Garlic Jokes
51 garlic jokes and hilarious garlic puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about garlic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Taking a break from cooking with garlic? Check out these garlic jokes to give your taste buds a rest. From garlic bread to garlic breath, these jokes about the bulbous plant will have your entire kitchen roaring with laughter. We even have a few vampire garlic jokes and a few that involve anchovies and Barefoot Contessa. Be sure to try out a few garlic jokes on your friends and family - Ghandi would be proud!
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Funniest Garlic Short Jokes
Short garlic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The garlic humour may include short onion jokes also.
- Andrew Tate arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes As any longer would mean they had to give him a free garlic bread.
- Garlic powder $5.99. steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99. Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless
- How many vampires showed up to the garlic eating competition? I don't know, it was countless
- It took Gandhi over a month to cross the Alps barefoot, no washing, worn out, and survived only on garlic. He was a... Super-calloused fragile mystic, extra halitosis.
- A 100-year-old man is bragging: "The secret to my long life is garlic." A neighbor: "It's not a secret."
- While climbing barefoot up mountains to meditate, Ghandi would squeeze garlic into his mouth to deal with hunger pains from fasting super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis
- Salt: So nice to see you. Paprika: How do you do? Nutmeg: 'Sup.
Garlic: Yo!
Pepper: HI!
Oregano: Hola.
Seasons' Greetings everyone - have you ever heard of the garlic and onions diet? you eat garlic and onions only for a week, you don't get much thinner but people will stay far away from you so you seem smaller.
- I've started using garlic in my magic act. First I start by crushing it, adding basil and some pine nuts and then I blend them altogether with some Parmesan and olive oil... Then…hey…pesto!
- Did you hear about the episode concept for Doctor Who where The Doctor accidentally falls into a food themed alternative dimension? He was attacked by The Garlics
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Garlic One Liners
Which garlic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with garlic? I can suggest the ones about basil and broccoli.
- What does garlic do when it gets hot? It takes its cloves off.
- What do you call an all-you-can-eat garlic restaurant? Buffet the Vampire Slayer.
- What do you call someone who has been raised by garlic? Garlic bred
- What did the Onion ask the Garlic for during their divorce? Allium-ony.
- What does Van Helsing put on his driveway in the winter? Garlic Salt
- I just found out what the LGBTQ stands for Lettuce, Garlic, Bacon, Tomato, quesadilla
- The recipe said to crush the garlic So I told it, "You'll never amount to anything!"
- I once made a joke about kissing with garlic breath. Apparently it was in poor taste.
- Where do Middle Eastern cuisines buy the supplies for thejr Garlic Paste? Al-mers
- Rest in peace, garlic. You will be minced.
- My friend Scott has a heavy garlic accent He's from Scott land
- AKA What's another word for Italian cologne?
Garlic - What happens to garlic sauce over time? The sausages.
- How does garlic s**... each other? They take off their cloves
- I had s**... with garlic bread Now I have herbes.
Garlic Bread Jokes
Here is a list of funny garlic bread jokes and even better garlic bread puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- s**... is like garlic bread Sometimes you can't get enough of it but nobody wants to be woken up at 3am for either.
Onions Garlic Jokes
Here is a list of funny onions garlic jokes and even better onions garlic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My little brother told me that onions and garlic are the only foods that make you cry But why did he cry when i threw the coconut at his head?
Vampire Garlic Jokes
Here is a list of funny vampire garlic jokes and even better vampire garlic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What are Jewish vampires with gluten allergies most afraid of? Garlic n**...
Share Hilarious Garlic Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about garlic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tomato jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make garlic pranks.
You order one pizza
You love it.
Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.
Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.
That's the domino effect.
The Queen of France is asked by her chef what she would like her and the rest of the court to eat for dinner
"I would like to eat cheese", she said.
"Which kind of cheese?", asked the chef?
"I would like soft French cheese with garlic and herbs", replied the queen. "And there is one more thing I must insist on".
"Anything my Queen. What is it?", replied the chef.
"It is very important that I do not eat from the same piece of cheese as the rest of court.", said the Queen.
"Oh I see how it is", exclaimed the chef. "It's one roule for you, and another for everyone else".
So there was a monk...
This particular monk could only eat garlic for his religious diet, which made him EXTREMELY weak, and also gave him bad breath. Also, like most other monks he wore no shoes, which gave him many callouses.
This made him a "super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis."
Garlic powder $5.99. Steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99.
Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless.
(The most common first comment I see for every joke is "repost". I just made this one up. If someone came up with the same punchline before, guess what, it's a coincidence. Great minds think alike)
You order one pizza and you love it
You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you're eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one...
That's the domino effect...
Once, there was a monk
This monk wore no shoes, so his feet became really, really, tough. He also ate a diet consisting of only garlic, which made him weak and gave him bad breath.
This made him a *super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-with-halitosis*
Tonight I made salmon for supper
As it was gently cooking in a warm bath of garlic, herbs, lemon, wine, and onion I got a visit from a Fish and Wildlife officer. He said sir we have reason to believe that salmon has been poached
Why was the used garlic n**...?
Because it had no cloves left.
Three Guys Are Getting Ready For Their Dates
The first guy pops a breath mint for his date so his breath smells good. Then the second guy starts chewing some gum so his breath smells good. Then the last guy starts eating onions and garlic. The others say "Don't you want to have nice smelling breath for your date?"
"Nah" he says, "The lips I'm kissing tonight already stink."
Did you hear the one about the dog who ate a bunch of garlic?
His bark was worse than his bite
where do turnips, carrots, garlic and celery go to have s**...?
a brothel
Wife: why are you putting garlic in your pants?
Me: so the Dracula won't e**...
Wife: why would Dracula eat your a**...?
Me: he won't, the garlic- are you even listening?
