Hilarious Fun Gas Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50
Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes.
Riceless.
Remember, as a child, when air for your bike was free? Now it's $1.50! I asked the gas station attendant why.
He said "inflation"
Chinese takeout $20.00.. Gas to pick it up $10.00..
Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers..
Riceless
I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise....
My boss asked what companies?
Gas, water and electricity.
Yo mama so fat. . .
I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.
I just f**... on my wallet
Now I have Gas Money!
*Told to me by my 9 year old daughter, who thought it's hilarious! (I agree lol)
Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why?
Inflation
Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!!
President Biden has announced water is now only legal in three states.
Solid, liquid and gas.
Where can you still get gas for $1.39?
Taco Bell
What do you call a soldier that's survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
A seasoned veteran
Gas prices are so high...
That even the coronavirus stopped traveling..
You can explore gas gaseous reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean gas gasoline dad jokes. There are also gas puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
"Silent farts that don't stink..."
An old woman visits the doctor for a routine check-up.
"Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and they don't stink!"
The doctor prescribes her some pills and sends her on her way.
Two weeks later she returns for a follow-up.
"Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!"
Doctor replies, "Alright, so we have cleared out those sinuses, now for your hearing..."
Why did Bill Barr gas protestors?
So the chicken could cross the road
You think gas prices are expensive, have you seen Chimneys?
They're through the roof.
Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:
Riceless
A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. What type of veteran is he?
A seasoned veteran.
I asked my boss for a raise.
He said what for?
I told him 3 different companies are after me. He asked which ones?
I said: Gas, Water, and Electric.
What's a three letter word that starts with gas?
Car
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation.
I knew a guy who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
He is now a seasoned veteran
What has 3 letters and starts with gas?
A car
Before my operation, the anaesthesiologists asked if I wanted to be knocked out via gas or boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
I told my boss that three companies were after me, so I needed a raise in pay to stay in my current job. He asked which companies?
I told him the gas, electric, and phone companies.
I don't usually brag about going to expensive places
But I just left the gas station.
The Clintons snuck out of Secret Service and spent a weekend driving around like in the good ol' days
They stop at a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is Hillary's high school boyfriend. After exchanging pleasantries they drive away and Bill says "See, if you'd married him, you'd be married to a gas station owner".
Hillary responds "No, Bill, if I'd married him, he'd become the President of the United States".
I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me...
He asked me which companies and I told him, "The gas, electric, and cable ones"
What kind of running means walking?
Running out of gas!
The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires...
She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"
I responded, "Inflation."
Hillary and Bill sneak away from the secret service
Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. The two end up at a gas station and when they walk in, Hillary recognizes the clerk.
Hillary says hello to him and the two walk out. She turns to Bill and says I used to date that guy before I met you
Bill laughs and laughs and says wow, imagine where you'd be if you would've married that guy!
Hillary looks back at Bill and says I'd be married to the President of the United States
~ Courtesy of my father
Had to stop at the gas station to fill my tires…
They raised the price to $1.50. I just can't believe the cost of inflation these days.
What do you call are car that's out of gas
Exhausted
My 8 year old daughter made this up today. Why did the car have a belly ache?
Because it had gas.
I f**... in my wallet.
Now I have gas money.
"Dad, why are there no jews on jupiter?"
"Because its a gas planet son"
What happens when you eat beans with onions?
Tear gas!
(Written by my 9 yr old son)
Just been talking to an old guy, ex-soldier.
He explained to me he had been exposed to mustard gas and pepper spray, it was nice chatting to a seasoned veteran.
There are four states of matter.
Solid, liquid, gas, and black lives.
I got gas today for $1.57
Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell…
Yo mama so fat
I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas
A car with 3 engineers and 1 computer scientist stalls on the freeway...
The mechanical engineer says: "lets check the carborator, it's probably the carborator"
The chemical engineer says: "its most likely the gas line, lets check that"
The electrical engineer says: "no, it has to be the car's circuts"
The computer scientist thinks for a minute and says: "lets all get out of the car and get back in"
Chinese takeout,,,
### Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:
# Riceless
I told my boss 3 companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my present job.
He asked which 3 were interested. I said the gas, electric and cable.
My Jewish girlfriend got mad when I let out a f**... while watching tv.
I said, honey. A little gas never hurt anyone.
I once knew a soldier who suffered through both mustard gas and pepper spray.
He was a seasoned veteran.
Chinese takeout: $10.25. Gas to get there and back: $3.25.
Realizing that you got all the way home without one of the containers: riceless
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist said I could be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle.
So I guess it was an ether/oar situation.
In a couple weeks, all gas stations are going to cut prices in half for a whole day
April Fuels!
A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states
Solid, liquid and gas
If a king farts...
Is it considered a noble gas?
I went to my boss to ask for a raise. I told him 3 companies were after me.
Asked my boss, Which 3 companies?
Gas, electricity and water
I asked my wife, how can we afford to drive when gas costs $500 per gallon?
She told me I was missing the point
What gave h**... a heart attack?
Seeing his gas bill
I f**... in front of my Jewish friend...
He glared at me.
I said, "What? A little gas never killed anyone !"
What do s**... and pizza have in common?
It's not very good when you buy it from a gas station.
You know air used to be free at the gas station and now it's $1.50. You know why?
Inflation
An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas.
Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've f**... at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the h**... you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens." The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
Who can drink 5 gallons of gas and not get sick?
j**... can.
What do you get when you put adderall into the gas tank of a Ford Fiesta?
A Ford Focus.
A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, And then Pepper Spray by the police, He's now a seasoned veteran.
First time on this sub reddit so don't have a lot of experience
My local gas station started charging money just to put air in your tires
When I commented that this had been free for decades, the attendant just looked at me and said "that's inflation for you".
The guy next to me on pump 3 put $10 worth of gas in his car.
Where's he going, pump 4?
A woman was pumping her gas on an extremely hot day.
As she pulled the nozzle from her car, some splashed on her arm and a random spark ignited the gas. As her arm was burning, she called for help to have someone try to quell the flame before it grew too high. To her luck, a couple police officers walked out from inside the gas station and immediately walked over to her.
As she pleaded for help, they approached her and immediately arrested her for unlawfully waving a firearm.
What do you get when you vaporize a king?
A noble gas.
I f**... on my wallet yesturday.....
Now I have gas money
Today i got a wage increase unexpectedly.
I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a 5 % raise.
Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, By the way, which companies are after you? I responded, The gas, electric and cable company.
*Ouch!!* *Zut alors!!*
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
(...and you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to post this on raydeet.... Well, I figure I have nothing Toulouse. )
My ex just called and asked if she can sleep at my place because a stalker has been coming to her house at night.
So nice of her to save me the gas money.
