The Best 36 Garlic Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Garlic jokes. There are some garlic ciabatta jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these garlic rosemary puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Garlic Jokes and Puns
What do you call someone who has been raised by garlic?
Garlic bred
A 100-year-old man is bragging: "The secret to my long life is garlic."
A neighbor: "It's not a secret."
Three Guys Are Getting Ready For Their Dates
The first guy pops a breath mint for his date so his breath smells good. Then the second guy starts chewing some gum so his breath smells good. Then the last guy starts eating onions and garlic. The others say "Don't you want to have nice smelling breath for your date?"
"Nah" he says, "The lips I'm kissing tonight already stink."
Why was Ginger the only real Spice Girl?
Because Cumin, Parsley, Basil and Garlic were rejected...
I'm having mixed feelings about that garlic diet...
So far, I've lost 6 pounds and most of my friends.
I once made a joke about kissing with garlic breath.
Apparently it was in poor taste.
Have you heard of the new all garlic diet?
You don't lose weight, but people do look thinner from a distance.
Why did the blonde throw tic-tacs in her spaghetti?
The recipe told her to mints her garlic.
The recipe said to crush the garlic
So I told it, "You'll never amount to anything!"
So there was a monk...
This particular monk could only eat garlic for his religious diet, which made him EXTREMELY weak, and also gave him bad breath. Also, like most other monks he wore no shoes, which gave him many callouses.
This made him a "super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis."
While climbing barefoot up mountains to meditate, Ghandi would squeeze garlic into his mouth to deal with hunger pains from fasting
super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis
You can explore garlic ghandi reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean garlic thyme dad jokes. There are also garlic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Once, there was a monk
This monk wore no shoes, so his feet became really, really, tough. He also ate a diet consisting of only garlic, which made him weak and gave him bad breath.
This made him a *super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-with-halitosis*
Why was the used garlic naked?
Because it had no cloves left.
How many vampires showed up to the garlic eating competition?
I don't know, it was countless
I just found out what the LGBTQ stands for
Lettuce, Garlic, Bacon, Tomato, Quesadilla
Garlic powder $5.99. Steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99.
Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless.
(The most common first comment I see for every joke is "repost". I just made this one up. If someone came up with the same punchline before, guess what, it's a coincidence. Great minds think alike)
I changed up how I make my basil, garlic and pine nuts sauce
And pesto-chango, I had a new recipe.
It took Gandhi over a month to cross the Alps barefoot, no washing, worn out, and survived only on garlic. He was a...
Super-calloused fragile mystic, extra halitosis.
What does garlic do when it gets hot?
It takes its cloves off.
You order one pizza
You love it.
Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.
Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.
That's the domino effect.
A man goes to a restaurant and orders extra garlic on his food but gets ginger instead.
It was a root surprise.
I had to magic up some Italian food for an unexpected guest.
I just mixed garlic, nuts, basil, cheese, and olive oil, and *Hey Pesto!*
Did you hear the one about the dog who ate a bunch of garlic?
His bark was worse than his bite
I've started using garlic in my magic act. First I start by crushing it, adding basil and some pine nuts and then I blend them altogether with some Parmesan and olive oil...
Then…hey…pesto!
How does garlic seduce each other?
They take off their cloves
Where do Middle Eastern cuisines buy the supplies for thejr Garlic Paste?
Al-mers
My little brother told me that onions and garlic are the only foods that make you cry
But why did he cry when i threw the coconut at his head?
I had sex with garlic bread
Now I have herbes.
where do turnips, carrots, garlic and celery go to have sex?
a brothel
have you ever heard of the garlic and onions diet?
you eat garlic and onions only for a week, you don't get much thinner but people will stay far away from you so you seem smaller.
Wife: why are you putting garlic in your pants?
Me: so the Dracula won't eat my ass
Wife: why would Dracula eat your ass?
Me: he won't, the garlic- are you even listening?
What do you call an all-you-can-eat garlic restaurant?
Buffet the Vampire Slayer.
You order one pizza and you love it
You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one...
That's the domino effect...
Tonight I made salmon for supper
As it was gently cooking in a warm bath of garlic, herbs, lemon, wine, and onion I got a visit from a Fish and Wildlife officer. He said sir we have reason to believe that salmon has been poached
Salt: So nice to see you. Paprika: How do you do?
Nutmeg: 'Sup.
Garlic: Yo!
Pepper: HI!
Oregano: Hola.
Seasons' Greetings everyone
What does Van Helsing put on his driveway in the winter?
Garlic Salt
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the garlic oregano jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working garlic gluten piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.