Gas Station Attendant Jokes
13 gas station attendant jokes and hilarious gas station attendant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about gas station attendant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Gas Station Attendant Short Jokes
Short gas station attendant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The gas station attendant humour may include short gas station jokes also.
- Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why. He said "inflation"
- My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".
- Customer: "How much is a drop of gas?" Gas station attendant: "A drop? Free."
Customer: "A tank of drops of gas, please." - What did the armored personnel carrier (APC) driver say to the attendant at the gas station? Fill 'er up, full tank.
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Gas Station Attendant Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about gas station attendant you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gas pump jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make gas station attendant pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young couple is out carousing one evening...(could be repost)
While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you t**... clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up.
When the spedometer hits 100 she starts to s**.... When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help," he pleads.
She replies, "I can't, I'm n**...."
He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says "Cover yourself with that and go get help." She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the road.
When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "Help! Help! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her c**... and replies, "I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."
There was this old woman who heard a song called “Two Lips and Seven Kisses.
”
She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company.
In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, “Do you have “Two Lips and Seven Kisses?”
The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, “No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!”
So the woman asked, “Is this a record?”
To which the man replied, “No, its average!”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill & Hillary are on a trip back to Arkansas..
They're almost out of gas, so Bill pulls into a service station on the outskirts of town. The attendant runs out of the station to serve them when Hillary realizes it's an old boyfriend from high school.
She and the attendant chat as he gases up their car and cleans the windows. Then they all say good-bye.
As Bill pulls the car onto the road, he turns to Hillary and says: "Now aren't you glad you married me and not him? You could've been the wife of a grease monkey!"
To which Hillary replied: "No Bill. If I would have married him you'd be pumping gas, and he would be the President."
Another blonde joke
A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!…"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man drives to a gas station with the sign "Free s**... with every full tank".
The man fills up, goes inside and asks the guy inside for his free s**.... The attendant says "Tell me a number between 1 and 10", "7", "That was close, it was 8, better luck next time."
Next week he tries again, and he chooses 2 and close but no free s**.... Keep on trying is the attendant advice. The man returns to his car and later shares his disappointment with a coworker.
"But don't you realize" says the coworker "that this is a marketing ploy, and you are never going to win at it?" "I'm not s**...." says the man, "And I know it's not just a ploy, because, three times in a row now, my wife has won it".
Not quite the same as turning water into wine but . . .
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting home-bound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said,
'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic!!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since we're translating Russian jokes...
A tiny little car, made out of a beer can, pulls up at a gas station.
A tiny little man inside the car honks his high-pitched horn to call over the attendant.
The attendant arrives and asks what he can do for the little man.
The little man asks for 5 drops of gasoline. The attendant carefully pumps 5 drops of fuel into the little car using an eye-dropper and asks if there's anything else.
The little man asks for 2 drop of radiator coolant. The attendant is getting aggravated but complies, and adds coolant using a teaspoon and asks if there will be anything else.
The little man asks to have the pressure in one of his tires checked. The attendant very agitated at this point replies, how should I fill that, with a f**...?
A most horrible occurrence.
A man runs into a gas station, obviously very flustered. The attendant asks "You look like you've seen a ghost. What happened?" The man looks at the attendant and says, in a very shaky voice, "It's horrible. Someone just broke into my car when I came in to pay for my gas a minute ago." The attendant says "Oh my." The man continues, losing more coherence as he speaks "I had a ticket to the Lions game on Sunday sitting on the dashboard..." The attendant asks "Did they take your ticket?" The man says, barely able to speak at this point, "No, worse. They left another one there."
A blonde woman is driving down the road.
She notices that she’s low on gas, so she stops at a gas station.
While she’s pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car.
So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock.
Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, “A little more to the left…a little more to the right!…”