The Best 75 Gary Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Gary jokes. There are some gary dorm jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these gary geri puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Gary Jokes and Puns

Bought some gary speed wallpaper last night, its amazing!

it hung itself!

What do you want to be when you graduate high school?

"No more than 25" from Gary Muledeer

A wife was dying.

A wife was dying. She called her husband and said, "Gary, I've been unfaithful."

Gary answered, "I know. That's why I poisoned you."

Gary joke, A wife was dying.

I made a terrible mistake when I searched for Gary Oldman on Google.

I forgot the R

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Gary Glitter?

10 "number 1's" and a not guilty verdict

As a child I was made to walk the plank.

We couldn't afford a dog.

Courtesy of Gary Delaney

LPT: When Googling Gary Oldman always make sure to include the 'R'

Gary joke, LPT: When Googling Gary Oldman always make sure to include the 'R'

What do you call a bald guy named Gary?


Emergency Landing:

Gary thank god you picked up! Hey remember when you said if I needed a place to crash I cou- hold on...


I thought my roommate was joking when he said Gary Oldman was in the Harry Potter movies.

He was dead Sirius.

In a very touching gesture, Gary Anderson attempted to call up Blair Walsh and offer his sympathy.

Unfortunately, they just missed each other.

You can explore gary jerry reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean gary gerald dad jokes. There are also gary puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Bernie Sanders fans say "Feel the Bern." Gary Johnson fans say

Feel the Johnson.

Gary: Standing in line at the movies, little white girl has a brown colored doll. Talk about progress in America brehs.

Fred: But she owns that doll tho.

A friend and I had been arguing for a very long time

But we finally bonded over burying our collection of Gary Paulsen books. I guess you could say we buried the Hatchet.

I can't find a reason to vote for the (D) or (R) candidate for President, and now Libertarian Gary Johnson's campaign slogan,

'Feel the Johnson' just rubs me the wrong way.

Gary: "Doctor, I think I'm losing my memory".

Doctor: "Since when?"

Gary: "Since when what?"

Gary joke, Gary: "Doctor, I think I'm losing my memory".

Gary Johnson withdraws from the Libertarian Ticket. Replaced by Harambe.

That's right. Johnsons out for Harambe!

Dave drowned

So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. It's what he would have wanted.

(Gary Delaney)

What's cold and fits in a cooler?

Gary Coleman

I wanted some Lipo D energy drink, so I asked Gary Johnson if knew where I could find some. He asked me back...

What's a lipo?

Gary Johnson is at a fundraiser

Gary Johnson is at a fundraiser for the upcoming election. Worn out from being in the spotlight, he propositions a hooker and heads to a hotel room. Once inside, they rip their clothes off and start making out. She throws him on the bed and seductively asks "Do you enjoy felacio?" He looks at her with a blank face:

"Man, can't anyone cut me a break?"

Third party US presidential candidate Gary Johnson just delivered a crushing blow to the Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton campaigns

By keeping his mouth shut.


When interviewers asked presidential candidate Gary ("Aleppo") Johnson to find Syria on a map, he showed them a piece of sandpaper.

Why did Gary Glitter never play major chords on his guitar?

Because he exclusively fingered minors.

Who is Gary Johnson?

I don't Aleppknow

Gary Johnson is happy with the election results...

He's got a new Mountain of Salt to climb.

Aleppo, Syria is trending on Facebook

I bet Gary Johnson is so confused

A reporter asks Chess genius, Gary Kasparov:"What do you prefer -- chess or sex?

Gary replied, "... depends on the position."

So Gary Johnson got a tinder profile...

He's a great third party man-to-date.

As a family we couldn't decide whether to have grandma buried or cremated

So in the end, we let her live.

(Gary Delaney)

The optometrist told me I had Gary Larson disease

I'm farsided

The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer is the constant DIY noise.

I shouted 'Stop!' but if anything that made it worse.

(Gary Delaney)

What's the difference between Gary Glitter and Buzz from Toy Story?

Only one of them goes limp when a child walks in a room.

Gary Johnson woke up the day after the election...

Gary Johnson: "What happened? Am I president?"

Doctor: Sir, we found you passed out naked in the desert.

Gary Johnson: Far out man.

The R saved his life...

his name was, Gary Pedro Crock.

I once tried looking for images of Gary Oldman on Google

I had quite a shock when I realised I had forgotten the 'r' in Gary

Why did Gary Larson cross the road?

... to get to the far side.

John was unable to choose between two girls...

So he asked his friend Gary for help deciding which girl to be with.

John: I'm devoted to Kate but Edith is my dream girl, she's all I've ever wanted.

Gary: Then you should be with Edith.

John: But I love Kate and could never leave her...

Gary: Then you should stay with Kate.

