: *sweats profusely*
Cashier: "sir?"
Father: "but I'm not wearing a cardigan!"
What's a pirate's favorite gas station?
ARRRR co!
What's a pirate's favorite restaurant?
ARRRR by's!
What's a pirate's favorite warehouse store?
Costco.
You can't beat those prices.
If your girl complains that you never take her anywhere expensive
Take her to the gas station.
The Whale Joke
Two whales are on a road trip, and they decide to stop at a gas station to get some snacks.
So they go into the candy aisle,
And they pass the snickers,
They pass the kitkats
The skittles,
The starburst,
The airheads,
The milky ways,
And finally they see the m&ms.
And one whale says to the other:
Waoaoaooaooaooaoaowwwoaoaw
And the other whale says:
Waoaoaoaoaoaoaaaaooaoaoaawwww
John goes to the gas station
John goes to the gas station and asks the owner: What does a drop of gas cost? The owner answers that he could get a drop for free. So John goes on to say: Well then, I would like to have a tank full of drops.
I went to go buy condoms at the gas station
Clerk asked if I needed a bag. I said yeah I might need one, she's pretty ugly.
Why don't you see mumble rappers at gas stations?
You can't fuel up your car with a Lil' Pump.
A man went to a gas station
To pump up his car, but as he went to do so, the nozzle set his arm on fire. He then got back into his car and headed for the hospital. As he was on the highway, he was waving his burning arm out of the window, but was seen by a cop. The cop then pulled him over and promptly arrested him for possession of a firearm.
Whats the difference between Batman and a b**...
Batman can walk into a gas station without robin
s**... is like a gas station...
Sometimes you get full service, sometimes you have to ask for service, and sometimes you have to be happy with self service.
I got fired from my gas station job yesterday...
Apparently, you're not supposed to pull out and spray all over the car when close to being finished.
A blonde walked into a gas station...
A blonde walked into a gas station and told the manager, "I locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you had a coat hanger I could stick through the window and unlock the door."
"Why, sure," said the manager, "We have something that works especially for that."
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing. He heard another voice. "No, no, a little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car.
I saw Ron Jeremy at a gas station
I wasn't sure it was him at first. However, as he finished pumping, he pulled the nozzle out and sprayed gasoline all over the trunk.
It's getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it.
"It was pump #5," I replied.
I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border.
I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.
Did you know every time you drive by a gas station...
You've past gas
I saw a woman once
Who was smoking a cigarette at a gas station while she filled her car. She pulled out the nozzle and gas shot everywhere and her arm was immediately engulfed in flames. She starts waving it around and a cop saw it and shot her dead. She was waving an i**... fire arm.
Girlfriends parents weren't home, hormones were flowing, I stopped at a gas station to grab a box of rubbers. Cashier - Do you need a bag with that?
Me - No man! She's beautiful!
Why did the Pornstar get fired from his job at the gas station?
Because every time the tank was almost full he'd pull the nozzle out and spray gas all over the car.
Why getting Indian Food at a Gas Station is the best idea?
If the food is too spicy, you'll also receive free gas.
There have been new allegations against Brett Kavanaugh.
He was overheard at a gas station un NJ saying, "I'd like to feel her up."
A robber walks into a gas station and demands the clerk fill his bag with diamonds
"Sorry sir, all we have are these Juuls."
Two Nuns run out of gas...
Two Nuns run out of gas a mile from the gas station.
They are rummaging around the car for a gas can, or some other container to hold the fuel but all they can find is a bed pan.
So they take the bed pan and walk the mile to the station, fill the pan and walk back to the car.
So there they are, two Nuns in full Nun garb pouring gas into the vehicle from a bed pan.
A man driving by sees the Nuns, sees the bed pan and exclaims:
"Oh, Lord! Now that is faith!"
A weasel walks into a gas station with a ski mask and a gun, demanding that the cashier puts everything in a bag for him. The cashier says wow! A weasel!! I've never seen one in real life before!
*pop goes the weasel
I punched a white guy at the gas station last week and got arrested for grievous b**... harm...
Punched a black guy in the shopping center today and got arrested for impersonating a police officer...
Math
Ok so if it takes 15 minutes to walk to the local gas station and 15 minutes to get back why hasn't my dad came back in 47 years
A truck driver sees a n**... man tied to a tree off to the side of the road.
He pulls his rig to the side and approaches the man. The man says to him, "Oh, thank God you're here. I pulled into a gas station to get some gas. I was robbed at gun point, thrown into the trunk of my car and then driven here. Then they stripped me of all of my clothes, took my wedding ring and drove off."
The truck driver shook his head, lowered his fly and said, "This just isn't your day, is it."
Why did the gas station put propane in the gas tanks?
April fuels!
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
...is how I would rate jerking off in an abandoned gas station bathroom.
A man in a Trabi (old eastern german car) went to a gas station.
He said: "I'd like to have two windshield wipers for my Trabi, please."
The man in charge looked at the car and responded: "That sounds about fair."
Apparently I've been banned from the gas station for playing 'The Who' too loudly on my car stereo...
I won't get fueled again.
Remember when air for your bike was free? Now it's £1.50!
I asked the gas station worker why, and he replied,
"Inflation."
I remember a time where you could walk into the gas station with a quarter and leave with a candy bar and a coke.
Now there are cameras everywhere.
Did you hear about the guy who swapped the labels on the pumps at the gas station?
It was an April fuels joke.
I don't normally brag about expensive places I've been
But I've just left the gas station.