John: But I also want to be with Edith, I can't miss this opportunity!

Gary: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

Is this a dad joke?

"Hey, you hear about those corduroy pillows?"

"Yeah, they're making headlines."

(Gary Muledeer --- some HBO special 30 years ago)

BOSS: I've called you here because I suspect one of you

is an owl?

ME: Who?

*everyone stares at me, even Gary whose head is turned 180°*

Mom: Gary, am I a bad parent?

Son: My name is Dave...

Did you know Gary Oldman missed out on being the voice of iPhone because his vocal tone was too intense?

He took the role too Siriusly.

I used to work with a guy called Gary who was always eating

We nick named him Hun

What was Gary Glitter favourite type of cheese?

Baby bell

Two Irish woodsmen are looking for a job.

"Look here Gary. It says, 'Builders wanted'. But we're not builders!"
"What about that one?"
"It says, 'Looking for Painters'."
"But we don't paint!"
"Times are tough eh? Here's one last job offer; it says, 'Looking for Tree Fellers'."
"But, there's only two of us!"

I googled Gary Oldman for some info, I was met with some heavily graphic images

My bad, I forgot the 'r'.

Steven Spielberg's Next Movie

Steven Spielberg decides that he wants to make a movie about famous composers. He puts out a casting call.

Tom Hulce walks in first and says, "I played Mozart in Amadeus, and would love to play him again."

Next, Gary Oldman calls. "I was Beethoven in Immortal Beloved, so I already have experience playing the part."

Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him, and states, "I'll be Bach."

Steven Spielberg wants to make a movie about famous composers, so he puts out a casting call.

Gary Oldman walks in first and says, "I played Beethoven in *Immortal Beloved*, so I already have experience playing the part."

Tom Hulce calls in next, "I was Mozart in *Amadeus*, and would love to play him again.

Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him and says, "I'll be Bach."

I googled Gary Oldman

I forgot the r

I used to go out with an English teacher.

She used to get really annoyed with my improper use of the colon.

(Gary Delaney)

I see that Gary Moore didn't get any upvotes.

He's Still Got the Blues.

"They're stealing our jobs!"

Yes Gary, with your high school diploma.

Muhammad the neurologist is stealing your job.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?


Was doing an image search for Gary Oldman

Accidentally forgot the R. Results were hairy.

If you know anyone called Gary, warn them to not go to Budapest

I hear that's where they Hungary.

Why did Gary trade all of his possessions for water?

He wanted to liquidate his assets

What did Gary Numan want to be when he grew up?

Gary Oldman

A talking grasshopper walks into a bar

Bartender: we have a drink named after you

Grasshopper: what? You have a drink named Gary?

I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD

and found out I have Gary Busey

I told my girlfriend I love Pixar films and I haven't actually got any

I think it's time to own Up.

(Gary Delaney)

Why is Gary Johnson not able to use Linux?

He doesn't know what a repo is.

Gary Numan's tour bus was involved in a fatal accident.

I would have expected him to have an accident in Cars.

Hi my name is Gary

The r is silent in my sexuality

When Gary Kasparov played a game of internet chess with the Grim Reaper, why did he play 1.d4?

Because he knew not to go against 1.e4 c5 when Death is on the line!

We can't even afford a garden

So when my girlfriend bought us a trampoline I hit the roof.

(Gary Delaney)

Did you hear about Gary the little Gay Guy?

He finally came out of the cupboard.

My Granddad went down in History,

and on one occasion fingered a girl in Geography.

(not my joke, I stole it from Gary Delaney.)

What did Gary Johnson say when asked about Hillary and Benghazi?

"Who is Ben Gazi?"

How did Jason Orange get into Take That?

Because Gary set the Barlow

Mental hospital

A nurse at a mental hospital checks in a room to find patient Bob pretending to drive a car.

- Bob, what are you doing?
Asked the nurse curiously.

- I'm on a road trip to Canada.
Bob replied.

The nurse wishes him a pleasant journey and proceeds to patient Gary's cell to find him masturbating.

- Heavens, Gary! What are you doing?!
Asked the nurse.

- I am having sex with Bob's wife while he's in Canada.
Gary replied.

When googling Gary Oldman, be very careful....

....I forgot the 'r' and went down a rabbit hole I wasn't prepared for.

My girlfriend's ass is like a peach.

It's hairy and makes a horrible yogurt.

\- Gary Delaney

I accidentally filled the escort up with diesel

She died.

Posting my favourite Gary Delaney joke on my cake day.

I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell.

"I've never smoked or drank anything in my life..." claimed Gary

"Quit your bullshit Gary I've seen you smoke." Said his friend

"That one doesn't count I was drunk that day"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the gary pamela jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working gary jimmy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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